You Are Mine
by alexofthegarden
Summary: Every sub grows up dreaming of their perfect Dom, and Blaine Anderson is no different. He soon learns though that perfect isn't what he thinks it is, the best things in life don't come easy, and sometimes the future is even better than our dreams. *Klaine Endgame, D/S world*
1. You're Mine (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

**I sit here, both terrified to post and hoping that you will love this story as much as I do. I have written much before, but this is new and different so I've decided to give it its own space. **

**I will put warnings at the end of this chapter. For those who need to jump ahead, feel free :-). My beta is the best and is amazing as are others who have read early chapters and encouraged me. You all know who you are! I never would have embarked on this journey without you.**

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><p><em>And I told you all my dreams and fears<br>And you looked at me and your eyes filled with tears  
>And you said those three words I'd been waiting for<br>You became a part of me._

_~ You're Mine, Lea Michele_

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><p>"Santana Lopez, do you accept the terms of this sacred contract to be Dominant to Blaine Devon Anderson willingly and freely?"<p>

She glanced dutifully at the contract she and Blaine had so carefully negotiated. "I do."

She smiled at Blaine softly. He bit his lip, nervously awaiting his turn. His honeyed eyes were so full of this beautiful mixture of hope and eagerness and just a hint of the insecurity that she'd always found the most endearing thing about him. As if he had no idea just how much he had to offer the world.

"Blaine Devon Anderson, do you accept the terms of this sacred contract to be submissive to Santana Lopez willingly and freely?"

He didn't even need to look. He had every word memorized. "I do," he barely breathed.

The Minister let the quiet hush fall over the crowd. Blaine's heart beat in his chest, his nerves and excitement rushing through his veins making him quiver to the point of barely being able to stand. Which Santana, her eyes sparkling with delight and amusement, knew was exactly the point.

"Then by the power invested in me, I now declare you Claimed. Blaine, you may kneel for your Dominant."

He fell to his knees quickly, unable to stand another moment. With the descent came a sigh of relief, and he bowed his head, eyes trained firmly on the ground. A gentle murmur rose from the crowd of family and friends as they, according to custom that had been passed down through centuries of Claimings, left the young couple alone for their first formal exchange of power. Blaine and Santana's parents shook hands and headed out to begin the celebrations and accept the congratulations of their hundreds of guests. It would be Westerville's greatest social event of the season.

Blaine and Santana would join them later.

When the doors closed with an echo and the Cathedral-ceilinged room of white and gold fell into complete silence, Santana placed a gentle hand atop Blaine's curls, caressing them softly at first before grasping them tighter. "Look at me Blaine," she commanded.

It was her first real command. His first real act of submission as he obeyed. She'd expected amusement or giddiness in his eyes. She'd have even been unsurprised by fear. But reverence was the absolute last thing she'd anticipated, and for a moment it took her breath away.

"You're beautiful," she whispered. The words just slipped out without any conscious thought.

Blaine bowed his head, his cheeks glowing pink at the praise. "Thank you," he smiled with a shyness she had never seen from him before.

Her brow creased and her lips set into a small frown. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he said, but his voice was so soft she could barely hear him.

She knelt down to him, needing to see him, to truly see him, and she lifted his chin with a finger. "This doesn't change anything Blaine," she told him.

But Blaine gently shook his head. "This changes everything."

Santana sat back on her heels and Blaine automatically followed suit. She stared at him, scrutinizing him, wondering how so much could have changed for him with just the utterance of a few words when so little felt different for her. "How?" she asked, needing to understand. "You've been kneeling for me since you were ten years old."

"That was play, 'Tana." Blaine chuckled and for a minute she could see him in there again, her best friend throughout her childhood, the boy who teased her and laughed with her and played tricks in constant hope of goading her. The boy to whom she'd told all of her deepest, darkest secrets, and who shared his own in return. The boy who had been promised to her on her fifteenth birthday and who had accepted his fate with grace and dignity. And now here they were, seventeen years old, Claimed, and Blaine was staring at her like he'd never really seen her before. "That was different. This…" He reached for her hand and she took it, squeezing firmly because she knew instinctually that was what he needed. "This is real. Ma'am."

Now it was her turn to bite her lip, nervousness finally coursing through her veins. A shiver ran up her spine. This was real. He wasn't just her best friend now. He was her responsibility. For better or for worse, he was hers until… "I don't know if I like you calling me Ma'am."

Flecks of gold in his eyes twinkled, a bit of the mischief she'd always loved glowing inside them. "We'll work up to it," he promised with a roguish grin, but then it melted back into the solemnity the situation deserved. "I need this Santana. I need to be yours."

She held his gaze firm, looking for any sign of dishonesty. "You stated you did this freely. Willingly. Is that the truth? I know you didn't-"

"Yes," Blaine said, his surety cutting her off. "I know the decision wasn't mine. But I swear to you I did do this freely and willingly. There is no one else I would trust with this Santana. There is no one else for me."

"But someday there will be," Santana acknowledged, her voice forcing his acknowledgement as well. He tried to dip his eyes in disagreement but she did not let him. "You cannot live in a platonic claim your whole life Blaine," she told him. "Someday when you're free to be yourself, when we are both free to be ourselves, there will be someone else. And the day I see your face light up with joy as I transfer your contract to him will be one of the happiest of my life." She saw a tear escape his eye and she wiped it away. And it hit her that he didn't need his best friend anymore, not like that. He needed his Dominant to be tall and powerful and in complete control and she rose before him eyes trained sternly down. His whole demeanor changed, kneeling back up with purpose. With a beautiful obedience. Dominance coursed through her veins at the sight and she believed she would have to find new words to define the way he made her feel. "Until then Blaine Anderson," she commanded, "You are mine."

"I am yours," he repeated softly. "I will be your perfect sub Santana," he promised.

She leaned down and caressed his cheek. "I know you will sweetheart." Her voice was like a song to Blaine. Until her lips turned up in a smirk. "But don't be too perfect, okay? Where would the fun be in that?"

~S~

_You're mine, for life  
>And I'll be by your side<br>We are entwined._

_I'm yours and you are mine._

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><p><strong><em>Author's Note:<em>**

**_I promise you, this is Klaine endgame. There is also a lot of (platonic) Blaintana. And some other couples to be announced later. :-)_**

**_Warnings: This is a D/s story. There is a lot of spanking and oral sex, and orgasm control, and sometimes those things happen together. Any other warnings that come up I will post along the way._**

**_My plan is to post each chapter a week behind on AO3 because the nature of the tags there give a fair amount of spoilers and I hate for things to be spoiled when they don't need to be. This story is completely written up to chapter 8 and there are about 20,000 words written after that with maybe half to go. I will definitely post weekly until I hit chapter 8 and then I will give an update._**

**_Reviews are so much appreciated as is spreading the word. This is a new account with new ideas and to say that I could use all the encouragement I could get is an understatement. _**


	2. There Is An Answer

**Author's Note:**

**Wow. You guys are AMAZING! Truly, I was so worried about finding an audience under a brand new name and you guys just blew me away.**

**This story has a tumblr, AlexoftheGarden. I will be posting pictures from chapters (a few days after the chapter is posted) plus some other fun tidbits. So please check it out!**

**One warning I forgot that I wanted to mention as soon as possible even though it doesn't come in until later, just in case it's difficult for some of you. Though Finn has already passed away in this story, he is still very much present in the memory of others. **

**My beta remains amazing, truly.**

**There are flashbacks in this chapter in italics. And for the anon who asked, as you can see, the remainder of the story will be much longer chapters than the prologue :-)**

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><p><em>There is no difference between you and me<br>It lies beyond our history  
>And if we only take the time to see we're all we need<br>Just take my hand, and see me as a brother_

_~ A Great Big World_

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><p>The first time Blaine was spanked he was five years old and had run out into the street after a ball, narrowly missing being hit by a car. He'd cried in his room for hours after that, far more out of guilt and shame than any lingering pain he may have felt. His father finally came upstairs and assured him everything was okay and he was forgiven and he'd wrapped himself up in his arms and fallen asleep.<p>

That was their first sign.

The second time he was ten years old and had been sent home from school after getting into a full out hand to hand brawl with Santana Lopez about the legitimacy of Hanson as musical genius. He'd asked for it that time and the moment his father was done with him he went on his own the five houses down the street to apologize. He rang her doorbell and when she answered he fell to his knees at Santana's feet. She'd carded her hand through his hair, kissed him on the forehead in forgiveness and invited him upstairs to listen to "real" music. He blushed and followed and was introduced to the world of Latin culture.

They were inseparable ever since.

And that was their second sign.

Because from the moment Santana Lopez was born there was absolutely no doubt in anyone's mind that she was a Dominant.

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><p>"That's really what you're going to wear to your best friend's Quinceañera Blaine?"<p>

Blaine stared at himself in the mirror. He was wearing khakis and a button down and he thought he looked appropriately dapper. He looked to his round faced friend who was, as always, dressed to perfection. "What's the matter with it Trent?" His forehead wrinkling with scrutiny. "Santana's not gonna care what I'm wearing."

Trent smirked knowingly. "Like hell she won't. You could at least throw on a bowtie. Come on, this could be the party that changes our whole lives," he winked eagerly.

Blaine laughed. "You really think you're gonna find the Dominant of your dreams at a 15th birthday party?"

Trent smirked. He knew not everyone could be as lucky as Blaine and Santana to find their soulmates so young, but lightening could hit in close proximity, couldn't it? "I think that if a knight in shining armor comes in and sweeps me off my feet I might kneel to him that very moment."

Blaine went still. He looked at Trent through the mirror then turned slowly. "You can't be claimed by another man." He'd never heard of such a thing. He'd never even considered such a thing. But now that he had…

"Of course you can," Trent said with an easy smile. "My parents say you can love whoever you love. And the love of my life is a knight who will always protect me."

"Blaine." Blaine looked up, still wide-eyed from this bombshell Trent had dropped on him. His father's voice was tense in the doorway. "Trent, why don't you wait downstairs, I need a minute alone with Blaine."

Trent's lips grew taut as he glanced sideways at his friend. Blaine had no idea why he might be in trouble but it seemed extremely likely given the visible pulse in his father's neck. Trent had been around long enough to know it too and frowned sympathetically before heading down the stairs without another word.

Blaine started to speak but his father interrupted him. "I don't want you listening to that boy," he said firmly.

"Is it true? That men can claim other men?" He didn't really know why his heart was beating so fast but the look on his father's face only made it faster.

"Not in Ohio, no. And even if it were legal it doesn't make it okay. Nor is it something you are ever to talk about again," he ordered. "A man belongs with a woman. I think this will be Trent's last visit to the house. He's a poor influence on you."

Blaine wanted to protest. Trent was one of his best friends. But he knew his father's Dom look and he knew protesting would only get him into trouble he wasn't feeling at all like instigating. He would still see Trent at school and at other friend's houses. He bowed his head respectfully. "Yes sir," he agreed.

"Good. Now go downstairs. I'll drive you both to Santana's party instead of your mom. There's something I need to talk to her mother about anyway." Blaine did as his father said and he and Trent were silent the entire way to the party.

He was promised to Santana the next day.

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><p>It was the middle of Warblers rehearsal when the text chimed on his phone. Glancing at Wes as he sang, knowing he was about to piss off exactly the wrong person to piss off in the Warblers, Blaine broke out of the choreography and sang his way over to his cell. He kept singing as he picked it up and swiped it, but when he saw the message from Quinn he stopped.<p>

**From Quinn to Blaine: Santana's in trouble, she needs you now.**

He didn't skip a beat.

"Blaine-" Wes protested when he saw their lead singer gathering his things and slinging them across his shoulder.

"Sorry Wes, but I have to go. You guys work on the backup vocals and I'll see you tomorrow," he yelled as he raced out the door. He knew there was grumbling behind him but he was needed far more across campus. He ran all the way to the small stone bridge that connected Dalton Academy to Crawford Country Day School and signed in quickly with the staff on duty. Then he took off in the direction of the gym where Santana had cheerleading practice.

Boys were allowed on the girls' campus after classes were over until dark and Blaine had been there often enough for most of the girls to know him. Because everyone knew Santana Lopez; youngest captain of the cheerleading squad, lead vocalist in the school's choir, and now promised to one of the hottest and most wanted subs at Dalton Academy. So when they saw him running straight toward the gym a crowd of curious onlookers followed, knowing that something exciting was happening. Because Santana was also extremely well known for her temper.

Her voice rang out above the rafters and out the door. "I don't give a rat's ass whether she weighs half a pound less than me, I will be damned if I am going to let this richy bitch poor excuse for a cheerleader at the top of _my _pyramid."

"You're the poor excuse Lopez, you get on top of that pyramid and it'll come tumbling right back down," Sugar, a tiny cheerleader with a not so tiny voice, shouted back.

Blaine got to the door to find the cheerleaders gathered around nervously and Santana going in for the strike. She lunged forward but she couldn't reach her target when the coach grabbed Santana around her waist. "This is completely unacceptable behavior Lopez."

"No what's completely unacceptable is you giving my spot on the pyramid to a girl whose Daddy bought it for her," Santana shrieked wrestling out of the coach's arms to confront her directly.

"Those decisions aren't yours Santana," the coach snapped. "The decision is mine and if you can't handle that then you're off the team."

If Blaine didn't know any better he would have said that Santana grew 12 inches in that moment, drawing herself up tall, jutting her chin out proudly. Everything went calm about her and Blaine's skin prickled. "Except _you_ can't do that," she said with a smooth confidence, advancing slowly on her coach. He shuddered at the dominance rolling off of her in ways that made his knees almost buckle. "You are nothing but a washed up has been who never even made Nationals until I started leading this rag tag poor excuse for a squad last year. And now we're reigning champions. Thanks to me. Your head cheerleader. I make or break this team," Santana gloated.

"Not any more you don't," the coach answered through gritted teeth, just barely keeping her anger in check. Blaine sucked in a breath, his heart beating quickly in his chest. He knew exactly how important this was to her and he knew that despite her bravado now, Santana would be devastated at losing it. He silently begged her to turn it around. "You're suspended from the team. Three days. Which means you are no longer eligible to be head cheerleader for the rest of your junior year. Congratulations Quinn," she said, turning to their friend in the front row.

"You just watch!" Santana shrieked. Blaine stared at his best friend losing her dignity and he knew he needed to step in quickly. "I'm going to-"

"Santana." Blaine's voice was small as he called her from the doorway, but she immediately shut her mouth and turned to him. Every eye in the room followed hers. His gaze though was on Santana and Santana alone. He stepped toward her, inching his way carefully, with such a spellbinding mix of strength and deference that she was suddenly finding it hard to breathe. Finally he was standing before her, staring hard into her eyes one second then lowering them so his lashes lay beautifully across his lids the next. "You don't have to do this," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Please?"

She took a minute, turning to scowl at the eyes that were all on her, but he linked his hand with hers, squeezing it, grounding her and she turned back. He looked up at her, his honeyed gaze dripping with warmth and love and understanding she knew she'd find nowhere else and her eyes fell to their clasped hands.

"Let me walk you home," he said, the words seeming an order but the tone a plea.

Santana could do nothing but nod. He made no move. He held back, waiting for her to lead. With one final look Santana turned her back on her team and guided Blaine to the locker room.

She fell apart the moment the doors closed behind her, crumbling with anger and regret, but Blaine did not let her fall. He led her to the bench and sat her down, kneeling before her as he took off the sneakers she wore only for practice. He opened her locker and took out her clothes, laying them down beside her for when she was ready. And he waited for the tears to stop, a handkerchief in his hand. Finally they did.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Santana sniffed, wiping her eyes with the handkerchief. "All my life I've worked my ass off to be on top, to make people listen to me and follow me and I need that Blaine, I need it as much as I need air to breathe. If I'm not head cheerleader who am I?"

Blaine sat back on his heels and took her hands. "You are Santana Lopez. My best friend. The girl who sets hearts on fire. And whether you have the squad or not, I promise Santana that I will always make you feel like you are captain of the cheerleading team, coach and top of the pyramid all at the same time. When you need to feel like somebody's paying attention, I will listen. When you need to feel like your words have power, I will obey. And when you feel like you need to rule the world I will submit," he vowed. "Because you _will_ rule my world, Santana."

Santana looked down at him and she wondered what she had ever done in the world to deserve a friend as perfect as Blaine. "Do you know how much I wish I wanted to kiss you right now?"

Blaine closed his eyes and swallowed. For just a moment a faceless person flashed in his thoughts but when he opened his eyes again they fell firmly on Santana. "Yes I do," he said with sadness in his voice. "But we've tried that before and I think we both recall it not going over too well." He wrinkled his nose and she laughed softly, remembering their disastrous attempt. The sound made his heart soar. "So let me just hold you instead?"

Everyone in school had been jealous that Santana and Blaine had found their soulmates so quickly. Not that Santana even really believed in soulmates but Blaine did. And whether soulmates were real or not, that was how they felt, fitting together like hand in glove. The only problem was that try as they might, they never really developed those very special feelings for one another that everyone told them they should have.

Blaine needed Santana and Santana needed Blaine and there was a very strong desire for them to take care of one another. Blaine needed her approval and Santana needed his obedience and in perfect harmony they both needed sometimes for those things to be fought for.

But the other things that they were supposed to need, likes kisses and closeness and all the whispered behaviors their classmates were starting to explore with one another as they grew older, were things that neither of them desired. At least not with one another.

But the one thing that Blaine and Santana had always had with each other was honesty and they understood at least partially what was going on. They watched the news as the contracts and marriages they truly desired were painstakingly slowly legalized elsewhere, but certainly not in Ohio. And never would it be acceptable for the children of the Westerville Upper Crust.

She leaned down as he rose to sit next to her, wrapping his arms around her. Arms so warm and loving that, though she knew she was the one who was meant to protect, she felt nothing but safety. Tears escaped her eyes because it would have been so much easier if they could have just fallen in love with one another. Life was a cruel joke sometimes. "You're my best friend Blaine," she choked.

Blaine kissed her on the forehead. "And you are mine," he whispered.

* * *

><p>"I feel like I should be carrying you over the threshold or something," Blaine said with a nervous laugh.<p>

"Pretty sure that's my job, sub," Santana replied, but she didn't make a move when Blaine fit the key into the lock and opened the door for her. Instead she walked inside alone, flipped the switch and gazed for the first time upon their new apartment.

"This cottage is beautiful Blaine," Santana gaped. It was small enough to not seem overwhelming to the couple still very young to be on their own. But it was decorated with a sophistication that matched both of their discerning sensibilities. And it had the privacy they absolutely required. Or at least as close as they would get until they could move to New York City.

_When it had been time for them to meet with the Claiming Counselor to develop their contract they had already done their research and knew what they had to do. They were very clear. They knew that every claim was white until the claim was consummated and turned to gold. They knew that white claims could be annulled by the subs' Dominant parent at any time. They also knew there was a little known antiquated exception to that rule in just a few states being whispered about on certain underground equality websites. In places like New York, if the contract itself was written as white, it could not be annulled. Blaine and Santana knew that their parents would never approve. They also knew that it was perfectly legal. And completely confidential._

_No one had to know. The ceremony would be public enough. The terms they promised would remain private. _

Santana heard the door click behind her and she turned to find Blaine kneeling at the edge of the entry way, head down hands clasped behind his back. She immediately walked over to him, lifting his chin, so their eyes met. "What's the matter sweetheart?" she asked gently.

"I was just afraid you wouldn't like it," he admitted.

"I love it," she promised. "Did you do this all yourself or did your Mom help?"

"Myself," he answered proudly. "I wanted to do it all for you Santana. It's the least I could do after everything you do for me."

"You do so much more for me than you know Blaine," she said softly.

_Dominance and submission came as naturally to Blaine and Santana as breathing. Early on in health classes they were taught all the different ways that Dominants and submissives belonged together but neither felt they needed the classes, it was something they knew as well as they knew that the sky was blue. They understood better than most of their friends that it wasn't just about their sexual impulses. A Dom needed a sub, and a sub needed a Dom. It shocked them to learn that a very small percentage of the population lived "in the gray" without any apparent trace of submissive or Dominant hormones. It didn't surprise Blaine that relationships with grays could be dangerous, especially for subs. But none of that mattered to Blaine and Santana. Their own urges were so great, their need for the other so strong, they couldn't imagine ever living without them. _

_It wasn't that Blaine was meek or passive. He knew exactly what he wanted and when he wanted it. And what he craved was security. Someone to care for. Someone that would hold him accountable. To matter to someone so much that everything he did was a reflection on them. And he wanted to be so good that he lived up to that trust…9 times out of 10. Maybe 8. Because sometimes the firm reminder of expectation felt even better than obedience._

Santana explored the apartment and Blaine followed her. It had been the Anderson guest house before and would be again once Santana and Blaine moved out on their own. But for the rest of their senior year it was theirs and she felt a strong need to know every nook and cranny. The kitchen was small but had the latest appliances. The living room was carpeted in a beautiful white, a handsome sofa placed center, backed with dark rich mahogany wood but upholstered with warm russet leather. The arm rests were thick and low. Her mind swam with possibilities.

The sofa faced a softer edged part of the room lined with white bookshelves full of books and knickknacks. One corner housed a gorgeous lamp. The other corner was bare. She glanced over to Blaine who was also staring at it, a naughty glint in his eye, his lips turned up just slightly. Marking his territory with a stare. She smiled softly. He truly was the perfect sub.

"Show me the bedroom?" she asked him, eyes sparkling.

He led the way to the single bedroom and once again knelt by the door, watching her carefully while she scrutinized it. He had filled it with all of her favorite things and lined her dresser with all of the perfumes and beauty products he had learned she'd loved over the years. A brand new wooden hairbrush sat center on a round mirror tray. Blaine bit back a proud grin as she ran a single finger over it in approval. She turned to the bed, made up in her favorite colors and looking so comfortable and luxurious that she threw herself right down on top of it. But at the feel of the mattress she sat up and pulled the covers back. Instead of the King size bed she'd requested, two twins were pushed together. She stood up, angrily shoving them apart and folded her arms across her chest. "This does not look like a King, Blaine," she said sternly.

"No ma'am," Blaine responded his hands unconsciously shifting behind his back. "I pushed together the twins that were already here. That way we can pull them apart at night. I know what you asked for, but then we'd lack our own privacy."

"So you deliberately disobeyed me?" Blaine lowered his head at her words, a tiny smile gracing his lips, but he said nothing. "We'll lack our privacy anyway Blaine, separate beds in the same room won't fix that. You're forcing your Dom to sleep uncomfortably every night and we'll have to put it back together every morning in case someone comes in. Or rather you will," Santana snapped. She took a step toward him and raised his chin for their eyes to meet. The smile was immediately banished at the disappointment in her eyes. "You will get us a King size bed. If you are so desperate for privacy then you may sleep on the couch."

"Yes ma'am," Blaine said. His ducked his head once again and his face grew red under her reproach. But his heart quickened with anticipation. "I'm sorry."

"For your behavior you will see exactly how small one of these beds is." She kicked one out to separate them further. "Lie across it."

With a blush on his cheeks he rose to his feet, took his shoes off and did exactly as he was told. At the foot of one of the twins he laid down, his head hanging over one edge, his legs falling over the edge of the other. His eyes were turned toward her and he watched her pick up the hairbrush that had been waiting just for this very moment.

_When Blaine had suggested that they move into the guest cottage on his parents' estate instead of staying with her family their final year of school, Santana had balked. Even she struggled with breaking custom that they take up residence in the home of the Dominant partner. Not to mention the fact that they were literally in the backyard of the one person who would scrutinize everything and wouldn't hesitate to rip them apart while he could if he even suspected a white contract. But it had taken exactly one infraction in her parents' home to realize that their secrets could not be well hidden out in the open. And in the end Santana had agreed that they were safest on their own with eyes not on them all the time and the privacy to find their own way._

"Because this was clearly purposeful and you do not need the time to think about what you've done wrong, you will count for me," Santana directed.

"Yes ma'am," Blaine sighed only seconds before the wooden brush smacked down atop his jeans. After the first three he felt like he was floating. After the next three he felt like he belonged. And after the last three he felt like he was home.

* * *

><p>The door clicked open and Blaine ran to it, immediately grabbing Santana and swinging her around in his arms.<p>

"Put me down you idiot," she laughed as she swatted him on the arm. He did as he was told and grabbed her suitcases for her while she closed the door. "You don't have to do that," she told him.

"I know I don't," Blaine said happily. "But I want to. I missed you." He carried them into her room, Santana following him, and flung them on the bed, opening them so he could unpack for her. "So how was the competition, tell me everything!"

"Well, we won of course, due in large part to Quinn and me," she gloated. She sprawled out on the bed, one leg crossed over the other and just watched him. They'd been apart less than a week but she'd almost forgotten just how beautiful he was. "And I met this girl Brittany. She is just the sweetest most honest and innocent thing in the world Blaine, you would just love her," she grinned up at him. "And she's an amazing dancer, you two would perform so well together."

Blaine blushed and shook his head dismissively. "I'm not that good a dancer Santana."

She scowled but her voice was playful. "Yes you are, don't make me punish you for not trusting yourself. Or me."

"Yes Ma'am," he said with a grin. He pulled out the toiletries she'd packed and arranged them on her dresser just how she liked them on the tray beneath her mirror. "So where's this Brittany from?"

"She's actually from Lima, she cheers for the Cheerios at McKinley," Santana said. "She's a senior too and get this! She wasn't afraid to tell me that she likes boys and girls. And she plans to go to New York in the fall."

Blaine studied Santana's reflection in the glass, her eyes wide and her voice filled with a giddiness he'd never seen from her before. He couldn't help but smile.

"Aww…you like her," he cooed.

"What?" Santana snapped up, folding her arms across her chest protectively. Blaine knew the gesture all too well. "No I don't."

He turned around and leaned back against the bureau. "Yes, you totally do Santana," he grinned. "You should ask her to go out." He went back to his work, finishing up with the suitcases and storing them in the closet.

It took a while for Santana to say anything but sometimes she got like this, when the words she wanted to say frightened her too much. He knew he could coax it out of her if he wanted, submit and plead. But this was more fun. And finally she broke the silence. "What if she doesn't like me?" she worried and Blaine found her rare insecurity fascinating.

"Is she a sub?" he asked softly, turning to her. She nodded hesitantly, but Blaine just smiled knowingly. "Then of course she's going to like you. Every sub at Dalton wants you."

Her confidence returned quickly with his compliments. "Well that's too bad," she smirked, pulling herself back up. "Because I don't want them."

"Yes but you do want her," Blaine asserted and her face gave everything away that he was right. "And every sub at Crawford fawns over you. So when you call this Brittany and ask to meet her for coffee she won't even be able to say no."

Santana studied him carefully and he stood strong against her scrutiny wondering exactly what she was looking for and if he'd be able to meet her expectations. "You'd be okay with that? Me asking her out?"

Blaine chuckled. "I want you to be happy. It's a date at the most Santana. It's not like you're claiming her."

It looked like he'd satisfied her and she nodded. "Okay. I'll call her tonight."

"Great!" Blaine beamed, but then his face fell a bit. "Just, you know, if it is a date make sure you go out to Lima where no one who knows us will see."

The weight of the world suddenly came crashing back down on both of them. Eyes were everywhere.

Santana sighed. "Of course. I'll do what we have to do."

* * *

><p>"So, where is she?" Blaine stood on his tiptoes the minute they walked into Breadstix, searching out a head of gorgeous blonde hair in a sea of packed tables. Santana had showed him only a few pictures of the girl she was seriously falling for, but he wasn't sure it would be enough to pick her out of a crowd.<p>

"I don't know," Santana said, biting her lip nervously. Dating Brittney had been scary enough. Introducing her and Blaine was frightening as hell. "I don't know if she-"

"Santana!" They both turned at the same time to see the girl in Santana's pictures waving them over from a corner booth. Blaine felt his Dom grab his hand and drag him over to the table. She went to introduce them but apparently there was no need because Brittany immediately swept him into her arms. "Blaine!" she shrieked excitedly. "It's so good to finally meet you, Santana has told me so much about you! She talks about you all the time."

Santana blushed and pulled Blaine down into the booth, sitting next to him and across from her girlfriend. "I do not, hush."

Brittany bent down across the table conspiratorially at him. "Yes she does," she whispered then sat up straight. "And I can see why, you are absolutely adorable."

Now it was Blaine's turn to blush and he propped his head shyly on his hand. "Well you're adorable too," he said, grinning from ear to ear. "And Santana talks about you all the time as well."

"Well I would hope so," Brittany smirked confidently. "I am pretty amazing."

"And modest too," Santana said rolling her eyes.

"Well I only speak the truth," Brittany said and Blaine could feel the flow of dominance from Santana immediately, even before he turned to see the darkening of her eyes.

"Well I should expect so," she warned, her voice low. It made Blaine shiver as it always did and it was obvious it did the same for Brittany.

The waitress interrupted them. "Are you guys ready to order?"

"Yes," Santana said closing her menu. "She will have the shrimp scampi, he will have the honey chicken salad with angel hair and I will have the spaghetti Bolognese. Water for all of us, and a basket of breadsticks, please."

Brittany leaned in and whispered, "Santana may I have a salad too?"

"Certainly love," she said, touching Brittany's hand lightly then looking back up to the waitress. "She will also have a house salad, oil and vinegar please."

"Thank you," the waitress said as she gathered the menus then left.

"So Blaine, Santana tells me you sing for the Warblers?" Brittany asked.

Blaine couldn't help but grin. "Yes! I think we've competed against Lima before. New Directions, right?"

"Yup!" Brittany beamed proudly. "I choreograph for them for the competitions and I've danced with them too. We competed against you guys two years ago I think?"

"Yeah, the year Vocal Adrenaline won." Blaine tried to remember the set that New Directions had done, but he had probably been backstage during it. "I would love to see you dance."

"We should go to a club sometime," Brittany said, her eyes alight.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Just what I need, the two of you loose in a club," she smirked.

Brittany winked at Blaine and he grinned back. He was pretty sure that having Brittany around was going to be fun.

* * *

><p>6:30pm. He glanced at the clock once more before opening the oven just a tiny bit to make sure the casserole wasn't burning. Santana had been due home thirty minutes ago. He'd gotten home from school and Warbler rehearsal two hours prior and she'd said she was just going out to coffee with Brittany.<p>

He'd texted her, but he hadn't wanted to seem needy and when she said she'd be home at six he trusted her. But now he just paced, praying she was safe. And that the casserole wouldn't burn.

The click of the door announced her entrance and he waited, hearing the tiny sounds he knew all too well by now. The jingle of the keys hung up on the hook. The swish of her sweater as she swept it off and onto the coat rack. The tap of her heels coming toward him. He settled his heart, trying desperately to let the anger and worry subside before she entered, focusing instead on the casserole he could finally take out of the oven. Not burnt, but probably by only a minute.

"Hello sweetheart," Santana said entering the kitchen, her voice lilting beautifully other than the expectant hint in her voice. An expectation of greeting that hadn't come.

And now that she was here, he found he wasn't feeling very welcoming anymore. "You're late," he snapped without looking at her. He reached up to the counter and grabbed them both plates. "The casserole is nearly ruined."

"I'm sorry, I lost track of time," she said, but her voice was hardening and he knew if he looked at her that angry lines would be starting to form on her brow. "I'm sure the casserole is fine."

He spooned their portions onto their plates and brought them over to the table, serving her first before sitting in his own seat across from her. "So are you gonna share why you were late or just let me stew about it," he asked. He pushed the fork around his plate, his stomach churning too much to eat. He knew he was being fresh. He knew he was asking for trouble. In the moment he didn't care.

For some reason though she didn't even reprimand him and he should have known then that something was wrong. But his own storm of emotions were a wall to hers.

"I asked Brittany if I could claim her," Santana said softly.

Blaine dropped his fork. His stomach lurched. He hadn't looked at his Dom since she'd arrived home but now he finally did and her face was…apologetic? Guilty? But resolved too and something else Blaine didn't recognize.

"No," he declared.

Her eyes narrowed. Her lips grew taut. "I'm sorry Blaine but I don't remember asking your permission," she said slowly and he knew very well her words were a warning but he could barely hear it over his heart thrumming in his head.

Instead he shot out of his seat, the casserole forgotten, flinging his chair out behind him hard enough that it nearly fell. "How could you do this?" he yelled. He couldn't prevent the tears from filling his eyes but he fought like hell to keep them from falling. "Without even telling me!"

"Blaine you need to calm down." She was at his side in a minute, grabbing his hand trying to ground him, but her orders held no sway for him right then. "We've talked about this."

"No!" He snapped his hand away. "We didn't talk about _this_! We've talked about _me_ falling in love and transferring my claim and you finding a girl that could give you everything I can't, but we didn't talk about you finding her _first!_ And we most certainly didn't talk about you claiming her," he choked, his fear overtaking his anger.

"Blaine," she tried but he would not listen.

"No!" Blaine shouted. "You can't do this."

"Yes Blaine, I can."

"No! I won't allow it!"

Santana stiffened in shock. "You won't allow it?" her voice was dangerous but he was too foregone to realize.

"You're damn right I won't allow it. You aren't claiming her Santana!" he shouted. "You aren't replacing me with that air-headed blonde bitch!"

Santana had to force herself to step back so she didn't strike. "Corner!" she commanded instead, pointing harshly. "Now!"

He realized just a second too late that he'd gone too far and he knew that she had given him more than enough chances. Still his pulse raced with anger and his limbs were shaking as he made his way to the corner of the living room he'd made his own.

"Kneel," she ordered. "Hands behind your back, head down."

He did as he was told, kneeling on the carpet, placing his hands palms up one atop the other just above his waistline. But he held his head up in defiance. Because he might be wrong but she was wrong too and disobedience was his only way to punish her.

"Bow your head Blaine. Now," she warned.

He turned his gaze, hard golden eyes piercing hers and for a moment they stayed locked in a battle of wills. But then Santana laid a gentle hand in his curls, caressing them softly before grasping tightly. "Bow your head sweetheart," she whispered with a surge of dominance, and the power of that whisper finally forced compliance.

She waited a minute, watching the tension in his shoulders abate slightly, watching his eyes close under her dominance before pulling her hand away.

"I absolutely will not tolerate your disrespect, toward me or toward anyone else. And I will not tolerate your mistrust." Santana let the words settle in his mind before she continued. "When you have gathered your thoughts and are calm again and ready to have this conversation respectfully you may come accept your punishment and then we will talk. Is that understood?"

"Yes Ma'am," Blaine murmured.

"Good," she said and she left him to his thoughts.

For a moment he thought he might be sick, the reality of what he had just done, the things he had just said settling in him like a ton of bricks. He had sworn at his Dom. He had openly and arrogantly defied her. He had insulted the girl that she loved and he had done it all out of spite and jealousy and a fear that by claiming Brittany he would lose Santana. That she would abandon him and leave him alone to fend for himself or worse send him back to his father's home to find another Dominant to meet his needs. Someone who didn't know him or understand him. Someone he didn't trust at all. And then the tears that had welled in his eyes began to flow because he had broken the first rule of both their contracts. _Trust_. Trust that she would always care for him and love him and protect him until and unless he had someone else he chose who could give him everything that he needed. Like Brittany could give to her.

Santana would never abandon him but he would also never be able to offer her the things that Brittany could and he believed without a doubt that he would first become a distraction and then a burden. And he had no choice, he couldn't forbid it like he'd pretended he could and he couldn't find someone for himself, not as long as they lived within a stone's throw of his father breathing down their necks. Even after he would be risking everything.

He couldn't deny Santana what he was not allowed to have. Even if he could he wouldn't deny her happiness, her fulfillment, her chance at a golden claim instead of his pathetic surrogate of a white one. He respected her too much. He loved her too much. And he trusted her too much. He trusted her with everything.

His heart sunk to the floor. He should have trusted her with everything.

His pulse began to race, no longer from anger but from shame and guilt and the promise of redemption. The promise that she would give him what he deserved and then all would be forgiven. He sat back on his heels, feeling the electricity of anticipation pulse through his skin from his heart down his body.

With a deep breath he rose from the ground and turned. Santana sat on one end of the living room couch pouring deeply over a book he knew she wasn't reading. On the other end of the couch lay the black lacquered maple wood paddle they'd bought together just days after their claiming ceremony. Silently, he walked over to the low leather arm of the sofa and took his position over it, staring at his hands as they grasped the crease between the soft cushions. In his blurred vision he saw Santana get up and slip the paddle out from beneath him. He waited anxiously as she arranged herself behind him.

"Five for your disrespect. Five for your lack of trust." She spoke without ceremony. Her voice was harsh. It always was during punishment and he expected nothing less. The contrast to her gentleness when it was over was everything he needed.

"Yes Ma'am."

"Safeword?"

"New York," he answered.

The first smack came down, immediate and unforgiving. He sucked in a breath as the pain flared. He barely had time for recovery before the second strike and then the third. Santana had this way of making it feel as though the paddle rained down on him mercilessly but also lingered for minutes with every blow. He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped the cushions tight to keep his balance, to keep his self-respect and accept his punishment with dignity. As he fought his tears with the fourth and fifth and sixth smacks, the heat in his skin roared, but it was a soothing fire, one that reminded him that his behavior mattered to his Dom, that _he_ mattered to Santana. That wanting to claim Brittany didn't change that.

He hardly recognized the tenth and final strike until her hand lay gently on his back and rubbed in soft circles while his breathing normalized again. When he came fully back into consciousness he slipped off the couch, standing shakily before she pulled him into his arms and held him tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered his voice filled with remorse.

"I know sweetheart." She pet his curls soothingly.

"I just got so scared," he tried to explain.

"I know, shhh…" She held him back and wiped the wetness from his eyes. "I should have known. I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that."

Blaine bowed his head though. "That's no excuse for how I behaved. What I said. Brittany is my friend too."

She smiled warmly. "I'm glad you feel that way. Because you are both very important to me."

His eyes were wide when they rose to meet hers. "I am?"

Santana threw him a scowl. "Don't you dare make me take that paddle to you again Anderson," she teased gently. He blushed at his doubt but she gripped his chin to keep his head from falling. "You are my best friend in the world and my first submissive. Everything I know I've learned from you. Everything I am is because of you. Everything I have to offer her, I offer hand in hand with you. She doesn't want to replace you and I wouldn't allow it. She wants to be a part of what we have."

"She can give you things I can't," he reasoned.

"Of course she can," she smiled. Oh how she loved him, every ounce of insecurity buried beneath an armor of steel. "And you can give me things she can't. Like the fire inside you that burns brighter than the sun," she said proudly. "You will teach her to be stronger. So when you someday leave me I won't be left without a flame to burn me. Because if you haven't noticed, I kind of enjoy the heat," she smirked.

Blaine's eyes twinkled. "You're the one that burns, Lopez," he pointed out.

Santana laughed at that and took his hand, leading him back to the kitchen. "You need something for that burn? Because I kinda think you deserve to feel it for a while."

He smiled with a blush. "I think I do too," he agreed.

"Then let's finish eating," she said and she guided him back to his chair.

He winced as he sat, but immediately his appetite returned and he found himself waiting impatiently as she reheated their dinners. "So Brittany would come to New York with us?" he asked.

"Yeah," Santana answered. The microwave beeped and she brought their plates back over. Blaine found himself diving in. "She's applied to some of the dance schools out there, plus she's auditioning for the New York City Ballet. But even if she doesn't get in we can take care of her."

"If we get into our schools," Blaine said with a grimace.

"You will get into NYADA Blaine," Santana told him, rolling her eyes for the hundredth time. "You may be my sub but you dominate the stage and they'd be insane not to take you. Brittany says two of her friends were accepted last year and you're more talented than both of them."

Blaine scoffed. "Brittany has to say that or you'll put her over your knee," he smirked. The fact that his comment offered his silent acceptance did not go unnoticed by his Dom.

"Oh I'd do far more than that," Santana quipped with a wicked glint in her eye.

Blaine's eyes narrowed curiously. He had no idea what she meant. But he had a sneaking suspicion he was going to find out.

_~S~_

_Look inside, and you will find  
>Love exists in every kind<em>

_Near or far, oh I believe that love will find us there_  
><em>Through the dark, oh I believe that love will find us there<em>

_Oh, there is an answer_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Again, thank you all so much for reading! I would love to read your thoughts, so please leave a review and let me know what you think. And yes, we meet Kurt next chapter. ;)**


	3. You'll Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

**Hello Beautiful Readers! You are all amazing. Thank you so much for following and favoriting and reviewing! Every email makes me so happy. I hope some of your questions are answered in this chapter. Though I suspect that more will be raised!**

**I hope you all are enjoying the chapter songs and are maybe listening along. In the end we'll have a lovely _You Are Mine_ playlist. :-)**

**My beta is awesome, she really is.**

* * *

><p><em>"Let it go<br>Fly away  
>And say goodbye<br>To yesterday_

_'Cause you're never alone_  
><em>And I will always be there<em>  
><em>You just carry on<em>  
><em>You will understand."<em>

_~ A Great Big World_

* * *

><p>Blaine and Santana endured ten hour drives with each of their parents from Westerville to New York City, listening to 70's music, bad books on tape and lectures about subjects of which they wanted absolutely no part. The only thing that saved their sanity was the ability to text back and forth the entire drive. And knowing that in just three short days they would be free of all the trappings that tied them down.<p>

The apartment had been vetted by the families' real estate agents and accountants. As the Dom, Santana's family was in charge of all financial aspects of arranging it, though Blaine's estate would pay his share of the rent. Santana had insisted that the apartment be two bedrooms and in a safe neighborhood but without a doorman. She didn't want anyone else tracking her sub's moves, she told her parents. In actuality, it was Blaine's moves she was the least worried about. Brittany would move in after her parents' left and she had no idea whether or not a doorman would report back to them. Which was the absolute last thing that either of them needed to deal with.

They blocked the street with their SUVs and rented trailers and the movers her parents had hired arrived to carry the furniture and belongings they had brought with them up to their 3rd floor apartment. Blaine and Santana stood outside, hand in hand, looking at their new neighborhood.

"This is it," Blaine said quietly, squeezing her hand. Their mothers were inside putting things away and their fathers were behind the trailers directing traffic. "This is freedom."

There were trees along the sidewalk of their East Village apartment complex and delicious smells of nearby restaurants wafted toward them, filling their senses with both sweets and spices. They could hear music coming from a nearby building and they knew that this was the perfect place to begin their new life.

"Alright lovebirds, come on upstairs and see what your moms have done with the place."

Blaine and Santana glanced at each other, secret smiles on their faces. The truth was theirs, for them and them alone, to share with whom they wished. Blaine leaned down slightly and kissed her on her cheek, a gesture that Santana's father watching them took as the love of a true submissive. And it was, in every way that mattered to them at the time. Santana was everything he wanted and needed, and he had two more days of her completely to himself to prove it.

* * *

><p>"Hey bitches, I'm home!" Brittany yelled from the doorway.<p>

Santana squealed and ran to her, hugging her tight and giving her a playful swat for the language. Blaine blushed and looked away, the gesture he was so familiar with feeling so much more intimate between the girls. His heart grew heavy and he wanted more than anything to hide away in his room until their reunion was over, but he knew that would just upset his Dom. Santana had promised that Brittany did not want to come between what he and Santana had and he had promised to give her a chance. So instead of hiding he went to their side and offered to take Brittany's bags.

Santana's hand was on his back immediately. "You don't have to do that sweetheart," she told him gently. "Brittany can handle her own bags."

The hand on his back grounded him and gave him the strength to look back up with a smile. "Now what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't carry them for her? You two catch up, I'll bring them in."

Santana eyed him suspiciously. Whether she was looking for signs of sadness or mischief he wasn't sure but she found neither. He simply smiled helpfully and she smiled back. "Alright," she allowed. "No funny business though. The last thing I want to be doing our first night together is spanking either of you, understood?" She looked back and forth between her sub and her girlfriend and they both nodded. But mischievous glances that did not go unnoticed by Santana passed between the two, and though she knew that it was going to take a little time, she also knew that they were all going to be alright.

* * *

><p>A month into their stay in New York, Santana had met with the Claiming Counselor with both Blaine and Brittany. Blaine's contract remained virtually the same with the added allowance for a secondary claim. What was written in the contract between Santana and Brittany Blaine did not know, but only a small part of him was anxious to see it. He was certain his curiosity would be better satisfied in person anyway. It was a Wednesday that they all went to the Office of the City Clerk to re-file Blaine and Santana's updated contract. Written white, filed as adults in the state of New York, Santana assured him that it could not be touched by anyone.<p>

On Thursday Santana went off with Brittany. Blaine had opted not to go with them. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for them or that he was jealous of Brittany. He was actually jealous of Santana. Seeing the two of them together the last few weeks had made him begin to realize for the first time just how much he wanted a love of his own; someone he could kiss on the lips, someone he could go to bed with at night, someone he would wake up beside in the morning. Someone he could submit to in every way imaginable. And he was beginning to imagine a lot.

But he would never begrudge Santana and Brittany that and he loved having Brittany around. The two of them shared everything, whispering for hours about Santana on the couch after dark until their Dom yelled at them to go to bed. He could share with Brittany the things that he couldn't share with Santana, the things that only another sub understood. They were different in their needs, he and Britt. She craved guidance, he craved accountability. She avoided punishment as much as she could while he sought it all too frequently. But despite their differences, they understood each other all the same. They both just wanted to belong to someone and to be worthy of their love.

So he celebrated with them the completion of their contract but stayed behind while they held their private claiming ceremony. Instead he decorated the apartment and cooked a celebratory meal. Brittany had been working hard all summer at the Ailey School for American Dance and she would be continuing on in the fall. At her mother's behest, Santana had been volunteering with the Sociedad Educativa de las Artes over the summer. And Blaine had found a job, playing piano at a local restaurant. Claiming ceremony notwithstanding, he thought the three of them deserved a celebration for surviving their first summer in New York, and Santana and Brittany's commitment to one another was just the icing on the cake.

Flowers were splayed out all over the apartment, banners of congratulations hung from the hard wood archways that he loved so much, and a delicious smelling meal of a strawberry avocado salad, creamy pesto shrimp, a simple Swiss chard, and a perfect chocolate fondue was nearing completion. He set the music, lit the candles and dimmed the lights romantically only moments before the new couple entered through the door.

Brittany's eyes went wide, her hands flying to her mouth. Santana grinned, eyeing her first sub with the utmost of love. "Oh Blaine, I can't believe you did this for us," she said, tears brimming for the second time in one day. She opened her arms wide. "Come here sweetheart, I love you so much." He glided into her arms, closing his eyes to the feel of her warmth and her dominance flowing through her to him. "You are more precious to me than you know," she whispered softly, kissing him on the cheek.

Blaine was wiping away his own tears now. "I just wanted to show you and Brittany how much I love you and support you," he said. "I wanted your new life to start beautifully."

"Our new life," Santana corrected him firmly. "It wouldn't be as beautiful without you."

Blaine smiled, the reassurance everything he needed and he self-consciously laughed his way out of her arms. "I should get dinner ready."

He suddenly felt Brittany's hand on his arm. "Let me," she said, her eyes dipping. "It's the least I can do after all you've done for me."

Blaine glanced at Santana who nodded her approval. He turned back to Brittany and smiled. "Okay," he agreed. "But we'll clean up together."

"Deal," she grinned.

"So how was the ceremony?" Blaine asked, settling into his place at the table. Brittany brought over the salad and Blaine waited for Santana to serve herself before taking any for himself.

"It was actually really nice," Santana said. "Because it was just us and the Justice of the Peace we could read the contract aloud, and Brittany looked so beautiful and innocent," she added. Brittany blushed a rose pink that only glowed brighter against her white dress as she brought over the hot dishes and sat down to join them.

"Santana was hot," Brittany said, throwing her Dom a glance. Done up in a slick red dress, even Blaine could agree. "I just wanted to fall to my knees the minute she said I do."

Blaine nodded but looked to his plate. He remembered that feeling like it was yesterday. The power those words had over him. It would take him a while, he thought, to not feel a bit of possessiveness when it came to that feeling. He still wasn't sure if sharing it, sharing her, with someone else would ever be easy. Santana knew. She placed a gentle hand on his leg beneath the table and gave it a small squeeze. He didn't look up, but the tears that had been forming retreated. Whatever unspoken words she exchanged with Brittany he didn't see, but the conversation easily shifted away.

They talked for a while about all the preparations they needed to make in the next week. Blaine would be starting NYADA, Santana would be beginning her pre-law program at Fordham and Brittany would be starting her fall courses at Ailey. They had been lucky so far not to have to worry about money, but today marked the day that changed everything. They would keep this hidden for as long as possible, and they hoped that they could last through college, but they knew it wouldn't last forever. And when their parents found out there was no way they'd be able to count on submissive dowries or continued support. They would save whatever money they could from jobs and allowances. They would plan for their future together on their own.

All the while ignoring that they both hoped and hated that Blaine would very likely not be a part of that future. At least not in the way he was now.

But that time was far away and after finishing their meal, Blaine and Brittany cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher, working in tandem to make it a quick job. Blaine gathered the fondue plates and Brittany grabbed the bowls of fruit and they turned to put them on the table. But both froze when they saw Santana standing in the center of their living room, holding two beautifully wrapped boxes.

"Put dessert on the table, come here, and kneel," she ordered them both.

Submission tingling up their spines, they did as they were told, emptying their hands and crossing the room to stand before their Dom. Together, for the first time as her claimed subs, they knelt beside one another at her feet.

It was the most beautiful thing that Santana had ever seen and her dominance reached out to them both. "When I was little," she told them, "I used to worry that I would never find a sub. I knew I was different but it was easier to chalk up my fear to not being pretty enough, or strong enough, or dominant enough." Blaine and Brittany both stifled a laugh. Neither one of them would ever doubt that Santana was strong and dominant enough. "But now I have two subs, the two most beautiful and perfect subs in the world and I could not be more blessed to have you in my life." She looked down at them, their eyes glowing with deference as they returned her gaze. Her heart nearly burst with happiness. "I love you both so much, differently and yet the same. And I want both of you to know that no matter what happens, I am yours forever."

She knelt down herself and Brittany and Blaine both sat back on their heels. She leaned forward, cupping Brittany's face in her hand and kissing her softly, passion and love flowing between them both. When they parted, Santana smiled and handed her one of the gifts.

Blaine bowed his head, jealousy biting at him. He knew exactly what Brittany would find in her box; a beautiful golden cuff to slip on her wrist and tell the world that his Dom was hers. He waited, watching her out of the corner of his eyes as she carefully unwrapped the foiled paper and tucked the bow in her hair. Flipping open the box she pulled it out, a delicate open spiral gold cuff that would fit halfway up to her elbow, claiming her for all the world to see.

Two years. It had been two years since his and Santana's ceremony and his wrist had been bare the entire time. They didn't need one in Westerville, Santana would tell anyone who asked. Everyone knew he belonged to her and if they didn't he better make sure that they did. But they both knew that wasn't the real reason why. Wearing a golden cuff without a golden claim was a lie that neither Blaine nor Santana were willing to tell.

"Open yours," Santana told him softly as she held it out to him. He looked up. She knew he didn't want to, knew exactly how he was feeling. She knew everything about him and it pained him that he'd never been able to share that with the world, not in the way that it mattered to them. Not in the way that Brittany could the moment she was claimed. He was proud of what they had, he wasn't ashamed. She was his best friend and soulmate and the perfect Dom and he'd always wished he could declare it on his wrist. Tears filled his eyes as he unwrapped the package, not knowing at all what was inside. But lying on a bed of cotton was the absolute last thing he'd ever expected. He looked at Santana, eyes full of wonder. She smiled hopefully. "Do you like it?"

He pulled it out as if it were the most precious thing he'd ever seen in the world because it was to him. Epsom white leather with silver hardware, the Hermes Collier de Chien cuff was engraved inside with the words _Truth, Love, Trust, Respect_, the cornerstones of their contract. On the outside, four silver studs marking those promises surrounded a center ring. Claimed. His eyes filled with tears of joy and he stifled a laugh. "I love it," he whispered.

She reached out and ceremoniously put it on him, linking her finger in the ring. "It may be that no one recognizes what it means," she told him. "But you will know."

"It means I'm yours," Blaine said, his voice thick with emotion.

Santana nodded to him and smiled. "Yes sweetheart. It means you are mine."

* * *

><p>Blaine escaped to the practice room in the music building after school, not wanting to go back home after what he'd heard that morning. He'd known very well he shouldn't have gone back into the apartment after forgetting his music. He couldn't pretend he didn't see the gold band hanging on the doorknob and he knew that entering with the band on the door was completely forbidden. If he had snuck in quickly, gotten his things and raced out without listening he maybe could have escaped the emotions flooding him now. But he'd chosen to ignore the angel on his shoulder and listened in when he shouldn't have and now he couldn't get what he'd heard out of his mind.<p>

_"Please Santana, please," he'd heard between the blows._ "_Please just let me come."_

_"You can come when your punishment is over Brittany and not a minute sooner."_

The words had played over and over in his head all day. He'd hoped that drowning himself in the requiem would help, and it must have because he didn't even notice the door open.

"Santana sent me to find you," Brittany said softly.

Blaine looked up from the keys though he didn't stop playing. The music at his fingertips soothed him. Mozart was far from his typical fair but NYADA required their musicians to be eclectic, and he loved the sounds of classical music.

"Am I in trouble?" he asked. He knew he was later than he thought he would be, but he'd also texted to let Santana know. And she couldn't possibly have known about that morning.

"No." Brittany smiled softly, closing the soundproof door of the practice room. "What are you doing?"

His brow furrowed and he worried his lip between his teeth. "Trying to get this piece right," he said. "I have an evaluation coming up but I can't get the ending right."

"Can I listen?" she asked sweetly.

"Sure," he said, starting to play again. She climbed up on the baby grand piano and laid back, spreading her arms out. The first time she'd done it he'd thought it was strange, but Brittany's eccentricities were what made her special. And she had told him she liked to feel the vibrations in her whole body. It was the dancer in her.

"I love listening to you play," she revealed closing her eyes. Her voice was as soft as the melody. "It's the only time I get to hear all the things you keep inside."

She was right. He was as much of a dancer as she was, though his dancing was predominantly in his fingers on the keys. Still what they both had in common was the way they poured every emotion into their performance. "What do you hear?" he wondered.

"Sadness. Longing." She pressed the tips of her fingers to the wood beneath them. "And hope. I think you always have hope."

His hands faltered and he withdrew them from the keys, folding them in his lap. Brittany could seem oblivious to everything going on in the world but moments like these he understood exactly what Santana saw in her. "What's it like?" he asked, his voice timid, almost breaking.

Brittany rolled over onto her side, propping her head up on her hand. Blaine was staring at his lap and she knew it wasn't submission that kept his eyes downcast. "What's what like?" she asked.

"Having her love you." Hazel eyes flickered up at her, trying to escape scrutiny but Brittany held nothing of the kind in her glance. The only thing in her bright blue eyes was compassion.

"It's like a world that has always been fuzzy comes suddenly into sharp focus." She sat up, crossing her ankles beneath the rim of the piano. "Things that were confusing make sense. I'm brave where I once was scared. I know she'll always care for me. Just like she will you."

"What about…" Blaine trailed off, his face reddening just from the thought of asking the question. But he needed to know and Brittany was a sub. He could ask her. Especially after what he'd heard that morning. It had sounded so different from his own experiences. "What about when she's punishing you?"

She smiled softly, a sparkle in her eyes as she turned them downward, not having to remember further away than that morning. "It's like this exquisite pain that I never want to end and at the same time I want it over as quickly as possible. Because it hurts but also this pleasure builds inside me and I just want to let it go. But she doesn't let me, no matter how hard I beg, until she's satisfied I've learned my lesson. And then when she finally does let me fall over the edge, it's the most amazing feeling because I know she's there to catch me and she's forgiven me and she loves me and everything is okay again. And I can forgive myself."

Blaine just nodded, a lump building in his throat because he didn't feel that with Santana, not entirely. "It sounds beautiful," he whispered.

"It is," Brittany said. "It's not the same for you?"

Blaine returned his fingers to the keys and breathed out a sigh. "No," he said softly. "I don't think it's the same for me."

She laid back down on the cold wood and she breathed in and out as he started to play. She could tell his mind was elsewhere though. "You're missing the harmony," she told him after a time.

He stopped playing and stared at the keys. He had the melody and the base but the harmony was eluding him. "You're right. I am."

She remembered the days before she had Santana in her life and she knew it felt just like the music Blaine played. It made her sad. She hoped he found his harmony soon. She jumped down and reached a hand out for him. "We should go. Don't want her to worry."

Blaine looked up. He offered her a sly smile and cocked a brow. "Don't we?"

Brittany laughed as he gathered his music and put it in his bag. Then she linked her arm in his. "Not tonight," she mused as she flipped off the light of the studio. "Once was enough for one day."

* * *

><p>"Santana?" Blaine came around the corner from his room holding back against the wall. He knew Brittany was out and would be gone for a while. It had been days since he and Britt had talked, but every time he'd tried to get up the nerve to broach the subject with Santana his nerves got the best of him. But his nights filled with dreams and it was becoming too much to be able to manage on his own. Three times last night he had awoken in a sweat, hard and desperate. So racing heart or not, he was determined that today was the day. "Can I talk to you?"<p>

Blaine's voice was small and Santana knew immediately that there was something wrong. The uneasy smile on his face was unnerving to her but it also made her dominance surge. She put her book down on the table and patted the sofa next to her, offering him a warm smile. "Of course sweetheart, you can always talk to me."

Blaine made his way over and sat down warily. He knew exactly what he was about to do, what he was about to confess, but he had no choice if he really wanted to explain himself. Besides, maybe it would get him exactly what he wanted. Fidgeting, he swallowed his fear and he cleared his throat. "The other day I forgot my sheet music for class so I came back home. There was a band on the door, but I thought I just needed one little thing I could run in quickly and get it."

Santana's smile faded, her eyes darkened. "You shouldn't have done that Blaine."

Blaine bowed his head. "Yes Ma'am, but that's not exactly what I wanted to tell you."

Santana pursed her lips. He knew she was contemplating whether to let him continue or address the issue now but it only took a moment to decide. "Go on."

Blaine took a breath. "I swear I had planned on just running in, grabbing my sheet music and running out, but then I heard Brittany in your room." He blushed wildly. He had no idea how to tell Santana what he was trying to say without it being completely embarrassing definitely for him, maybe for all of them, but he also couldn't go another day without her knowing. "I could hear that you were, you know, punishing her. But she was begging you to…to let her….you know…and you wouldn't let her." He couldn't say the words but he didn't have to. Santana did know exactly what he was talking about.

"You shouldn't have been listening to that Blaine," Santana reprimanded harshly. "There's a reason a band goes on the door even when I know you're not supposed to be home and I have made it very clear that in those situations you are not to come in under any circumstances."

Blaine hung his head in shame and tears came to his eyes. "I know, I know, I'm sorry, it's just…" He looked up at her. She looked angry and concerned and he hated disappointing her so much but she had always taught him to ask for what he needed. "I need that," he whispered.

Santana said nothing. He held his breath, waiting for whatever she might do or say. Then slowly, deliberately, she asked, "You need what Blaine?"

"I need what you and Brittany were doing." His voice was shaking but he knew he was going to have to say the words. "When you punish me. I need to want to…to come…and not be allowed to. For you to control that." And once the words were out they wouldn't stop. "I never knew that was something I needed, I didn't even know that it existed but now that I do I've been dreaming about it Santana. I've been dreaming about it, telling me when I can and when I can't and it just gets more and more each time and I can't-"

"No." Santana said firmly.

His heart dropped to his stomach. The tears flowed softly now, down his cheeks and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. "Please," he begged, trying one more time. He needed the dreams to stop.

"No," she repeated. "What you're asking for is a hard limit we agreed on. _There is to be no sexual contact or control of any kind between Santana and Blaine at any time, for punishment or for play_," she quoted.

A sudden surge of courage rushed through him. "Then I want to renegotiate," he declared.

Santana's eyes widened and he could see her flinch slightly. "You want to…" She shook her head and stood up, needing her space. She paced, folding her arms across her chest, then spun around. "Absolutely not."

Blaine gritted his teeth. He couldn't help but feel betrayed. Jealous. Abandoned. Exactly what he knew would happen as soon as she claimed Brittany because she was willing to give everything to her but not to him. "You can't just say no Santana! You're supposed to give me what I need!" he yelled.

"This is a want Blaine, not a need," she yelled back.

He stood up, fighting for his rights as a sub, needing her to understand how important this was, that she was wrong. "No Santana. It's something that I never knew about before so it didn't even cross my mind, but now that I know, my heart aches for it. It's all I can think about sometimes, I dream about it, I wake up with the memory of it, please you have to-"

"My answer is no!" Santana shouted.

The room went silent with nothing but the echo of her last word in his head.

And Blaine knew the answer was final. There would be no changing her mind. He sunk back to the couch, hugging himself in comfort, knowing that for the first time since he was ten years old Santana would not be able to soothe this pain for him. He looked up at her, the tremendous hurt he felt pouring out of him. "Why?" he choked.

Santana's face immediately softened. She came and sat beside him, taking his right hand in hers. "What color is your cuff," she asked gently.

Blaine's head dropped sadly. "White."

She lifted his chin with her hand, and the Santana he knew and loved was right there, her dominance and her love for him flowing out of her. "What you're asking for changes it to gold. Is that really what you need Blaine? Is that even what you want?"

He closed his eyes. He shook his head, knowing she was right. In his dreams it was never her. "No," he whispered.

"Come here." She opened her arms and he fell into them, letting the weight of them wrap around him and protect him from all the things he wanted and couldn't have. "That must have been a very scary thing for you to ask me. And very important considering how many rules you confessed to breaking just to tell me."

Blaine sniffled. "Are you going to punish me?" he asked.

She kissed the top of his head and rested her cheek on his hair. "I think the pain in your heart is punishment enough. Don't you?" Blaine nodded. The pain he felt was awful. "You know the band is on the door for a reason Blaine. And it's not to protect Brittany." He nodded again. He understood that now. There were things he shouldn't know yet. Things he wasn't ready to understand without a Dom who could guide him.

"It hurts," Blaine told her.

"I know," Santana soothed. "But he's out there Blaine. I promise you he's out there."

* * *

><p>"Oh my god Rachel I feel like I'm about to pass out."<p>

Kurt dragged himself into the loft, not even sure if his arms had the strength left to slide their heavy metal door closed they felt so much like jelly. He let his bag just slip to the floor.

"Well that's what happens when you decide to take stage combat right after ballet. I tried to tell you it was a bad idea," Rachel told him with reproach.

"Well luckily I don't have to listen to you," he muttered, collapsing on the couch with a groan. Everything hurt from his toes to his head. "Now be a dear and get me some ibuprofen?"

Rachel just rolled her eyes and smirked. "Yes sir," she teased. She went to the bathroom to grab the painkiller from the medicine cabinet then filled a glass with water. "Here you are _sir_," she mocked, handing him the pills and putting the water on the table. He inched up and swatted her on the leg.

"You're such a little shit," he said before popping the pills in his mouth. She just smiled, her eyes sparkling at her best friend and handed him her water. She was the only one who could get away with the things he let her get away with, and some days he couldn't decide why.

"Finn used to think so too," she said with a nostalgic smile that was slowly replacing the sadness.

And then Kurt remembered why. Because the closest he'd ever come to having a sister was Rachel and he would never take either the good or the bad of that away from them. "Yes, but he would have been a fool to tell you that," Kurt pointed out, an eyebrow raised as he pulled himself back to sitting. What he really needed was an ice pack. Or a heat pack. Or maybe both. "He'd find himself in as much pain as I'm in now if he ever said boo to you."

"More," she smirked but her smile faded. "He didn't need to say anything though," Rachel said, sitting gently on the coffee table, her voice growing softer as her eyes grew more distant. Her gaze fell to the finger that not that long ago had held a diamond engagement ring. "I always knew. And I loved him for it."

"Rachel-"

"I saw Jesse today."

Kurt's eyes grew wide before closing them wondering if when he opened them again this all would be a dream. But when he lifted his lids the only thing that had changed were her eyes now on his, pleading with him not to judge.

So he bit back every question and argument running through his mind and he just asked, "Where?"

"He's actually opening a show here in New York." Her voice was heavy with the weight of years. "It's Off-Broadway. A limited run of 16 weeks."

"And?" he prodded.

"And." She sighed. "He said he was sorry. For everything he did. For Finn. He got on his knees."

Kurt sat up straight now, no longer willing to just sit back and watch this unfold without comment. "Oh god Rachel, tell me you didn't-"

"I didn't," she assured him though it didn't come with much assurance. "But I wanted to."

He took a deep breath and took her hands in his, their knees almost touching. Tears were in her eyes, but whether they were for Finn or herself or just the cruelness of the world as a whole he didn't know. "You can't, Rachel, not yet. There's too much history there. You're still too angry and you'll end up taking everything out on him; your pain for Finn's death as well as the things Jesse did. I know you wouldn't mean to Rachel, but you'll hurt him."

"I know," she admitted, shaking her head. "I know you're right. Which is why I have to get back out there. I can't just keep sitting around all day wishing Finn were here. I can't mourn him forever Kurt. And maybe Jesse and I are meant to be together now that he's gone, but you're right, he can't be my first. I need to just go out and play." She looked at him, the dominance in her eyes driving into him even though he was immune to its effects. "And I need to not feel guilty about it. I need you to not make me feel guilty about it."

"Oh Rachel, I wouldn't," he promised, pulling her onto the couch and into his arms. "I would never make you feel guilty for following your heart, whatever it tells you to do." He pulled back slightly to kiss her forehead and he brushed her tears away. "Finn's gone, but he's always with us, and he wouldn't want you to live your life alone. He'd want you to be happy. Even if it did end up being with Jesse St. Sucks," he smirked playfully. She rewarded him with a wet chuckle.

"You know, I don't care what anyone else says, there's a boy out there in the world who doesn't know yet how very lucky he will someday be to have you taking care of him," Rachel smirked back.

Kurt rolled his eyes at her words but didn't dignify it with a response. "Come on, I'm starving and I don't feel like cooking," he said pulling her up. "I think tonight calls for pizza and cheesecake, what do you say?"

Rachel smiled. "I think I say I love you," she answered and got up to grab her purse.

Kurt linked his arm with hers and they headed out into the city. The past would haunt them. The future once so clear was now a great unknown. But on the streets of New York, all they could see was a big wide world of possibility.

~S~

_"And change will come_  
><em> It's on it's way<em>  
><em> Just close your eyes<em>  
><em> And let it rain<em>

_ You'll be okay_  
><em> You'll be okay<em>  
><em> Just look inside<em>  
><em> You know the way."<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Hello Kurt and Rachel. :-)**

**Reviews are love and I would love to read your thoughts! I'll be posting some pics through the week on my tumblr, AlexoftheGarden, of Brittany and Blaine's cuffs. Let me know if you have any other requests and I will try! **


	4. Teenage Dream

**Author's Note:**

**You guys are absolutely incredible! 100 Followers, amazing! And your reviews, gosh they just make me squee and *think* which is always a good thing. Because I love knowing what you guys love and don't love, want to see and don't want to see. So don't be afraid to drop me a note here or on my tumblr (which now has a working ask!). **

**I hope you guys liked the pictures of Blaintana and Blaine's cuff and Brittana and Brittany's cuff. And the piano scene with Blaine and Brittany. One of my favorites. If you haven't seen them go check them out. I don't post much else on the tumblr for this fic so they should be easy to find! I'd love to know what you think.**

**My beta is always awesome. I wouldn't be the writer I am without her.**

* * *

><p><em>This is real<br>So take a chance and  
>Don't ever look back<br>Don't ever look back._

_~Teenage Dream_

* * *

><p>NYADA was big. It was big and it was scary and in a moment of self-doubt Blaine wondered what the heck he was doing there with a school full of artists who could run circles around him. Panicking slightly he reached for his phone but it buzzed before he could even swipe the screen.<p>

**_From Santana to Blaine: Remember you are mine._**

He smiled and the beating of his heart slowed back to normal. He tucked his phone away, touched his hand to his cuff and walked with pride to his first class. He could do this. He was the sub of Santana Lopez, everything he did reflected on her, and he would not let her down. Not today. Not ever.

* * *

><p>The Yoga Club. Jazz Hands. Starlight's Women's Acapella. Circus Shmirkus. So many theater groups Blaine couldn't even count them and though he wanted to audition, the sheer number overwhelmed him. Maybe next semester. He needed to get his feet on the ground here first. But he knew he needed to become involved in something so he could make some friends and find a sense of belonging.<p>

The Dominant Student Association and The Submissive Student Association had large boards in the student center. There were sign ups for committees and groups as well as flyers for future events. Blaine wasn't sure if he really wanted to become involved like that. He imagined they were for people still looking and he wasn't looking. Not really. He had Santana. He was just starting college. He didn't need the stress of searching for a Golden Contract at the same time. He was happy.

He was hers.

He quickly looked over the many other clubs advertising in the lobby, in person and on the walls. It was a small sign that ended up catching his eye. Just an apple sitting on the head of a boy. An arrow knocked toward it. Musical notes surrounding it.

_Passion rules the arrow that flies.  
>Bring your passion for song to NYADA's premiere show choir, The Apples.<br>Auditions Friday, 3pm._

Bob Dylan. But there was more to it than just a catchy turn of phrase. Maybe it was because he was missing the Warblers so much but for some reason he was drawn to it. He took out his phone and scheduled in the time and place of the audition.

Maybe he'd just found where he belonged.

* * *

><p>Blaine never believed before that angels walked the earth, but the moment the leader of The Apples stepped on the stage Blaine would have sworn it was true. The exquisite creature was tall and lean but muscular, with the most piercingly beautiful blue and green marbled eyes he had ever seen. His chestnut hair was carefully coifed with the perfect splash of blonde highlights. But most of all, he stood with such an air of confidence and authority that it made Blaine's submission swim with excitement.<p>

"Hello, auditioners," the man began with a voice that sounded as angelic as he looked. "My name is Kurt Hummel. Welcome to the annual auditions for The Apples, formally known as Adam's Apples and renamed by _moi_, after the aforementioned Adam graduated and slinked back to London leaving his now ex-boyfriend pissed and alone back here, but I digress!"

Blaine smiled softly to himself, certain now of three things. Kurt was gay, he was single, and he was as much of a smart-ass as Santana. And Blaine had an overwhelming urge to soothe his bitterness and bring out his joy.

"So as is tradition, we will begin auditions with a performance by the remaining members of last year's group. We have five openings this year so the competition will be fierce. May the odds be ever in your favor," Kurt smirked then turned to the group now filing onto the stage. Blaine looked around the room. There were at least 30 men and women vying for only five slots. He wondered if, as a freshman, he even stood a chance. He considered leaving but two things kept him locked in his seat. One, he'd be in a load of trouble when he got home if Santana found out he'd chickened out. And two, the moment Kurt started singing his voice wrapped around Blaine and refused to let him go.

_Something has changed within me  
>Something is not the same<br>I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game._

Blaine's breath hitched in his throat and his heart began to race. It wasn't just that Kurt was absolutely breathtaking when he sang. It wasn't just the extraordinarily pure tones of his countertenor voice. And it wasn't just the words of the song that were seeping inside Blaine and nestling in his heart for the day he was ready to truly hear them. No, what made the butterflies in Blaine's stomach flutter with the thrill of anticipation and submission despite every attempt to quell them was the careful aloofness Kurt exuded, mixed with a subtle power and precision that set Blaine's skin aflame.

_Too late for second guessing  
>Too late to go back to sleep<br>It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap._

Kurt surveyed the crowd of eager prospects while he performed. Vocals were important but they were far from the only thing that mattered to him. He'd learned in high school that the greatest voices could poison a group, and that sometimes those who flew under the radar were exactly who were needed to make a group its best. And it wasn't that he was stuck up or needed to be worshiped in any way, but the people in the audience who looked bored or disgusted by his singing were immediately weeded out. He didn't need that kind of negativity in his group or in his life. He'd suffered enough of it already.

And then his eyes fell on the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life. Hazel eyes wide and almost reverent, cheeks blushing. It almost took Kurt's breath away and he had to remind himself he was in the middle of a performance. But just for a moment, he let himself believe that a man like that could be his.

_I'm through accepting limits cuz someone says they're so  
>Some things I cannot change but 'till I try I'll never know<br>Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost  
>Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost.<em>

Mesmerized, Blaine rose to his feet with the others when Kurt and The Apples were done, though his enthusiasm was honest while others did so simply because they thought it would help their audition. He lowered himself shakily back into his seat, his nerves still on edge from the performance that moved him perhaps more than it should have. And he found he had to focus to hear again when Kurt spoke.

"We have your audition sheets and we will call you up one by one. We have an accompanist for you if you want, or you can play yourself or sing acapella. Whatever works for you, just blow me away with your voice." With the stack of papers in his hand, he and the rest of the group filed off the stage. Kurt and a few of what Blaine assumed to be upperclassman took seats in the front row behind a table. They started calling out names. "Rebecca Janson."

Blaine watched, impressed by some, relieved by others who he knew he could beat. There was a group of guys in the back row, whispering to one another with every performance, judging, Blaine knew, where they had no place to judge. Their voices were raised just slightly when the words he'd waited for rang in his ears. "Blaine Anderson."

His name on Kurt's lips, rolling from Kurt's tongue, sounded like music to his ears and his skin tingled as he made the walk onto the stage. He handed the accompanist his sheet music and turned to Kurt and the rest of the audience. "Hello," he smiled confidently. "My name is Blaine Anderson, and I'll be singing Katy Perry's Teenage Dream."

He didn't see Kurt's reaction because the snickers over the heads of his fellow classmates drew his focus. Though the laughter was loud enough for everyone to hear, no one needed to hear the whispered words to know why they laughed. He'd gotten slack for it before, a male sub singing a female Dom's song. He couldn't help but blush slightly at the humiliation of their public ridicule, especially in front of Kurt. But he knew what to do.

"If you don't mind," _sir…_ he bit back the _sir, _"I think I'll play myself." He turned to the pianist who rose from the bench with no issue and Blaine smiled, sliding back in. He arranged the music, and finally took a moment to look at Kurt. The man's elbows rested on the table, his hands clasped together beneath his chin. His eyes were bright, just a hint of a smile playing at his lips. He looked interested, or at least intrigued.

Blaine brushed his hands along the keys just a second before beginning to play. His version was slow, rich, and profound. It was full of musicality and originality, but he was too lost in the music to notice the effect it was having on his audience. Most especially on Kurt.

_My heart stops when you look at me  
>Just one touch, now baby I believe<br>This is real so take a chance and  
>Don't ever look back, Don't ever look back<em>

Eyes closed, falling inside himself, a place as close to subspace as he got outside in the world, Blaine put every piece of his heart and soul in his music. His passion, like an arrow. He didn't quite know why it mattered so much to him, he just knew that it did. Opening his eyes with the mixed sound of polite and enthusiastic applause, his gaze fell on Kurt. Cool and collected, the only hint of how he'd done was the slight splash of pink on Kurt's cheeks. Blaine hoped it was enough.

"Thank you Blaine," Kurt said, as he had with every other auditioner. "Michael Oiler…."

* * *

><p>The rest of the hopefuls had filed out of the audition room, but Blaine found himself lingering. He tried to be nonchalant, gathering his papers slowly while Kurt remained behind cleaning up and putting the room back in order for classes the next day. Blaine pulled out his phone, checking his messages. He texted Santana that he'd be home soon.<p>

"So you're Santana's Blaine Anderson, aren't you?" Blaine looked up in surprise and nearly dropped the phone in his hand. Kurt smirked down at him from the stage. "Warbler? Hair gelled within an inch of its life whenever she lets you?"

Blaine's cheeks grew hot, his hand automatically flying to his straightened curls, and he ducked his head slightly. "How did you-"

"I went to high school with Brittany," he explained.

"Ah," Blaine nodded, smiling in recognition. He shoved his hands coyly in his pockets. Brittany had neglected to mention how gorgeous her friend was. "You're one of the two."

Kurt chuckled, and the dimple in his cheek was the most adorable thing Blaine had ever seen. "Yes, I'm one of the two. My roommate Rachel is the other one." Kurt turned the light off on the piano and gathered his things from the table in the corner of the stage. "So how's NYADA treating you so far?"

Blaine scoffed. "Oh, you know, aside from the professors who want to break every freshman, Madame Tibedeaux who is probably coming up with some grand punishment because she already thinks I like to break the rules too much, and the classmates who want to destroy whatever talent I might have, I'm doing great."

"Well," Kurt said, stepping off the stage to Blaine. He was a few inches taller than Blaine, enchantingly graceful, and it took a lot for Blaine not to fall to his knees. "The professors can't break you if you don't let them, I'm sure Madame Tibedeaux has nothing on Santana if Brittany's telling me only half the truth, and there's too much talent in your little pinky alone for anyone to destroy."

Blaine's eyes opened wide and he could feel the heat grow in his cheeks. "You think so? I was actually going to apologize about my audition. That version of Teenage Dream?" He shuffled his foot absentmindedly on the floor. "I know it wasn't really right for The Apples. I did a version in high school that was much more upbeat and true to the original. But when I saw some of the guys in the back snicker, I kinda felt I had to shut them up." Blaine shrugged, looking up and Kurt smiled down at him, a twinkle of amusement in his eye.

"Well I think you definitely did that," Kurt noted. He started to the back of the room to set the lights to leave. Blaine stepped aside and looked down in automatic deference as he passed. Kurt cocked a brow at the gesture, but said nothing about it. "So I'll see you around?" he asked instead.

Blaine knew he shouldn't do what he was about to do. He was a sub and Kurt was obviously a Dom and it would be very uncouth, uncouth enough that Santana might even have something to say about it, but he didn't care. He felt like a magnet, drawn to another, and he couldn't let Kurt just walk away so easily. "Would you like to go out for coffee? I don't…" Blaine hesitated as he confessed. "I don't have a lot of friends here yet. And if Brittany likes you, well..."

Kurt looked him over, assessing what exactly Blaine wasn't sure about but he hoped he measured up. "I would like that," Kurt said. "It would have to be after the cast list goes up though. Wouldn't want anyone to think I was playing favorites," Kurt winked.

Blaine let out a tiny breath. "Does that mean…?"

Kurt smiled. "I'll see you at our first rehearsal Blaine. And I'd love to go out for coffee after."

* * *

><p>"So the most interesting thing happened today," Kurt said with a terrible attempt at nonchalance as he and Rachel made dinner. They were making stir fry, a wok full of vegetables in Kurt's special Asian blend on one burner, salmon cubes sautéing in another. Rachel was putting together a salad. "I met Brittany's Santana's Blaine Anderson. He invited me for coffee."<p>

Rachel's eyes opened wide at the sound of her best friend and she sharply turned around. "Oh no, no, no, I know that voice; that I'm trying to be casual and innocent but I'm really madly in love with this guy I just met voice." She pointed her wooden fork at him menacingly and for a minute Kurt worried she might try and use it on him. "But this guy is totally off limits Kurt!"

"I am _not_ in love with him Rachel, god we just met three hours ago, I don't even know if he-" he began to protest but she would barely let him get a word in edgewise.

"He likes guys Kurt, trust me," she retorted sharply. Brittany hadn't told her or Kurt everything about their strange arrangement, but she'd let that much slip. "But he is _not _available. He is the sub of one of your best friend's Dom. A _claimed_ sub. And did I mention he's a _sub_," she repeated, quite pointedly.

Kurt tried to ignore the little jump in is heart at Rachel's confirmation. "So just because he's a sub that means we can't be friends?" he asked with exasperation. "He's nice, he's gorgeous to look at, why wouldn't I want to sit across the table from him for coffee, especially since he invited me?"

"Because you're going to fall in love with him Kurt," Rachel said.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Rachel I am not in high school anymore, I am not going to fall in love with every guy I meet." He stirred the salmon to make sure it was cooked almost through then added it to the wok. "Hell after Adam maybe I'll just swear off guys altogether."

Rachel's shoulders sagged and she put the fork down, wrath turned quickly to pity. "Adam was just wrong for you Kurt, you can't let your past scare you away from love. Love is a beautiful thing when it's right. You just have had really bad luck and you haven't gotten it right yet."

"Or maybe everyone in high school was just right," he muttered, turning off the burner. "Maybe Kurt Hummel wasn't made to love."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," Rachel said softly, crossing the small kitchen to take Kurt in her arms. She may have been a foot shorter but sometimes she seemed to tower over him. "You have the biggest heart, and the cutest smile," she grinned, reaching her hands to his lips to force them up. He rolled his eyes, but granted her wish slightly. "And someday the _right _man is going to sweep you off your feet."

"And my ass will hit the ground when I fall," Kurt scoffed, turning out of her arms and grabbing the serving spoon.

Rachel pulled out the dishes from the cabinets. "Some boys would like that," she winked.

"Not this boy." He twirled the spoon in his fingers and pointed it in warning then gave the stir fry one last mix before spooning it into the serving bowl. Rachel just laughed.

They brought everything to the table and sat down, serving themselves. "Just please be careful. Subs are delicate and you don't want to lead him on when you know it couldn't work."

"Yeah." Kurt filled his mouth to bite back anything further he might say. Because the fact was, he knew Rachel was right about everything. And too late. All it had taken was one song and he was already falling. He just had to make sure he didn't bring Blaine down with him.

* * *

><p>Music was playing in the speakers throughout the apartment, Brittany and Santana were dancing in the living room and Blaine wiped his hands dry on the dish cloth. Maybe he should have hated the nights when it was his turn to clean up, but there was something so right about knowing his Dom was in the other room in the arms of the woman she loved. He leaned against the archway, a smile on his face as he watched them. Santana was beautiful when she was with Brittany, serene, as if everything else in the world could fade from view and she would still breathe with perfect contentment. And even if he was just dreaming, it really didn't hurt to wonder if today he may have found the man with whom he could find the same thing.<p>

"So I met someone today," Blaine said when the music ended, softly blushing. They both looked up at him, Santana reaching for the remote to stop the next song from playing. Their faces were curious, eager. He continued with excitement. "It's your friend from high school Britt. Kurt Hummel. He's leader of The Apples."

Brittany's face immediately fell. "Blaine-" But Santana stopped her from saying anything else with a stern hand to hers. Brittany lowered her eyes obediently and said no more.

Santana smiled at him. "That's great you're making friends," she said gently as she walked over to him.

"What if…" Blaine shrugged bashfully. "What if I wanted him to be more than a friend? I asked him out for coffee." He looked her nervously in the eye. "I know it was forward of me and maybe I should have asked permission first, but I just couldn't let him walk out of my life with the possibility I wouldn't see him again." He chuckled softly. "I guess it wasn't really necessary though because he kind of implied that I made it into The Apples, but I'm glad I did it all the same. I'm sorry if I overstepped." He moved to dip his head but she stopped him.

"Blaine." She reached out and traced his arm from shoulder to his hand and squeezed it tight. He looked up and she smiled lovingly at him. "Did he say yes?" She didn't seem mad at all, though there was a trace of worry in her eyes, and he let out a small sigh of relief, nodding his head with an almost childlike excitement. "Then you didn't overstep." She brushed a finger over his ear, the coarse gelled hair crackling beneath her fingers. She loved his unruly curls but over the years at Dalton she'd learned that the containment of them when she wasn't around, the control and precision of keeping them firmly in place, helped satisfy his need for dominance. "Just be careful and don't expect the world right away," she told him. "Not every man you meet is going to be _the one _but it doesn't mean you shouldn't let them into your life, learn from them. Have fun," she smirked, but then her face grew serious. "I want you to date. And I want you to find him. Whoever he might be. And I am here for you always, no matter what happens."

Blaine's eyes shined with unshed tears of joy. He began to believe that just maybe he could have the love that he knew his Dom already had. "I love you," he sniffled with a smile, falling into her arms.

She kissed his head and held him close. "I love you too."

* * *

><p>"Grande nonfat mocha please," Kurt ordered, pulling his money out of his satchel. Turning to Blaine he raised a brow. "And you?"<p>

Blaine blushed and shook his head, pulling his own wallet out of his coat. "Oh no, I couldn't, I asked you, the least I can do is pay you."

Blaine's heart may have stopped beating when Kurt's hand touched his, stilling it. Blaine blinked up at him, breath caught in his throat. "It's fine Blaine," Kurt smiled sweetly. "What can I get you?"

He grudgingly put his wallet away. "Well, I'm afraid I'm kinda boring. Just a medium drip please." Blaine tried to return his pulse and his breathing to normal as Kurt ordered and paid. He smiled, a self-conscious, grateful, trying not to drool smile, as Kurt held his coffee out for him. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Mr. Boring," Kurt winked and Blaine had to look away before he made a complete fool of himself. He let Kurt lead him to a table in the corner and slid into a chair. "Someday I will introduce you to the world of designer coffee."

Blaine grabbed a sugar off the table and lifted the lid, if for nothing else than an excuse to keep his eyes lowered. "I'd like that," _sir, _he added in his head and god, he had to stop doing that. As much as maybe he wanted to be Kurt's sub someday, he most certainly wasn't now on his first date. He belonged to Santana, and he owed her the respect of not submitting to him. "So what are you majoring in?" he asked casually.

"Well, I had started a musical theater major with Rachel, but I'm feeling like I'm not really getting anywhere with it." He watched Kurt play with the granules of sugar Blaine had spilled on the metal table. "She's giving me shit about wanting to change though, so maybe I'll just stick with it."

"You and Rachel are pretty close then?" he asked.

"We pretty much grew up together," Kurt shared, "though we didn't really become good friends until our junior year. Before that we were too much rivals. For everything," he laughed softly and Blaine had a feeling there was something special in that laugh he was missing. "I think by junior year though we'd matured enough to put most of the rivalry behind us. We kind of had to."

"Why?" Blaine asked.

"She used to date my brother," Kurt told him, and there was a weight to his words that struck Blaine.

"Used to? Did they break up?" he asked, curiosity peeked.

"No, he um…" Kurt looked out the window a minute. He still looked for him, on the crowded streets, expecting to just see him walk by. "He passed away," Kurt said softly. "About 6 months ago, actually."

"Oh Kurt." Blaine immediately reached a hand to Kurt's without thinking and squeezed it tight. "I'm so sorry."

Kurt gave a slight shrug. "My mom died when I was 8 and after that it was just me and my dad for so long. In high school Rachel and I both had a crush on this guy and I had this crazy idea to set up his Mom with my Dad so we could spend more time together. Poor planning on my part though." Kurt shook his head, laughing fondly in memory. "Wasn't long before they got married and Finn was my brother."

Kurt's eyes glazed over and Blaine's heart broke for him. He had a million questions but he kept them all to himself. It was obvious how much loss Kurt had already suffered in such a short life and Blaine suspected he'd barely scratched the surface. "I can see you loved him a lot," Blaine said gently. "My brother lives in California. He's ten years older than me and half the time he forgets that I even exist. But I know how much I'd miss him if he were gone."

Kurt nodded, his eyes growing distant. "I miss him every day. We had our ups and downs but we were a team. He…helped me, with a lot of things. Furt, they called us in Glee club," he chuckled sadly, but the smile faded immediately. "My dad and his mom still have each other. But he's gone and sometimes I feel so alone."

"You're not alone, Kurt." Blaine wanted more than anything to hold him, to make sure that Kurt never hurt again, not even for a moment. "You have Rachel and Brittany. And now you have me."

Kurt looked up at him, unshed tears in his eyes. And when Kurt smiled sadly at him it was the most beautifully vulnerable thing Blaine had ever seen. "You know, before Finn passed away Rachel and I thought we had our whole lives figured out. Now I'm not so sure either of us knows what to do anymore."

"You'll figure it out again Kurt," Blaine promised. "And whatever it is, it'll be amazing."

* * *

><p>The apartment was dark. Blaine had gone to bed and Santana was reading in her room. Brittany sat on the couch, her knees folded in. Blaine had come back from his date beaming happily. Brittany couldn't stand it.<p>

"It's time to come to bed Britt," Santana ordered from the doorway.

"Why won't you let me tell him?" she asked, her voice hard and unforgiving.

"Because it's not your place," Santana said sternly. "Kurt will tell him in his own time. And Blaine will make his own choices. We aren't getting in the middle of this."

"I thought you'd want the best for him," Brittany muttered.

Santana closed her eyes a moment, then came around to the couch, sitting on the opposite side of her girlfriend. "I'm his Dom. Of course I want what's best for him." Brittany went to speak but Santana's pointed finger stopped her. "And yes, much of the time what's best for him is for me to decide. But not this time. Not when it comes to the man he chooses to be with." Brittany opened her mouth again but Santana was done. "This is not negotiable Brittany. You break this rule and there will be severe consequences, understood?" Brittany lowered her head and nodded wordlessly. "Good. Now come to bed."

* * *

><p>Blaine could hear the rumble of the girls talking in the living room but he couldn't hear what they were saying. He didn't really care either. He was just hoping Kurt was still up.<p>

**_From Blaine to Kurt: For you I will try espresso._**

**_From Kurt to Blaine: I don't know, that's a dangerous one to start with. That much energy could get a guy in trouble. ;P_**

**_From Blaine to Kurt: Well maybe I'm a glutton for punishment._**

Blaine's face grew red the moment he sent it. It was too much. Too soon. But Kurt had asked for it, hadn't he? Kurt was flirting too, wasn't he?

**_From Kurt to Blaine: I guess I walked right into that one. But seriously. At least go with a mocha. More chocolate. Less caffeine. Happy medium._**

**_From Blaine to Kurt: Whatever you say. Tomorrow?_**

**_From Kurt to Blaine: My day is really full tomorrow with scene study rehearsals and prepping for an audition. Friday after The Apples?_**

**_From Blaine to Kurt: Friday it is. See you then!_**

Blaine put his phone on the nightstand and curled up into his blankets. There was a warmth in his heart and a tingle in his skin that he'd never really felt before, and he fell asleep with a smile on his face. The nameless faceless Dom was no more and as he drifted off to sleep he dreamed of Kurt having him kneel, and Kurt having him serve and Kurt having him obey. He dreamed of a claiming and a wedding and the future he often wondered if he'd ever truly find. And in the morning as the sun shined into the window, he awoke with the hope of happily ever after.

_~S~  
>I finally found you<br>My missing puzzle piece  
>I'm complete.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading!<strong>


	5. Corner of the Sky

**Author's Note:**

**Hello lovely readers. You all have been so wonderful with reviews and follows. Thank you for every single one. If you like this story, please share with your friends. **

* * *

><p>"So tell me about Dalton." It was a warm winter day in New York City and to enjoy it while it lasted, Kurt and Blaine decided to take their coffees to-go and wander around Central Park. Children too young for school laughed and played, their shrieks filling the air. Others were walking hand in hand, strolling on a lunch break or just taking a moment to enjoy the wonders of nature. Blaine knew he shouldn't hope too much or dream too hard, but there was no way to withhold his contentment walking side by side with the man he was beginning to hope might someday be his everything.<p>

Imagining a future with Kurt was easy. They loved so many of the same things; watched the same shows, read the same books and magazines, loved the same musicals. Their taste in music was sometimes different but it only added variety to their playlists, learning more about what made the other tick. But it wasn't just that. Kurt had a quiet elegance about him. A self-assured assertiveness. A way of being dominant without being overbearing or aggressive that just constantly made Blaine desperate for more.

More than once he had to stop himself from falling to his knees.

They had just reached the south side of the park when Blaine's mocha was cool enough for him to sip.

"Oh my god Kurt, this is delicious," he said, not believing he had never tried one before. Kurt laughed, toothy and adorable, and Blaine couldn't help but smile at him. "You're beautiful, did you know that?" The words had spilled from his mouth before he could stop himself and he blushed ferociously, laughing as he turned away with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, please forgive me."

Kurt stopped and quirked a brow. "Shouldn't have said that because it isn't true or because you shouldn't be flirting with me?" he asked playfully, knowing all that Rachel would say about flirting back. But he was unable to curb the desire to know the answer.

Instinct forced Blaine's eyes to the ground and he fiddled with the cup in his hands. "No it's very true, s-Kurt," he admitted bashfully, biting his lip to try to stop the submission that just came so naturally. "I just shouldn't have been so forward. And I've completely ignored your request to tell you about Dalton."

Kurt was glad Blaine's eyes were down because otherwise he would have seen the frown on his face. What he liked most about Blaine was his charm and his honesty and his courage to put himself out there even when custom maybe said he shouldn't. He liked him strong, not giving in to his submission, especially not with him. He reached over to Blaine and squeezed his shoulder. Blaine raised his eyes. "I'm not your Dom Blaine, you don't have to submit with me," Kurt said firmly and he kept on walking. He knew Blaine would follow behind. "So…Dalton," he called behind him.

"Right," Blaine answered a bit regretfully and he jogged a few steps to catch up, though he didn't feel sure that he would ever catch up with Kurt. "Well, you know it's a private school in Westerville. We split a campus with Crawford Country Day, that's the girls' side where Santana went. Both schools were strict, especially about academics, but they had so many different extracurricular activities after school. There was show choir, of course, and theater and sports. Writing and debate club, student government."

"Did you board there or live at home?" Kurt asked curiously.

"Well, obviously we lived close to the school so we commuted from home, which was the worst because we had to stay at school for all the stress and then went home to more stress instead of getting to stay for the fun." Blaine shrugged with a frown. Kurt wondered what stress there could have been, living the lifestyle he knew the two had lived. But Kurt supposed that there was happiness that money couldn't buy. "At least Santana and I had each other and after our claiming ceremony the summer before senior year we convinced our parents to let us stay in the guest house on my family's estate instead of with her parents like we were supposed to."

Kurt nodded. He remembered when Finn and Rachel were claimed how Finn had gone to live with her for their senior year as well. He'd kind of missed his brother then but they had still spent a lot of time at home as well.

They walked for a little while, side by side, quietly. Neither of them felt that they needed to make conversation. Even though they'd only known each other a short time, they were so comfortable with one another they almost felt like they had known each other forever. But they didn't know everything. "So what's the deal with you and Santana anyway?" Kurt asked.

Blaine glanced to Kurt with obvious confusion. "What do you mean?"

Kurt ducked his head, hiding an embarrassed smile. "I mean, like…I mean Rachel told me, what a white cuff means when I asked, but…"

"She's just my Dom Kurt. She's not my girlfriend, I don't like girls that way." He stopped and Blaine looked worried when Kurt gained the courage to look at him again. "I thought you knew that."

"I guess I did," Kurt said, though it wasn't convincing. "I just…I wasn't sure…"

Blaine smiled and took Kurt's hand. "She's just my Dom," he assured Kurt. "And I'm allowed to date whoever I want."

Blaine thought that maybe, finally, Kurt would ask him out then, but instead of the relief that he expected, a sadness seemed to cloud Kurt's face. Kurt pulled his hand out of Blaine's grasp and started walking again. "So you sang lead for the Warblers?"

Blaine sighed but he knew he had to be patient. His situation wasn't typical and he vowed to let Kurt take his time. "Yes," Blaine said, jogging slightly to catch up as Kurt took a sip of his coffee. "What about you? Surely New Directions must have taken advantage of your stunning countertenor."

Kurt sputtered the coffee he'd been drinking and scoffed dramatically. "New Directions had no idea what they had in me, if they had we would have won. But instead they wasted my talent, made me sing with the boys, and had me swaying in the background." Kurt took a few more steps than twirled to step in front of Blaine. All trace of the sadness was gone, replaced with a fiery determination and Blaine wondered if he had just imagined it. "You and I need to duet. For the Apples. Together we would be unstoppable."

Kurt's face was eager but his words were commanding and Blaine had never before felt his body explode with this kind of excitement. "What would we sing?" he asked, eyes bright with flirtation.

He watched as Kurt thought for a minute, biting his lips then, slyly shifted his eyes. "I know just the song."

* * *

><p>"You can't lead him on like this," Rachel snapped for what felt like the 500th time.<p>

Kurt tried very hard to ignore her, but she made it extremely difficult when she outright stepped in front of him and wouldn't let him by. "I am _not_ leading him on, you are just pissed that I'm not giving you the ticket."

"I do think it's a little rude to invite a boy you shouldn't be seeing to a Broadway show instead of your best friend, yes," Rachel confirmed.

"We are _not _seeing each other," Kurt snapped, box stepping around her with a silent thank you to his jazz instructor. He grabbed his coat and slipped it on. "Goodbye Rachel," he said, pulling his scarf off the rack and around his neck. "Don't wait up."

"Believe me, I won't," Rachel yelled as he slammed out the door. Her hands flew to her hips, mulling over the possibilities in her head. If her good for nothing best friend didn't want to go to the theater with her, she would just have to make some plans to go on her own.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, Kurt! How did you get tickets for Pippen, those are, like, impossible to get?"<p>

Kurt just smirked, the tickets clutched between his two fingers just inches from Blaine's face. Innocence and shrewdness mixed in a fashion that was making Blaine's pants just a little bit tighter than they had been before. "So I take it you want to go with me?" Kurt teased. "Because if not I'm sure I could always get Rachel to-"

"Don't you dare," Blaine said, snatching the ticket out of Kurt's fingers. "I've been wanting to see this show forever."

"Good." Kurt bounced happily on his toes then started heading off to class, Blaine staying at his side. "Because honestly Rachel's annoying to take to any show, she always thinks she can do it better."

"And you don't?" Blaine asked, cheekily arching a brow.

"Well of course I do," Kurt admitted. "I'm just much more polite about it." Reaching his classroom he spun around and leaned against the wall. "Pick you up at 6? We can do dinner beforehand."

"Sure," Blaine smiled. "Let me just check with Santana to make sure it's okay and I'll text you back for certain."

Kurt's smile faded before returning, forced. "Yeah. Sure. Just let me know," he said as he disappeared inside.

Watching him go, Blaine was left with a sense that he'd done something wrong, and though he couldn't put his finger on it, he knew without a doubt that mentioning Santana had upset Kurt. He turned and walked back downstairs to his own class, too wrapped up in his thoughts to acknowledge the greetings of his classmates. Blaine imagined that if he were a Dom who had set his eyes on a claimed sub that he would feel jealous toward the other Dom. That had to be all it was because otherwise he couldn't imagine what he might have possibly done wrong. He resolved to try to be more cognizant of the issue, and to be more respectful of Kurt's feelings until they were ready to really start talking about what might be going on between them.

As he filed into the dance studio dressing room and changed for class, he considered asking Santana, but decided it would be better for him to just handle things on his own for now. After all, he wasn't some innocent 16 year old anymore. He was almost 19 and though he'd never before pursued anyone romantically and obviously wasn't very good at it, he figured he'd rather fumble his way around with Kurt than continue on with no one at all.

* * *

><p>Jesse St. James exited the stage door onto the New York City sidewalk. Even the Broadway stage doors weren't glamourous but this off-Broadway playhouse emptied into an alleyway the house management staff had thankfully cordoned off for them. Whatever it was though, Jesse was grateful for each and every fan that came to see him. Once upon a time he would have thought the world owed him the fame and attention that was slowly coming to him. But now he understood he had to work to earn it, and every single day he put his heart and soul not only into his performance but into the people who applauded him.<p>

Rachel had taught him that.

He went down the line of girls who waited for his autograph and their chance to take a selfie with him. In days past he would have looked each in the eye, searching for The One who would take him by the hand and order him to kneel. He didn't look for that anymore. The Dom he'd always known he belonged to had a broken heart they had to mend, and her eyes were the only ones that mattered.

And he could feel them on him now. He finished the line, one last playbill reaching out for him, before leaning against the brick wall with a smirk. "Did you actually come see the show or did you steal that from some unsuspecting patron?" he teased.

Rachel smiled back with a warmth he'd been dreaming about at night for years. "I actually saw it wiseguy," she said as he took the program and signed it for her with a grin. "And you were very good."

Jesse dropped his eyes in pure, unadulterated submission. "Thank you," he whispered.

Slowly, she reached a hand out and took the playbill back, resting it at her side. "I'm not ready for that Jesse," she admitted guardedly. He raised his eyes back to hers and with one practiced glance he let his submission subside.

"Would you be ready for drinks?" Jesse asked, tucking his sharpie in his back pocket. "Completely as friends, nothing more."

Rachel bit back the smile that tried to escape but he could see it nonetheless in the twinkle of her eyes. "Coffee, yes. You know how I get with alcohol," she said.

Jesse laughed and nodded, pulling the rope up for her to duck underneath. "Yes, yes I do," he said as he opened the door to lead her backstage while he got his things. "But if I have to settle for coffee, then that is what I will do."

* * *

><p>"Kurt, thank you so much for taking me to the show, I really appreciate it," Blaine said enthusiastically. They were walking toward Times Square, Blaine's hands deep in the pocket of his peacoat as much to keep himself from reaching for Kurt's hand as to keep them warm. "Really, it was amazing." Kurt nodded, and Blaine felt a sense of sadness in him. Foregoing any sense of propriety he reached a hand out to Kurt's arm, stopping him with just a touch. Kurt turned to him, face soft as silk, eyes filled with just a hint of apology. "Hey, what's the matter?"<p>

Kurt knew exactly what the matter was. He wanted more and he couldn't have it. "Tonight was really nice," Kurt said softly. "I guess I'm just not ready for it to end."

Blaine's heart fluttered and he smiled coyly. "Who says it has to?"

Kurt let a small snort escape. "Well, your Dom for one I'm sure."

Blaine shook his head. Sure Santana had given him a curfew and the chances were good he'd be in trouble if he broke it but he didn't think he'd be in _too_ much trouble. She wanted him to date, to find the man of his dreams. She'd been late often enough because of Brittany. She couldn't fault him too much for taking his turn. "You let me worry about Santana. You took me to a Broadway show Kurt," he said with a shrug. "The least I can do is buy you dessert."

Kurt tried to hide his smile but it wasn't any use, it was clear as day that Blaine had pleased him. Blaine felt the warm flush of his skin knowing that he'd done so. "Fine," Kurt gave in. "I know this little place around the corner."

Kurt took the lead and Blaine followed at his side as they walked toward a little coffee house he and Rachel always went to. He looked inside as they passed the window but just as he was about to reach for the door he saw Rachel and Jesse laughing at a table in the corner. With a shake of his head, he put his hand in his pocket and kept moving along. "This place looks a little busy," he said in excuse and he went to the corner and hit the street crossing button. Blaine looked at him askance, his sudden change of mind evident, but he let it pass unspoken as they crossed. "Besides, the one across the street has better dessert. Amazing cookies."

"Oh, well you should have said that in the first place," Blaine joked to relieve the tension and Kurt looked at him and smiled. "I'm a sucker for a good chocolate chip cookie."

They reached the door and Kurt opened it for him before heading inside. "Well what a coincidence," he said with a grin. "So am I."

* * *

><p><strong>From Brittany to Kurt: You can't do this to him.<strong>

**From Kurt to Brittany: And what exactly do you think I'm doing Britt? We went to a show, that's it.**

**From Brittany to Kurt: He's falling in love with you.**

**From Brittany to Kurt: Kurt…**

* * *

><p>"Alright everyone listen up," Kurt yelled, breezing into the Apples rehearsal room. Without pause he began handing out the sheet music to everyone in the room. "I've got a new song planned, possibly to replace Defying Gravity now that it's getting pretty old, but we'll see. Blaine and I will be dueting," he said as he handed Blaine his music with a wink. "We'll figure out the harmonies for backup later, let's just sing it through."<p>

"Why do you always get to decide who sings?" a junior named Jason complained from the back.

"Because I'm the leader of this choir, and if you have a problem with that the bylaws are always posted in the Apples office," Kurt countered with barely a look at the kid. Instead he handed the music to the accompanist and whispered some stage directions in Blaine's ear. When he was done he looked up. "Don't think you'll get the vote though," Kurt told Jason before heading Stage Left, all business. Blaine smiled nervously, his heart fluttering in his chest, barely staying on his feet as they took him Stage Right.

But when the music started every thought of falling to his knees went out the window because Kurt's voice reached out, surrounded him and held him up with the power of his song.

**_KURT  
><em>**_Everything has its season  
>Everything has its time<br>Show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme  
>Cats fit on the windowsill<br>Children fit in the snow  
>Why do I feel I don't fit in anywhere I go?<em>

It was crazy to say that Blaine had forgotten how beautiful Kurt's voice was because he heard it in his head nearly every silent moment he had. But hearing it again was like hearing it for the first time and it captured him, he had no other way of describing of it. The emotion and truth in his voice moved him almost to tears while the power in his heart, the determination to persevere, made Blaine just want to care for him with every fiber of his being. And it could have been how tragically beautiful Kurt was as his piercing eyes grew distant or it could have been how his heart leapt when Kurt looked at him as if just maybe Blaine had the answers, but whatever it was, the sense of pride that filled his soul as he watched the boy he knew he loved never faded. He wasn't afraid. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he belonged with Kurt. It was their season, and it was their time and he knew that whatever Kurt was so afraid of wasn't something that needed to keep them apart. Whatever the reason, Blaine had an answer, because they fit, more than he had ever fit with Santana, they fit like puzzle pieces in search of one another. Latching perfectly. Together.

_Rivers belong where they can ramble  
>Eagles belong where they can fly<br>I've got to be where my spirit can run free  
>Got to find my corner of the sky<em>

Blaine loved Santana with all of his heart but when he was a little kid, he would watch his parents and watch Cooper date and he would dream of a Dom who would love him and care for him and teach him and grow old with him, hand in hand, arm in arm. They would build a family together, a family so much better than the one that had raised him, and they wouldn't just live a long life, they would live a beautiful one. Because he'd have the other half of himself. Together they would be whole.

**_BLAINE_**_  
>Every man has his daydreams<br>Every man has his goal  
>People like the way dreams have<br>Of sticking to the soul  
>Thunderclouds have their lightning<br>Nightingales have their song  
>And don't you see I want my life to be<br>Something more than long..._

Kurt stood mesmerized watching Blaine across the stage. He envied Blaine, his hope and naiveté. He remembered back to the days when he thought that life was fair. When he thought that love was the only thing that mattered. And as he watched Blaine sing, his golden eyes glowing for no one but him, Kurt almost believed that they could have a happily ever after. Somehow, Blaine made him feel things he had never felt before and he almost believed that nothing else would matter. That if he tried hard enough, if he worked toward his goal and his dream he could be Blaine's thundercloud. He could be his nightingale. He could almost imagine a real life together with him…something that mattered, something more than just long. With a soft, almost wishful smile, he walked toward Blaine and they met center stage, never looking away. Never wanting to look away.

**_BLAINE and KURT_**_  
>Rivers belong where they can ramble<br>Eagles belong where they can fly  
>I've got to be where my spirit can run free<br>Got to find my corner of the sky_

In his life, Blaine had almost come to believe that he would have to settle.

**_BLAINE  
><em>**_So many men seem destined  
>To settle for something small<em>

Kurt had surely come to believe that he couldn't have it all.

**_KURT_**_  
>But I won't rest until I know I'll have it all<em>

But in that moment, together, they both thought that just maybe they could find a place where they belonged.

* * *

><p>Santana watched from the audience, holding Brittany's hand. She knew they'd been rehearsing the duet for a few weeks. She knew that the more time Blaine spent with Kurt he was falling harder, deeper, more and more in love. And it seemed from all she could learn that it was mutual.<p>

_**BLAINE AND KURT**  
>So don't ask where I'm going<br>Just listen when I'm gone  
>And far away you'll hear me singing<br>Softly to the dawn:_

She knew she couldn't interfere. She knew she had to let it take its course. She just prayed that they wouldn't both end up broken in the end.

_Rivers belong where they can ramble  
>Eagles belong where they can fly<br>I've got to be where my spirit can run free  
>Got to find my corner of the sky<em>

* * *

><p>The music was blaring at the nightclub down the street from where The Apples had performed. Blaine and Kurt's friends, still dressed in their suits and ties, were scattered throughout at various tables, soaking up the rhythm of the band on stage. Kurt saved their table while Santana, Brittany and Blaine had gone to the bar to get drinks and some food. He was trying not to feel like a fourth wheel but it was difficult. Brittany's usual warmth toward him was replaced with a coldness he'd never felt from her before. He didn't like it at all.<p>

He watched them across the room as Santana nudged Brittany and sent her to join Kurt with a glare. He looked away. It was always hard for him, seeing Brittany dominated. He was too protective of her. She had always seemed so delicate, so vulnerable. So easily taken advantage of.

Brittany pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. She was quiet though, obviously sent to try to make a peace with him she didn't really want to make.

If she wasn't going to start this awkward conversation he would do it for her. "So how are things with you and Santana?" Kurt asked, a brow raised.

"Santana's amazing," Brittany told him, but her voice was flat as if she knew the words would only fall on disbelieving ears anyway. "She's the perfect Dom. The perfect girlfriend. She's everything I ever dreamed of."

"Sounds perfect," Kurt said curtly. He let his eyes drift across the room. Santana and Blaine were talking, smiling. Blaine's ass looked amazing in his tight pants, Kurt thought before coming back to his senses and looking away. "And where does Blaine fit into all that?" he found himself asking.

"By her side. Always," Brittany answered without hesitation. Her bright blue eyes met his and for the first time they were unforgiving. "She loves him Kurt. Cares for him like he needs. If he matters to you like I think he does, you won't mess that up for him."

"And what makes you think I would mess that up?" he challenged.

"You know exactly what Kurt," she admonished. "If you hurt him like you did-"

A hand came down on her shoulder stopping her mid warning. "Brittany," Santana interrupted. "I think Blaine needs your help with the food. And then why don't you two find a table closer to the stage." Brittany dropped her eyes and without a glance back to Kurt, obeyed without question. Santana took her place across from Kurt. "I'm sorry she spoke to you that way."

"I'm her friend, not her Dom, she can talk to me however she wants," Kurt snapped.

Santana was quiet, studying him. She'd only met Kurt briefly a few times in the last few weeks when she'd happened to pick Blaine up at NYADA. She hadn't spent much time with him. But one thing was quite obvious. "You don't trust me much, do you?"

"Should I?" Kurt asked.

Santana sighed. "I love them both. Very much. I know how much you care about them."

"I've been friends with Britt for years, I've only just met Blaine," he muttered.

"Doesn't mean you don't care for him just as much," Santana pointed out gently. "I see the way you look at him. And I know how he looks at you." Kurt blushed. He wanted more than anything to ask how, but he didn't have the nerve. "Be careful with his heart Kurt. He's a sub. He trusts easily. He falls far. And he loves with everything."

Kurt's eyes narrowed on the defensive. "You think I don't know that?"

"I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt him," she said. "But sometimes things happen even with the best of intentions."

Kurt didn't say anything. He knew that better than anyone.

"I know you don't need my permission," Santana continued. "I know you sure as hell don't want it. So I'll just ask you to do me one favor."

"What's that?"

"Ask him about the four studs on his cuff."

Kurt looked at her quizzically but before he could say a word, Blaine drew up by Santana's side, eyes solely on Kurt. "Excuse me," he said. "I don't mean to intrude, but…I think Brittany would like a dance Santana."

Santana's gaze shot upward, her eyes narrowing suspiciously at Blaine. "Would she now?"

Blaine lowered his own, but Kurt could see the smile he barely contained. His insolence made Kurt smile as well. "Yes Ma'am, she would."

Santana glanced at Kurt, then back to Blaine with a look that told him she knew exactly what he was doing and he was very unlikely to get away with it once they returned home. But she got up and without another word she made her way to Brittany's table.

"I don't know that that was the smartest move, Blaine," Kurt said, but his eyes danced with delight.

"You just let me worry about Santana," Blaine told him. "I didn't lie, Brittany did want to dance. It's just… she wasn't the only one."

Kurt looked up at him with a smirk. "Oh really?" he asked innocently.

Blaine blushed now, the bravado he had only seconds ago melting into a shyness as he realized that Kurt was going to make him beg for it. "Kurt?" _Sir? _he thought, his hands clasped in front of him_._ "Would you care to dance? Please?"

Kurt grinned and he nodded standing smoothly. "Blaine, I would love to."

Blaine stood still, letting Kurt pass him and take his hand, leading him to the dance floor. He quickly wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist, as Kurt's hands fell on his shoulders. The room was dark, the music played slowly, the crowd chattered around them and Blaine, at least, felt the world suddenly fall away. He was in the arms of a man, a man he knew he loved, and he had never felt more perfect.

"You were great tonight," he heard Kurt say and his heart filled with warmth as he smiled proudly.

"Thank you," he answered, pulling him in just a little closer. He waited for Kurt to stop him, but he didn't. "You were better."

Their eyes met, colors shifting with the lights and the emotion and neither could get a fix on what the other was feeling but they could feel the beating of their hearts against one another. "Thank you Blaine," Kurt purred and he draped his arms over Blaine's shoulders.

All Blaine wanted was to give in, to give himself over to Kurt for whatever he wanted. He didn't know where Santana was but in the moment he didn't care because he belonged here and only here. He tucked himself against Kurt's neck, breathing in his intoxicating scent of vanilla and sandalwood and he let his breath tickle against Kurt's skin. Kurt shuddered beneath him and Blaine pulled him in closer, closing his eyes and letting himself just get lost in the gentle rise and fall of Kurt's shoulders. "We're perfect together," Blaine murmured, against his skin.

He felt Kurt's breath hitch and his body stop. The hesitation though only probably seconds felt hours long. Blaine held his own breath until Kurt finally said, "Yeah. We are."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Thanks for reading! Love hearing your thoughts :-)**

**Corner of the Sky, from Pippen**


	6. What Is Love?

**Author's Note:**

**You all are absolutely amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for every review and every message and every email. It means so much to me.**

**I just wanted to give you guys a little update on the writing process. I have five chapters complete after this one (well, one of those is giving me trouble, but it will be done on time). And I have 25K of what currently looks like 6 chapters written after that. Though I keep writing so much I split chapters, so this story may get even longer than the 17 chapters it currently is. I am still really hoping to stay on target of weekly posting without a break, but I will certainly let you know if I'm not going to make that deadline.**

**And now, you guys have been waiting a while for this chapter, so I won't keep you waiting any longer!**

* * *

><p><em>Done chasing, why you chasing?<br>Something else  
>I can't take it anymore<br>Done lying for the truth to...come out of your mouth  
>When the answers scream loud.<em>

_You play the role  
>I play the lead<br>We strike a pose  
>I was too blind to see<br>This ain't what it seems  
><em>  
><em>~ Lea Michele<em>

* * *

><p>"So what do the studs on your cuff stand for?"<p>

Blaine stopped stirring his macchiato, which he'd discovered to be his favorite. It had become something of a tradition for Kurt and Blaine to go out for coffee after Apple's rehearsal to wind down before going home. Blaine tried to keep his expectations low but he couldn't hold back the hope each time that Kurt would finally take the leap. After all, they did everything together now, they talked every day, they hugged and held hands. Blaine was trying not to start thinking there was something that _he _was doing wrong. He knew it wasn't that he wasn't submissive enough, Kurt liked his fire as much as Santana did. And he'd made sure Kurt understood that he wasn't just looking for a boyfriend, he was looking for a Dom. So, when Kurt asked specifically about his cuff, his heart raced, thinking maybe it was a good sign.

Blaine held his arm out, trying not to let it shake with nerves, and pulled up his sleeve, presenting the silver pyramids. It felt private and personal, like giving Kurt a gift. "They stand for the four cornerstones of our contract."

"What are they?" Kurt asked.

Blaine gave a reverent touch to each spike, his eyes never leaving Kurt's, as he shared what mattered most between him and his Dom. "Love. Trust. Respect. Truth."

With every word, Kurt's heart fell more and more. Because it was clear in Blaine's voice not only how much each of those things meant to Blaine, but that if he was given the chance he would gladly offer Kurt every single one. And Kurt slowly realized, as Santana had already known, that he wasn't living up to any of them.

"Every agreement or rule we have falls under one of these," Blaine was telling Kurt.

"So, when you break one? Like lying…" Kurt couldn't stop himself from asking.

Blaine lowered his eyes, out of respect, not shame. "Then I would deserve to be punished."

"And what would happen if she lied to you?" Kurt questioned.

Blaine blinked and he lifted his gaze. Kurt looked nervous, the question sounded ominous, and Blaine found his stomach tightening. "I guess it depends whether or not she had a good reason," he said warily.

"What if she didn't?" Kurt asked.

Blaine pursed his lips, hating even the thought. "I suppose she'd be punished."

"How?"

Blaine had never had to do it, not really, and he hoped he never did. But he knew what would hurt Santana most. "Lying damages trust. I'd lose my trust in her and for Santana, trust is everything. Everything would be safeworded until she earned it back."

"And what if she did have a good reason?" Kurt wondered softly and Blaine's forehead creased.

"Then I'd forgive her," Blaine answered without any doubt. "Just like I hope she'd forgive me." Kurt talked so little about his past relationships, but Blaine wondered if maybe there was something in this that was what had Kurt spooked. Maybe Kurt was just afraid that he'd leave if he wasn't perfect. Or maybe his sub had lied to him. Perhaps he was better off not asking, but his curiosity got the better of him. "Was it like that with you and Adam?" he asked, picking up his cronut and trying to ease into things gently.

Kurt grimaced and shook his head. "I don't know that we should-," he said.

"Was he a good sub for you?" Blaine asked curiously before taking another bite and a sip of his coffee.

"Blaine…"

Kurt dipped his eyes. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt Blaine, but he knew without a doubt now, and most certainly without Rachel and Santana and Brittany continuing to tell him night after night, that perpetuating his unspoken lie would hurt him so much more. And that's what made it so hard. Because he'd made the mistake of allowing Blaine in, and now that he had, he didn't want to lose that.

But he had to stop lying and when he saw the beautiful hazel eyes of the man quickly becoming his best friend clouding over with worry, his own filled with determination. "Blaine. Adam wasn't a sub."

Blaine sputtered on his coffee and the cup froze midair. "Really?" His voice squeaked. "I mean, I've seen two Doms together before, but I guess I just figured-"

"Blaine." His words caught in his throat as his heart beat furiously in his chest. He still had a chance to keep things as they were, keep the lie alive. But of all the voices in his head screaming at him not to do that, his own was the loudest. He couldn't do this anymore, not to Blaine and not to himself. So he took a deep breath and he forced himself to meet Blaine's eyes.

"I'm not a Dom," he said.

Blaine felt his world shift completely upside down. It was all he could do to keep himself together, much less put his drink down without spilling, put thoughts together in his head and try to make sense of what he'd just been told. "Kurt, shit. I guess…I just assumed but, I guess if he was, I mean," he cleared his throat trying to gain his bearings, "you don't seem like a sub but-"

"I'm not a sub either," Kurt told him.

Once when Blaine was seven, Cooper had, in a fit of anger, pushed him so hard in his stomach that he had lost his breath. It had been one of the most painful moments of his life but right now Blaine wished he could go back to that day because he was pretty sure it hurt less, and at least that time the world had not devolved into a spinning mess of stars.

"Oh."

That was all Blaine could manage while his heart broke in two and crashed to the floor. A fellow sub he could at least play with, even date if Santana allowed it. But Kurt wasn't a sub or a Dom. He was Gray. Everything he'd ever been told and had immediately tossed aside about the Grays suddenly came flooding back to him. Contracts with Grays were forbidden because Grays lacked the ability to submit or dominate. They lacked the passion and emotion necessary for true intimacy. They could not care for others. A Gray would leave a sub broken. It was at best dangerous. At worst, it could be deadly.

The life Blaine had imagined where Kurt gave him everything Santana couldn't and he was safe and loved and cared for was gone. Now all he saw was Kurt, along with all his hopes and dreams, slip from his life before his eyes.

Kurt's gaze hardened at the shifting expressions on Blaine's face and his eyes narrowed. A voice he hated in the back of his head told him he never should have trusted the sub. He stood up from his chair and grabbed his coffee. "I think I should go."

Blaine blinked up at him, Kurt's voice pulling him out of the darkness he'd been falling into. "Why?" Kurt looked angry at him, but he had no right. Kurt was the one who had lied, not him.

But Kurt just rolled his eyes. "Look, I went to High School, I'm not stupid. I know how it is. I sat huddled in the corner all alone while Doms and subs laughed away. I was the only one in my school. They used to call me _Double Strike_. Gay and Gray? It even conveniently rhymes. Made the most amusing of songs," he said with bitter sarcasm. Blaine flinched at the pain Kurt must have had to endure. And at the way Kurt was looking at him with nothing but disdain, as if he'd been there singing himself. "You'd think even the idiots would have outgrown such childish nonsense by high school, but no such luck for me." At the sadness in Kurt's eyes, Blaine's anger faltered, just for a second. And for that second he understood why Kurt had done what he did. "I thought you were different but-"

"I _am_ different," Blaine snapped. He didn't know anyone Gray, no one would dare come out at Dalton or Crawford. But he did know what it was like to always feel different inside and he had trusted Kurt with that truth. Tears welled in his eyes at the thought that Kurt hadn't given him that same trust in return. "What about me made you think I would care if you were Gray?"

Kurt laughed grimly and shook his head. "I hate that word, by the way. Gray? You know gray is a neutral or achromatic color, meaning _literally_ that it is a color without color? Like, because we don't have Dominant or submissive hormones we have nothing to offer the world. Look at me Blaine," he said, gesturing to himself. He stood tall and proud in a bright red Marc Jacobs button down, a yellow scarf and pinstriped blue slacks. "Do I look gray to you?"

No he didn't. But Blaine had never known any other word used. "What do you like to be called then?"

"_Kurt_ works great," he scowled.

As Kurt's words sunk in he realized that even through his anger and pain, Kurt could still make him smile. "Kurt is perfect," he whispered and his heart clenched at his words. _We're perfect together_, he had said only a few days before. Except that they weren't.

Kurt didn't know what to say. It wasn't the time or the place to talk about everything they had both just lost. He wasn't sure if it ever really would be. What they truly wanted was impossible. Talking about it wouldn't change that. "Honestly I'm surprised Brittany didn't tell you," Kurt mused instead.

Blaine's eyes narrowed. "Wait, Brittany knows?" he asked.

"Well sure, everyone in Lima knows," Kurt said. "But Britt, she was my first kiss. I'd already known that I was gay, but it seemed like a good idea at the time just to check it out. I didn't really know that much about dominance or submission. My mom and my dad never did anything in front of me if they ever did anything at all and then he'd been alone for so long. So when Britt told me there was nothing when she kissed me, it was really the first time I'd even thought about it."

Blaine listened, taking it all in quietly. "Maybe she just wasn't the right person?" he said, and Kurt was sad that his voice was almost hopeful. "Maybe with the right one?"

Kurt shook his head. "I've been with guys Blaine. I've been with subs and Doms. It…it never works."

For a moment Kurt's eyes flashed something that made Blaine's heart ache even more but then it was gone and he wondered if he'd just imagined it.

Kurt looked up into Blaine's shining and mournful hazel eyes, eyes that looked like he'd lost something maybe even greater than Kurt knew. Kurt kicked himself for doing exactly what Rachel had told him not to. "I'm proud of who I am but I've learned it's better to give the impression in public that I'm a Dom. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." He reached out to take Blaine's hand but pulled back when Blaine flinched. "I really care about you."

Blaine nodded, finding it hard to believe. He fought back the tears he wouldn't let fall. The more Kurt spoke the angrier he was getting. He didn't quite know with whom or what, he just knew he had to get out of there before he exploded. "I need to go," he said, gathering up his things as he stood. "I'll see you tomorrow at Apples rehearsal."

Blaine was rushing so quickly and Kurt felt like he'd broken one of the most precious things in the world to him. And he didn't understand how this boy he'd really just met had come to mean that to him. "Blaine," he called softly before he could leave.

Blaine stopped and turned. His eyes swirled with emotion. "Was he Gray too?"

"Who?"

"Adam," Blaine asked.

"No," Kurt shook his head. "He was a Dom. I've never been with…someone like me."

Blaine bit his lip. "Did you love him? Even though he was a Dom?"

Kurt sighed. He'd asked himself the same question too many times. "I tried to love him," he answered honestly.

Blaine nodded. It was all he needed to know. "I'll see you tomorrow Kurt," he said and he walked out the door.

* * *

><p>"Brittany S. Pierce get out here now!" Blaine shouted as he slammed the front door behind him. Walking home his thoughts had spiraled and his emotions had peaked and he took the stairs up to their apartment two by two, letting them all fall on the easiest target. He ripped off his coat and his scarf, throwing them on the floor, and stormed into the living room to confront a wide-eyed and unsuspecting Brittany. "Why the hell didn't you tell me about Kurt?" he yelled at the girl standing helpless in the middle of the room.<p>

"Tell…tell you what?" Brittany stammered though she knew exactly what.

Blaine's fury only grew and his hands clenched into fists. "Don't play that air-headed, innocent game with me, you know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"Blaine, please-" Brittany pleaded, but Santana swept in from the bedroom and with one hand eased Britt back and stepped between her subs.

"I ordered her not to tell you," Santana told Blaine calmly. "And you need to watch your tone."

"Oh screw you Santana!" he spat, his vision blurred enough that he couldn't see her reaction which was good because he really didn't care. "How could you do this to me? You knew he was a Gray and you said nothing! I guess trust and truth only matter when you're a sub. Doms can do whatever the fuck they want!"

"I know it might seem that way right now, but I believe I was doing what was right," Santana tried to explain.

Blaine scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You're supposed to protect me! That's your fucking job and you just let me-"

"I won't interfere with your search for a Dom," Santana told him firmly.

Blaine threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "He's not a fucking Dom, Santana!"

Her dominance screamed to punish his blatant and repeated disrespect, but she closed her eyes for a moment and forced it back. "That doesn't make him any less a part of your search, Blaine." She tried to reach out and calm him but he snapped away.

"How?" he sneered. "By showing me everything I want but can't have? Well thanks but no thanks, I've had enough of that already with you." The room was closing in on him, the _world _was closing in on him and he couldn't take the flow of Santana's dominance fighting to grasp ahold of him. Storming away he grabbed his coat and scarf and pulled them back on. "I hate this," he shouted furiously, but from nowhere came the tears just behind it. He'd held in his heart the promise of the future he had always dreamed about. They'd all knowingly let him believe it then swept the rug right out from underneath him. They had all betrayed him. "I hate this. I hate Kurt. And I hate _you_!"

Brittany ran after him as he yanked open the door with a plea of "Blaine!" but without a word he slammed the door shut behind him. Sadness and anger mixed inside her and they were emotions that she hated more than any other. Even Santana's hands on her shoulders couldn't stop her tears.

"Just let him go," Santana said softly, soothingly.

Brittany shook her head though. Santana's voice was deceiving, she could feel her hands trembling in anger. She loved Blaine but he'd attacked her Dom and he couldn't just get away with that. "He shouldn't have spoken to you like that," she whispered.

Warm, loving arms turned her and pulled her in close. "No," Santana agreed, trying hard to keep herself together. No matter how she felt about Blaine's outburst she had to stay calm right now for Brittany. "He shouldn't have. The things he said were wrong, but he has a right to his anger."

"Doesn't matter," she sniffled against her, her skin prickling. "You're shaking. It's not right. It's not how a sub should treat their Dom."

Santana's fingers ran through her hair, brushing down her blonde locks. The air between them instantly changed and Santana's trembling stopped. "How should a sub treat her Dom, love?" she hummed.

Brittany immediately fell to her knees and looked up, eyes obedient and inviting. "Let me show you?" she asked.

Santana looked down at her, her eyes smiling but it didn't yet reach her lips. "I won't put a band on the door. I won't stop Blaine from coming home whenever he's ready. Is that okay?"

Brittany nodded. "That's perfect," she agreed. She didn't want anything for herself. All she wanted to do was to ease Santana's pain.

* * *

><p>Kurt had stayed behind in the coffee shop, nursing his drink and his battered ego for a while. Home was the last place he wanted to go, back to Rachel's <em>I told you so's.<em> Eventually he realized he couldn't sit there forever and the sun was quickly setting as he stepped out on the cold streets. A street musician played nearby, his guitar case open for whatever change lonely New Yorkers might allow to slip from their fingers. Kurt pulled out a dollar and dropped it in. It was something Finn would have done.

He needed someone to talk to, someone to tell him what he had to do to make things right with Blaine. But in a city full of millions of people Kurt had no one. He knew exactly what Rachel and his father would say. Carole would tell him it was for the best. But he didn't need the condemnation and disapproval of the Doms and Grays in his life. What he needed was a sub who could explain it all to him. Explain how Blaine was feeling. Explain how he would feel if they were together. Explain why it wouldn't work. The last time, Finn had tried to tell him but he'd stuck his fingers in his ears and refused to listen. This time the only thing that mattered to him were Blaine's feelings and he needed desperately to understand it all.

He needed Finn. He wished he'd listened to him before it was too late.

He found himself walking to Battery Park, the last place besides the loft that he'd spent with his brother before he'd been shipped out for the last time. He and Finn and Rachel had laid beneath the stars, dreaming of their future together. Finn would come back from war a hero and he and Rachel would marry once her career took off. Kurt would find success and his needle in the haystack, the man who would be able to stand by his side in a world that wasn't made for him.

He was too afraid to admit that he'd fooled himself into believing that Blaine could be that man.

He sat on the cold ground and laid back, staring up to map out the stars, finding Finn's. It had taken a trip to an observatory with Rachel for them to learn the right part of the sky, but now that they knew they could locate it first glance, even when it wasn't visible. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to remember what he'd been told so long ago.

_"He needs you Kurt," Finn said. "A Dom's like a beacon of light, guiding their sub through the darkness. Without it, they'll just fall into it."_

_Kurt rolled his eyes. "Please Finn, that's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. Besides, I'm not his Dom, I'm just me."_

_"It doesn't matter," Finn said. "He's still a sub. Just be yourself, Kurt. The rest will figure itself out."_

Finn had been wrong. Naïve. Being himself was exactly the problem. A sub needed a Dom. Blaine needed a Dom. He'd done nothing these last few months but lie to himself.

* * *

><p>"Hi."<p>

Blaine clicked the door softly closed behind him.

He had known that Santana would be waiting up for him. The sky had darkened hours ago and the cold grew deep in his bones as he circled the city streets, searching. For what he didn't know. But finally, when his fingers numbed in their gloves and he was sure his nose was glowing red he turned the corner back to the apartment he shared with his Dom and Brittany. The climb up the steps had not been easy. Turning the door knob had been harder. The light that peaked through the crack in the door grew brighter as he opened it, though it was far from bright inside. She had only one light on next to the couch where she sat.

"Hi," she said, just as softly as he had.

He unwrapped his scarf, pulled his gloves off and put them in the pocket of the coat he hung up. But he lingered by the door. Not sure exactly where he was supposed to go.

"Why don't you come sit down," Santana answered, reading his mind.

The request was oddly comforting, as was her quiet tone. Her face was soft, her eyes dark with melancholy. Her dominance felt like only a quiet hum as he took the seat next to her. Still, he lowered his gaze to the hands he folded in his lap. He remained silent as she watched him, appraising.

"You've been gone a long time, I was starting to get worried." Blaine offered the faintest hint of a nod, but he said nothing. "What kept you away the longest?" she finally asked gently. "Your anger? Your fear? Or your guilt?"

"Guilt brought me back," he answered in a clipped tone. There'd been no hesitation.

She nodded, but he didn't continue. "So…" she prompted him.

He raised his eyes at that, meeting hers. Challenging hers. His still burned with anger. "I'm not afraid," he told her firmly, his voice full with bitterness. "What you do you do for me. Dominance is what I need. I don't fear it, I crave it. What I fear is life without it." Life without it. Being with Kurt, he grew to accept more and more as he walked, would mean life without it. Life without the one thing he'd wanted his entire life; a Dom to love and care for him, to protect him and to guide him. His eyes filled with tears; angry, bitter, resentful tears, because he had been cheated not once but twice out of what everyone else seemed to find so easily. But this time Santana could have prevented it. "Why did you let me fall in love with him?"

"Oh Blaine." Santana's heart felt like it was crushing into a million pieces as it broke for him. "I didn't _let_ you. You fell in love with him the moment you saw him. I could see it in your eyes. It was too late to stop it."

The tears fell, hot on his cheeks and he let his head fall as he tried wiping the wetness away with the heel of his hand. "What did I do to deserve this Santana?"

"Sweetheart." She shifted toward him and took him in her arms. He was too drained to fight. "You didn't do anything Blaine. It's not punishment, it's just life. Sometimes it isn't fair."

"I can't do this Santana." He pulled out of her arms, but let her still hold his hands and he looked up to her for answers. "I am so angry at him for lying to me but I still love him. And I can't look at him every day and know I can't have him. But I can't lose him either. And I can't look for someone greater when no one would ever even compare."

"That's a lot of feelings," she acknowledged, squeezing his hands. "But give it time Blaine. Whatever's meant to be will be."

"Yeah," he shrugged dismissively. He wasn't sure he believed that. He didn't really know what he could believe in any more. He'd foolishly believed in soulmates. All his life he'd been told that a perfect sub finds their perfect Dom and he had always tried so hard. And Santana had been perfect for him until she wasn't, but the promise of New York kept his faith. Now he didn't know what or who he could trust. His head was spinning. And he knew only one way out. "Will you punish me?" he asked, his voice resigned.

"Are you still angry with me?" she questioned.

"Yes," he admitted.

"Do you understand why I didn't tell you?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't understand."

Santana looked out the window as if out there she would find the words that would make sense of all the thoughts that had been in her head now for weeks. "I'm your Dom," she started. "But that doesn't mean I should have complete power and control over your life. The decisions you make about the future you want without me are yours alone. I can't…" her voice caught in her throat. It was so hard for her to acknowledge that someday Blaine would no longer be hers. "It's not fair of me to try and influence that."

Blaine pressed his lips between his teeth. Sometimes he forgot that finding a new Dom meant leaving Santana behind. Sometimes he forgot how hard it would be for her. It was wrong of him to forget that and it had been wrong of him not to trust her. "Please will you punish me?" he asked again.

She kissed him softly on the forehead. "In the morning, yes. For your words, not your anger. You had every right to that." She patted his leg softly. "Get some rest now."

He pulled himself off the couch, his muscles feeling like they weighed twice as much as usual. He wondered if the heaviness was more from his broken heart or the unresolved guilt. "I'm sorry Santana," he said, pausing at his door to turn and look back at her. "For what I said."

"I know you are sweetheart."

"I don't hate you," he said softly.

Santana smiled. "Well that makes me very happy to hear. Goodnight." She thought of something and called back out to him. "Blaine?" He turned tiredly. "Don't be angry at Brittany. She has wanted to tell you since the moment you met him. Okay?"

Blaine nodded. "Okay."

She watched him as he slipped into his room and closed the door behind him. She released a breath she'd been holding since he walked back in the apartment and allowed herself to collapse into the couch. She'd screwed up. She knew that in Blaine's mind she had broken her promises of truth and trust, and yet she couldn't help but think that if she had it all to do again she would do it just the same. Because though he had no idea, she knew exactly how he felt. And she knew how important Kurt could be for him.

Reaching up, she turned out the lamp above her head and pulled out her phone. The glow of the screen softly lit the room. It was just after midnight and part of her worried it was too late to call, but Santana knew she would still be up.

"Hey Quinn," she said tiredly. She felt her muscles relax and eased into the couch. "How are you? Yale treating you well?"

"Better than NY is treating you it sounds," Quinn said worriedly into the phone. "It's passed midnight, you should be curled up with your girlfriend, not on the phone with me. What's the matter?"

Santana was quiet a minute. "Do you think you and I ever could have really worked? In a different world, here in New York? Just the two of us? Do you think we could have stayed together?" Santana chewed at her nails. She didn't regret a thing, but it was a question she'd been asking ever since Blaine had come home with Kurt's name on his lips.

Quinn scoffed though. "Santana Lopez, holding down two subs, being happy with just a Gray? Not a chance. What we had was fun and I don't regret a day of being with you Santana, but Doms belong with subs."

"And subs with Doms," Santana muttered. "Thanks."

"Where's this coming from?" Quinn questioned. "Something wrong with Brittany?"

"No Brittany's amazing," Santana sighed. "It's Blaine I'm worried about."

* * *

><p>The burn in his mouth the next morning was just this side of tolerable by the time Blaine entered the NYADA lobby. Pulling out his phone he checked the time. A little less than two hours more and it would wear off. He would have preferred a spanking any day but of course Santana knew that. Heartbreak had settled inside him overnight, taking root. But sleep and punishment had at least relieved the guilt of the night before. He went to the mailboxes to check his mail, throwing out the flyers he'd gotten from various clubs, before hitching his bag on his shoulder. He was grateful that the morning was dance rather than acting or voice because he couldn't even imagine talking with his tongue on fire, and he headed absentmindedly down to the studios, turning the corner, and nearly slamming head first into Kurt.<p>

"Oh my god Blaine, I'm so sorry!" Kurt said, grabbing Blaine's biceps to steady himself and his friend. "I guess I must have been distracted."

Blaine shook his head apologized profusely. "No, no, it's my fault, I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry."

Kurt tilted his head slightly, his brow furrowed. Blaine looked flush and something just seemed…off. "Are you okay?" he asked. "No of course you're not. You're still mad at me, you probably hate me and I don't blame you at all. I could barely sleep, I know I should have told you earlier-"

"Kurt stop," Blaine told him. "It's not you, I just…" He stuttered with an embarrassment he hadn't felt before, realizing he had absolutely no idea how to talk about this with someone who wasn't a Dom or a sub. He shrugged, offering a vague gesture to his mouth. "I got pretty mouthy last night," he tried in explanation. "So, this morning…there's this gum…"

"Oh right," Kurt nodded with a grimace. "I've seen the commercials on TV." He didn't mention how he'd always wondered how any grown adult would ever let themselves be subjected to it. But he knew better than to ask, especially since whatever Blaine had done to set off Santana was most certainly his fault. "I'm sorry, I'm sure I'm to blame."

Blaine's instinct was to tell him he wasn't but that would have been a lie. "You're right, you are. How could you have kept that from me? After everything?" he asked, his voice biting and he could feel the anger coming back to him though the burn kept it under control. "I mean, I thought I meant something to you. And you must have known how I felt."

Kurt met his eyes and the pain in them broke his heart. "Honestly?" he asked. Blaine nodded and Kurt lowered his gaze. Looking at him was too hard. He'd been trying for so long not to admit to himself or anyone else that he'd been leading Blaine on. Yes, he'd been enjoying Blaine's company. Enjoying the attention that Blaine gave him and enjoying the fact that he had a friend who loved doing all the things that he loved doing. He'd been enjoying have an amazing duet partner, an equal in talent. But he'd been refusing to admit that Blaine was falling because he knew what that meant. "I was selfish," he admitted softly. "It was selfish and cruel and Rachel and Brittany tried to tell me over and over again. But then I would look at your face and…" He looked up fear strangling his heart. "You make me feel…I don't know…special. And no one has ever really done that before, not like you. I wanted you to see _who _I was before you knew _what _I was. I knew that I would lose you as soon as you knew the truth. And I couldn't bear the thought of that."

"Just…" Blaine wasn't even sure he wanted the answer, but he knew he needed it. "I let myself imagine a future with you Kurt. Just tell me, did I make it all up in my head?"

"No," Kurt answered instantly. "I never lied about how I felt about you. You have to believe that."

"We can't be together Kurt," Blaine said and in both their eyes, tears shined. Because they didn't know how to do this. Neither of them had ever really allowed themselves to fall in love before and it had felt incredible and now life without it seemed empty and hopeless. And going on like that seemed almost worse than the fear in their hearts. "But I can't just leave you either. Aside from Santana you're the best friend I've ever had. I am still _so_ mad at you Kurt, for making me believe I could have it all."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said. "I should have told you from the beginning. I never should have lied to you."

"But I know you had your reasons." Blaine's head spun as his submission swirled and reached out and found nothing but air where it so desperately wanted so much more. But when he'd said he would forgive Santana for lying if she'd had a good reason, he meant it. Not because it was supposed to be easy, but because he would want the same respect in return. So he swallowed and he took a breath. "I forgive you."

~S~

_What is love?  
>What is love?<br>When you don't know who you're lying next to, to you anymore  
>What is love?<br>What is love?  
>You don't know what love is till you love somebody, bad enough.<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Congratulations to those of you who guessed correctly, there were a few! Let me know your thoughts and what you hope to see in the future. Those chapters are still writing themselves and your thoughts lead to beautiful adjustments.**


	7. I Don't Wanna Love Somebody Else

**Author's Note:**

**Hello everyone! You are all incredible and I love you so much. Thank you for your reviews and follows and favorites and messages and every kind acknowledgement of this story. **

**I am always happy to respond to questions and concerns or just differences of opinions mentioned in reviews, and so I did want to offer my thoughts on one topic that a few people, some guest reviewers, brought up. And that is the question of whether or not Blaine should have safeworded last chapter. So here are my thoughts, if you care to read them, if not feel free to just skip to the chapter!**

_**It is absolutely valid to think that Blaine should have safeworded. Santana did violate his trust and she did not tell him the whole truth. He would have had every right to safeword and she would have honored it completely. A few things though that went through their heads. Santana never lied, never told him Kurt was a Dom, she just didn't tell him the whole truth, that he was Gray. And Santana believes that it wasn't her truth to tell. Outing someone like that, no matter that her first priority is Blaine, wasn't something she felt was right to do. As far as trust, she maybe betrayed Blaine's trust. But she also very deliberately gave Blaine and Kurt the trust to manage this on their own the way they would have if she wasn't involved. **_

_**The other thing is that Blaine asked twice to be punished. He needed it, for his own emotional health to stabilize him. Dominance is something he craves, he fears life without it he says. So he needed it and she gave him what he needed in as appropriate a way as she could. She gave him time to say no, to sleep on it and realize he was okay, but he woke up still needing it. So she gave him that. And truth is, the confrontation with Kurt would probably have been very different had he not had it.**_

_**This is to say, there is no black and white and Santana isn't perfect. Neither is Blaine. Or Kurt or Rachel or Jesse or Brittany. I haven't set out to write a world of perfect Doms and subs. They are just real people, doing their best with what they have. They all will make mistakes. We may or may not agree with their choices (as reader or writer). But they make the choices that are honest for them and they always try their best. :-)**_

**And as for trying our best, I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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><p><em>Oh, I built a world around you<br>Oh, you had me in a dream,  
>I lived in every word you said<br>The stars had aligned  
>I thought that I found you<br>And I don't wanna love somebody else_

_~ A Great Big World_

Outside the snow was coming down hard, the cold chilling Blaine and Kurt to their bones. But inside, the Manhattan Mall was warm and full of Christmas cheer. White lights blinked everywhere, Christmas Carols were pumped through the speakers and looking down from the second floor they could see the long line of children lining up to sit on Santa's lap.

"That always creeped me out," Kurt said as a strong "ho, ho, ho" launched its way to their ears. "Sitting on some guy's lap while you tell him what you want most in the world and he promises to make it come true knowing full well he can't."

"That is the most depressing view of Santa Clause I have ever heard," Blaine said, side-eyeing Kurt. "Santa is the ultimate Dom, there to protect and provide and make dreams come true."

Kurt snorted. "Like I said. Creepy." He turned to Blaine walking backwards so he could see him. "A dirty old man teaching little Dom and sub children that their own happiness lies in someone else's hands?" He turned back around and rolled his eyes. "No thank you. I'll find my own happiness."

"Bet you never said that on Christmas morning when you came downstairs to a tree full of presents," Blaine teased, watching him.

Kurt blushed, knowing he was caught. "I never begrudged my parents the opportunity to spoil me." Kurt led the way into Aeropostale and started skimming the racks. "I was an only child after all. I couldn't possibly take that joy away from them. What about you? Did your parents spoil you and your brother?"

"My brother was spoiled rotten," Blaine laughed. "I think they'd seen the error of their ways by the time they got to me and had settled down a bit. That's why I'm so down to earth and his head is in the clouds."

"So it wasn't just because your brother was a Dom and you were a sub?" Kurt asked, pulling out a shirt he thought was perfect for Blaine and holding it up against him. "This would look amazing on you."

"Oh that's nice," Blaine grinned, taking it from Kurt and draping it over his arm. "My parents always treated us equally, though the message never really seemed to get through to him. Cooper believed he was better than me and pretty much everyone else in the world probably from the day he was born."

"Oh my god, your brother's name is Cooper Anderson, just like the…" Kurt stopped at the horrified look on Blaine's face. "Wait," he whispered in the middle of the store. "Your brother is Cooper Anderson? _The_ Cooper Anderson? Like of Groom-To-Be Season 5 fame?"

"Yes," Blaine grumbled, rolling his eyes. "He's that Cooper Anderson."

"Oh my god Blaine, why didn't you tell me? Your brother is…" He took in the glare of daggers aimed his way and he quickly replaced the grin on his face with a forced frown. "…a jerk," he said instead, shaking his head. "A total jerk. Hated him on that show. Ugly too. Like a horse."

Blaine cracked a smile, then laughed out loud at Kurt's valiant attempt to placate him. "Thank you Kurt," he said. "That may be the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for me."

Kurt shrugged with an air of innocence. "Well I do try," he smirked.

Blaine smiled. Things hadn't been easy after learning the truth about Kurt, but slowly they had both settled into a place where they could be the friends that they were and keep their forbidden desires locked away in small corners of their minds. Gray or not though, Blaine could never deny the fact that Kurt was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. And he couldn't deny that there was a part of him that wanted to hold on to Kurt and never let go. Over the last couple of weeks there were too many times like now where the urge was so strong it ached not to just do it.

But he couldn't think about that now. He took a steadying breath, put the shirt he was carrying back and grabbed Kurt's arm. "Come on, we're supposed to be shopping for our families, not ourselves." He dragged Kurt out against his whining and pouting and continued their walk around the mall.

Kurt immediately found a Patti Lupone book and a Barbara Streisand sweatshirt that Rachel didn't have yet. Blaine found adorable cat earrings for Brittany and a chain of pearls for his mother. His father though was a much different story.

After their seventh store Blaine was just about to give up. "What do you get for a guy who can buy himself anything he wants?" he asked with a sigh. Every time he saw something that might be good he talked himself out of it for one reason or another.

"Well," Kurt said, juggling the bags in his hand as they walked. "What does he want that he can't buy?"

"A straight son," Blaine blurted out, then furrowed his brow thoughtfully. "Well, rather two straight sons, since the first one came out straight as an arrow."

Kurt laughed. "Okay, let's start with that. What would a straight son get him?"

Blaine shrugged. "I don't know. Sports paraphernalia? Beer? Cheerleaders?" Blaine snapped his fingers and pointed to Kurt with a grin. "A gift certificate to a strip club!"

"Ew, you are not buying your father a gift certificate to a strip club," Kurt told him. "Now let's see, when I pretended to be straight I dressed myself in flannel and a baseball cap," he offered.

Blaine stopped and stared at him for a second. "I cannot picture you in either flannel or a baseball cap."

"It was a terrifying sight for sure," Kurt agreed. "I'm pretty sure I burned those clothes."

"Oh!" Blaine exclaimed. "Barbecue stuff! That's pretty straight!"

"Do you guys even have a barbecue?" Kurt's brow furrowed. "Don't your servants do all the cooking?"

Blaine frowned and collapsed dramatically onto a nearby bench. "I think it's hopeless."

Kurt chuckled and sat down beside him. "Well what do you usually get him?" he asked.

"Handkerchiefs," Blaine admitted.

Kurt scoffed. "That's pathetic," he said.

"Hey!" Blaine gaped with mock offense. "It's nothing to sneeze at!"

Kurt stopped at the pun and stared at him. "Wow. Really Blaine?"

Blaine grinned. "Really. So it's decided, he's getting handkerchiefs," he announced getting up to go to the store. Kurt came up quickly beside him. "Now what are you getting your Dad?"

"Every year my mother would buy him a new cologne," Kurt shared. "So that's what I've always done. And a few other things here and there that speak to me as I shop."

"And Carole?"

Kurt frowned at that, the sudden sadness palpable. "Finn and I always went in together. He always knew exactly what she would like."

Blaine looked over to him. "If you think of Finn, I'm sure you'll get it right," he said.

Kurt nodded. But he didn't really want to think about it right then. "What about Santana?" Kurt asked with a brow raised. Finn had always put a few sweaters or pieces of jewelry under the tree for Rachel, but Kurt knew there were things that he bought to give to Rachel in private. None of them seemed appropriate for a platonic claim.

Blaine and Brittany had talked for hours while Santana was in school trying to come up with the perfect gift. They'd searched the internet through Dom shops and more until they both squealed, finally finding exactly what they wanted. Blaine grinned proudly. "We bought her a cuff."

* * *

><p>They left the mall, their arms full of bags as they made their way back home. Only the presents they would buy for one another were left to be purchased. It was early but the sun was already setting, and the cold wind was falling quickly below freezing. Climbing into the heat of the subway was a welcome relief. They thankfully found seats on the train and settled in for the short commute. Blaine leaned his head back against the wall, exhausted.<p>

"How are you feeling about going home?" Kurt asked him. They hadn't talked about it all day but it had been there, hidden inside Blaine's snarky remarks.

"Honestly? Now that Santana's claimed Brittany and I'm…" he blushed slightly and looked away, "out at school, I'm terrified we're not going to be able to pretend like we used to. I'm glad we all have your friends' Kitty and Artie's claiming to go to after Christmas because being stuck with my parents for an entire week might literally kill me," Blaine groaned.

Kurt hated the lengths to which Blaine and Santana felt they had to go in order to stay firmly in the closet at home. He wished he understood why, but he knew that if and when Blaine was ready to tell that he would. "I'm glad we do too, because that means I don't have to go too long without seeing you," Kurt said.

Blaine smiled, a quiet private smile that he was sure should never have graced his lips. Even if they couldn't be together in all the ways that Blaine had dreamed about those first few months, Kurt's friendship still made him happier than he had ever been. Kurt made him feel special in a way none of his other friends had, not even Santana. It hadn't been easy, at times he thought his heart was breaking, but he was so glad that he had forgiven Kurt, and was grateful that Kurt had given him a trust he gave so few people.

"And I'm always just a phone call away. And a two hour drive," Kurt continued, patting him gently on the knee. "In case your folks get on your case too much. Or you just need to hear a friendly voice."

"Thank you Kurt," Blaine said sincerely. "That means a lot to me."

Kurt nodded, leaning his own head back and closing his eyes. _You mean a lot to me, _he thought but he kept the words to himself. The lessons he learned long ago taught him that those words were much better left unspoken. Instead he just said, "Anytime."

* * *

><p>"You should have gone home with them Rachel," Jesse told her as they walked along the NY harbor. "You can't hide away from his family forever."<p>

"I don't see you going home for Christmas," Rachel pointed out with a glare.

Jesse blushed slightly and shrugged. "Old show just closed. New show starts rehearsals middle of January. Family's on some sort of cruise to goodness knows where. Plus, you're here."

"Don't start Jesse," she warned. She walked up to the edge of the sidewalk, leaning against the railing, staring out into the water.

"See," he said wistfully. He sat on the concrete wall below her, his hands grabbing the railing. He leaned his cheek on his arm and stared up at her. Her skin glowed in the cold, her hair blew beautifully in the wind and he knew that he would never be whole until he was hers. "You should have gone home."

"I know," she said, her head tilted to the sky, looking toward the stars. Finn's star, up there hidden from view by the light of day. "It's just, there are so many memories there. The places we kissed, where I claimed him, where we made love for the first time. We should have been married this Christmas. It's too soon. Too hard." She closed her eyes for a moment before sitting next to him. "I'm sorry," she said, looking back at him. "I shouldn't be talking about this with you."

"You can talk to me about anything," Jesse said softly, but they both knew it wasn't true. Not really. Not yet. "Come on." He got up with a smile and held his hand out to her.

She looked up at him. "Where are we going?" she asked.

"If we're going to stay in the city for the holidays, there's only one place to go," he said.

Her eyes sparkling, she took his hand and together they walked to Rockefeller center as the sun set. Music, the smell of food, and the sounds of laughter filled the air. The lights of the tree were beautiful and it radiated the warmth of hope and dreams and beauty. For the first time since she was 16 years old, she allowed Jesse's humming submission to flow from his hand to hers and her heart quickened. But then the bells of the church nearby rang. Finn's face flashed before her eyes and she let go as if she'd been burned.

It terrified her, the inevitability of it. All the things that were left unsaid between them. So many things that were left undone. She wasn't ready to face them. She wasn't ready to move on.

"I'm sorry Jesse," she said, pulling her coat up tight around her. She looked small to him. Frightened. He just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and take away her pain. "I have to go."

She just wasn't ready to love somebody else. But she knew that someday she would be and she knew it would be him.

He nodded and watched her go. He didn't go after her. That wasn't his job. His job was to wait, and he would do it as long as he had to. He would wait for her forever.

* * *

><p>Santana and Blaine stood on the sidewalk in front of the Anderson estate. Christmas lights adorned the trees, twinkling icicles hung from the rooftop and inside they knew would be the warmth and smell of a fire. Blaine linked his fingers with hers, not only out of habit but for the strength and support they could provide each other. This was their first time back home since Santana had claimed Brittany. They'd been both living and hiding the truth for three months now. Slipping back into pretending would not be easy for either of them.<p>

"You ready for this?" Santana asked and Blaine was surprised at the nerves he heard in her voice. It seemed like maybe he would need to be the strong one this time around.

"It's just like it used to be Santana," he told her, turning her so she would see him and only him. "It's you and me and our love belongs to us, no one else."

She nodded, but neither one of them said what they both were thinking. It wasn't anything like it used to be. Santana would need to be the strongest she ever had to be in the absence of the submission that truly grounded her. Blaine would help, but he wouldn't be enough.

Santana brushed her thumb against his wrist. "It looks empty without your cuff."

Blaine frowned. "It feels empty," he sighed. "But it's in New York where it belongs. Where _we_ belong. It's only a week and then we'll be back home."

She forced a laugh, shaking her head and wiping away the tears shining in her eyes. "I'm sorry, I should be the one giving you a pep talk," she admonished herself. "It's just hard, being without Brittany. It's like a piece of me-"

"I know," Blaine said with a comforting smile, trying to keep thoughts of Kurt out of his head. "I'll try to make up for her loss as best I can. Be the perfect sub like she is."

Her smile pulled at his heart and he leaned into the hand that cupped his cheek. "You are always the perfect sub just as you are. Don't try to be like someone else, I'd miss you too much."

He blushed and dropped his eyes, squeezing her hand. "Come on," he said. "Let's go inside."

She took a deep breath regaining her composure and gripped him tightly. Back straight, head held high, and eyes fierce, she led him into his parents' home.

* * *

><p>"So tell me all about New York Kurt," Carole said as they worked together to cook Christmas dinner. Burt had run to the shop for a last minute fix he'd promised, and to stay out of their way. Kurt and Carole were being ambitious this year, pulling out all the stops in order to keep themselves busy and not give in to the sadness permeating the house. Finn had loved Christmas. He would have wanted them to keep celebrating, even without him.<p>

"New York is good," Kurt said, mixing the ingredients for the ham's pineapple glaze. "NYADA is competitive as always but I seem to be doing alright. Auditions for the Shakespeare were just before we left, so I'll see what I got when I get back. And I'm really enjoying stage combat surprisingly enough. The Apples are doing well, I've made some new friends, Rachel is Rachel, so things are good."

Carole peeled the sweet potatoes and set them aside in a bowl. "Anybody special in those new friends you're making," she asked, a twinkle in her eye.

Kurt was glad her eyes still twinkled and he didn't want to let her down. Honestly he wanted to tell her all about Blaine and how amazing he was, how talented and sweet and strong and absolutely drop dead gorgeous. But he also knew there was one thing he wouldn't be able to leave out. So he just shrugged. "You know how it is," he said, trying to hide everything he felt. "It's like searching for a needle in a haystack." The glaze started to boil and he set the timer for ten minutes, keeping his eyes on the mixture he was stirring. His face grew hot. He convinced himself it was the heat of the stove.

"Sometimes it's possible to find the needle Kurt," she said with a gentle smile. "I did, with your father. I know things didn't work out with Adam, but there are Doms out there like your Dad who can be okay with a Gray."

Kurt knew his dad was okay with a Gray because he'd already raised one. And because Burt couldn't imagine having another sub replace his mom. That wasn't likely to happen to Kurt. "What about with Finn's dad?" he asked before he could lose his nerve. His heart started beating quickly and he just kept stirring. He had tried to sound just curious but he was pretty sure he'd sounded anything but.

Carole stopped at the question, putting the potatoes down. She turned and leaned against the counter, carefully watching Kurt for a minute. "Finn's father was a mistake," she said, her voice thick with warning. "We knew from the beginning that our love wasn't enough but we didn't listen to our hearts. And we both paid the price. A sub needs a Dom. You know that."

"Do you wish you'd listened?" Kurt asked and he knew he was overstepping but he couldn't stop himself. "He brought you Finn. And Finn brought you to Dad."

"I loved Finn's father. And every day I live with the fact that if I'd said no then he might still be alive today," she said more harshly then she'd intended. Kurt finally looked up and she turned around, wiping tears away. She picked up the potatoes and started peeling them again. "If you're asking why I think you're asking Kurt then let the sub go. Don't live your life full of regret."

The timer went off and Kurt was grateful for the interruption. He took the glaze off the stove and opened the oven, basting the ham with it. He set the timer for 45 minutes and turned back to their recipe list, his hand shaking, his mind unable to choose what to do next.

He loved Blaine. And he was certain that whatever choice he made his life would be full of regret.

* * *

><p>Blaine and Santana were stringing popcorn for the tree when the doorbell rang. "Can you get that sweetheart?" his mother yelled from where she was working on Christmas dinner in the kitchen. "It's Santana's parents."<p>

Blaine turned to his Dom and she squeezed his hand. "Here were go," she said. "You're my sub, I love you, and nothing that might happen tonight changes that. Understood?"

"Yes Ma'am," he nodded with a nervous smile and he got up and opened the door. Mrs. Lopez strode inside, past him without a word and went straight to her daughter. Santana's father trailed behind.

"Mr. Lopez, it's good to see you," Blaine said with a smile, shaking Santana's father's hand as he entered the home. "May I take your coat?" Santana's father had warm eyes and a perpetual smile on his face. It was part of what made him such a successful pediatrician and speaker. He was handsome and sweet, nothing like his own father, and Blaine had always liked him.

"Yes, please. It's good to see you too Blaine," he said kindly, handing Blaine the woolen pea coat, who hung it up in the front hallway. "Taking care of my little girl too I hope?"

"As much as she's taking care of me," he said, winking at Santana who was watching him over her father's shoulder. Santana threw him a quick but playful glare. "Which is to say yes," he was quick to add.

"Well I should hope so," Santana's mother's voice boomed. Santana most definitely got her dominance from her mother, and though he'd spent hours at her parents' house and was used to it by now, Mrs. Lopez' voice never failed to send a shiver down his spine.

"Ma'am," he said with a charming grin as he walked into her embrace. He brushed his cheek to hers and blew a kiss into the air before stepping back. "You look beautiful tonight as always."

"Stop flirting with my mother," Santana teased as she grabbed his hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Aw, don't be jealous Santana," he smirked and eyed her dress. "You look beautiful as well."

"Good catch," she smiled and patted his cheek. "Now be a good boy and go help your mother in the kitchen."

"Work, work, work," he muttered impishly as he let go of her hand, but he did as he was told.

Santana could hear her mother hum with a hint of disapproval. "Still as charming as ever I can see." Mrs. Lopez gave a thin smile, eyeing her daughter. "But not even a _yes ma'am _and a kiss for you as he goes? I hope he's keeping that charm just for you in New York. I'm sure NYADA is full of beautiful Doms and I couldn't help but see that you are still so permissive as to let him go without a cuff on his wrist…"

Santana's already frayed nerves flared at she gritted her teeth against the desire to tell her mother to mind her own business. "Blaine and I are doing just fine, thank you for asking," she said instead.

Mrs. Lopez clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "Well I thought I'd raised you well enough to keep him in check, but I can already see you're still far too easy on him. Always have been," she said as they moved into the living room.

Santana pursed her lips. Even though her father was the breadwinner, her parents had always been more old-fashioned in and out of the home than most and her mother was strict. Santana had seen enough to know she didn't want to be the kind of Dom her mother was, especially in public, not to Brittany and certainly not to Blaine.

"Why don't you go see if Gregory is in the office, Jack," her mother told her father. "I think he had a new deal he wanted to speak with you about."

"Yes, Ma'am," Mr. Lopez smiled and kneeled awaiting his formal dismissal. Santana had no interest in watching her parents' public displays of affection or dominance and looked away.

After he left Santana's mother settled on the couch. "That's how a real sub obeys," she noted.

Santana rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Just because we don't make a public display of it doesn't mean that he doesn't obey."

"That boy is good looking and charming and we've all seen he has a mischievous streak," her mother told her. "You give him too much freedom in a city like New York and you're going to lose him. He needs you to hold him accountable Santana, in the bedroom and out."

"Oh my god, why are we always talking about my sex life not even ten minutes after I see you?" Santana gritted her teeth, trying to keep her voice down. "I've told you before that you need to respect our privacy-"

"All there ever is with you two is privacy, I've never seen so much as a kiss on the lips or a smack on his backside-"

"Why do you even care?" she hissed. "What does it matter to you?"

Mrs. Lopez darted her eyes around the room but there was no sign that anyone else was listening. "Blaine has been full of mischief since the day he was born. His submission is strong and willful. Mr. Anderson had Blaine claimed young so he didn't go out and make mistakes that would hurt himself or his family. Mr. Anderson trusted you to take care of his son. And as your mother it is my job to make sure you don't break his trust."

"I take care of him," Santana argued.

"Our families are the pillars of this community," her mother lectured. "You are held to a high standard Santana. Your father is a world-renowned pediatrician and a leading expert in raising successful submissive and dominant children. How do you think it would look if his daughter's claim was to fall apart because _you_ weren't strong enough? And that's not to mention the influences that Blaine's parents have. Your claim creates tremendous opportunities for your father, for our family and for you. If he strays to another Dom because you aren't strong enough for him, _you _will be blamed and we could lose all of that."

"So we're just a business deal for you," Santana snapped. "I fuck him and you get paid?"

"Don't you get smart with me young lady," her mother's voice was calm, but her eyes blazed with warning. "When you were a little girl Blaine was all you talked about. Don't think I didn't see the books you made of your claiming ceremony. The number of times you had your dolls act it out. And don't think I didn't see you two playing house, him kneeling for you. Blaine could have been claimed by anyone, but his father chose you and we wanted to make sure you didn't lose him. We wanted to make sure your dreams came true Santana. We still do."

Santana bowed her head. It was true, all of it was true. When she was young and didn't know who she was or how to truly love, she had thought that Blaine was everything. He was still her best friend. And she knew she was the only Dom in Ohio with whom Blaine would have ever felt safe.

"It wasn't a business deal," Mrs. Lopez whispered roughly, "but screwing it up by not giving him what he needs, _everything_ he needs…it has consequences Santana. For him, for you, for all of us. Don't think I don't know you ran away from our home so you didn't have me staring over your shoulder. But whether I am there or not, you aren't playing house anymore Santana. He belongs to you and he needs you to be a real Dom."

* * *

><p>Blaine smiled at the sound of his mother singing softly in the kitchen, something she always did while she cooked. There was no doubt he had gotten his musicality from her. "Something I can do Mom?" he asked, sidling up to the island and snagging a carrot from the appetizer plate. She was about to smack his hand and tell him no when he told her, "Santana sent me in to help you."<p>

Mrs. Anderson sighed. "Why didn't she want you out there with your her parents?" She stood up and looked him over as if there was something in his stance that could give her the answer. "Did you do something wrong?"

Blaine rolled his eyes. "No mom, I didn't do anything wrong, I'm sure she just thought you could use the help. If you don't want it I'll just go back out-"

"No," her mother said quickly. Disobeying a Dom wasn't something she ever chose to do and she didn't want her already mischievous son to be encouraged to do so either. "You can start the crust for the pie. Do you remember how to do it?"

"Yes of course," he assured her, grabbing the ingredients. "I've been helping you bake since I was 5."

"It was important you learned how to cook for your Dom. So tell me about New York," she said as they worked together. "How are you two doing living completely on your own?"

Blaine ignored the implications of the question and without lying he shared with his mother as much as he could about his new home city. "New York is amazing," he said, his eyes bright as he rolled out the dough. "I've made some great friends and the classes are tough but incredible. I'm learning so much, sometimes I never want to leave school."

"I hope you're not neglecting Santana, Blaine," his mother warned him. "I know how important acting and singing are to you and your father and I have no problem with you pursuing it like your brother. But you don't have the luxury he does. Your priority should be pleasing your Dom."

Blaine resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I give her everything she wants from me Mom, and one of those things is that I work hard in school and make her proud. If I fail then she fails and I would never do that to her."

"I appreciate that Blaine, but that's not what I mean." Mrs. Anderson looked at him pointedly and he immediately blushed and looked away. This was the last conversation on earth he wanted to have with his mother right now, but she didn't stop. "Pleasing her on the stage is not the same as pleasing her in the bedroom."

"Oh my god. Mother, I am not going to talk about this with you," Blaine groaned. He sort of wished the floor would swallow him up whole.

"Well, I wish I didn't have to talk to you about this either Blaine, but your father and I are worried about you. We thought it was just because you were young and in high school before, but now you're living on your own and in the past two days you've been here we still have barely seen you touch much less kiss. She still doesn't even have you wearing a cuff. Your father's about ready to buy you one to wear so you don't get in trouble in the city."

"Do not let him do that. You know how Santana feels about it," he said quietly. His submission swirled with the shame of his lies. But even more he hated denying the beautiful white cuff that he treasured. "Santana says a sub who needs a cuff is one who cannot restrain himself with other Doms."

Now it was Mrs. Anderson's turn to roll her eyes. "Yes, I know what she says and it's ridiculous. A cuff is a sign of commitment."

"Then why doesn't a Dom wear one?" Santana asked, stepping into the kitchen. Blaine looked up, wondering how much she'd overheard, but one look in her piercing mocha eyes kept him silent. He could feel the dominance rolling off of her and he didn't know if he'd said something wrong or if it was something their parents had said but he knew that for whatever reason, Santana was now itching for a fight she could win.

Much to her chagrin though, Blaine's mother was not, at least not with her son's Dom. "Forgive me Santana. I just wanted to know that I raised my son right to be a good sub that takes care of his Dom."

"Blaine does all I ask of him Mrs. Anderson," Santana told her, her voice cold. She had one eye on Blaine and he could feel her ready to explode.

Mrs. Anderson nodded yieldingly. "I'm glad. How's that pie coming?" she asked Blaine, changing the subject.

"I think it's ready for the filling," he said warily.

"Go wash your hands Blaine," Santana suddenly ordered. Blaine looked at her. He knew what she needed, she needed his disobedience, she needed a reason to dominate. But they'd both just gotten through assuring her mother that he was the perfect sub and how would he explain that sometimes that meant being imperfect? He couldn't. So instead he did as he was told and washed his hands, knowing full well that in his obedience he disobeyed. "Walk with me outside," she said when he was done and she headed out the kitchen door.

Blaine followed, head down, his heart beating nervously with the thought that he might be in trouble. It was one thing when he asked for it, it was quite another when he simply earned it.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly as soon as they were out of earshot of any parents. "I know what you wanted. I just…I'd already lied to my mother about the cuff and-"

"You think I'd have you lie to your mother?" she snapped. They got to the guest house and Santana stormed inside, Blaine following. He stopped in the middle of their living room but she merely paced around him. Her dominance surrounded him and he found himself falling to his knees. She didn't stop him. Instead she stood in front of him, lifting his chin to look at her. "If a sub with a golden contract goes out without a cuff and a Dom approaches, what must the sub do?"

"Declare they're claimed," Blaine said as if it were obvious. "Refuse the Dom's advances."

"And if they wear a cuff?" Santana asked, her eyes fiery.

Blaine felt very much like this was a test and he would be in big trouble if he got it wrong, but he was confused. "If they wear a cuff then most Doms wouldn't approach."

"And would you rather be a sub who never has to prove his worth? Who never has to deny himself and his desires to show his loyalty? Not because your Dom ordered you to but because that is what your submission requires?" Santana challenged. Blaine tried hard not to squirm under her intense stare. He didn't know where this was coming from and he didn't know where she was going. "Are you the type of sub who passively relies on an object to force his submission from him? Or are you the type of sub who with every word and every step and every breath makes a choice over and over again to prove your love for your Dom, your trust in your Dom, your respect for your Dom, and your own personal truth? Not because your Dom demands it of you but because you demand it of yourself."

Blaine shuddered, his skin bristling with the power of the words that he had never even realized to be true until then. That was the type of sub he wanted to be more than anything in the world. He never wanted it to be easy. He wanted to be challenged. The thought of having a Dom that he would have to choose every day to be faithful to made him shiver. Kurt's face flashed before his eyes and he swallowed hard as his stomach coiled with longing. "I make the choice," Blaine whispered, his voice trembling.

"Just because we are what we are doesn't mean I don't know what you need. I would never ask you to outright lie to your mother Blaine," she told him angrily. "If we had a golden contract there would be times that you would not wear a cuff in public."

"Yes Ma'am." He bowed his head.

"You will get up and stand in the corner. 15 minutes. Set the timer on your phone," she ordered. "You will stay in position, hands behind your back, is that understood?"

"Yes Ma'am," he said, rising to his feet. She walked to the door and reached for the handle. "You aren't going to stay?" he asked with confusion.

Santana turned back, a sad determination in her eyes. "Ultimately, your submission is your choice. Don't ever let them tell you that sex is what makes our relationship real Blaine," Santana said. "Standing in that corner as you're told while I am nowhere in sight…that's what makes this real."

* * *

><p>Dinner was tense with innuendos, words unsaid and not so subtle glances passed between the Anderson and Lopez families. It was quickly becoming clear that their parents had come to Christmas dinner with an agenda they refused to speak out loud but that frightened both of them. Had they learned that Santana had claimed Brittany? Had they learned that Blaine was out and proud at NYADA? It certainly seemed clear that, for whatever reason, they suspected the claim they had so carefully arranged was not what they had intended. And they were not at all happy about it.<p>

Santana and Blaine said little to resolve their parents' worries. Santana was still increasingly on edge and brimming with dominance and Blaine's time in the corner, vulnerable and imagining, hadn't relieved the desire Santana's speech had awoken in him, it had only made it grow.

Blaine was quiet as he helped his mother and Mr. Lopez clear the dishes and clean the kitchen. He had hoped that the mundane routine would make the feeling that he was shaking in his skin go away, but instead he couldn't stop himself from imagining that he was cleaning up after his Dom, his eyes always on his back watching, his attention to detail to be judged when he was done. It was intoxicating.

When they finally finished they went to join the Doms in the parlor. His mother curled up beside his father on the couch, leaning her head on his shoulder. Mr. Lopez sat down on the loveseat and opened his arms, welcoming Mrs. Lopez inside with a kiss. Santana smiled at Blaine when he came in. She was sitting in an armchair and he grabbed one of the accent chairs and pulled it beside her. She reached over and let her fingers tease at the curls on his neck.

"That recliner is big enough for two," Mr. Anderson remarked under his breath.

Blaine froze.

"I think Blaine and I are quite comfortable," Santana responded coolly.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable sitting together?" Blaine's father asked, his attempt at casual banter coming off entirely as condescension. "We don't mind, if that's what you're afraid of. I mean I know there's not a chance in hell we would actually see you two kiss or anything, but you could at least pretend a little better and sit together."

Blaine felt her hand fist in his hair, but it was the only sign that she was at all phased by the comment. "Blaine is expected to show a certain amount of decorum and restraint in public," Santana said coolly. "Not that I need to explain that to you."

"Well maybe it's about time someone explained," Mr. Anderson muttered crossly.

Santana turned slowly to him, a brow raised in derision. She knew that Blaine was afraid of his father, but she wasn't. She knew exactly where this was headed and she didn't like it one bit. "And why exactly should I explain? Why is everyone in this house suddenly so interested in our sex life, which is absolutely none of anyone's business?"

Tension gripped Blaine's body. He had absolutely no idea where this was headed, he just knew it was nowhere good.

Mr. Anderson looked away. Mrs. Lopez didn't hesitate to answer. "It's not like you two can just go anywhere and do whatever you want. You were sheltered at Dalton and Crawford but people are watching you now and they are talking."

"Really?" Santana sat back and crossed her arms across her chest. "What people are watching us? And what exactly are they saying?" she demanded.

Mrs. Lopez' eyes shifted back and forth to the other adults in the room, urging someone else to say the words she didn't want to utter.

Santana's father sat up straight. He'd always been honest with his daughter. "There's talk that you're seeing other people. That your contract is…white." He whispered the last word as if saying it louder would make it true.

Blaine lowered his eyes, goosebumps erupting on his skin as if he was slowly being overloaded with electricity, not because he was afraid of his parents or Santana's, though he was, but because of the strength of the dominance currently radiating from every pore of his Dom. It made him want to get on his knees immediately except he knew it was the last thing she would want.

"And you believe them?" she hissed her challenge.

"Maybe if you two were a little more affectionate we wouldn't," Mrs. Anderson finally spoke up.

"More affectionate like what?" Santana snapped, shooting out of her seat as her anger got the best of her. "You all have been so interested in our sex lives all night! What do you want me to do? Fuck him right here?" Blaine gasped at her words, and he reached up to intervene but Santana suddenly stripped off her dress, leaving her clad in front of all four of their parents in nothing but black panties and bra. "You want me to make him drop to his knees and order him to-"

"Santana Lopez!" her father yelled, jumping to his feet, but he wasn't the first.

Ripping off his suit jacket, Blaine was out of his seat in less than a second, wrapping it around her. "Santana please…" His voice was pleading, his heart was racing but his eyes were surprisingly composed, submission flowing from his strong hands on her arms to her calm her. "Santana, don't do this. Please, I know you're angry but remember what you told me. We don't have to prove anything to anyone." He watched her, could see dark eyes coming back into focus, resting on him, listening with all her heart. It made him even stronger. "I love you," he told her. His gaze was piercing. His words were honest. "And every night in the privacy of your bed you are loved. I will do whatever you ask of me, but I ask you please, please don't make public what is private and lower yourself to their level. You know what's true. And that's all that matters."

There were moments in New York where Santana questioned whether she was holding Blaine back, whether they would both be better off if she offered him a way out. It was almost funny how it took a return home, a return to the hatred and bigotry that had brought them together in the first place to remind them of just how perfect they were for one another. She loved him. With all of her heart she loved him and she was so very proud of him. She brushed her fingers over the curve of his ear, and brushed a thumb across his lips. "People can talk. They can make up shit because they're jealous or bored or because they don't seem to think that subs should be able to have friendships too," she said to their parents though she never took her eyes off of Blaine. "You shouldn't be so afraid of what they say. Now if you all will excuse us, I am going to take my sub back to the guest house. Please don't interrupt us."

Blaine lowered his eyes as he buttoned up his jacket to keep her warm and he let his hand slip into hers. Without another word, Santana led Blaine out of the parlor through the living room and the great room and out the back door. Whatever their parents were saying behind their backs they didn't care. The sky was dark, stars covered by clouds that could only mean snow was to come. They'd made this same walk many times the year past but they'd always before felt like kids playing house. For the first time they felt like adults. They felt like maybe, someday, they could own their own destinies.

"You were perfect," Santana told him the moment they entered their old apartment.

Blaine closed the door behind him and leaned against it with relief. "I swear Santana, for a minute I thought you were gonna make me do it."

"Would you have?" she asked, stepping in front of him. "If I'd told you to."

His smile faded, immediately turning solemn. "I told you I would do whatever you asked and I meant it. I wouldn't have liked it," he admitted, "but I would have done it."

"It's against our contract," Santana said matter-of-factly. She backed away from him and went to the bedroom, grabbing some clothes she quickly slipped on. Blaine let out the breath he had been holding and fell into the couch, closing his eyes with exhaustion. Santana stepped back into the room, leaning against the doorframe. "I never would have asked."

"Then I was safe," he said. He was always safe with Santana. When he heard no answer Blaine opened his eyes. She was quiet, watching him in her red silk negligee. She was beautiful, more beautiful than any other woman. Exotic, full of fire and smart as a whip, she was the most exquisite person he had ever met.

Next to Kurt.

She was watching him just the same. Tears shined in both their eyes. He could feel her dominance still quietly thrumming and he wondered what thoughts were going through her mind. He wondered if they were the same as his. "I do love you," he assured her.

"I know you do," she promised. "Every word you said tonight was true." She walked back into the living room and picked her phone up off the side table. "I am loved every night."

"Santana?" he asked worriedly and she looked back to him. They were strong together, but on his own he was vulnerable. "If they ask me…about our contract…?"

"I forbid you to reveal the terms of our contract to anyone who does not feel safe," Santana ordered. "If you defy me on this you will be very sorry."

A shiver raced down his spine. She always knew exactly what he needed. "Thank you." He looked to the phone then back. He knew what she needed as well. "I'll leave you two alone."

He put his coat and scarf back on, allowing her the privacy to be with Brittany. He could soothe her dominance, but he could not release it.

He was beginning to understand the difference.

His own submission was pulsing with desperation.

* * *

><p>Gregory and Cooper Anderson had built the clubhouse in the backyard of the Anderson estate when Coop was 10 years old and his brother was born. It had been his secret place to hideaway, and only once Coop had left for Los Angeles was Blaine allowed to go there. It stood tall enough to walk in, nestled in a little grove built around two trees from which a hammock hung between. The clubhouse was hidden from view of every building on the property and like his brother, Blaine had gone there often to think and to dream. Within those walls he imagined the future as he wanted it, not as everyone else had planned for him.<p>

Icy wind blew and the light shined from the back porch making little silver specs in the rock wall seem to glitter. Blaine climbed up to the clubhouse like he used to as a kid, looking out over the expanse of the estate where he had grown up. He had always thought it beautiful, the perfectly manicured gardens and fountains delighting him. Now it felt more like a prison.

His submission pulsed with need and Blaine's hand absentmindedly flew to his wrist, rubbing where his cuff should have been. His white cuff.

He hated that no matter their bravado, when truly pushed they were both still so terrified of their families finding out that they would have betrayed their own truths to prove the lie. To protect themselves.

He opened the wooden door to find the sparse little room just how he'd left it. The walls blocked the cold and he climbed into the hammock staring up through the glass in the ceiling. The stars were out in force, a clear Christmas night that felt very lonely. Or maybe it was just the loneliness of his submission pulsing inside him, begging for the same release that Santana was finding right now with Brittany.

There were nights as he grew older that he would come out here when the nameless, faceless Dom would quicken his heart and urge his hand. Now the only name on his lips was Kurt. The only face an angelic one with pale skin and eyes that were nothing less than magic. Any time he tried to erase Kurt from his mind the image would just grow sharper, his hand more urgent and his thoughts…his thoughts imagined such exquisite and excruciating punishment for denying him.

Teetering on the edge of subspace, he unzipped his pants and reached down to soothe the ache he knew he could never fully release on his own. He closed his eyes and he was back again in the corner, standing on display for his Dom. Only this time his Dom came up behind him, wrapping one arm around his stomach and with the other replaced Blaine's fingers with his own. The rough grip of his Dom's hand brought him over and over again to the edge and back until finally Blaine could barely resist. His Dom turned him in his arms. His face was Kurt's.

Too far gone to realize the problems with his decision he reached for the phone and dialed and at the sound of that angelic voice his heartbeat finally calmed and his hand slowed. "Kurt," he sighed, relaxing into the hammock as his tension released. He could almost imagine him in the room beside him. He could almost imagine that his own hand was Kurt's.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Kurt asked, worry clear in his voice.

"No," Blaine said, a little breathless. "Not really. But better now that I hear your voice."

"What's the matter?" Kurt asked with great concern.

The care in Kurt's voice went straight to Blaine's cock and desire coursed so thickly through his veins that the words poured out without thought. "Dinner was ugly, our parents confronted us and Santana's been on fire all day, I don't know if we'll last the week and I need…" Blaine swallowed, his mind muddled. "God, Kurt, I just need…" he breathed.

"Where's your Dom?" Kurt snapped but Blaine didn't hear the anger in his voice.

"She's on the phone with Brittany. I couldn't give her what she needed and she can't…" Tears came to his eyes, his chest hollow and aching. "I've never been with a guy Kurt and I've never been with a Dom, you're the only guy that I know who has, and I need to know. What was it like with Adam?"

"Oh god, Blaine," Kurt balked, taken by surprise. "I don't know-"

"Please Kurt," he begged and with his desperation he grew harder in his hand. He started to move again, stroking softly. "Please tell me what it was like."

"Blaine are you…?" The small gasp that escaped Blaine's lips was answer enough. Blaine held his breath, a small part of his brain realizing that maybe he was going too far. "Blaine, I can't…we shouldn't…" Kurt said quietly. "It wasn't the same for me as it would be for you."

"Tell me please," Blaine whispered.

The line was silent except for the soothing sound of Kurt's breath and Blaine strengthened his grip. "It was frustrating," Kurt finally said hesitantly.

"Why," Blaine murmured, thumbing over himself to slicken his stroke. "Please, tell me what he did, I need to hear you-" His voice trapped in his throat with a surge of pleasure and he arched back, swallowing against it. "Need you to tell me."

"He would…" Blaine waited, he would wait forever for Kurt's voice and Kurt's words and Kurt's everything, he would wait forever. "He liked it rough. Teasing. He would make me undress for him. Hold me down. He would torture me with his hand wrapped around me, his tongue…" Blaine imagined it, he imagined it all, only it wasn't Adam. It was Kurt. Kurt holding him down. Kurt's tongue moving tortuously slow over his length. "Bringing me to the edge and back over and over was his favorite thing but I've never been one for patience. Or pain. I would never let him hit me but he would grab my ass, dig his nails in so hard it hurt-"

"Oh god," Blaine moaned, his hips jerking forward with a thrill of pleasure rushing through him. "Why didn't you like it Kurt? Tell me, tell me what you would have liked instead."

"Soft," Kurt said, his voice a quiet hum now, growing more and more breathless along with Blaine. "Slow, not to tease but to love. To worship. To make it last not for cruelty but for pleasure. Sometimes he made me feel used. But if I loved someone, truly loved someone, I would make them feel like they were the most important person in the world to me. And when we made love it would be everything we both wanted."

"Could you do it?" Blaine asked, increasing his rhythm. He was almost there. "If the person you loved wanted what he did to you, could you do it?" He imagined it was Kurt's hand on him, stroking and stroking and then stopping just when he reached the brink. "If it wasn't torture but the most exquisite pleasure he could imagine, would you?" Blaine felt it, Kurt's soft touch, teasing, torturing, then pounding into him, seemingly without a care in the world for him but actually giving him everything he could have ever dreamed of. His cock pulsed thickly in his hand. Warmth spread throughout his skin and in his veins. "Could you use him if he wanted to be used? Hurt him if he wanted to be hurt?"

"Blaine-" Kurt protested but Blaine heard only the melody of his name on Kurt's tongue.

"I want it Kurt." Blaine's voice shook he was so close, the Kurt in his head doing everything he could possibly desire. His fist raced and mind flooded with his desires and every word was spoken on shallow breath. "I need it so much…need to let go…prove myself…do what he says…need to be good."

Blaine didn't hear Kurt's sigh. He didn't hear the resignation. He only heard the words, "I know you do sweetheart."

His whole body shuddered with the power of those words, his hips jerked forward and he spilled over his fingers so hard it was almost painful. Waves of pleasure pulsed through him and with it he felt his raging submission slowly subside until he was back in the hammock of his childhood clubhouse, shivering with cold, one hand a mess and the other wrapped around his forgotten cell phone.

Remembering his phone, and Kurt on the other end, he almost dropped it as he realized what he'd just done and nearly died of embarrassment. "Oh my god Kurt, I'm so sorry," he blathered into it. He was pretty sure that he could never, ever, face Kurt again.

"It's okay Blaine," Kurt said though his voice was flat. "I'm glad I could be here for you. I'm sorry your day was so difficult. You and Santana should come a day early for the claiming. Have dinner with my family and stay over. I'll invite Britt. Then she and Santana could spend some real time together."

Blaine didn't miss the fact that Kurt was completely ignoring what had just happened, but right then he was truly grateful for it. "She'd probably really like that, I'll ask her tomorrow," he said. He fell quiet. There was so much going through his mind, so much he wanted to say but couldn't. "You're my best friend Kurt," he said softly.

Kurt paused, a pause that was full of regret and things unsaid and it broke Blaine's heart. He closed his eyes until Kurt's words washed over him. "You're my best friend too."

~S~

_Oh, I thought that I could change you__  
><em>Oh, I thought that we would be the greatest story that I tell<em>  
><em>I know that it's time to tell you it's over<em>  
><em>But I don't wanna love somebody else<em>_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Thank you so much for reading! See you next week!**


	8. Fool To Think

**Author's Note:**

**Hello everyone! Your reviews last week were absolutely lovely, thank you so much! I hope you guys like this chapter as much.**

* * *

><p><em>Look at me dreaming of you<em>_  
><em>All I could hope is to have you<em>  
><em>To have you walking with me<em>  
><em>Laughing so in love, we two<em>  
><em>Almost drunkenly<em>  
><em>I did imbibe of this<em>  
><em>Fantasy of you and me<em>_

_~ Dave Matthews Band_

* * *

><p>Kurt hung up the phone and threw it on the bed, déjà vu washing over him. He'd stopped his stupid onlinesexting "relationship" with Chandler two years ago for this very sort of thing, but it seemed he was destined to repeat with Blaine every mistake he'd ever made with every other sub he'd been with. He hated feeling used more than anything, hated the feeling that all he was to a sub or a Dom was a tool to get themselves off. And he knew it wasn't like that with Blaine, but feeling used by Blaine was the last thing he ever wanted to feel.

So he rubbed his hands over his face, rubbing out the emotion that people liked to pretend Grays didn't have because then it was easier to dehumanize them. And he let rational thought take over. Sure, Blaine had used him. But Kurt had allowed it. Because a part of him had wanted it too, or at least the fantasy of it. He didn't say no, he didn't stop the conversation and he had enough experience to know exactly where it was going to lead.

Blaine was young and naïve and idealistic. He had this dream that a perfect Dom was going to come in and save him and give him everything he'd ever wanted and why wouldn't he think that? He had grown up in an insulated world where it was true…and even if it wasn't they lived so much in a façade that no one would ever know if it wasn't. Kurt knew he had a right to his dream. Everyone did. Kurt just understood better than most that life was rarely perfect and dreams didn't come true. At least not for people like him.

Lying back on the bed Kurt tried not to admit to himself that the problem was that he'd had come to love Blaine. Watching him as he came into his sexuality with no one there for him was painful. And Kurt knew that he was partly to blame. He had led Blaine on. He had lied by omission. He had let Blaine believe that they could be together because there was a very large part of Kurt that wished it could be true. Despite the deck being incredibly stacked against him, Kurt wanted that happily ever after.

In five failed attempts at relationships, Kurt had learned that he had no interest in pretending to be a Dom and he was a terrible sub. But he wanted to love.

He wanted to love Blaine.

If only it wasn't so complicated.

* * *

><p>"It's very nice of you to let us spend the night Mr. Hummel," Santana said as Blaine very deliberately concentrated on slipping her coat from her shoulders without averting his eyes as if it were the most important and delicate task he had ever been given. "And it's nice to meet you and Mrs. Hummel finally, I've heard so much about you."<p>

Burt side-eyed his son curiously. He hadn't heard very much about Santana or Blaine before Kurt asked if they could spend the night and he wondered exactly why that was. "So how do you guys all know each other?" he asked as he invited them in to the living room.

They could all smell the delicious scents wafting out of the kitchen and Blaine's stomach growled in anticipation. "Well it's actually really funny Sir," Blaine started without thinking, then looked to Santana as custom dictated. He'd promised to be on his best behavior as if they were home. They didn't know Mr. Hummel or his expectations. She nodded her consent to continue. "Santana went to cheerleading camp with Brittany, and I'm in The Apples with Kurt, so we all just kind of started hanging out in NY." Blaine smiled. None of what he said was a lie, not really, and it was the story they had all agreed upon.

Blaine caught Kurt's eye, his cheeks blushing immediately, only a second before the doorbell rang and Kurt ran to let Brittany in. Blaine thought to chase after him, to apologize again for the other night, a night that felt even more awkward now that they were in the same room together. But he hadn't been given permission and he worried it would look strange, slipping away from his Dom's sight. So instead he wandered around the room while Santana and Burt talked Dom to Dom. Kurt's home was small, hell he thought that the entire thing would fit in one half of his own house, but he could feel a warmth, a sense of safety and security that would make anyone who walked through the door feel like they were home. He wondered for a moment what it would have been like to grow up here instead of the museum perfect home where he'd been raised. He imagined what it would be like to have a father who accepted him for who he was, no matter what that might mean. He wondered if he'd be so scared of Kurt if he'd had that chance.

Pictures of Finn, tall and lean with floppy brown hair and a goofy smile, were scattered throughout the room. There were pictures from Burt and Carole's wedding, one of Finn and Rachel and an adorable posed portrait of Finn and Kurt back to back. But there was one picture with Finn alone, where his brown eyes stared back at Blaine, soft, laughing, and just a little bit soulful. He looked like someone Blaine would have liked a lot. He wondered if Finn would have liked him.

"Have you met Rachel yet," a woman asked behind him and Blaine turned to find who he was certain was Finn's mother.

"No I haven't. We keep missing each other," Blaine said. "But I know who she is."

"Rachel was standing behind me when I took that," she said. "She was telling him to be serious, but Finn rarely was. He had this little glint in his eye and this not quite smirk and I'm not ashamed to say that I loved him most when he defied her." She smiled in remembrance and something clicked in Blaine's mind. "Carole Hudson-Hummel," she introduced herself. "You can call me Carole."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Carole," he said shaking her hand with a smile. He looked over her shoulder to find Kurt smiling back at him wistfully almost as if he wished this greeting was something very different. Blaine wished it too. "Kurt has told me a lot about Finn," he said turning back to her. "He sounds like he was an amazing young man."

"Thank you. He was," Carole nodded, the sadness in her voice evident. "We all miss him very much."

"Carole," Kurt called gently and she turned and looked to her step-son. "I think I heard the timer go off," he said with a soft smile.

She nodded again and rushed off to the kitchen to wipe her tears and get dinner ready. "I should go help her," Blaine said, knowing his place as a submissive but also wanting to avoid the awkwardness between them. But Kurt shook his head.

"Brittany's helping her," he told Blaine. If Carole hadn't yet figured out that Blaine was the sub he liked, Kurt didn't want to give her any more of a chance. "Why don't we go make sure the table's set."

"Why did she like him best when he defied Rachel?" Blaine asked, curious also for himself. Kurt seemed also to enjoy when he stood up to Santana.

"I can't speak for Carole, but Dom/sub relations are just really hard for us to understand. So when a sub stands up for his own power?" Kurt blushed and he looked away. "Well, it's hot."

Hiding his embarrassment, Kurt escaped to the dining room to set the table. Forgetting any decorum and the permission of his Dom, Blaine followed two steps behind.

Burt didn't skip a beat in his discussion with Santana. But looking over her shoulder he raised a worried brow at his son and the sub.

* * *

><p>"So what do your parents do for a living Blaine?" Burt asked before taking another bite of the delicious steak Carole had made. Her cooking was always impeccable, which was a good thing since Kurt had gone and stopped preparing the meals. Burt tried, but he was a disaster in the kitchen.<p>

"My Dad's CEO of a publishing company. Anderson Press?" Blaine said it as if it was no big deal, but everyone knew it was the biggest publishing company in the country for Dominant/submissive textbooks and research. "And my mom's a research scientist for Battelle."

"What does she research?" Carole asked with interest. As a nurse she had always been interested in the medical research field. There was a time, while Finn's father was deployed, that she'd considered pursuing it.

Blaine looked nervously over at Kurt. There were reasons that he didn't talk about his parents and it wasn't just because he tried not to let their criticism and disappointment in him occupy his thoughts. Kurt looked back at him, brows raised with curiosity and Blaine hated putting anything but a smile on that face. He felt Santana's hand squeeze his thigh.

"Answer the question, sweetheart," she ordered gently.

With a quick apologetic glance back at Kurt, he turned to Carole. "She works in genetics. Specifically she researches the Dominant and submissive genes," he answered softly. "They're trying to map the DNA codes. Determine what makes someone a Dom or a sub."

"For what purpose?" Kurt asked.

Blaine hesitated, then shrugged. "I don't know exactly, I guess there could be a lot of reasons." Before Blaine ducked his head with shame at his lie he saw sharp blue eyes narrow, questioning suspiciously. Kurt was smart. He didn't need Blaine to say out loud what they both knew. Any research into the Dom/sub genes would be immensely valuable in the search for what made a Gray a Gray. And what companies and doctors and even the government could do with that information was the topic of many political debates.

Burt knew it too as he felt Carole stiffen next to him and he quickly changed the subject. "What do your parents do Santana?"

Santana smiled gratefully at the chance to break the tension. "My Dad's a pediatrician and an expert on child development. He actually publishes with Blaine's dad. And my mom is, I guess what you would call a philanthropist. She likes to find the cause of the week, plan parties and raise lots of money."

"What does she raise money for?" Burt asked.

"Lots of things, but she really loves to work with Latino organizations. She does some work in the Arts too, especially since I started singing and performing. She tends to stay out of politics as much as she can," Santana explained.

"And I know Blaine is at NYADA with Kurt," Carole said. "Where are you going to school?"

"Columbia," Santana proudly answered. "I'm in the pre-law program but my major is Human Sexuality."

"Santana wants to work toward equality for everyone of any sexual orientation," Brittany beamed.

Santana couldn't help but grin back. They were too distracted to see the glance that passed between Burt and Carole, but Kurt was not. "Britt, why don't you tell my parents about your dance performance coming up," he suggested, once again trying to change the subject.

Brittany happily did so, sharing with them all the intricacies of the story, the cast and the amazing sets of _Bad Blood, _a performance at Alvin Ailey about the power and magnetic pull of courtship rites, ownership and sex. Blaine drifted as she talked excitedly, having heard it all before more times than he could count. When she was done Kurt started talking about school as well and Blaine just dreamed. Of many more dinners like this, of being part of a family where the things that he and his friends did in the world mattered more than whether or not he was having sex with his Dom. He imagined stretching his leg, tickling at Kurt's calf beneath the table and being given that stern but wanting look that said _later or you will be in trouble. _ He couldn't help the small smile that graced his face at the thought and when Kurt looked over and smiled back at him he knew that they were both lost in similar thoughts.

Maybe just for today they could dream that anything was possible.

* * *

><p>"Hey Kurt, why don't you and I go for a walk." Burt put an arm around his son. Kurt had been planning to play scrabble with the girls and Blaine in the other room while Carole and his Dad cleaned up but Kurt could see that look in his father's eye. The Dom look that said he wasn't really asking.<p>

Santana could see it too. "It's okay Kurt, we'll be fine. Maybe we'll just unpack a bit and get our things ready for the Claiming tomorrow and then we can play when you get back."

Kurt nodded and slipped his coat, gloves and scarf on, hating Ohio winters even more than New York's, and walked out the door with his dad. Carole smiled at the others. "Santana, you and Blaine can stay in the guest room and Brittany can stay in Finn's old room upstairs."

Blaine looked at Britt. Her face clouded over with the same sadness as Carole's and he didn't know if it was for Finn or not being able to stay with Santana. Either way, he knew he could make this right. "I can stay in Finn's room if it's too hard for you Britt. You and Santana could stay in the guest room together. Catch up with some girl talk just like cheerleading camp? I'll survive one night without Santana."

"That's very sweet," Santana said approvingly before Carole could dispute his offer. "Come on, we'll unpack our things and then you can bring yours upstairs."

The guest room had a double bed, decorated in a homey country feel, neutral colors on the walls and a pastel quilt on the bed. Santana closed the door behind them, flung her suitcase on the mattress and opened it up. "That was very sweet of you in there Blaine," she praised him. "Sweet and smart."

"Thanks," he said and he caught Brittany's eye while their Dom wasn't looking. Brittany nodded eagerly. He went over to his bags and unzipped the front, pulling out a red wrapped box with a gold ribbon. He reached a hand out for Brittany and she took it.

"Santana," she said, soft and loving. Santana turned to see her subs, holding a gift out for her and smiling warmly. "We wanted to give you a Christmas gift."

"You both already gave me gifts and I hope, Britt, that you're not taking yours back," Santana winked. Brittany lowering her gaze with a coy smile. She had promises to keep when they returned to Ohio.

But Blaine rolled his eyes. "Come on," he whined with a smirk.

Santana tempered herself, took the box from him and opened it up. Inside lay a CC Skye Ferris Cuff, 18K gold plated on the bottom, half black python leather and half white, twisted to overlap. She'd imagined a bracelet or a necklace, but a cuff was the last thing she suspected.

"Brittany's always had a cuff so she doesn't know what it's like not to. But I do," Blaine started thoughtfully, unconsciously rubbing his wrist where his white cuff belonged. "And it's the kind of thing that you realize you didn't know was missing until you have it. We don't wear it," he said, taking hold of Brittany's hand, "to show the world who we belong to or to remind ourselves of our commitment to our Dom. We wear it because it makes us feel that no matter what, you're always with us."

"It made me sad," Brittany said, "knowing you didn't have us on your arm all the time the way we had you."

"I have always had you in my heart," Santana said. Her eyes welled with tears as she took a step toward her subs. "I feel you there, deep inside me. And this…" She took the cuff out of the box and offered it to Brittany to put it on. They were quiet as Brittany unclasped it and tightened it around her wrist. Santana closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. "This just makes me feel you even stronger."

Blaine watched as Santana opened her eyes and fell into the bright blue storm of Brittany's gaze. He wanted everything that was in that look, all the love and passion and trust and desire, such an incredible amount of desire, and he backed away, quietly grasping the handle of his luggage and carrying it out of the room to bring upstairs. He looked back at them, their lips locked in a kiss, as he closed the door. His heart was full of envy at what they had, what Brittany had found in Santana so easily. He wanted it so badly for himself, but not with her. He looked out the window, Kurt's perfect form standing tall and strong on the sidewalk with his father.

He wanted it with him.

* * *

><p>The sky was dark with clouds, the moon was bright and a light snow fell softly on the ground. Kurt knew his father well enough to know that the serenity of the evening was soon to be cracked by whatever his father wanted to talk about, and he was right.<p>

"So you want to tell me what's going on in there with you?" Burt asked.

Kurt had choices. He could pretend he had no idea what his father was talking about as if his Dad couldn't practically read his mind his entire life. Or he could be completely honest and not try to hold back the avalanche that was sure to come anyway. "I don't know what you mean."

Burt didn't buy it for a minute. "You know exactly what I mean, I'm talking about Blaine," he said.

"There's nothing going on with Blaine Dad, we're just friends," Kurt said. "He's part of The Apples with me, and Brittany and Santana met at cheerleading camp last year. When we all ended up in New York we just kinda fell into a group together. Just like Blaine said."

But Burt knew when his son was hiding something. "Don't give me that Kurt," he scolded. "A blind man could see how you're looking at him. And how he's looking at you, I might add."

Kurt folded his arms against his chest. "And how's that exactly?" he challenged.

"Lovesick puppy dog eyes comes to mind." And Burt did not look at all happy about it.

Kurt laughed too heartily and shrugged with nonchalance. "That's ridiculous. I'm looking at him like he's a handsome man and I'm lucky if he's looking at me the same. End of story."

Burt wasn't fooled. "Oh, that's far from the end of the story Kurt. With the way Santana and Brittany are looking at one another I'm pretty sure I'm only scratching the surface of some mess the four of you are in. But you're playing a dangerous game there Kurt," he warned, his own fear of the situation creeping into his voice. "Whatever is going on with them, getting in the middle of a claim between a Dom and their sub is bad enough for anyone. But when you are who you are, and they are who they are, well, that's just pure stupidity Kurt."

"I'm not in the _middle_ of their claim Dad," Kurt snapped, ignoring the deeper meaning of his father's statement. "Blaine and I are friends, nothing more."

Burt stopped as they made their way almost all the way around the block and back to the house. He gently grabbed Kurt's arm and Kurt turned. "Just make sure you keep it that way." His father looked so worried, Kurt wished he could just click his heels and be back in New York. "I can see what you want Kurt and you can't do that to him. Not to him and not to you."

"Dad-"

"No, you listen to me," Burt insisted and Kurt closed his mouth. "Forget for a minute the claim he's in. You've been down this road before and you were lucky it didn't end worse, You may not be so lucky this time. You know what happened with Finn's Dad and Carole. Love wasn't enough for them. He needed a Dom to take care of him, not just a wife. It destroyed him and if it weren't for Finn it would have destroyed her too." Kurt hated the way his Dad was looking at him, hated the pity in his eyes and the words that he knew he was about to hear because he'd heard them far too often throughout his life. "A sub needs a Dom. Period. You can't be what he needs. Your-"

"My what dad?" Kurt interrupted, accusation dripping from his voice. "My emotions are too muted for him? If our emotions are muted it's only because they want us to be that way," Kurt said angrily. "I _feel_ as powerfully as you do. I am as strong as you are. And I love as much as you do. I just have no desire to use that power and strength and love against another person and I refuse to pretend that I do." Kurt turned his back on his Dad and stormed up to the front landing, opening the door to go inside.

But Burt grabbed his arm softly before he could get inside, pleading. "Kurt-"

"Blaine and I are friends, Dad, that's all," he snapped, pulling away. "I'm a Gray. He's a sub. He has a Dom and he's happy with her. End of story."

Kurt left his Dad standing in the cold as he stormed back inside and up to his room.

He didn't see Blaine standing by the window, eyes trailing him up the stairs.

And no one said what they all were thinking: this was far from the end of the story.

* * *

><p>Blaine caught Burt's eye. He didn't know the man well enough yet to judge, but he looked like a tired mix of anger and sadness. Blaine almost let the Dom's glare deter him from following Kurt upstairs, but he didn't. Instead he turned and brought his things up to the room once occupied by Kurt's brother.<p>

It was full of trophies, football and show choir Blaine figured, as he set his bags down on the bed. A drum set that looked very lonesome and unplayed sat in the corner. A picture of Kurt and Finn sat on the bedside table staring up at him. It felt weird, being in the room that he knew remained mostly as Finn had left it. Blaine would be the one to ruffle the sheets and kick up the dust and he wondered if maybe he shouldn't go right back downstairs and sleep on the floor of the guest room. But he knew that Santana and Brittany needed their time, so he left his bag where it was, pulled out another small box, and made his way down the hallway.

Kurt's room was easy to recognize, the door left somewhat ajar. Blaine hesitated only slightly before he approached, his gift in one hand while he knocked on the door with the other. He stuck his head inside. Kurt's room was chic and modern, much brighter than the New York loft. He had pictures and books and mementos all around. On top of a bed draped in red comforter and a brown faux fur blanket, Kurt sat with his own anger and sadness. "You okay?" Blaine asked gently.

"Yeah," Kurt sighed, and he looked up, defeat coloring his expression. "I'm just sick of being Gray being the most important part of who I am."

"It's not the most important part of who you are," Blaine told him. He closed the distance between him and when Kurt didn't complain or move away he sat down next to him. He held out the box, simple black with a bow, and shrugged. "Maybe it's silly, I don't know, but when I saw it I thought of you."

Kurt's frown faded, his lips quirking into half a smile. He reached for the box at the same time he said, "You didn't have to."

"I know," Blaine smiled. "But you mean a lot to me Kurt. How could I not get you something?"

Kurt didn't answer, he simply opened the box slowly and stared at what was inside. It was a wristwatch, black leather band, the face designed with a beautiful rainbow swirl, edged in gold. Kurt looked up at him with wide eyes.

"When I look at you Kurt…_this_ is what I see," Blaine said. "Every single color of the rainbow swirling around you. And rainbows don't have gray. No matter what happens, I never want you to forget that."

Kurt looked down at it, thinking he might cry but he held back the tears. "Will you put it on me?" he whispered.

Like Brittany had with Santana's cuff, Blaine took the watch from Kurt's fingers and wrapped it around his wrist and buckled it tight. Kurt smiled and got up, going to his desk and taking the black box that he had so carefully wrapped. While his back was turned Blaine tried to catch his breath and slow the race of his heart that urged him to kneel. Thankfully Kurt turned around, held it out and shrugged. "Mine might be silly too," he said.

Blaine grinned and crossed the room to take the box. He wondered if really they could have been so on the same page that they would have gotten each other the same thing, and he gently unwrapped the paper and opened the box. He looked up at Kurt and laughed. "It's a warbler watch."

"A cerulean warbler to be exact," Kurt said. The bird was the color of Kurt's eyes. "I swear I wasn't looking for a warbler in particular, I just wanted a songbird because that's how I think of you. But I couldn't turn this one away. He was just so beautiful."

_You're beautiful, _Blaine wanted to say. He wanted to just take Kurt in his arms and kiss him, but they both knew there were so many reasons that he couldn't. "What was it like for you?" he asked instead, not even knowing where the question was coming from, except the fact was he really did. "With your Dad? When you came out?"

Kurt's brow creased. "As gay or as Gray?" he asked leaning back on the desk.

"You shouldn't use the word if you don't like it, Kurt," Blaine admonished gently. "But both, I guess."

Kurt sighed. "I know he was disappointed. I mean what father wouldn't be? You have dreams for your kids when they're born and growing up and then you learn that they're never gonna come true. But he always loved me."

Blaine gazed down at the floor. He knew all about dreams not coming true. "I'm sorry Kurt. About the other night. I was falling so hard, I didn't totally know what I was doing but I shouldn't have…" he swallowed and looked up through dark lashes. Kurt's lips were pursed, his eyes pitying. "That wasn't fair to you."

Kurt was quiet. He averted his gaze from Blaine and nodded. "It wasn't fair to you either. I shouldn't have let you…" It was hard not to take care of your best friend when he was hurting though. "I knew where it was going, I knew you were close to subspace and I should have stopped us and called Santana to find you."

"It won't happen again," Blaine said earnestly. "I promise."

Kurt frowned. He thought that would be what he'd wanted, but the idea of it not happening again broke his heart just a little bit. "What will happen when you do? Come out, I mean."

Blaine's eyes fell to the watch he held in his hand. He watched the second hand tick by and it seemed to go so slowly. He knew what he was waiting for…graduation, financial security. The strength of a Dom who could fulfill every need so he didn't need his family. So the inevitable loss of their love didn't utterly destroy him. "Honestly? I'm not ready to find out."

Kurt reached over and placed his hand over Blaine's. Blaine looked at him; his soft, kind, remarkably understanding eyes shined back, and Blaine's heart squeezed in his chest, always wanting what he couldn't have. "When you are ready," Kurt told him, "I'll be here for you. The people you lose when you come out aren't worth the pain of living a lie."

"Santana's not a lie," Blaine corrected gently. "I love her and she loves me."

"Loving someone and being _in _love are different," Kurt told him. He hadn't understood it before but he did now. He loved Rachel and Finn and maybe he'd even loved Adam. But holding Blaine's hand in his, his own heart aching for the pain that threatened Blaine, he knew that he'd never truly been in love before. Blaine lived with a shadow over him and Kurt wished desperately that he could be the light to make the darkness fade. But Blaine deserved more. He deserved everything. And no matter how much it broke Kurt's heart, he would never be able to give Blaine everything, he would only make it a hundred times worse. His Dad was right. He couldn't do that to Blaine. "When you're in love, being without them hurts so much more than being with them ever could."

Blaine took his hand from Kurt's. It was too much. Kurt's words were too much, Blaine couldn't bear to hear them. Not now. Not when he wanted more than anything to drop to his knees and offer Kurt a world he would never want. "We should go back downstairs. Everyone will be looking for us."

"Yeah," Kurt agreed. The loss of Blaine's hand felt like losing a piece of himself. "Sure."

Blaine started to the door then turned, shoving the watch in his pocket. "Thank you Kurt," he said. "For being my friend. It really means a lot to me."

Kurt nodded, and took a breath. "It means a lot to me too."

* * *

><p>Santana had left Brittany asleep in bed, and tiptoed out the door. It was 2am, she couldn't sleep and though she didn't usually roam other people's houses in the dark of night, lying in bed with all the worries in the world wasn't helping either. The house was quiet, the only sound the ticking of the clock and the hum of the heat. The light from the moon streamed in the windows and the shadows haunted the room, wind whistling through the trees. Santana missed the noise and constant glow of New York City.<p>

She decided against making tea and accidentally waking someone. Instead she'd pulled out her phone and called the one person she knew she could always count on no matter what time of day or night.

"What are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know Quinn," she sighed. She leaned back in her chair putting her feet up on the one across from her. "I try not to let it be, but the money is a big deal. I have two subs Quinn and I can't put them both through school on my own even if I were to quit college myself."

"Which you aren't going to do," Quinn said sternly.

"Which I am not going to do," Santana confirmed. "And I know they could get jobs and loans but what kind of Dom am I if I can't provide for them? A crappy one, that's what," she answered her own question.

"First of all, you're not a crappy Dom if Blaine and Brittany have to work, that's what they're going to school for anyway," Quinn said. "The way we grew up made us believe that parents pay our way through school then after school a Dom pays for their sub end of story. But that's not the way it works in the real world."

"Be that as it may, I would still feel like I've failed them somehow and all of Westerville would agree," she said.

"Which brings us to the real thing you're afraid of."

Santana frowned. She knew she didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to admit it. "What?"

"Losing everyone's respect. Losing your power. It's like cheerleading captain all over again." Santana's chest clenched. And she knew Quinn was right. "I know that you and Blaine are still royalty in Westerville, King and Queen of the Senior Ball on top of everything else. Parents all over have set you two up as the example to follow, I know I heard it enough, and for a Dom I am sure that is incredibly intoxicating. And a very long way to fall," she added.

Quinn was right. Santana wasn't sure she could handle losing everything. And then what kind of Dom would she be?

"I need to make sure Blaine's okay, Quinn. Brittany will be fine, her parents already know and don't care, but Blaine's folks will take everything from him. And for that to happen before he has the true love in his life that he needs? I wouldn't be strong enough to protect him from that," Santana admitted. "It would break him."

"Four years is a long time to keep such a huge secret," Quinn warned her. "Trust me, I know. If rumors are already starting it's bound to get out before then. You need to make a plan."

"Hopefully it won't take four years," Santana said, her thoughts traveling to the boys up the stairs. "Thanks Q. I'll talk to you soon."

"Get some sleep," she said.

Santana sighed and put the phone down, dropping her head into her hands. If the phone call was supposed to help her sleep it had completely failed.

"What are you doing?"

Santana looked up to find Kurt looking at her as he trudged down the stairs and put on a pot for tea. "Couldn't sleep," she told him.

He pulled out the chair her feet were on and, ignoring her scowl, he sat down. She'd never seen him before with his hair so messed up and she marveled at how much younger it made him look. "Me neither."

They sat in silence, listening to the low roar of the fire under the teapot. Kurt caught it a second before it whistled and made a cup for himself, offering one to Santana as well. She accepted, holding it in her hands, trying to let the warmth flow through her skin to soothe her. She couldn't help but watch Kurt. Strong, handsome, stubborn. She knew why Blaine had fallen for him. They would have been perfect together.

"Do you love him?" she asked softly.

Kurt looked up at her, staring into her eyes as if to decide whether the question was a trick or not. It was obvious he still didn't trust her. "Does it matter?" he asked.

So much pain in three little words. She wondered if anyone had truly cared about his feelings before. If they'd even believed he had them. "It matters to me," she told him.

Kurt dropped his gaze to his tea, worrying his lip between his teeth until he answered. "Yes. I do. When I let myself."

Santana nodded. It was what she had thought. "Thank you. For inviting me to your home," she said.

"Well, Blaine needed to get away from his parents and you're a package deal," he said, his tone was unmistakably bitter.

"You still don't like me very much," she noted.

He gave a rough laugh. "Don't take it personally, I'm not a fan of Doms on the whole."

"Your father's a Dom," Santana pointed out.

"My father is the only exception," Kurt told her. "I've never seen him be cruel. I've never seen him use his power over anyone. I was young when she died but I don't remember him doing anything but loving my mother." Kurt's eyes hardened. "Most Doms are just a bunch of bullies who get off on power and controlling other people."

"Was Adam like that?" she asked, curious but concerned as well. If Doms had treated him so poorly, even the one who she assumed he had loved, she had to worry how he would translate that behavior to Blaine.

Her question though obviously tore at his patience. "See, that's what I'm talking about," he said angrily. "I've never said a word to you about Adam and yet you seem to know all about him because your dutiful sub tells you everything."

Santana frowned. "Was he not supposed to tell me? Because if that's something you told him in confidence I'll be sure to talk to him about it," Santana said.

Kurt's glare was cold as ice. "Why, so you can punish him on my behalf? No thanks. If I have a problem with him I'll handle it myself without treating him like a petulant child. Why don't you just focus on the moments he needs you when you _are _there."

Santana's hands flew to her hips. "What are you talking about?"

"Christmas night?" Kurt had held his anger in for as long as he could, but if she didn't even realize what she'd done then maybe she wasn't as good a Dom as she thought he was. "You left him for Brittany. Didn't even care that maybe he needed the same thing that you did. You just let him go off and fend for himself."

"You're right," Santana said, lowering her gaze. "I assumed he would call you but-"

"He did call me Santana. The problem is that I can't give him what he needs any more than you can because he's been so programmed-" He was too angry to continue so he finished his tea and got up, putting his mug in the sink. He started to head to his room but then turned back. "You know, you're the problem with this world. You and all the other Doms who tell subs they can't live without them and tell Grays that they can never be enough. What if it's all just a bunch of bullshit?" he asked, his voice filled with fury. "What if it's all just another way to keep your precious power over the rest of us?"

Santana understood that Kurt would hate the ways she knew the depth of his pain beneath the anger. She knew that his suspicion was a dangerous mix of hope and truth. And it broke her heart how little he understood about the very thing that Blaine needed most. "Has he ever looked at you with those wide open eyes that made you feel as though he would do absolutely anything in the world for you? His submission isn't programmed, it's in his very nature. The power is always in his hands. He gives it so freely. I wish that you could feel it," she said with a gentle sincerity. "It's beautiful."

Kurt's face softened before leaving, just for a minute. And she knew that he wished he could too.

* * *

><p>Amidst the music and the dancing and the bright disco light swirling overhead, Blaine quietly slipped out of the ballroom. The grounds of the reception where Artie and Kitty had exchanged their claiming vows were beautiful, a garden of snow brushed rose bushes mixed amongst the sprawling maples. It was a warm night for December. Blaine walked along the footbridge, leaning against the rail overlooking the frozen brook. In the moonlight the ice shimmered, sparkling diamonds on the surface. Hints of beauty in a darker abyss.<p>

Claimings were supposed to be joyous occasions. But sadness overwhelmed him.

He felt someone slip next to him, mirroring his stance, but one look at the long slender fingers peeking out from a designer suit told him all he needed to know even if his presence alone hadn't.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked. He tilted his head slightly in Blaine's direction. Claiming ceremonies had never been Kurt's favorite past time but Finn and Rachel's had been the last he'd been to. Kitty and Artie's had been different, bigger, but it brought back memories just the same.

It had for Blaine as well. "Our ceremony was one of the most perfect moments of my life," Blaine remembered. The voices and music from the party played around them but it was distant. The darkness called for quiet. "It was at this beautiful church in Columbus, cathedral ceilings so high that when you stood beneath the peak it made you feel like you're the smallest person in the whole world. And let me tell you for a sub on their claiming day that can be a very powerful thing," Blaine laughed lightly. "It's said that the very first claiming in Ohio was performed there. And President Garfield claimed his wife Lucretia Rudolph there in 1856."

"Fancy," Kurt smirked, but Blaine was lost in his memories and it faded quickly.

"Santana was beautiful," Blaine said. "The moment I kneeled for her it was like the world made complete sense for the first time." Blaine looked over at Kurt. Even in the darkness Kurt's ever-shifting eyes were so mesmerizing he thought he might drown in them, and he had to look away. "It doesn't make sense anymore."

"Perfect moments aren't real," Kurt said quietly. "Nothing's ever perfect."

Blaine nodded slightly. "As soon as we joined the reception the expectations began. People would clink their glasses asking for us to kiss. The first few times Santana indulged them. Then she yelled that the next person who clinked their glass would find themselves with a glass against their ass." Blaine smiled at the memory. "Everyone told me how much trouble I was in after that. That I'd better be sure to obey without question or she'd keep me wanting for days." He chuckled. "Our families never understood us."

"Did anyone know it was platonic?" Kurt asked.

Blaine shook his head. "No one. Santana and I pledged to one another love, truth, trust and respect but we offered none of that to anyone sharing the day with us. It makes the lie hurt even more." Blaine pursed his lips and sighed, turning around to rest against the rail. Inside he could see Kitty on Artie's lap, both laughing and smiling without a care in the world. And he saw Santana and Brittany talking near the window, pretending as they always had to that they were nothing more than friends. "I want a ceremony like this Kurt. Full of honesty and the truest of love. Santana and I both do. But maybe we don't deserve it because of the lies we told that day."

Kurt reached over and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I grew up my whole life knowing that what everyone else in the world seemed to manage with such ease was something that I'd never be able to have for myself. And then my father met Carole. And I watched them fall in love. And I stood by my father's side as they got married. They made the impossible possible in my eyes and it was because of them that I started believing that maybe there really was true love out there for me." He looked at Blaine's golden eyes shining in the darkness. "It's out there for both of us. We don't have to earn it. We just have to believe in it."

Blaine blinked back tears. He let the words sit in his heart. It was too hard for him to think on them now. "I should get back. I shouldn't have slipped out without telling her," he said shyly.

Kurt's finger slid over the warbler watch on Blaine's wrist. It made him smile. "It looks good on you," he said softly.

Blaine offered a sad smile and headed back inside. He couldn't tell Kurt how good it felt on him too.

* * *

><p>Santana met Blaine at the door to the ballroom, eyes blazing. "Why didn't you tell me you were going out?"<p>

She was angrier than Blaine would have expected and his forehead crinkled in confusion. "I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be a big deal," he apologized.

She took him by the hand and led him to the dance floor, immediately wrapping her arms around his waist. He draped his arms over her shoulders.

"Santana, is something wro-"

"Do you remember Sugar Motta, that bitch cheerleader at Crawford?" Santana whispered. Blaine nodded with confusion. "Her father's here. Standing in the corner. He kept looking at me and Britt and texting and when you went out he nonchalantly went to the window and I'm certain he was watching you."

Blaine couldn't help his eyes quickly surveying the room and he instinctually pulled her in closer. "I went out to the bridge to think," Blaine said nervously. "Kurt followed me out and we just talked for a bit and then I came back in."

"Did you two kiss? Anything?" Santana asked furiously.

"No!" Blaine snapped. "God Santana, we're just friends you know I wouldn't-" Then he remembered. "Kurt held my hand. Just for a minute."

"Dammit Blaine." Santana took a deep breath and tried to stay calm but she had never made the smartest of choices when her own nerves were rattled. She looked over at Britt who had one eye on her and was talking with Kurt who had come to join her. Brittany nodded encouragingly then turned her attention back to whisper to Kurt. "Blaine you know how small Westerville is. What if he's texting your Dad, or my Mom? What if he's texting the Fredericksons, they'll be more than happy to do whatever they can to tear us apart. Hell what if he has his eye on you for Sugar! If what he sees gets back to everyone at home then we need to give him something we want him to report."

Blaine shook his head with confusion. "Santana, you can't possibly think-"

"Nothing among the Westerville elite is a secret Blaine, they get off on destroying one another. Our families are hearing rumors, it has to be from somewhere. If they have people watching us in New York, then one of the richest men is Westerville is most definitely a reliable set of eyes. We got them off our backs for a bit, but you know it's not gonna stay that way and we can't risk your parents finding out, not yet. They need to believe this is gold." Santana looked at him. Her eyes were hard and determined but Blaine could see the fear deep inside them. "We have two choices Blaine. I could kiss you or I could spank you. Your decision."

"What?!" Blaine yelped, lowering his voice at the last minute. "Santana both of those choices are ridiculous. We're in public and you're being completely paranoid."

"Am I?" she challenged and she twirled Blaine around so he could see Mr. Motta. He was well dressed in a tuxedo and holding a cellphone. As soon as Blaine looked at him he looked away and typed. He sucked in a breath. Santana glared at him. "Do you really want to take a chance? Because if he is spying on us then so far all he's had to observe is me trying desperately not to kiss my girlfriend and you holding hands with the guy you're in love with. My mother said she's never seen so much as a kiss on the lips or a smack on your backside. We have to give them one or the other."

"I'm not…" he started but he stopped himself, his eyes falling on Kurt. Kurt was watching him, trying to hide the small frown on his face at the sight of Blaine dancing with his Dom. Blaine could see how much Kurt still cared for him. It was hurting them both that they couldn't be together. And he knew how much it would break Blaine's heart if he were to see Kurt kiss somebody else. Blaine's eyes fell to the floor and without a conscious thought he increased the distance between him and Santana. "I can't kiss you in front of him," he whispered. Then his cheeks lit up with the humiliation of what he'd just chosen. But he knew Santana wouldn't change her mind. "Just do it quick okay?"

"One smack here then I'll lead you out to the bathroom. You have your phone?" He nodded. "We'll text Britt to find out if he's followed us or not. Figure things out from there."

"Santana, I hate this," Blaine said, tears in his eyes.

She held back the urge to wipe the tears away. "I do too sweetheart, but we have to," she said then let go of his waist and smacked his backside hard and loud.

Blaine flinched at the sting but he didn't even really hear the fake words with which Santana reprimanded him. He just turned right to Kurt whose bright red face looked away not quite fast enough to hide his obvious disgust, and Blaine felt his pants grow unexpectedly tight and his submission swirl furiously from the humiliation that Kurt had seen. With the realization that he had _wanted_ Kurt to see.

And the devastation knowing that it was the last thing in the world Kurt wanted.

Santana didn't miss it. "Let's get you out of here," she said and she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him right past the suspected spy and into the women's bathroom. Santana checked to make sure they were alone then locked the door.

"We don't ever do that again," Blaine whispered fiercely, pacing, tears falling. "Ever."

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm sorry," she said trying to pull him into a hug. He pulled away though, still hard from the humiliation at the sight of Kurt and not wanting her to feel it.

"Fuck," he swore and he sat down on the couch trying not to hyperventilate. He was trying so hard to let those feelings for Kurt go but one smack in front of him and all he wanted was everything he knew he couldn't have.

She knelt beside him and carefully took his phone from his jacket so as not to startle him. As she typed she kept a hand on his knee, but she let the silence fall over them. Brittany's message came in. "She said that he's standing outside the door," she said softly.

Blaine shot off the couch and away from her. "I don't care Santana. You are not spanking me here!" he yelled. He wouldn't be able to keep himself under control if she did.

"Blaine, I think we have to," Santana whispered firmly, reaching for him. "If we don't- "

"No! Don't touch me!" Blaine yelled.

"Blaine that's enough!" Santana snapped and she took a step toward him. "Your disobedience is unacceptable, now you come over here right now!"

"New York!" Blaine safeworded.

Santana stood frozen. Blaine had never before safeworded and she had no idea if it was for real or for the man outside and then she realized that it didn't matter as she rushed to him before he fell to the rug. She gathered him in her arms as he sobbed and she knew that this was about so much more than just the spanking. "Shh…" she soothed, rocking him slightly and rubbing small circles into his back. "I'm sorry. It's okay. You're okay."

"No I'm not," Blaine cried, keeping his voice as quiet as he could manage. "I love him Santana. I love him and I want him so bad and I can't, I just can't. He's a guy and he's Gray and he doesn't want me anyway and my father would kill me Santana, he'd take everything including you-"

"He can't take me Blaine, not anymore."

"He'd figure out a way, I know he would," Blaine said. "He'd find out about Brittany and find a way to have our contract annulled and he'd take away college. He'd bring me back to Ohio. He'd take my dowry and my inheritance, he'd take everything and he'd give me to someone else. I would never be free."

"He isn't going to find out anything Blaine," she said guilt rising in her throat. She'd let her fear get the best of her when it was her job to be strong. "I will keep us safe."

Blaine shook his head. "I've been so stupid, thinking New York was finally going to be my escape from him. But it's not. It's just another trap. Kurt is just another trap."

Santana was trying so hard not to cry herself but Blaine was breaking her heart. "Come on," she said, taking hold of his elbow and pulling him up. "We need to get out of here."

Blaine didn't protest. He wiped his eyes as best he could, but he knew he looked a mess. Santana unlocked and opened the door. Sugar's father was gone but neither of them knew how long ago or how much he had heard. "I need to get my purse and tell Brittany we're leaving. Do you want to say goodbye or wait here."

"I can't see him," Blaine whispered.

"Ok," Santana said, a hand on his arm. "I'll be right back."

"Tell him…" he started before he could stop himself. There were a million things he wanted to tell Kurt, but he couldn't say any of them. "Tell him I said goodbye."

Santana nodded, walking away into the other room. Blaine watched her and down the hall he could see Mr. Motta's gaze follow her as well. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He couldn't do this anymore, he had to let him go. But Kurt was right. Being without him hurt more than he ever could have imagined.

* * *

><p>They were silent the drive back from Lima to Westerville. Turning off the headlights so they didn't shine into the living room window they hoped that everyone was asleep and they could avoid any sort of confrontation or argument tonight. There was far too much they needed to talk about themselves.<p>

Santana opened the door of the guest house for Blaine and he walked inside, immediately falling to his knees in perfect submission. Santana kneeled down next to him.

"Santana, don't, I disobeyed you," Blaine protested, but she placed her hands on his shoulders, encouraging their eyes to meet.

"I screwed up tonight Blaine. Me, not you," she admitted, nearly shaking at her mistakes. "I've been on edge since we got to Ohio and with Brittany and Kurt… I let my fear take over. I'm the Dom and I shouldn't be afraid and you know when I am I do really stupid things-"

"It wasn't stupid Santana," Blaine said, lowering his head again. "It should have been fine, it was just too much…in front of Kurt," he admitted.

Santana nodded and brushed her thumb over Blaine's cheek. "I should have known that. And it _was _stupid Blaine, I shouldn't have-" A knock at the door interrupted them and both sucked in a breath. Santana's authority immediately returned. "Remember that you are mine," Santana warned before getting up to answer the door.

The light on the porch shined in her eyes and backlit Blaine's father menacingly as he stood tall in the doorway. "I need a moment with my son," Mr. Anderson said, glancing down to Blaine kneeling on the floor.

Santana walked behind Blaine and placed her hands on his shoulders, squeezing tightly to ground him. She could feel him shudder beneath her, trapped between the two Doms. "I'm sorry Mr. Anderson, but Blaine and I are busy right now."

"I don't believe I was asking your permission," Blaine's father said darkly.

Santana's eyes narrowed and her brow creased as she looked the man over head to toe. "Well that's good because I wasn't granting it," she snapped.

Mr. Anderson's eyes narrowed and Blaine had seen that look too many times before not to feel his pulse quicken at the sight. "I am his father," he demanded. "If I want to see my son then I will see him."

Santana though refused to be ordered around by anyone, especially when it came to her sub. "Blaine is 18 years old and he is claimed which means that I make the decisions for him now not you," Santana retorted.

"Not every decision," Mr. Anderson hissed dangerously.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Santana shrieked, losing her cool just enough for Blaine to know he needed to step in.

"You listen here-"

"No you listen-"

Blaine lifted his hand to hers and squeezed. "It's okay Santana," he whispered, looking between them. "I will talk with him."

Santana looked down and studied him. "Are you sure?" she asked softly. He nodded. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"I don't recall an invitation," the older Dom said.

Santana's grip on Blaine's hand grew harder and her voice was cold. "I am his Dom and if he wants me to go with him I will."

Blaine's heart pounded but he lowered his eyes. There was so much he loved about Santana standing up to his Dad and he let it give him strength. "I'll be fine," he said, then rose to his feet and started walking out the door before he could lose his nerve.

Outside he waited for his father then followed him across the yard back to the house and to the study. The large dark wood paneled room with books from floor to ceiling always overwhelmed him. Large leather sofas surrounded the merlot and ivory round rug where Blaine stood, eyes downcast. He knew the rug well, had studied the intricate Persian pattern of trailing vines and geometric palmettes in far more detail than he cared to admit. He'd hoped after he was claimed that he would never be back in this position with his father staring down at him. He'd hoped that Santana's paranoia at the reception had been nothing but paranoia. He hated being wrong.

His father closed and locked the door behind him. Blaine tried to keep his breathing steady so he didn't begin to hyperventilate and lose control. He had to be careful with whatever was coming.

"Tell me the terms of your contract," his father demanded immediately.

Blaine was thankfully prepared for the question. "I am forbidden from revealing the terms of my contract," he recited as if by rote.

Blaine tried not to shrink under the feel of his father's never ending stare. He was grateful when he finally saw movement from the door. "A colleague of mine was at the claiming you went to this evening," his father said, perching himself on his desk, arms folded across his chest. "He was so upset by what he saw from you and Santana that he felt that I should know. Care to explain?"

Blaine swallowed hard, far less prepared for this. "I'm not sure what you're talking about," he said completely unconvincingly.

Mr. Anderson knew very well when his son was lying. "You know exactly what I'm talking about and I'm pretty sure dishonesty is against whatever contract you might have," his father admonished sternly. "Shall I tell Santana of your misbehavior?"

Blaine's skin began to tingle. He was surprised it had taken so long for his father's dominance to try to take hold of him but mixed with the mention of his Dom and his contract, his submission reached out without permission. Still, he fought it. He would not submit to his father any longer. "I just meant that it was a long night Sir, I wasn't sure what part you were talking about."

"How about we start with Santana spending the whole night huddled up with some girl, and you holding hands with some boy."

Blaine's eyes shifted and he avoided eye contact as much as he could. "Santana spent some time with her friend Brittany. They met at cheerleading camp, same as Kitty, and they were just catching up."

"And the boy?"

"He, um, he went to school with Artie and Kitty," he hedged. "And he goes to NYADA with me. We're in show choir together."

"Is he gay?" Mr. Anderson asked.

Blaine's eyes snapped up involuntarily. "What?" Blaine choked. That wasn't a question he was expecting and he was taken completely off guard.

His father's eyes hardened and he stood up straight, his arms crossed. "You were seen holding his hand Blaine, I asked if he was gay, or are you going to lie to me about that too?"

Blaine shook his head. "I…I don't think that's any of your business," he said protectively. He didn't want his father to know anything about Kurt, much less that.

"I would be very careful with your insolence young man before I take it as a sign that Santana has been unable to keep her sub in check," he warned.

Blaine shivered, tears stinging his eyes. No matter what it meant for him he never wanted anyone to question Santana's dominance. "Santana has no problem keeping me in check," he argued.

"Yes, she made that very clear on the dance floor tonight for everyone to see, didn't she?" his father demanded. "What I would like you to explain to me though is why a sub in this family would display his disobedience in public and then safeword a perfectly reasonable punishment from their Dom where everyone could hear!"

"You had him listen at the door?" Blaine gaped.

"My understanding is you were loud enough that he didn't need to be," Mr. Anderson said, not denying it. "Now I want an answer."

Blaine was sweating all over, not sure anymore whether his answers were right or wrong. Everything that Santana had hoped for that evening had gone horribly wrong. The image of Kurt watching, seeing, blushing, swam before his eyes. Blaine felt his whole body grow warm as his face flushed and his submission, wanting to prove itself, fought desperately for purchase. He refused to allow it to latch on to his father. "That's between me and my Dom," he managed to say.

His father stepped toward him, closing the distance between himself and his son. Blaine fought his instinct to fall to his knees under his father's commanding gaze. "Less than two years ago your mother and I gave you and Santana the most glamorous of claiming ceremonies. It wasn't some quickie at town hall that you can just dissolve whenever you feel like it. You made sacred vows in front of some of the most important people in the State of Ohio. Your claim is held up as an example-"

"We didn't ask for any of that," Blaine muttered.

"You and Santana loved each other!" his father yelled. "We weren't trying to hurt you, we made this claim to protect you both! To ensure that our two families' standing in this community would continue to thrive. The claim was good for you, it was good for our families, for our whole community. But what is _not_ good are rumors that your contract with Santana is white and that your claim is a sham to cover up for…." His face twisted, unable to say the words they both knew he was thinking. Blaine knew the truth. There had only been one reason his father had arranged the claim. "Safewording in public like a coward doesn't help you at all and if people think the rumors are true then we all could lose everything. Is that what you want?" Blaine winced at the word coward. Mr. Anderson stepped closer to Blaine, staring over him with a fiery glare. "I love you Blaine, but so help me if your claim remains white I will file for an annulment and bring you back to Ohio where you will be claimed by a real Dom, a woman who can control you, who is more worthy of this family name-"

"Don't you dare insult Santana like that!" Blaine yelled. "There is no one more worthy and I won't let you take her from me, I swear-"

Before he could finish the door clicked open and Santana pushed her way inside.

Mr. Anderson whirled around. "That door was locked for a reason, Ms. Lopez," he shouted.

"If you think I can't pick a lock you know absolutely nothing about me," Santana barked back. "And if you think you can threaten my sub about things that have absolutely nothing to do with you then you _really_ don't know me." She stormed over to Blaine and reached out for his hand. "Come on Blaine, we're leaving."

Blaine's submission rushed out and latched on to her dominance more quickly than he could grasp her hand. It was like fresh air after being trapped in confinement.

"He is my son, Santana," Mr. Anderson said, his voice calm and cold. "His future has everything to do with me."

"He is my submissive, Mr. Anderson, _you _made sure of that!" Santana retorted. "And whatever you _think_ you can do to change that now you will find you are sorely mistaken. Our contract is legally binding, our claim cannot be annulled." She pulled Blaine past him to the door, then turned back. "Contrary to popular belief Mr. Anderson, I love your son. I love him more than you will ever know. His safewording is the bravest thing he's ever done and I am so very proud of him for it. And if you're not, that's your problem, not ours."

Santana threw the door open and slammed it shut behind her. Blaine did not get two steps before falling into her arms in tears. "I love you," he whispered.

"Come on sweetheart," she said softly, kissing the soft locks of his hair. "Let's go home."

~S~

_Was I a fool to think?__  
><em>The way you looked at me<em>  
><em>I swear you did<em>  
><em>But you looked away too quick<em>  
><em>Was I a fool, was I a fool to think<em>  
><em>That you would take me home<em>  
><em>As if I was yours<em>  
><em>Was I a fool to think at all?<em>_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Thank you all for reading. It's been a very tough week for me, so all of your lovely reviews will mean extra much to me this week.**


	9. Say Something

**Author's Note:**

**You guys are amazing at 100+ reviews and 160+ follows! If you love it, talk about it, tell your friends, reblog the posts on tumblr. My tumblr is Alexofthegarden and I post pics of scenes from each chapter. I have so much fun doing them so if you like them too let me know. And if you have any requests, just ask! I love a challenge.**

**StarGleekBelle posted review #100 so she gets a prize! DM me a small request/Easter Egg for this fic and I will do my absolute best to work it in!**

**There is a Pairing Warning for this chapter. If you don't want to know then just keep reading. If you need to know, scroll down to the very bottom. **

**The very best to the very best beta. Mwah!**

* * *

><p><em>And I am feeling so small<br>It was over my head, I know nothing at all_

_And I will stumble and fall_  
><em>I'm still learning to love, Just starting to crawl<em>

_~ A Great Big World_

* * *

><p>It had been hard enough watching Blaine and Santana dance together like the claimed couple they were. But then she…<p>

The moment she struck him Kurt's stomach had curled up in knots, a wave of possession had washed over him and all he had wanted to do was tear Blaine away from her and that scared him more than anything else.

He couldn't watch it again.

Rachel had tried to explain to him time and time again how Domination was not just an excuse for abuse of power and control of one person by another. She'd tried to explain how the things they did were consensual discipline and not assault. She and Finn both had told him over and over that it was love, but he thought he'd never understand it and he certainly didn't now. Seeing the pain and humiliation on Blaine's face that night, Kurt couldn't get the image out of his mind. He couldn't stop imagining what happened after she dragged him away. How much Blaine had been taught to believe that was what he wanted and needed and how he could never ever give him that, would never even want to. Santana thought his submission was beautiful. Kurt thought it was degrading and he just wished he could have a chance to show Blaine a different way. To show him that he could be cherished and loved without pain and blind obedience.

"See this is why no matter how much you love him it won't work," Rachel was saying as she scooped fruit salad into a bowl for breakfast. Kurt was scowling into his cereal, tired of having this conversation. "I know how much you want to believe that dominance and submission aren't real Kurt, but you know they are. You can be friends, you can even be the best of friends, though he would have to share that role with me of course, but you can never be boyfriends."

Kurt hated that she was right, but he knew that he had to let go. He hadn't heard from Blaine since the claiming. It had only been a few days, filled with family and travel and preparation to return to school, but since they'd met they'd barely gone a day without talking and he'd forgotten what life was like without Blaine in it. He hated every second.

He had to stop thinking about him though. "So how did your holidays in the city with Jesse go?" His brow quirked up with a satisfied smile at her scowl. He refused to be the only one subjected to the third degree and unwanted relationship advice today and turnabout was fair play.

Rachel tried to keep her head held high. "It's too soon. He wants it so badly and I've accepted that it's probably meant to be but it's too soon."

"Okay, putting aside the fact that the last person I want you _meant to be with_ is Jesse St. James, he's been back in your life for 4 months. Why is it too soon?" Kurt asked. "Finn wouldn't want you to be alone."

"I'm not alone," Rachel said firmly. "I have you and there are some very pretty boys in the clubs of New York."

Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes. He'd known it would be hard for her to claim another sub and he'd supported her waiting, but he was worried about her going out to clubs at night and hooking up with random guys. He knew better than anyone that that was a lonely world.

Rachel wouldn't let up though. "You should come with me sometime," she encouraged.

"No thank you." Kurt dismissed the idea outright. "Been there, done that. The gay clubs are all Doms and subs and the Gray clubs are all straight."

"I'm sure that's not true," Rachel frowned, but honestly she had no evidence to the contrary. "You need to have a little fun though. Get your mind off of Blaine."

"I love that you've managed to steer this conversation right back to me."

Rachel wagged her brows with a grin. "I am talented that way." She got up and put her bowl in the sink. He followed and did the same before they both grabbed their bags for NYADA in silence. Just before he opened the door, she spoke quietly without looking at him. "I'm scared to be with Jesse. I'm scared I'll call him Finn or do the things that Finn liked or start crying or worse, take out all my pain on him. You were right Kurt," she said and her sad eyes met his. "If we get together now I'll hurt him."

"You still blame him?" Kurt asked softly.

Rachel sighed. The question would never be an easy one to answer. "It's not right to, I know that. Finn made his choice to go into the army himself. I know in my head that Jesse's not any more to blame for his death than you or Carole."

"But Carole and I won't submit to you. And he will," Kurt said as he came to understand. "You still need someone to blame, and he'll take it if you ask him to."

"Yeah," she said sadly. "He would."

Kurt slid open the door and headed downstairs, Rachel following after him.

No, submission wasn't beautiful at all.

* * *

><p>All talk of Jesse was forgotten when Rachel stood in front of the cast list posted on the NYADA Green Room wall, squealing at getting the role of Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing. After hugging Kurt without a second glance, she ran off to brag to the rest of her friends. Alone, Kurt stared at the list, expecting his name to appear where it currently was missing. He hadn't expected to be cast as a lead, he knew there were seniors far more suited to the roles. But he was a musical theater major. He had expected something.<p>

He took the hallway down to the acting studios and checked the offices. The head of the Department wasn't there and he walked around the building looking for her. He finally found her in the black box, walking the stage.

"Excuse me," he interrupted, peaking his head in first then taking a tentative step. She looked up and over at him, her curly white hair a bit frazzled, her worn face gazing at him curiously.

"Yes, Mr. Hummel, can I do something for you?"

"Yeah, I just…" He stuck his hands in the back pockets of his jeans self-consciously. "I was just wondering why I didn't get cast in the Shakespeare?"

She looked at him pitifully and walked over. "Kurt, I know your voice is magnificent and maybe in a musical that would sometimes get you through but…" She sighed as if she hated breaking the news to him, but Kurt had the feeling it was quite the opposite. "Have you considered switching to just a voice major? Dropping the acting altogether?"

Kurt didn't move. He remembered back to his audition in the auditorium at McKinley. Rachel had sat in the audience while he'd sung Music of the Night and she'd been his biggest champion. But when he asked how Madame Tibideaux had liked it, her lips pursed and he had known. It had taken a second try for him to get in and he had always known the reason. In the back of his mind he had hoped that once he actually got to NYADA he could prove them all wrong. But apparently he was the one who was wrong. "Why?" he asked anyway. If nothing else he wanted her to say the words to his face.

The pity didn't leave her eyes and it made him sick. "Look Kurt, the number of successful Gray actors, I can count on one hand. Most just…" She paused and Kurt knew she was trying to come up with the condescending words that would explain this in a way a defective like him could understand. "Most just don't have the ability to access emotion like the rest of us do. Their range is smaller. It comes off as shallow. Cold. Artificial."

"And I come off that way," he challenged, needing to hear her say it.

She tilted her head in that way that said her apology was anything but sincere. "I'm sorry Kurt. But I don't think you have any chance of making it as an actor."

He bowed his head and nodded slowly. "Fine." He looked back at her and the fire in his eyes defied every word she had just said to him. "Good riddance."

He stormed out of the theater before she could say another word and without a thought he raced up the steps two by two. His stage combat class started in 30 minutes but the room was empty and there was nothing stopping him from starting early. After changing into sweats, he grabbed a foil from the rack and twirled it effortlessly in his fingers, swinging it fast through the air and hitting a perfect stance. He worked through forms, letting his anger fuel his precision and power. He started with an advance/advance-lunge/on guard sequence then moved on to a jump forward-lunge/redouble/on guard. Lost in his own world he worked his lunges and his parries, all the time perfecting his footwork. He'd worked up a significant sweat by the time he heard clapping from the doorway. Startled, he lowered his foil and looked up.

"That was some excellent work Mr. Hummel," his instructor Robert told him, walking into the room to drop his belongings. "There was a lot of power behind those swings. Might I ask who exactly you're attacking?" he asked with a knowing smile.

Breathing heavily, Kurt let out a small chuckle. "If I told you it was a professor would that be a good idea or a bad one?"

"Depends on the professor," Robert smirked, choosing his own foil from the rack and taking a few practice swings. "Why don't you just tell me what they said to get you that heated up?"

Kurt looked away with embarrassment. "Apparently I don't…have what it takes…to be an actor. I was told to drop it."

"Really?" Robert said. "I find that surprising."

Kurt scoffed. "Well, actually, I don't. I've been told all my life I don't have the depth of emotions that Doms and subs do. No one seems to care if it's actually true or not."

"You know what I think?" Robert asked.

"No," Kurt answered.

"I think the acting program's loss is my gain," Robert said.

Kurt looked up at him, stunned. "What?"

"You're one of my best students Kurt," Robert told him. "You have fire, passion, strength. You've come a long way since the first time you walked through that door a year and a half ago. I'd consider myself lucky if you took on a stage combat major."

"Really?" Kurt couldn't help but let a proud smile escape. "Well, thank you."

"I'm just telling the truth Kurt. Especially in these last few months, whatever's going on you seem to be channeling it well in here." Robert looked him up and down then nodded, a decision made. "I'm Fight Director for a show off-Broadway. I could use an assistant. Would you be interested?"

Kurt couldn't believe his ears. "You don't think others will think I'm too weak? As a Gray?"

"If they do it's bullshit. Being a Dom doesn't make me stronger than you Kurt. You're as strong as you want to be. Now do you want the job or not?"

Kurt's mouth gaped and the smile reached his eyes. "Oh my god, yes! That would be amazing."

"Great," Robert said. Other students started filing into the room and they both glanced at the clock. "I'll give you the details after class. I think we're going to have a great time."

* * *

><p>Off-Broadway. Kurt had a huge grin on his face walking into the Apples lounge that afternoon, but it fell quickly. All of his choir mates were gathered around, Blaine front and center in the crowd, laughing at something Kurt was sure to not be a part of. He stopped in the doorway.<p>

Watching Blaine laugh was like watching the sun come out in the morning. His eyes shined gold and his cheeks flushed pink and his smile could light up the room.

Submission never came with a smile. It came with tears and downcast eyes and a pout or a frown. Submission dimmed the light inside Blaine that was meant to glow.

This is how it had always been for Kurt, watching from the outside. He'd had dreams in the last few months that all that would change. That though he couldn't have Blaine in all the ways he wanted that their friendship would mean that he didn't have to go through any of this alone anymore. Blaine was different from Rachel and Brittany. He didn't know him from High School, he didn't know everything he'd been through. He was a fresh start for Kurt. The first real friend he had made. But that moment on the dance floor had smacked Kurt right back to the outside and into reality.

Blaine turned and their eyes met. His amber eyes shifted darker quickly, his own smile fading. A wall that had once surrounded them holding them together was now wedged firmly between them. And neither of them could see a way to scale it.

"Hey," Blaine said quietly, giving him a small wave from across the room.

A week ago Kurt would have rushed up to him and told him everything about the amazing opportunity his stage combat professor was giving him. But though he opened his mouth, those words would not come out. Instead he mouthed, "We need to talk."

Blaine walked over to him and they took a seat at the edge of the room. His eyes were downcast, his hands folded in his lap and though Kurt couldn't feel it he knew submission was pouring out of him. His stomach turned.

"You haven't called. Or written," Kurt said quietly.

"Neither have you," Blaine pointed out. He sighed and stared at his fingers. "I've just been doing a lot of thinking."

Kurt nodded. "I've been doing a lot of thinking too," he said.

"And?" Blaine looked up. Kurt's words both scared him and soothed him, because he knew what he had to do. He just didn't have the courage to do it first.

"It's too hard Blaine," Kurt said softly. "Our friendship right now. I want it to be easy, I want it to be just like it was but…seeing you on the dance floor with Santana. Seeing her hurt you. I can't stand it. I've never really been able to deal with even the concept of punishment, but seeing it-"

"It wasn't real Kurt."

"And it made me want to scream," Kurt said. "What about the next time? It will be real then and it will be so much worse, and it makes me sick to even think about it."

Blaine closed his eyes and he stared at the fingers on his lap. Kurt's words burned, hurting more than even the lies had. Now Kurt wasn't denying his own self. Now he was denying the very essence of who Blaine was.

"Please don't blame yourself Blaine, it's my fault, for not being honest with you in the beginning. Maybe after you find a Dom…"

They were interrupted by a brunette sub named Michael calling over to them. "Hey you two, we're going out to Black and White, do you guys wanna come?"

Blaine had always wanted to go to the D/s club but right now he didn't want to move. All he wanted to do was stay and talk to Kurt because this time felt like it could be the last time.

"You should go," Kurt said next to him. Blaine spun around to look at him. Kurt's lips were tight, his words heavy with everything both spoken and unspoken between them. "You'll have fun."

Blaine frowned. "Are you going to-"

"No," Kurt said decisively. "It's where you belong Blaine. Not me."

"Coming?" their friends asked again from the door.

It didn't matter how much Kurt hoped he would say he'd stay. It didn't matter how much he wished that their lives fit together. It didn't matter how much it broke his heart to let Blaine go. This was just one more piece of evidence to prove that he was in over his head. He wasn't what Blaine needed. "Don't worry about me. Go," he whispered.

Whatever way Blaine looked at this, it felt like goodbye. It felt like giving up, giving in. He wished more than anything that Kurt would just tell him to stay, tell him it would be okay, they would figure this out. That it didn't matter what their parents said or Rachel or Brittany or their bodies or the world, they could make it work. But Kurt didn't say any of that and he knew that whatever had been between him and Kurt was over. "Ok," Blaine breathed as he took one last look, the longing between them hanging in the air, and picked up his bag. He turned to his friends and followed them out the door.

Kurt blinked back the tears as Blaine walked out the door and out of his life. He stood up and a hand fell on his shoulder. He turned to see Rachel, offering him a soft smile. "You did the right thing Kurt. I know it's hard, but you know you did."

Kurt didn't know how long she'd been standing there or how much she'd seen or even whether or not he believed her. But he needed a shoulder right now, a friend who knew what it was like to say goodbye to the one person you never wanted to let go. "I miss him already," Kurt said and he fell into her arms.

"I know you do sweetie," Rachel said, resting her head on his chest. Sometimes it was almost like being back in Finn's arms. "I know you do."

* * *

><p>Blaine had regretted his decision even though he knew it was the right one the whole way there, but with a deep breath standing outside the booming club with his friends, he made a pact with himself to leave Kurt outside. No thoughts, no images, no wishes or hopes. He would go in, he would find a Dom, and he would do what he needed to do to leave the dreams of a life with Kurt behind.<p>

It was surprisingly easier than he thought it would be. It wasn't just the blaring music and the vigorous display of dancing lights pulsing throughout the club and the obvious smell of alcohol that was unlike anything Blaine had ever experienced before. What really took Blaine's breath away was the overload of submission and Dominance flying throughout the club like winds in a hurricane. It stunned him into a gaping silence and his friends grabbed his hands with a laugh to pull him toward the bouncer at the front of the club.

"ID," the bouncer asked him with an annoyed roll of his eyes.

Blaine startled then looked at him, then reached for his wallet. "Oh yeah, right sorry." He pulled out his ID and gave it to the man who gave it a cursory glance and passed it back. A hand was held out for his left arm and he had two bracelets, a white one for "sub" and a blue one for "under 21", snapped onto his wrist.

"Come on Blaine," his friend Nicolette called with a grin.

He followed her to a high table by the bar and climbed onto one of the stools facing the dance floor. To say he was overwhelmed was an understatement. All around the dance floor men and women, Doms and subs, danced together in a sexual mess of rhythm and gyrations that made Blaine want to both run away and dive in.

"We're gonna go dance," Michael yelled over the music to Blaine. "Are you coming?"

"No, not yet," he yelled back. Part of him wanted to but he also needed a few minutes alone to gain his bearings. This was his first time in a club like this and he needed to know exactly what he was getting himself into before he climbed into a sea of potential danger. When he'd texted Santana for permission she had told him to be careful. So he sat back, letting the music and lights and the brushes of dominance around him soothe his nerves. He'd get the lay of the land, he thought, and then he'd join his friends. For what, he wasn't sure yet, but he was here for a reason. He was here to forget. And to search.

He scanned the room, white bracelets and black bracelets staring out at him. Blondes and brunettes, tall and short, dark and light, men all over, most of whom he didn't know whether they were gay or straight. None of whom caught his eye. Until…

Dark hair, perfectly coiffed, pale skin, with a tall and lean frame, made taller by black platform heels, wrapped perfectly in the tightest of black studded leather. Black circles adorned his ears, and threaded in a belt loop low on his hip was a black riding crop. Blaine's jaw dropped staring at the man across the room. He didn't even realize how much his submission was pulsing but the Dom must have because he immediately turned and met Blaine's gaze from 100 feet away. Dominance struck at Blaine like a whip, as hard eyes pierced his soul and Blaine blushed and looked down immediately, his heart racing and his stomach fluttering with a mix of nerves and excitement.

Blaine saw his boots only seconds before the leather keeper at the tip of the crop touched beneath his chin and raised his head. Blaine looked up at him through his lashes with deference.

The Dom smiled. "Don't be afraid," he said and for some reason his voice put Blaine at ease. "What's your name?"

"Blaine," he answered softly.

"It's nice to meet you Blaine. My name is Elliot. But you can call me Sir," he said. "If you like."

"Yes Sir," Blaine found himself eagerly saying.

Elliot studied him for a minute, tracing up and down the sub's body, cocking his head toward the crowd. "Not up for dancing?" he asked, his voice laced with fond amusement. "Or just looking for the right partner?"

Blaine let his eyes wander back to the bodies writhing on the dance floor and he realized he liked it much better where he was. "Honestly Sir, I had been just trying to decide," he said with a sly smile and a twinkle in his eye as his submission settled into a quiet hum and he slowly came back to himself.

Elliot's crop moved to touch Blaine's cuff. "Is your Dom here?" he asked.

Blaine felt his skin tingling beneath the leather and shook his head. "No Sir."

"Would she be mad if she knew you were here?" Elliot asked with a raised brow.

Blaine's eyes widened with surprise, then narrowed in challenge. "How do you know my Dom is a she?"

Elliot laughed and Blaine couldn't help but think how insanely handsome he was, a beautiful smile on such a hard looking Dom. "Only one reason a pretty boy like you would have a white cuff," he explained, then his smile faded and there was the hardness back again. "Now answer the question. Are you breaking any rules by being here?"

"No Sir," Blaine answered, quickly adding, "I promise."

"Good boy." The words sent a shiver down Blaine's spine. "You ever been with a man before?"

Blaine's eyes shifted and he blushed. Somehow saying no felt like he was betraying Kurt, but saying yes would have been a lie. "Not really Sir," he compromised.

Elliot cocked a curious brow at the answer. "Would you like to be?" he questioned.

Blaine swallowed. His tongue was growing dry and it suddenly felt thick in his mouth. But this was why he was here. "Yes Sir."

Elliot reached a hand out. He threaded his fingers through Blaine's gelled hair, tracing his ear with a finger. The tease of Elliot's skin on his thrilled him. "I would like to be with you Blaine," Elliot said gently. "Would you like to be with me?"

Every nerve in his body was pulsating with submission and desire. His vision was blurry with it, his head light. He was slipping into subspace without even barely a touch. "Yes Sir," he whispered.

Elliot smiled and for a moment Blaine thought he would do anything for that smile. "Good. Go tell your friends we'll be going into room 4, so they'll know where you are and won't worry. Be a good boy and I'll meet you by the door to the back."

Blaine quickly did as he was told, his pulse racing as he explained to his friends where he was going and with whom. Michael congratulated him, offering him a sip of his rum and coke before he went and nervously, Blaine nearly downed the whole thing. Handing it back he glanced to the back door. He wasn't quite sure how a man could look both harsh and amused at the same time but somehow Elliot did, watching him closely with a smirk on his face and the crop in his hand.

Blaine made his way through and around the crowd to the Dom and he bowed his head as he reached the tall man who stared down at him. "I don't recall telling you that you could drink," Elliot said sternly. "Your bracelet says you're under 21."

Blaine bit his lip. "I'm sorry sir," he said with a shudder.

"We'll deal with it inside," Elliot told him, turning to lead the sub into the fourth room on the left.

The room was dark when Elliot opened the door and Blaine followed him inside. As the door closed behind him with a snap, the lights were switched on. Blaine's gaze widened. The room was what Blaine could only describe as a dungeon, though he'd never seen one with his own eyes before. There were numerous surfaces that Blaine recognized as various kinds of spanking benches and swings as well as couches, pillows and wedges throughout the room. On the carpeted floor were pillows as well as kneeling pads and large granite tile hearth sat beneath a stone fireplace. Elliot headed toward a door across the room.

"Make yourself comfortable for me Blaine," Elliot told him as he turned the knob. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

Blaine could only nod as he watched Elliot go. He looked around, his heart pounding. He had no idea what he was doing. He had no idea what Elliot considered comfortable. He didn't know if it was for him to decide or if this was some kind of test to determine if he was a proper enough sub for the Dom. Would he be punished even more if he got it wrong? Would he even want to be? He was already in trouble for drinking and he knew what Santana would have him do for that. But as he contemplated the idea of preparing himself on one of the benches, Blaine decided that he didn't want to encourage that. He could get all the spankings he wanted and then some at home. Punishment wasn't what he came back here for, sex was what he wanted. Sex like he'd imagined with Kurt in the hammock of his backyard.

Shaking thoughts of Kurt from his head, Blaine removed his shirt, folding it on a bench against the wall. He took off his shoes as well. He undid the button and zipper of his pants to give his already aching half-erection more room, but he left his pants on. This was his first time and he wasn't ready to bare it all yet. He glanced around the room, taking it in once more, and he chose a thin red satin pillow to kneel upon. He took his position, hands layered on the small of his back, eyes trained on the floor. And he waited.

He didn't have to wait long. Blaine could hear Elliot emerge from the mysterious room and close the door behind him. Though the footsteps were muffled by the carpeting they echoed in Blaine's ear as if the floor were wood until he could see on the ground below him large black boots. The crop once again reached for his chin and forced his eyes high to meet Elliot's. "Safe word?" Elliot asked.

In the soft light and silence of the room Elliot was even more stunning than he had been in the loud haze of the bar. He was the bite to Kurt's bark and he was the sex to Santana's dominance. His eyes, a gray blue that reminded him of the sky peeking through a cloud filled day, were dark and ominous. Blaine knew that he had displeased the Dom, and he was about to pay.

"New York," Blaine whispered, every nerve in his body vibrating with anticipation.

"Thank you. Without a contract we will use green for go and yellow for slow down as well," he said. Blaine nodded and Elliot's hand reached out to Blaine's head, lowering his eyes to his waist. A large silver buckle wound tightly around black leather pants and called out to him. Elliot nodded. "Undo it," he ordered.

Hands shaking with nerves, Blaine reached up and unbuckled the belt, revealing the snap and zipper that was sure to be his next command. It was no surprise when Elliot instructed softly, "Go ahead."

Blaine swallowed and his fingers trembled and it took him longer than it should have to flip open the snap and pull down the zipper, but the Dom was patient. Looking up for permission, Elliot nodded and Blaine rolled the pants down to his hips, no underwear blocking his view underneath.

Blaine had never seen another cock before besides his own, not like this standing firm with desire. But before he could really take it in, Blaine saw the flash of Elliot's arm then felt the sharp smack of the crop on his ass.

"Eyes closed," Elliot ordered and, heart nearly beating out of his chest, Blaine did as he was told. Another smack landed and then another and it was not as painful as anything he'd gotten from Santana but it felt different. Both better and worse at the same time. "You are beautiful," Elliot told him, voice gentle and awed. He circled the crop against his ass but he did not strike again. "Your submission is intoxicating. Delicious. Makes me want to do so many things to you." Blaine felt heady. He could hear the rush of Elliot's dominance around him, he could feel his submission reaching out to it, begging to grasp hold. Blaine could feel himself falling, knowing that he would be safe and protected in this Dom's arms. After he was punished. "I did not give you permission to fill your tongue with the taste of alcohol. Did I?"

"No sir," Blaine admitted faintly through the haze.

"It is against the law, isn't it?" he asked. "Could get this club in trouble, couldn't it?"

"Yes sir," Blaine said.

He heard the swish only a second before he felt the sting, this one much harder than before. He bit back a yell, only allowing a small gasp to escape as he breathed through it.

"For your punishment, you will fill your tongue with the taste of me instead," Elliot ordered, but then he asked, "Color?"

"Green," Blaine answered without thought and hearing his own voice come out of his mouth he wondered for a second what it would be like to taste Kurt instead. Beautiful, gentle, caring Kurt who wouldn't have him kneeling on a pillow wedged between his cock and a crop. He was swept away from thoughts of Kurt when Elliot brought himself to Blaine's lips, tickling his cock against the sensitive skin. Blaine could feel himself falling farther, his submission fiercely swirling and he could feel it safely caught by the dominance of the man above him. It was just like with Santana but better, deeper, and on the edge of subspace he parted his lips for more when the crop came down hard on his ass.

The sharpness of the strike cluttered his thoughts for a moment, blurring his eyes and making his head spin. It was just one moment but it was all it took for Blaine to look up and see Kurt's face instead of Elliot's. Kurt standing before him, Kurt in leather with a crop and his cock pressed to Blaine's mouth. The thought went straight to his own erection as he imagined taking Kurt entirely in his mouth, sucking him, making him come, tasting him. He wanted it more than he'd ever wanted anything. Another blow came with words he could not hear. Then another cleared his thoughts and the voice demanded he open as a strong hand came to the back of his head but it was the wrong voice, and the wrong hand and the crop against his backside felt all wrong.

The pleasure in his stomach turned, tears came to his eyes and he sat back quickly on his heels, pulling away. "I'm sorry," he muttered, shaking his head knowing that the Dom would likely just throw him out like the garbage. "New York," he safeworded with a sob. "I'm sorry."

Elliot immediately pulled back, holstering his riding crop and turning away to put himself back together. Blaine could barely see the carpet he stared at through his tears, but he did see the Dom kneel before him, evenly. Blaine looked up surprised, and Elliot slowly, carefully as if asking permission raised a hand to wipe Blaine's tears. "What's his name?" the Dom asked gently.

Blaine was too upset to be surprised. "Kurt," he sniffed, responding to the complete kindness in Elliot's transformed eyes. He felt cloth on his skin and he realized that Elliot was draping his shirt back over his shoulders. He released his arms to put them through the sleeves and then buttoned up his pants.

"Why can't you be with him? Just because he is a man? Is he a Dom in a claim?" Elliot asked with a gentle curiosity.

For the first time Blaine wondered about Elliot's story. How many lonely subs did he pick up at the club? How many nights did he hear the sob stories of men unable to be with the person they loved. What made him come here instead of claiming his own?

Blaine shook his head, taking a deep breath. If he trusted Elliot enough to come back here with him in the first place, he should trust him enough for this. "He's not a Dom at all. He's a Gray."

Elliot let out a sigh. "That's a dangerous game Blaine," he warned.

"It's not a game," Blaine retorted looking away.

Blaine felt Elliot's hand grasp his and his focus was steered back to the Dom kneeling before him. "You're absolutely right, it's not. The threat to you is very, very, real. You're gorgeous Blaine. You're gorgeous and your submission is beautiful and the absolute truth is you could have any Dom you wanted. You could have _me_ if you wanted," Elliot told him and there was a seriousness in his eyes that told Blaine that was not an idle proposal. "Be careful. Please."

Blaine allowed himself a moment to truly look at the Dom kneeling before him. He was everything that he had ever dreamed of, and it was being offered to him right now. The Dominance of Santana and the desire of Kurt in a man whose beauty combined the best of both of them. But Blaine knew he didn't want it. He knew that saying yes to this man, this perfect Dom, was betraying the love that pulsed so strongly in his heart for both of them. The weight on his shoulders and the pain in his heart that he felt before entering the club was back and Blaine needed to get away. He rose to standing, his skin burning hot as he looked down at the Dom staring up at him with wide concerned eyes. "Thank you Elliot," he said. And without waiting for an answer, he turned, slipped on his shoes, and ran out the door.

* * *

><p>Walking into a new rehearsal hall was always nerve-wracking. Every cast had their pre-show cliques, their histories together that would help or taint the rehearsal process. Production staff had expectations and personalities that were yet to be figured out. Everyone had prejudices just hiding beneath the surface. Kurt had learned a lot during his first year and a half at NYADA and what he learned was that the theater wasn't much different from high school.<p>

"Hey Kurt, don't look so skittish," Robert teased as they walked through the door. "I promise there are no sharks that will eat you whole, and if there are just remember that you are the one that knows how to wield a sword."

Kurt smiled, wary but trying, and he took his seat at the read thru table next to Robert. Actors and designers were slowly milling in and getting coffee and donuts from the table and stage management was passing out scripts. "Do you think we'll get a full schedule today?" he asked. He was trying to balance school, The Apples and this show and Kurt was well aware which one Carmen Tibideaux would consider a priority. Being busy though was a blessing, Kurt thought. Blaine was becoming more and more distant every day and having a multitude of distractions was extremely helpful.

"No promises," Robert said and he saw the worry in Kurt's face. "Don't worry, I'll smooth things out with Carmen. I know she doesn't like outside projects to get in the way, but she has to give some leeway to an internship."

Kurt nodded and he looked up towards the door. He could use some coffee and he was just about to get up when the last person on earth he'd want to work with walked through the door. "Oh no," he moaned, hiding his head in his hands. He was too late though, he'd already been spotted.

"Well, this is awkward." Kurt looked up to find Jesse St. James at his most smugly amused and Kurt responded with nothing but a tight smile. Jesse's grin only grew bigger. "I should call my agent, they didn't tell me we'd be doing the show in drag."

"Like anyone would want to see your legs in a skirt, Jesse," Kurt bit back.

"So I see you two already know each other," Robert interjected, reminding them both of the need to at least give a semblance of professionalism. "I hope this won't be a problem."

"No problem at all," Kurt said through his teeth, not taking his eyes from Jesse.

"We'll be the best of friends," Jesse agreed, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Well good, because you two are going to be working very closely together," Robert said. "Jesse is the star of this show."

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. For once he just wanted something in his life to go right.

* * *

><p>Kurt gathered up his notebook, script and pencils, and put them back in his bag. The read thru had gone well and he was excited for the work they were going to do. At least he would have been excited if the work wasn't almost entirely with one of the people he hated most in the world and, unfortunately, very likely to be as close to a brother in law as he might get some day.<p>

Instead of leaving him alone though, Jesse sidled up beside him at the table. "If we're going to be working together we should probably figure out how to get along," he said.

Kurt scoffed. "Interesting you're willing to make nice because of a show but not because of the girl you say you want as your Dom. Though that is pretty much on par with your priorities isn't it?" he noted. He slung his bag over his shoulder and went to pour a hot cup of coffee before heading out into the cold.

"You know that coffee is like mud," Jesse said, but Kurt continued to ignore him. "There's a coffee house right across the street that's sublime. I thought I might stop before I head home."

"How nice for you," Kurt muttered.

Jesse came around the side of the table and held the coffee pot back from Kurt. Kurt glared up at him, but he saw something in Jesse's eyes that he'd never seen before. Remorse. "Come on Kurt, please," Jesse said softly. "I'm trying."

"You're very trying," Kurt glared. Jesse said nothing and Kurt put the coffee cup down with a sigh. "Fine. One cup. But you're paying." He didn't wait for an answer before he walked out the door whether Jesse was following him or not.

Kurt ordered the most expensive designer coffee that he could and with only a passing scowl Jesse paid for it and they carried their coffee to a table in the corner. Kurt sat back, crossing his legs and his arms and waited for it to cool. Jesse was leaning forward, elbows on the table wringing his hands together, perhaps for the first time in his life at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he finally said.

It took Kurt by surprise and he needed a moment to decide if he had heard the guy right before realizing that Jesse had spoken in all sincerity. Kurt let a little bit of his defense down. "Thank you," he said.

Jesse cast his eyes to the table then, his fingers fidgeting nervously. "Will you tell me how she's doing?"

Kurt's eyes narrowed. "Is that what this is about?" he asked suspiciously. "Trying to get dirt on her?"

But Jesse shook his head. "She won't talk to me about him. I don't blame her. After all it's my fault he's gone."

"It's not your fault," Kurt said quickly.

"It is," Jesse said and he raised his eyes to meet Kurt's. "I know I didn't pull the trigger but I set it all in motion. If I hadn't lied to him he wouldn't have enlisted." There was nothing Kurt could say to that. Though it didn't make him culpable for Finn's death, it was true nonetheless. "I don't deserve her."

"No," Kurt agreed wholeheartedly. "You don't." Kurt picked up his coffee and took a sip. He stared out the window into the crowd. Always looking.

"You know we aren't that different, you and I," Jesse said. Kurt didn't move. He didn't say a word. "After Finn died I always thought that if anyone would understand you would."

Kurt's stomach turned and he felt as though a sharp needle had pierced his heart. He tried so hard to come up with an argument that would prove to the man across the table that there was absolutely nothing further from the truth but he couldn't. Because Jesse was right. And though all Kurt could do was turn to look the man in the eye, Jesse knew that Kurt did understand, at least a bit.

"You know she worries about you," Jesse said. "As much as you worry about her. Maybe even more."

"She shouldn't worry about me," Kurt said, his voice low and rough now.

"Oh I tell her that all the time, but she's a stubborn one when she has an idea in her head," Jesse smirked, the light returning to his eyes.

Kurt rolled his eyes as he snorted. "The understatement of the year."

Jesse took a sip of his coffee. "I've always known that Rachel and I belong together," Jesse said. Kurt sat quietly, Blaine's face flashing in his mind. "When no one else believed it, I didn't give up on that dream. And I never will."

"Even when you know you aren't enough?" Kurt asked. "Even when you know how painful the dream could be?"

"If you love someone Kurt," Jesse said, "you should go after them with everything you have. I have always believed that. And I don't think that you're an exception to the rule."

Kurt's brow tightened in confusion. "Why? Everyone else does."

"Because Dom, sub or Gray, everyone deserves the chance to chase their dreams," Jesse told him. "A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. It's the one thing that you know if it came true that all the hurt would go away. So how could it possibly not be enough?"

* * *

><p>Kurt meant to walk home to the loft but his feet had other plans. With Jesse's voice ringing in his ears, he found himself on his way to Blaine's apartment before his rational mind could tell him that it made no sense. He pulled his coat up around his ears to block the wind and kept his head down. Which is why he didn't see Brittany sitting inside the entryway of the apartment complex, her dance bag around her arm, until he had swung the door open and was about to press the buzzer.<p>

"You can't go up there," Brittany said, sitting in the corner on the small black chair.

"Britt, what are you doing down here?" Kurt asked, startled.

"They're talking to their parents," Brittany explained. "Apparently something big has happened."

"They haven't found out about you have they?" Kurt asked nervously. "Or about me?"

"There shouldn't be anything to find out about you," Brittany said. "What are you doing here anyway? You know you just make everything worse for him. He's hurting and it's your fault."

"It's not my fault, Britt," he said quietly. But his heart clenched just at the very idea that Blaine was hurting at all.

"It is your fault though," Brittany snapped. "You're the one who led him on in the first place. Let him believe he could have a life with you, let him think that you're a Dom. He's in _love_ with you Kurt, he's in love with you and he can't have you so instead he's been out destroying himself-"

"And I'd destroy him if he was with me!" Kurt yelled back. "That's what you all say anyway. That's what you think. So tell me what exactly I'm supposed to do."

"Stay away from him," Brittany told him clearly. "Let him forget you and move on. It's better for both of you."

Kurt turned away from her and he refused to let tears pool in his eyes. No matter how much he hated that she was right, she was and there was nothing that he could do about it. "I shouldn't have come tonight." If Kurt's dreams came true it wouldn't make the hurt go away, it would only make it a thousand times worse. "You don't have to worry. I'll leave him alone."

He walked out the door and back on to the sidewalk, his heart pounding as it shattered into pieces. He looked up to Blaine's window, one last time. He didn't expect Blaine to be staring out, looking back at him.

It was hard, pulling himself away. With the cold of the air and Blaine's eyes, no matter how far away and distorted, gazing out the glass of the frosted window at him, Brittany's words seemed nothing but a distant echo. And yet he couldn't get his feet to walk back inside and up those stairs. All he could do was turn his head and walk away.

* * *

><p>They sat together at the computer in Santana's room, just staring at the screen dumbfounded. Their hands were curled tight in one another's grasp. Their hearts beat furiously in their chests. Blaine actually thought he might be sick and from the sweat in Santana's hand he thought she might feel the same.<p>

"Did either of you know?" Mr. Anderson was demanding.

"No," Santana answered quickly. Too quickly Blaine realized but he hoped that his parents didn't. "She always seemed like a Dom to me." That also seemed strange. He'd always believed Quinn was a sub, though he realized now she'd never truly said.

"The Fabrays are understandably devastated," Mrs. Anderson said. "So much potential and then to find out she's Gray."

"I don't blame them at all for disowning her," Mr. Anderson said. "Lying to them her whole life like that? Keeping that kind of secret? Bringing that kind of shame on them?" He shook his head. "Such a disgrace."

Blaine felt his stomach lurch. His head was spinning.

"Dalton is considering revoking her diploma," Mrs. Anderson said.

Blaine's eyes flashed up. "She still did all the work," he argued. "What does it matter that she was Gray?"

Santana gaped furiously. "She'd be kicked out of Yale if they did that!"

Mr. Anderson looked at them both severely. "She lied to the school. She never should have even been allowed to attend in the first place," he told them.

"We're just lucky that it seems none of the boys at Dalton were hurt by her," Mrs. Anderson said. "Imagine Blaine, under the charms of a Gray."

Blaine couldn't take the conversation anymore. "Excuse me," he said quickly before getting up and walking to the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and went straight to his window, pressing his forehead against the cold glass. He closed his eyes for a minute, breathing in and out, concentrating only on the sound of the world outside, the conversation in the other room muffled to where he could not hear. When he opened his eyes he was sure they were playing tricks on him. Kurt's face stared up at him, just for a moment, wishing, wanting, then walking away.

_"Imagine Blaine, under the charms of a Gray."_

"Are you okay?" he heard as Santana wrapped her arms around him from behind and placed her cheek on his shoulder.

"You were with her. Weren't you?" he asked. If she was surprised by the question she didn't say so. She simply nodded against his shoulder. "Why didn't it last?"

"I didn't love her," she said and he turned in her arms. He didn't think he'd ever seen her more broken. "Not like I do Brittany."

"But you love her enough to be scared for her right now," he said and she nodded. "I'm okay," he lied. "Go call her. Make sure she's safe. I'm gonna go out. I'll tell Britt to come up."

She didn't ask if he was sure. For once she needed to just pretend that what he said was true. She kissed his forehead and in a daze she walked out his room.

* * *

><p>Blaine staggered in the door without any realization that it was 3am and Santana was asleep on the couch waiting for him to come home. The loud bang as he tripped on some shoes left in the front hallway though woke her up and she came quickly to the front door and grabbed him by the arm.<p>

"God, you reek of alcohol," she complained. Blaine mumbled something but he made little sense. She settled him on the couch and took off his jacket. Her eyes widened. "Is that lipstick on your neck?" she asked.

"I don't know," he muttered falling back on the sofa. The room was spinning. The ceiling's painted arcs were all blurring together in some crazy dance.

"Please tell me that is from some drag queen you picked up and not a girl," Santana glowered draping the coat over the arm.

"I said I don't know Santana!" Blaine yelled, loud enough to wake the neighbors.

Santana stared at him. This wasn't the first time in the past few weeks he had come home after a night at one of the D/s clubs she knew he was frequenting. But this was the first time his return was accompanied by excessive amounts of alcohol and lipstick stains on his neck. She was angry and disappointed but she pushed hard to remain calm. "Ok. Go to bed." She grabbed his arm and pulled him back up. "The good thing about drinking is that there's a natural punishment in the morning, and I will see you then."

"Whatever," Blaine drawled as he stumbled to his room, collapsing face first and fully clothed on his bed, promptly falling asleep.

When he woke his head felt like it was going to explode and his stomach churned. He lunged out of bed and somehow made it to the bathroom just in time to empty its contents. It didn't help the feeling of elephant's stomping in his brain, but it made his stomach feel better and he crawled back to his bed.

Santana was sitting on the edge.

She'd changed his pillow case so it was cool on his cheek when he laid back down and he curled his knees into his chest. He felt her hand rub his back and he groaned loudly. "Everything hurts."

"Is this a fitting punishment for what you did last night? And the way you spoke to me?" she questioned.

"No," Blaine pouted. "This is worse."

Santana chuckled softly. "Ok sweetheart. Sit up."

Blaine did as he was told and she pressed two small pills into his hand along with a bottle of cold water. He swallowed the pills, drank the water and curled up in her arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Tough," Santana said, squeezing him with love. "Was it a girl's lipstick last night?"

It was hard remembering all that had happened the night before. He hadn't really wanted to go back to _Black and White_ after the Apples show but his heart ached from Kurt's silent treatment, nearly everyone was going and they didn't give him much of a chance to say no. He started drinking as soon as he got to the club. He quickly caught Elliot's watchful eye and the desire to submit was strong but he shook his head. He'd learned his lesson the first time.

He couldn't do anything, look at any guy, without thinking of Kurt. That's why he'd been submitting to girls.

His friends had dragged him to the dance floor and plowed him with drink after drink. The night became fuzzier and fuzzier but he remembered kneeling for two girls, giving them permission to do what they wanted, and then their lips were on his lips and on his neck, their tongue down his throat.

He remembered the lips feeling good in his alcoholic haze. Safe.

"Yes," Blaine admitted. "They were girls."

Santana sighed with disappointment and leaned back. "So are you telling me you like girls now?"

Blaine shook his head and lowered his eyes. "No Ma'am."

"Then why?" she asked sharply. "Our contract does not allow for you to submit to another female Dom without my permission."

He cringed at her tone and the power of it pounding in his head. "I don't know," he said, voice small, but that was a lie and he did know why. "Last time I went to the club I went in the back with the perfect Dom, Santana. He was everything I'd ever dreamed of. It should have been amazing. But all I could think of was…"

His voice trailed off but he didn't need to say Kurt's name for Santana to understand. "So you thought not being true to yourself was a better choice?"

"To be fair I wasn't really thinking at all," he offered, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes begging for a reprieve. "It just seemed easier. To be who everyone wants me to be."

"And by everyone you mean your parents?" Blaine nodded. Those eyes were almost always irresistible, but Santana needed to be very clear. "I will support you Blaine, in whoever you choose. But you have to be honest, with yourself and with the person you're with and being with a woman is not honest in any way, shape or form. Is it?" she demanded.

Blaine's head hurt from her force, but he knew she was right. "No Ma'am."

"I will _never_ support you lying or breaking our contract like that and if this happens again I promise you that more than your head will be hurting. Is that understood?"

Blaine nodded. "Yes Ma'am."

"Good," Santana smiled softly. "Now I have to get my butt back to the law library and finish this paper. Brittany's at dress rehearsal for her show tomorrow night and you will be…?" she questioned.

"Dying," Blaine whined and fell back on the bed. "Don't mind me."

She took the pillow from under his head and smacked him on the ass. "I do mind," she said sternly. "Those pills should be kicking in any minute and breakfast is ready, it just needs to be heated up. So after you eat you will be doing what?" she asked again.

He tried to think. It was Thursday and he had no classes until the afternoon, but he had lines he needed to learn for acting. "Studying," he assured her. "I will be studying and then going to class."

"Good," she said again turning to go, but she stopped and turned with a crease in her forehead. "This perfect Dom a couple of weeks ago. Did you do anything with him?"

Blaine thought back to his night with Elliot. Once again he had and he hadn't and he didn't know what the right answer was. "Not really," he stuck with.

"Okay," she said and this time she gathered her things and walked out the door.

Blaine took a shower, changed his clothes and managed to make his way to the kitchen to make himself some toast with butter. Sitting down alone at the table he looked out their window, skyscrapers reaching up to the heavens. They always seemed to tickle the sky, so close that it nearly swallowed them whole. But in reality, there were miles and miles between them and the blue. And touching it was impossible.

* * *

><p>Blaine and Santana were on their feet during the curtain call of Brittany's Alvin Ailey show. Brittany had been enchanting. Blaine had learned quickly when she and Santana had first started dating that she was an incredible dancer but it was obvious that in just the last few months she had come so much further. They filed out of the theater, heading to the stage door to wait for her when he heard Santana call out over his head. "Kurt! Come join us!"<p>

Blaine grabbed her arm and pleaded. "Santana no, please. I'm trying to do the right thing and stay away from him."

Santana looked at him strangely. "Who said staying away from him was the right thing?" Blaine lowered his head under the sharp scrutiny of her gaze and the next words were an order so stern that he could not disobey. "Stay here."

Santana pushed through the crowd until she had caught up to Kurt. "Hey, I didn't know you were here or we would have come over and said hello during intermission."

"Oh, um, that's fine," Kurt said awkwardly and one glance from where she came made it clear that this conversation alone was causing Blaine a firestorm of emotions. "I'm here with some friends anyway."

"Well, you should come out with us," Santana said and Kurt was annoyed that even with him a request came out like an order. "I promised Brittany a trip to her favorite restaurant and I'm sure Blaine wouldn't mind-"

"Really Santana?" Kurt bit with sarcasm dripping. He looked over her shoulder to a Blaine frozen in place no doubt by demand. But Blaine's desire to run was as clear as day. "Because I'm pretty sure the last thing Blaine wants is for me to join you and even if he did, Brittany has made it very clear that I am not welcome around your sub."

Santana's eyes narrowed. "When did Brittany say that?"

"Pretty much any chance she gets," Kurt snapped.

"Look Kurt," Santana sighed. "I know Brittany's a genius, but she's not always right."

"If he needs a Dom more than anything else then she's right that I would never be enough for him," Kurt retorted.

Santana rested a hand on his arm. He looked up at her and the pain in his eyes broke her heart. "Is one person ever enough for anyone?"

* * *

><p>"I don't know why we couldn't go to my favorite restaurant Santana, you promised," Brittany pouted as they arrived back home.<p>

"Since my invitation to Kurt was rejected because both of you seem to think that the fact he's a Gray means he doesn't belong in your lives then neither one of you deserves to go out to dinner," Santana said, hanging up her things and making her way into the living room. Her subs dutifully followed. "You were amazing in your performance and I am very proud of you Brittany, but deliberately excluding Kurt will not be your reward."

"It wasn't Brittany's fault," Blaine said softly, kneeling before Santana, eyes trained on the ground. She looked at him with surprise. "Kurt and I know we can't be together and it hurts too much to be friends. It hasn't been easy but we're both trying to deal with that in our own ways. Don't blame Brittany for that."

Santana said nothing for so long and the room filled with such a deafening silence that eventually Blaine looked up. His Dom was staring down, her black locks framing her hard face and he held his breath until she finally spoke, her voice harsh and angry. "There is no one that can tell you who you can and cannot love. Not me, not your parents, and certainly not a society that knows absolutely nothing about you. Love. Trust. Respect. Truth. In the end those are promises not to me or to them. They are only to yourself."

Santana said nothing more as she turned around to her room. She did not call for Brittany, Brittany did not follow and Santana closed the door behind her. They both waited where they were, Blaine kneeling, Brittany standing by the couch. He did not look at his fellow sub. There was no sound until the shower in the master bathroom turned on.

"She's wrong you know," Brittany said matter-of-factly turning to Blaine. "She thinks because she's been with a Gray that she understands but she doesn't."

He looked up at her. "But you do?" he asked, curiosity and doubt mixing together.

Brittany nodded and she took a seat on the couch in front of him. He rested back on his heels. "I kissed a Gray once," she said. "And it was the most terrifying feeling of my life. I gave him my submission but there was nothing. Just this huge emptiness. It felt like falling off a cliff and waving my hands in the air hoping I'd find something to grasp hold of, but there was nothing. You just fall."

"That's why subs die," Blaine whispered to himself.

"If I loved someone, and every time I fell with nothing to hold onto…?" Brittany paused until Blaine raised his head and met her eyes. "How many times can you hit the ground before you need to take away the pain?"

Blaine didn't know the answer. But somewhere inside him his heart told him he didn't need to know. "Maybe Santana is right. Maybe it wouldn't be like that for us," he said, optimism glowing in his eyes. "Maybe he's wrong, maybe he's not even really Gray and that's why we're drawn to one another?"

"Don't fool yourself Blaine," Brittany warned and her anger was evident. "I know him. I've seen it with my own eyes. He's Gray and that's not going to change and no matter how much either of you want it, he won't be able to give you what you need. We'll lose you to him, Santana and I. And then you'll lose yourself."

She got up and headed to the bedroom door opening it. "Brittany," he stopped her and she turned back to him. She said that she'd kissed a Gray but… "The only Gray you've really known is Kurt."

Her lips turned down in sorrow and she nodded her head. "Yes. Believe me Blaine, he will not catch you when you fall."

~S~

_And I will swallow my pride  
>You're the one that I love<br>And I'm saying goodbye_

_Say something I'm giving up on you._

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**I'm so sorry my loves for all of the angst! But it will all be worth it in the end, I promise!**

**Leave me your thoughts. Ask me your questions, I'll tell you no lies. :-)**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Pairing Warning:<span>  
><strong>**Blaine/Elliot (cameo only, NOT ongoing)**


	10. Understanding (Wash It All Away)

**Author's Note:**

**Hello everyone! Gosh I love you all and how passionate you are about this story. Soo...**

**My girl Brittany got a LOT of hate in the reviews last chapter. And I don't know that things turn around for her too soon. And you are of course free to hate her, she is being a bitch, but I will say two things on her behalf. She knows more about Kurt's history. And just to clarify...any Dom should be able to "catch" any sub. Sexual orientation does not matter. Carole was unable to "catch" Finn's father. Santana is able to "catch" Blaine. It is one of the things that defines a Gray (the inability to emit any energy to balance domination or submission, which is what is meant by "catching") and one of the major reasons subs are taught it is dangerous to be with a Gray.**

**Now on to business for this chapter:**

**My beta called this chapter "shocking, extreme and beautiful." I was having a crisis of faith about posting it. I know that it may upset some of you. I'm going to ask you to remember that this is just one moment in a story full of moments. But it was the first chapter I wrote, it was the one that gave birth to this world, and I felt like no matter the risk, I had to include it.**

*****Warnings *** **

**Pairing Warnings are all the way at the end of this page, so PLEASE scroll down for that unless you trust me implicitly (or hate spoilers), don't yell at me that I didn't warn.**

**Trigger Warnings: Dubious Consent twice, significant punishment (including some sexual acts) involving one of the pairings warned below.**

**Please feel free to DM me questions if you have them before you read, I am more than happy to answer. **

* * *

><p><em>Can't fight it all away<br>Can't hope it all away  
>Can't scream it all away<br>It just won't fade away, No_

_~ Evanescence_

* * *

><p>"Okay," Santana said, grabbing her purse. "I will drop you both off, you will look out for each other, neither of you will have more than one drink," she said, looking pointedly at Blaine, "and as soon as I'm done at work I will pick you both up. I'll be gone two hours tops. Understood?"<p>

"Yes Ma'am," Brittany said, playing with the pleat in her skirt. Santana eyed her up and down one more time. She of course wanted her girlfriend to look good, but she did not want her looking too good. Satisfied with the mid-thigh skirt and the pink t-shirt, she turned to her other sub. "Blaine?" she coaxed.

He was looking in the mirror one more time, fixing his bowtie and making sure his hair was gelled within an inch of its life. "Yeah, Santana, fine," he said dismissively, until she grabbed his chin and forced his eyes to meet hers. He thought they were a little terrifying. "Yes Ma'am, I understand, Ma'am," he said, adding the extra Ma'am cheekily.

"You're such a smart ass," she said, giving his backside a swift smack as he passed by but Blaine just smiled. Brittany winked at him. Blaine's smile grew brighter. With both of them in a mischievous mood and no chaperone, there was potential for this party to be the best they'd ever been to.

Santana glared at them both with great suspicion. "Come on you two before I change my mind," she growled.

Brittany and Blaine grabbed hands and made their way out of the apartment to the street. With their Dom watching they were well-behaved on the subway and all the way to the address Brittany had written on her hand. On the sidewalk of the brownstone, they could already hear music pumping from inside the apartment. They both eyed her hopefully.

"Oh hell no," Santana snapped, grabbing both their shoulders. "I am walking you inside and putting you in safe hands."

They both rolled their eyes but let her lead them in the unlocked door. The music was twice as loud inside, the lights were flashing and a ton of people that Blaine had never met before were inside. Above their heads was a huge Bon Voyage sign.

But one person he knew all too well was there and their eyes met across the crowded room.

"Blaine don't," Brittany whispered, squeezing his hand and trying to keep him from going to Kurt, but she was quickly distracted by a loud voice.

"Brittany!"

Blaine turned to see an African-American woman with a warm smile fly over to Britt and give her a hug, squealing in delight. Behind her came a very good looking, muscular man with blonde hair and a goofy sexiness about him.

"Santana," Brittany said, taking her girlfriend's hand after hugging them both. "This is Mercedes and Sam. Guys this is my Dom, Santana," she said then turned to Blaine. "And this is Blaine."

"It's amazing to meet you Mercedes, Brittany has told me so much about you," Santana said, just a bit starstruck. Brittany had played her Mercedes' EP and Blaine had to admit that when Santana sung along their voices blended beautifully.

Mercedes grinned and Santana and Brittany got to talking about music and the new album and though Blaine would have been more than happy to join in, he noticed Sam was looking around a bit shyly.

Ever the gentleman, Blaine held his hand out. "It's a pleasure to meet you Sam," he said and he could see Sam took no note of his white cuff as he shook his hand with a smile. Blaine did take note of his gold one and smiled back. "So you guys are part of the McKinley Contingent?"

Sam laughed. "Yeah I guess so," he said. "Been together so long now, it's gonna be weird being apart."

"I'm sure it will be, but it's amazing you get to go on tour with Mercedes. How long are you gone for?" Blaine asked.

"6 months at least," Sam said. "It is amazing. You know Mercedes asked Brittany to go with her as a dancer? She wouldn't of course, she couldn't leave Santana, but it would have been a blast to have her along."

"It will be a blast anyway," Blaine assured him kindly and his eyes lit up with excitement just thinking about it. "I can only imagine the kind of people you'll meet on the road, the kind of music it will inspire."

"Are you a musician too?" Sam asked.

Blaine shrugged unpretentiously. "I try," he said. "I've always been interested in music theory and composition. I play piano pretty well and I've written a few songs, though they aren't really any good."

"I'm sure they are," Sam said.

"Nah," Blaine laughed, a modest blush rising to his cheeks. "I'm a musical theater major, I just dabble in that other stuff."

"Well maybe that'll change," Sam suggested with a smile. "Write something good and maybe Mercedes will sing it someday. You have a little _in,_" Sam smirked, looking at Brittany laughing with Mercedes.

Blaine started to answer but Santana grabbed his hand and steered him away next to Brittany. "Alright you two," she said, bringing them both aside. "I will be at my evening seminar for two hours. I am trusting you both. I expect you to respect yourselves and everyone else here tonight, most especially Kurt, is that understood?" Both of them nodded though Blaine didn't believe that Brittany meant it. "No repeats of the other night at the club Blaine," she warned clearly, "and Brittany, I will take your cuff," she said, holding out her hand. Brittany reluctantly but willingly obeyed, sliding the golden bracelet off her wrist and handing it to her Dom. "Remember who you belong to," Santana told her.

"Yes Ma'am," Brittany answered.

Santana smiled and kissed her on the lips. "Have fun love," she told her then turned to Blaine, kissing his cheek. "You too, sweetheart," she said, then whispered, "I saw Kurt go into the other room." She winked at him, waved her fingers at them both and walked out the door.

Blaine looked over his shoulder in the direction Santana had indicated.

Brittany grabbed his shoulders and turned him back, dragging him in the opposite direction. "No," she said firmly. "Anyone but Kurt tonight Blaine. Anyone."

* * *

><p>Kurt stepped away from the corner where he'd been watching the front door for Blaine's arrival, and slid dejectedly up to his best friend. "I don't think you have to worry about meeting him Rachel, he's not gonna come over here," he told her with a frown. For a minute it had looked like Blaine was going to head his way, but Brittany grabbed him swiftly and ushered him away to a large group of what looked like frat boys. It had been a while since Brittany had dated any guys, but Brittany had always had a thing for muscles and it was looking like Blaine was enjoying himself too. At least for the little while before Kurt couldn't bear to watch anymore.<p>

"It's for the best Kurt, you know that," Rachel said. "I don't know why you're still hanging on to the idea that it could work with him when you know it would be the worst thing for both of you."

"What would be the worst thing for both of you?" Jesse asked, sneaking up behind them and sticking his head in between the two friends. Jesse and Kurt had been tolerating one another since their initial conversation for the benefit of the show and though Kurt had no idea how Jesse had been invited to this party, he was pretty sure it hadn't been Rachel by the way she was glaring at him.

"Blaine," Rachel answered with annoyance, though Kurt wasn't quite sure which one of them she was more annoyed at.

Jesse though perked up. "Oh, he's here? Where Kurt? Show me."

Rachel huffed. "Leave me out of this, I don't even want to know."

Kurt ignored Rachel as she walked away to the punch table. He led Jesse to the group of frat guys, but though Brittany remained, lying on a table laughing as what appeared to be a human salt lick for the guys doing shots, Blaine was no longer among them. He and Jesse walked around the apartment which had more nooks and crannies than an old Victorian mansion, finally finding him center of attention in a group of girls from NYADA. "Right there," Kurt said, unable to hide the sadness in his heart.

"Ooo, you're right Kurt, he is cute," Jesse winked and draped his arms over Kurt's shoulders with a laugh. Just at that moment, Blaine looked over at them, catching the display, then quickly turning away. Kurt pulled out of Jesse's arms and nearly ran over to tell Blaine it wasn't what it looked like, but as much as it hurt, maybe it was better for him to think that it was. He couldn't stay where he was though, and he slipped away to get some air. Jesse smirked and joined Rachel back at the punch table.

"You shouldn't encourage him," Rachel reprimanded sternly, downing the heavily spiked punch. When she was done he instinctually took the cup from her hand and threw it out for her. "It isn't good for him to keep dreaming like that, of things that can't be. He needs to let go."

"Who says?" Jesse asked. She turned and glared.

"Kurt's a Gray, Jesse. And Blaine's a sub. Don't tell me you think that they should risk their lives to be together," Rachel argued.

"I think giving up on your dreams is more of a risk. I think giving up on loving the person you love is giving up on yourself," Jesse said pointedly.

Rachel stared at him, emotions swirling in her eyes. "And sometimes not letting go destroys the person you meant to love," she snapped. "And then it's just too late."

Jesse grabbed her hands and knelt down in front of her. Rachel's eyes grew wide and she looked around self-consciously, but no one was watching. "It's not too late Rachel. I have never stopped loving you," he said, not at all afraid of bearing his soul. At this point he had nothing to lose. "When Finn died every cell in my body was buzzing with the need to care for you. It took everything in my power not to drop everything I was doing and go to you. I know how much he meant to you. Means to you," he corrected himself. "I would never try to replace him Rachel I swear. And I would never push you, ever. The only thing I've ever wanted for you is for you to be happy."

"That's a lie and you know it, get up!" Rachel scolded, pulling her hands away and he thankfully followed her command. It hurt too much to see him kneeling because no matter how hard she tried the only face she wanted looking up at her was Finn's. "When we were together there were lots of lies and lots of disrespect that we still haven't talked about, and I'm not ready," Rachel insisted. When he tried to interrupt, her dominance swirled angrily. "I told you that and you can't even respect it now Jesse. You're pushing whether you think you are or not. You're pushing too far and if you do that…"

"Rachel, I knew in high school that I needed to give you your space. That it was Finn's time and no matter how much it hurt me that I needed to wait, it was punishment for what I'd done to you and to him. I accepted that Rachel. But he's gone and I'm here-"

"You can't just replace him!" Rachel yelled. "He was my person!"

"And you're mine!" Jesse cried.

"No." Rachel shook her head violently. The walls were caving in and her dominance was begging for freedom, begging to lash out at him. If she didn't get away from him soon she would regret what she would do. "I can't do this," she snapped before storming off in search of any submission other than his that would soothe her.

In the living room she grabbed another shot of something, she didn't even know what, and then another, downing the liquid fire as if it could quell her need but it couldn't, it only made her more impulsive. She searched and searched, her balance slightly off and her eyesight blurred, but even stumbling she found what she was looking for in the corner of a room in the rear of the house. Gorgeous with a perfect body, slicked black hair, sad hazel eyes filled with tears and submission rolling off him like water over a boulder.

She just barely resisted putting hands on him when she walked over and her dominance immediately latched on to his submission as if he had just been waiting for someone to catch him. "Are you alright?" she asked tenderly, drawing nearer. "You're too beautiful to be sad." He let a watery chuckle escape and he wiped his eyes with his hand. His right sleeve slipped and his white cuff peaked out from underneath it. He could hear her small inhale of breath as she immediately figured out who he was. "You're Santana's sub aren't you?"

He nodded, his eyes dipping involuntarily to the floor. "Yes," he said, then looked back up at her. "Blaine Anderson. And you're Rachel Berry. Kurt's roommate. I've seen pictures."

"Oh Kurt was right," she muttered under her breath, her words slurring just a bit on her alcohol slowed tongue. "You are very cute. I see his problem now."

Blaine didn't want to think about Kurt so instead he laughed awkwardly. "Well you're not so bad yourself," he said, and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment, not at all meaning to have flirted with her. But he was just a little bit drunk, more than a little bit broken, much too high on the fury of her dominance surrounding him and very much in need of some attention.

She put a hand on his arm, trailing it down until she reached the cuff on his wrist. She slipped a finger underneath, rubbing the leather between her fingertips. He was reminded of Elliot and submission rolled off of him, his pulse quickening with nerves. He was sure she felt it and she flashed him a coy glance. "So…white?" she said with a question in her eye.

"Yes," he admitted, then really took a moment to take all of her in. "You know what that means. You told Kurt."

"Of course," she said, biting her lip seductively. Her eyes flashed over his shoulder and back so quickly he thought he might have imagined it. "So are you even allowed to date?" she asked. "Or have you been pursuing Kurt in disobedience?"

Blaine lowered his eyes, rolling his lips between his teeth to hide the complexity of the question and the answer. "No," he told her firmly. "I mean, yes I am. Allowed to date."

Rachel took one step closer, keeping her hand firmly on his cuff. "Are you allowed to kiss?" she asked, her eyes gazing up at him like she could devour him.

His eyes widened and he nodded, his words not keeping up with his body or the warning in his head that he was going to be in tremendous trouble if he kissed this girl. "Yes?"

She grabbed his wrists and raised them high above his head, turning him and pushing him back against the wall. Blaine let out a mewl so pretty that her heart skipped a beat. She had been right. There was no way Kurt could satisfy Blaine's submission. It was strong but willful, needing taming and containment. He needed a powerful Dom like herself. No matter how much she loved Kurt, she knew without a doubt that if Kurt and Blaine were together, this boy would surely destroy them both.

"You ever been kissed by a woman?" she asked breathlessly.

Blaine nodded, his eyes growing glassier the harder he fell and when he spoke his voice was wrecked. "Yes ma'am, I've kissed Santana."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Santana only likes girls, she can't give you what you need. Ever kiss a woman who likes men?"

Blaine knew that hadn't been why it hadn't worked between him and Santana. He knew because just the other day he'd kissed other girls though he had been terribly drunk that time, much more drunk than now. He knew it hadn't worked because he wanted men, only men. Somewhere in his fuzzy subspace addled mind he knew that there was one man and only one man that he wanted, and somewhere he knew that what he was doing was very wrong, but he couldn't remember now, his mind clouded with her scent and the feel of her soft hands gripped tight around his wrist, the sensation of her squeezing and crowding his body, surrounding him with her dominance and not letting anything else in.

"I like men Blaine," Rachel was telling him, a whisper in his ear. "I like you. Would you like me to kiss you?"

If he lied to himself enough, if he pretended enough, if he let the power of her dominance and desire latch on just a little bit tighter and convince him that the issue had always been Santana and not him, and that with this woman he might find out that he had been wrong all this time, he could almost believe it when he answered, "Yes."

Suddenly she pulled back and he found himself chasing her, feeling empty without her. "I need to know you really want it," Rachel said sternly. "Want _me_. Ask me Blaine."

Blaine flexed his hands still in her grip and he closed his eyes against his surge of submission. What Santana didn't know wouldn't hurt anyone and if he could be who his father wanted him to be... "Please Rachel," he asked. "Kiss me."

Rachel surged forward and her lips met his. Her tongue was demanding entrance and he opened and it felt…nice. Nice enough for him to lean into it, to try and make it feel like fireworks. He told himself that it was good enough and he opened himself to whatever she wanted. He forgot everyone else in the room and let his submission just cling to whatever she was offering him. Because he just needed something to finally work, he needed to want and be wanted and if he couldn't even stand to try with a guy who wasn't Kurt maybe he could make it work with a woman who wasn't Santana if he just tried hard enough. And then he wouldn't have to lose everything.

He felt her clasp his wrists together in one hand while she trailed the other down his chest, over his stomach, down to his belt. The lower she went though, the more he panicked because her hand would soon reach his tell-tale sign of the lie and his heart raced as her thumb brushed over his zipper and went to cup him….

Eyes closed he didn't see Kurt, now standing to the side watching them as if he was watching his whole world fall apart. He didn't see Santana step through the front door and scan the room for her subs. Lost in the desperation of trying to make this kiss work he didn't see Santana find Brittany lying on a table covered in salt surrounded by men doing shots, and he didn't see her search the house to find Kurt staring devastated across the room and he didn't see her follow Kurt's heartbroken stare to her sub allowing himself to be kissed and fondled by Rachel Berry without an ounce of respect for Rachel, himself, his Dom or anyone else in the room.

With his eyes closed Blaine didn't see anything but he felt another hand in his – stronger and more familiar and then he heard the booming voice of his Dom reverberating in his head as she yelled, "We're going home. Now." Her voice was dark and dangerous.

She pulled him away and the cloud in his mind began to fade and shift to an acute alertness to his Dom and his surroundings and she pulled him without further comment to the front room where she'd left Brittany facing the corner. She gripped Brittany's wrist in her other hand and pulled her as well.

Blaine and Brittany both knew better than to say anything, even if it was to apologize. They simply let her lead them out the door and back onto the street.

* * *

><p>She made them walk home in silence; forcing their sobriety with a bottle of water in one hand, warm roasted chestnuts in the other and the cold night air in their lungs. Together with Santana's fury, any buzz they might have felt at the party was long gone by the time they arrived home. The climb up the stairs to their apartment felt to Blaine as though he was walking to his execution. He had never been in this much trouble before.<p>

But he knew better than to try to speak when Santana was in a mood like this and apparently so did Brittany. She was the perfect picture of a perfect sub, her hands clasped in front of her in contrition, her head bowed in shame and guilt. But Blaine was fidgety. He couldn't even stand still as Santana unlocked the door, and when she held it open for them he nervously walked past her wondering if he was expected to hit his knees the moment he was inside. Instead he did as Brittany did and slipped off his shoes and his coat and stood silent awaiting further instruction.

"In the corner Britt," Santana said, her voice far softer than it had been the last time she'd spoken but still firm and unforgiving. "Kneel facing out, toes to the wall."

Blaine watched her cross the apartment to do as she was told in silence, falling gracefully in one fluid motion. She clasped her hands behind her back and lowered her head in perfect submission. Once she was sure Brittany was in place, Santana turned back to him. He quickly ducked his head, his heart skipping a terrified beat as he awaited his own fate.

"Strip."

His eyes snapped up to his Dom's. His breath was knocked out of him and his legs began to tremble. He wondered for a minute if he could have possibly heard her right. What she was asking was a hard limit, a breach of the very contract that she'd refused to alter when he'd begged and pleaded with her. He knew that he had every right to safeword and refuse this punishment. Hell, he had every right to walk away with no repercussions. But that wasn't really what he wanted. He just wanted to understand. "Santana?"

But Santana was in no mood for explanations. "I do not want to hear another word out of either of you unless it is a safeword, is that understood?" Brittany nodded in the corner but Blaine just stared at her in wide-eyed shock. Santana met his gaze but it wasn't to answer his unasked questions. "I told you to strip Blaine, don't make me tell you again," she commanded, her voice like ice.

Blaine reached trembling fingers up to the buttons on his shirt, his breath coming in short spurts while he little by little exposed his chest to her. When it was completely undone he slowly let the shirt slip from his shoulders, folding it and laying it neatly on the nearby chair. Then he looked to her, embarrassed and scared but also curious and ever so obedient, as his fingers lowered down to his pants.

He let out a tiny sigh of relief when instead of watching him, Santana turned and disappeared into her bedroom, allowing Blaine a modicum of privacy to finish his task. He slipped off his pants and laid them neatly folded over the shirt, then not so gracefully removed his socks and underwear, which he stashed discretely between his other clothes.

He clasped his hands low in front of him, not really hiding anything and feeling only slightly less exposed for the illusion of cover. He lowered his gaze to the floor, no longer able to look Santana in the eye without his already blushing face blossoming to a bright red. He stood naked for his Dom, for the first time ever, and did not know at all what to do.

"Stand in the corner Blaine," he heard Santana order as she stepped outside of her bedroom. His eyes darted around the room and he headed to the empty corner opposite Brittany but Santana stopped him. "The same corner as Britt. In front of her, hands braced against the wall."

He dared not look at Santana but his gaze flashed to Brittany just a second before her surprised eyes dipped away from him and back to the floor. His stomach clenched. His heart was racing in his chest. His mouth went dry. But he followed Santana's orders and arranged himself facing her other submissive. Brittany thankfully kept her eyes on the floor.

Blaine could see nothing but the white wall in front of him and the glow of Brittany's blonde hair below him but he heard Santana's voice boom from behind. "Both of your behavior at the party tonight was completely unacceptable. I told you to look out for one another and instead I walk in to find Brittany being sucked on and licked by men she doesn't know and Blaine sucking face with Rachel Berry. I trusted both of you and you broke every rule I gave you. Clearly I allowed you too much freedom. Well, I am nothing if not accommodating to my subs. Brittany your contract clearly states that any man you play with would be only with my approval. And if you want a girls' lips on you so badly Blaine, then you won't mind if they belong to Brittany." Blaine looked down at the girl kneeling before him and his chest clenched, realizing now exactly what Santana intended. He hoped he was wrong, but he wasn't. "Brittany, you will take him in your mouth and you will not stop until his punishment has ended," Santana ordered. "Blaine, you will receive the strap. There's no need to count. Your punishment ends when you've come."

Blaine's head spun. He knew he'd asked for this once, had begged for it, but now that it was seconds away he was terrified. "Santana please-" The lash came down across his backside hard and fast and he muffled his shout in the crook of his arm, letting out a painful groan instead as fire immediately spread over his skin.

"That is not a safeword and this is not a negotiation," Santana barked. "Be careful what you wish for Blaine. Safeword if you have to but otherwise nod if you understand and accept your punishment."

Tears burned in his eyes and he hid his head in his arm in shame. He did understand and he would accept it. He'd done this to himself, not just tonight but in every move he'd made since coming back from Ohio. Every warning she'd given him he'd ignored and upped the ante. He'd deliberately disobeyed her tonight with Rachel and if Santana hadn't found them he could have very well found himself in the same position with her instead of Brittany. He'd torn away at Santana's patience and he deserved this. If he were honest with himself, he had asked for it in more ways than one. He lifted his head and nodded.

"Good," she said softly, offering just a tiny bit of praise to soothe him. "Blaine you are to look at Brittany the entire time. Your eyes are not to close and are not to stray. If they do Britt, let me know and I will offer Blaine a reminder, is that understood?" Brittany's gaze turned up and met his for the first time. Her bright blue eyes looked sad, but he didn't know if it was for his fate or her own. They both nodded. "Good. You may begin."

He swallowed hard as he felt her tongue on him, rolling beneath his soft cock, lifting him into her mouth. The sensations overwhelmed him immediately and every muscle in his body tensed as he forced himself to be still and not try to escape the punishment. Santana must have sensed his desire to pull away though because as soon as he could take no more of it the strap rained down on him to force him back. He gasped. Santana was not holding back at all and the sting of the strap burned immediately. She offered little time for recovery, bringing the leather down across his ass over and over, never the same place twice in a row. In no time the burn that felt like a hundred stinging bees was too much and he made himself concentrate instead on trying to make it stop. But staring as he was ordered into Brittany's eyes he couldn't achieve even an ounce of arousal. Each and every time the twirl of her tongue made the blood surge in his groin, one look at Brittany softened it again. No matter what he tried he could not come even close to ending his punishment. He closed his eyes, hoping that with nothing but the feel of it things would work but suddenly the strap flew through the air with such speed and strength that he couldn't help but cry out in pain.

"Santana please-"

"Look at her Blaine," Santana urged gently. "Look how beautiful she is. This is what you've been wanting, right? What your parents would want? Just come and it's all over."

"I can't. Please." He could feel Brittany trying hard, urging him along doing everything she possibly could but it was no use. He was breathless, tears streaming down his face, frustration and pain ripping through him. "Santana, I can't do this." He cried and he could feel Brittany's tears on him as well as she cried below him and he knew that this was too much for both of them. Brittany's hands though were suddenly on his calves, caressing them softly, giving them both strength to get through this. "Ma'am…please," he stammered before another blow. "I'm sorry…I don't want to safeword…trust you…but I can't…" His voice broke.

"I told you Blaine that I would not support you lying to yourself anymore. I warned you I would punish you if this happened again. I trusted you both. The last thing I said to you was respect yourself and everyone else. Do either of you really think you were doing that? Was being the center of attention really that important Brittany? Did you really want Rachel that badly Blaine?" Santana asked with a harsh punctuation of another strike.

"No, please…" Blaine babbled. "I don't want Rachel, I don't want any girls, please…" he sobbed.

He didn't even register that the strap had stopped or the hand on his hair, caressing him slowly. His neck ached as she lifted his head gently from the bow he'd been ordered to maintain. He had no idea Santana's other hand caressed Brittany the same. But he did feel her by his side and he heard her voice whisper in his ear. "Close your eyes Blaine."

He followed that command like it was an order to eat after days of starvation and he breathed in with a sigh of relief. Brittany's mouth continued to work him as Santana's voice continued. "Keep them closed. Feel the lips around you, feel the tongue stroking you. Let the heat of the mouth that surrounds you fill your whole body with the same heat. Just let go, and with your eyes closed look down and see the face of the person you truly want beneath you. Don't think about it, don't be afraid, just feel."

Blaine did as he was told and any thought of Brittany faded away because as he fell deeper and deeper there was only one person. There had only ever been one person since the moment Blaine had laid eyes on him on the NYADA stage. Kurt's lips surrounded him, Kurt's tongue pressed heavily against the vein of his cock and he hardened desperately inside the heat of his mouth. Kurt's tongue circled the head and dipped in to taste him and Kurt's crystal blue eyes stared up at him with passion and desire that Blaine was determined to satiate. In the corner of his mind he felt the strap falling down on him again but it felt like a kiss compared to the ache of his imminent release. The heat on his skin was only a fraction of the sparks that were shooting through his body. So lost in his imagination he had no idea how much time had passed before his muscles twitched and his stomach clenched and waves of pleasure crashed through him, his body shuddering and convulsing. His pulse pounded in his ears, only one sound echoing in his head as he screamed Kurt's name.

He was barely conscious he was so deeply in subspace when Santana dropped the strap and picked up their softest blanket from the floor where she had left it, wrapping it around Blaine. Brittany rose to her feet and helped Santana walk him carefully to the couch guiding him to lie down on his side with his head on her lap. "Can you go get the ice packs please love, and some water," Santana asked Brittany softly and she nearly ran to the kitchen and back to comply. Santana took the packs and the glass from her, placing them aside until Blaine slipped out of subspace. Brittany knelt before her and Santana's fingers combed through the hair on both of their heads. "Are you alright my love?" Santana whispered, brushing a tear from Brittany's eye, and she nodded. "You and I aren't done, but do you think you could wait for me in the bedroom while I take care of Blaine?"

"Yes of course," Brittany assured her.

"You were a good girl, Britt," Santana said and gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead that soothed her aching heart, before Brittany got up and retired to their bedroom.

Blaine stirred and whimpers of pain grew quickly to sobs of apologies. "I'm sorry, Santana. I'm so sorry," he cried, but she rubbed his back and hushed him gently.

"Shhh, shhhh," she soothed, "You're okay sweetheart. You did so good. Here I have some ice for you." He slipped his hand through the blanket and took first one pack then the other from her hand and she waited while he arranged them. He'd been through enough pain in the last half hour, he deserved no more and he sighed with relief. "That's right, sweetheart, just take your time, I'm here. Do you want some water?"

"I'm sorry," he started again and though she could not see his eyes she was certain they were wet with regret.

"You're okay," she repeated tenderly. "Tell me what you're sorry for."

He couldn't say when he'd realized all of what he'd done wrong, what this punishment had really been about, but somewhere between his eyes closing and opening he thought it had all become clear. "I've been hiding. Lying. To myself. To you," he choked out as best he could.

"That's right sweetheart. To who else?" she asked.

Blaine thought about it. "To Rachel," he said with regret.

Santana sighed. "You lied to her that it was okay for you to submit. You lied to yourself that you wanted to submit to her. But what really disappoints me Blaine is that you did it all to hide how you truly feel about Kurt. And you didn't care how much you were hurting him, kissing her like that in front of him."

The recognition hit him like a ton of bricks. "Oh god, Kurt," he cried, the tears starting anew. Somehow he had refused to see Kurt staring from across the room, but he'd known even then that he was there. "He was watching. He saw me kissing his best friend. I need to see him," Blaine said quickly and he tried to get up desperately. "I need to tell him I'm sorry, that it didn't mean anything!" But he sucked in a breath and winced as soon as he put any pressure on his bruised skin and she hugged him close, pulling him back down again.

"Not tonight, sweetheart. This was the harshest I've ever been with you, it's going to take a little more recovery time than usual," Santana told him.

His heart clenched but he let her guide him back down. Images of Kurt seeing him with Rachel began to haunt him as the haze of subspace slowly lifted. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"

"I think his heart probably hurts now as much as your body does," she said with a small frown. "But you both will heal in time. And I hope you can forgive me in time too."

This time Blaine sat up, not caring how much pain it caused him because he needed to look her in the eye. And for the first time he noticed the tears shining in them. It broke his heart. "I have nothing to forgive you for, Santana," he assured her.

"But you do Blaine," Santana corrected him with rare vulnerability, her head falling along with the tears in her eyes. "What I did, what I made you do, I violated our contract. I just...you've been so lost. I didn't know how else to get through to you." She looked up at him, a brave smile on her face that hid the tremendous pain of having done what she did. "But now you have an out. You can walk away from me, from us, no consequences. If I was the one that was holding you back from him."

Blaine's breath hitched as he realized what she was saying and he shook his head emphatically though. "No Santana, I would never," he promised her. The very idea hurt his soul. "It was never you, it was always me. I asked for this Santana, months ago. Maybe this wasn't what I had in mind when I asked but it was exactly what I needed and you knew that." He looked at her, his eyes filling with love. "You always know exactly what I need," he whispered.

"You need Kurt," she said firmly. "I will always be here for you Blaine, as long as you need me. But you can't deny it anymore. You need him too."

Blaine nodded, swallowing against his fear and he stared out into the distance. "I just hope it's not too late."

~S~

_When the darkness fades away  
>The dawn will break the silence<br>Screaming in our hearts  
>My love for you still grows<br>This I do for you  
>Before I try to fight the truth my final time<em>

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**So...please be gently. And I promise that next chapter will make it all worth it.**

* * *

><p><strong><span>Pairing Warnings<span>**

**- Blaine/Rachel**

**- Blaine/Brittany (as punishment)**


	11. Empty Handed

**Author's Note:**

**You all are amazing. Seriously, you are the best readers ever. You inspire me so much. Thank you for all your very thoughtful reviews and opinions. Each and every one means so much to me and are a value to this story.**

**Happy Thanksgiving to everyone celebrating.**

* * *

><p><em>All I've ever known is how to hide a secret<em>_  
><em>But I'm tired of going on without believing<em>  
><em>And love is not illusion, love illuminates the blind.<em>_

_~ Lea Michele_

* * *

><p>Blaine cursed the pride that had him wearing his tight red jeans instead of comfortable sweats the following morning to the coffee shop. But his pants grew even tighter once the feel of the burn when he sat down mixed with the glow of Kurt's wary eyes staring back at him from across the table. It was like at the claiming only a hundred times more intense. The blood rushed straight to his groin, which only increased his embarrassment, which sent another jolt of electricity, which set up a vicious cycle from which he never wanted to escape.<p>

He thought growing up that he'd understood the allure of a golden contract but now he realized he'd had no clue until that very moment. Because the only thing that would have made him feel better in that moment was knowing that it was Kurt that had put that burn there and was now making him sit with it.

"You okay?" Kurt broke him out of his spell, tilting his head suspiciously. "You're all flush. I know hangovers can be tough so if you're gonna be sick-"

Blaine shifted in his seat, which sent a new throb of pain through him and god he needed to get himself under control. "I'm fine," he said a bit more breathless than he would have liked and he took in a centering breath of air and let it go. He took a sip of his coffee and tried to offer Kurt a small smile. "Promise."

"Good," Kurt said. He picked up his own cup of coffee and looked out the window onto the streets of Manhattan as he had a drink. Hundreds of people rushed by in a  
>matter of seconds. Blaine could tell that even though he'd agreed to meet he was still upset. "I have to admit I'm more than a bit surprised you asked me here at all. We've barely talked in weeks and after last night with Rachel I just figured-"<p>

"I'm not interested in Rachel," Blaine blurted out. Kurt turned quickly back to him, blinking his surprise. "I mean, I know it must have seemed like I was, but I'm not. And I…" Blaine ducked his head slightly in shame. "I owe you an apology. God I owe you a million apologies."

Kurt's silence was uncomfortably long as he seemed to try to decide whether to stay or to go. But he finally said, "I'm listening."

Blaine looked down, his fingers tracing over the studs of his cuff. "Our safeword is New York for a reason. Santana and I made a promise to each other in Ohio: Love. Trust. Respect. Truth. But they were all so difficult to uphold in a world where our secrets and lies were bigger than our truth. We thought in New York it would be different, and it was Kurt, for both of us. Santana claimed Brittany and I…" His eyes flicked up. Kurt was watching him closely, quietly. It was hard to look him in the eye and he let his own drop again. "Going back home was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes when you're drowning in lies and fighting to stay afloat you forget what matters. And I'd forgotten that the tenants of our contract weren't just vows we made to each other, but also to ourselves. Love ourselves. Trust ourselves. Respect ourselves. And live our own truths."

"Blaine-"

"I've been so messed up since being home, I've been running and hiding and last night…the things I did with her," Blaine said, cheeks red with embarrassment. "In front of you."

"It's okay," Kurt clipped though his voice said it was anything but.

"No, Kurt, please don't say that. It's not. It's not at all." Blaine shifted in his seat, the rekindling of the burn actually compelling him to give Kurt the respect he deserved to be looked in the eye. "I should have thought about how you would feel about it and I'm so sorry that I didn't. But even more I should have thought about how I would feel about it."

"What do you mean?"

Blaine swallowed hard. There were some things he'd never truly talked about, not even with Kurt. But he didn't want to hide anymore. "My claim with Santana was arranged because one day I asked my father if men could claim other men. It wasn't my choice. I didn't even have a say. 15 years old, promised to my best friend and too afraid to object because I knew that any other alternative would have been far worse. Santana knew me. She understood me, we understood each other. And in secret we wrote a white contract and she agreed to be mine until I found someone else. And then I met you and god Kurt, I thought you were it, and that maybe with you by my side I'd be strong enough to stand up to them. But then you told me you were Gray." Blaine winced at his own words, knowing how they must sound and his nerves were jumping, but he had to do this. It wasn't fair for either of them to keep it hidden deep inside anymore. The truth was all that mattered now. "I like you Kurt. I mean I really like you. And it scares the hell out of me to tell you that because of everything it means. It's been easier to just accept that my life is what it is and though there are things that are missing, I could go without them because of everything I already had." He took a breath while he gathered his courage. "But then I met you and it awoke things inside of me. And I'm beginning to understand that I was very _very_ wrong. I don't want to go without them anymore. Without you. I can't." Blaine held his breath and rubbed his neck self-consciously waiting for some sort of response whether it was rejection or not, but Kurt was just staring at him, eyebrows drawn, lips pursed in silence. He couldn't take it anymore. "Kurt, can you say something please because I'm kind of baring my soul here."

Kurt let out the breath he had been holding and looked to his hands. "I like you too Blaine," Kurt finally admitted, but when he looked up his eyes were filled with tears. "Much more than I should."

Blaine's heart skipped a beat then fluttered nervously. "What do you mean?" He didn't understand if what Kurt said was good or bad.

Kurt sighed and sat back in his seat. "For starters, Blaine, you're a sub in a claim," he said. "Just because it's platonic doesn't mean it doesn't matter."

"I never said it doesn't matter," Blaine protested, his stomach lurching at even the suggestion. "Santana's been my whole world."

"And that's exactly my point Blaine," Kurt said.

"But she isn't enough," Blaine said firmly. "I didn't know that before I met you, not really, but I do now. That night on the phone? There are things I need that she can't give me."

"And there are things you need that I can't give you," Kurt argued. "I'm not a Dom Blaine, and I can't be one."

"But you don't have to be," he insisted. Blaine was not going to let Kurt get off that easy, not after everything he'd gone through just to get this far. He needed Kurt to understand now that he had finally figured it out. "I have a Dom, I'm not asking you for that."

Kurt leaned forward and shook his head in confusion. "Then what are you asking for?"

Blaine reached across the table and took hold of Kurt's hand. Kurt closed his eyes at the touch and Blaine knew without a doubt that Kurt wanted this just as much as he did. Brittany's words rang in his head, but he wasn't scared at all. He trusted that he wouldn't fall. "Just one kiss," he whispered.

Kurt let a bitter laugh escape and shook his head once more. "Blaine, this is too complicated."

"But it doesn't have to be," Blaine promised and if he was being naïve he didn't care. "Just one kiss. Please," he begged. "To decide if it would be worth all the complications."

Kurt didn't say a word. He sat for a minute looking at Blaine, searching for something deep within him but Blaine had much practice standing exposed to such scrutiny. He let his eyes open like windows to his soul. He left his heart unprotected and honest. And then he saw a decision in Kurt's eyes and he felt Kurt's hand clasp around his, pulling him up.

Blaine made no move on his own other than to toss his coffee cup in the trash, he just let himself be led out onto the street and toward the NYADA campus. At the strength of Kurt's grip and the determination in his walk, Blaine's submission surged through him like a phoenix rising out of the burning embers of the previous night. When they reached the secluded courtyard behind one of the smaller theaters, Kurt let go of his hand beneath a leafless oak and Blaine had to fight the urge to collapse to his knees. Instead he leaned himself against the bark of the tree to hold himself up.

Kurt smiled, irresistibly, and drew near. "One kiss," he whispered.

Kurt slotted his leg between Blaine's and pushed him firmly against the tree. Blaine sucked in a breath as his ass hit the bark hard and for a moment he wondered if Kurt knew exactly what he was doing. He didn't have time to decide though because suddenly Kurt's lips were on his, hard and passionate, and he gasped, offering Kurt just the opportunity he needed to slip his tongue inside. The kiss was everything the others were not. Electricity skittered along Blaine's skin and he closed his eyes. Any pain he may have felt before dulled to nothing under Kurt's fierce touch. He could feel himself grow hard against Kurt's leg and he would have blushed with embarrassment had he not felt Kurt pressed into him, responding in kind. His submission hummed but did not swirl and he did not fall. Instead he surged forward, chasing disappearing lips as Kurt backed away.

"Don't go," Blaine whispered breathlessly.

"Blaine…"

"I want more," Blaine begged, his eyes closed, unwilling to see Kurt's rejection of him yet. "I want to kiss you and never stop."

He waited, the only sound in his ears the racing of his heart as Kurt's silence overwhelmed him. Finally he gave in to temptation, his lids fluttering open to see Kurt staring back at him. Fear swam behind Kurt's beautiful eyes, fear but also wonder. Maybe even hope. His pale lids grew heavy and Kurt pressed back in as if he could not stay away even if he tried. "I want that too," he whispered, before resting his forehead on Blaine's, his whisper tickling at Blaine's lips. "God help me I want that too."

* * *

><p>The theater was silent around them. They knew that in only a few hours it would be filled with actors and crew rehearsing for the winter production, but for now it was dark, quiet, and perfect. Energy flittered in the air as it did in every theater that Kurt and Blaine had ever been in. Even sitting against the wall of the proscenium, 400 seats in front of them, it felt intimate. Safe.<p>

"I hated her, when I was little," Blaine was telling Kurt. "And I'm sure she hated me. Santana was bossy and mean and did everything she could to get me in trouble in school while she got all the rewards." Blaine leaned his head back, smiling at the memories he had cried about so often when he was young. He was glad he could laugh at them now. Kurt watched him, enthralled. "I was never afraid of her. Maybe I should have been but even though Santana Lopez was the toughest girl in our school she never scared me. Everyone looked up to me for that."

"Even her?" Kurt asked.

Blaine nodded with a smirk. "Especially her. I was ten when everything changed. She dared to tell me that Hanson wasn't real music and I went after her. Full throttle, I jumped on top of her and started punching her until a teacher pulled me off." He laughed shaking his head while Kurt gaped at him in complete shock. "We were both sent home. I was suspended and I felt so guilty that I asked my dad to punish me before he could even say a word. As soon as I could I went over to Santana's house to apologize and when she opened the door, her eye a little red where I had punched her, her lip a little swollen, I fell to my knees and begged her forgiveness. And that was when I knew that _hate _was never what I had felt for her at all."

"You loved her," Kurt said softly.

"Yes," Blaine admitted. "I did. But I was also only ten and all I knew about love was that I wanted to be with her all the time and I wanted to care for her and for her to care for me. I knew I would never let anyone treat her the way I had treated her and I knew that I would protect her. Always."

"Protect her from what?" Kurt asked.

Blaine's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "Herself, mostly," he answered. "As we got older we started to understand what was happening. That the energy of her dominance mixed with my submission in perfect complement of one another, just like it says in all the storybooks. And we thought how lucky we were to have found our fairy tale ending so young."

Kurt watched as Blaine's smile turned to sadness and he had a strong urge to gather the man in his arms. But he didn't.

"Everyone started hooking up the summer before we went to high school. We used to giggle about it because everyone else had to search so hard but we had it so easy, we already had each other. It was about a week before school when we decided we should at least get the first kiss over with so we could be the power couple at Dalton and Crawford. So 14 years old, alone in her room, we curled up together on the bed. I remember threading my fingers through her hair and she wrapped my curls around hers, something she has always loved to do. We brought our lips together and we kissed. We knew what it was supposed to be like; tendrils of energy wrapping around us, dominance and submission crashing into fireworks that would make our bodies stir in ways we really weren't ready to even think about. That's how it always happened in the movies. But nothing happened for us." Blaine wrinkled his nose, still shuddering at the memory. "We just both thought it was kind of gross."

Kurt chuckled, understanding that feeling all too well. It had been the same for him the time he and Brittany had kissed.

"After that though the dreams started and it became clear to both of us what had been wrong. She liked girls and I liked boys and though we both knew we couldn't tell anyone about it we somehow knew that we could tell each other and our secrets would be safe. And they were. They still are," Blaine said, looking up with a guilty glance.

"But you're out here," Kurt pointed out. "So why kiss Rachel?"

Blaine bowed his head. He had been up half the night trying to answer that very question. "I don't know. I was angry. At you, at Brittany, at the world that was keeping us apart and the unfairness of it all. I wasn't thinking, because if I had been I wouldn't have done that in front of you. I wouldn't have done that at all."

"They why did you?" Kurt pressed. He wasn't going to let Blaine off that easy.

Blaine bit his lip. "Rachel said that Santana and I didn't click because she didn't like men and I guess a part of me wanted to believe she was right. That maybe if I tried hard enough, I could be the person that my parents want me to be." He stopped and looked at Kurt. It was the truth, but not the whole truth and Kurt deserved it all. "I was scared. Kurt, I've loved you from the moment I met you. I thought you were it, that I had found the man in my dreams. But, when I found out you weren't a Dom, it broke my heart. I tried, to be with another guy, a Dom who in every way should have been perfect. But I saw your face and I couldn't go through with it because the only perfect was you. And I knew you and I couldn't be together so I tried so hard to deny you. But I couldn't. How I felt about you never really changed. I had just tucked it away, like I tucked it away my whole life."

"A sub can't live without a Dom," Kurt muttered. He'd been taught that lesson his whole life. And he had learned it all too well.

Blaine sighed, looking up to the ceiling. "That's what they tell us."

Kurt linked his hands together between his knees. He had his own secrets, his own demons. Things that Blaine needed to understand before he was hurt any more. The reasons why Brittany was so afraid. "You know my stepmother Carole is a Gray. Finn's father was a sub. He went to war and when he came back he had so much guilt, he hurt so much. But she couldn't give him what he needed. He started taking pills to deal with the pain and he ended up overdosing."

"Oh Kurt-"

"My father and Rachel have never wanted me to make the same mistake. Carole had blamed herself for years, still does really. It nearly killed her too. If it wasn't for Finn, I'm sure…" He took a breath before continuing. "She refused to get involved with anyone until my Dad. But for some reason I thought that maybe it was just her, or maybe it was just him and maybe I could be different."

Kurt took a breath and Blaine watched him, unable to look away. "As much as I try to deny it I guess I've always been drawn to subs. First Finn and then Brittany. Neither of them worked out for obvious reasons. But then there was this boy," Kurt continued, his eyes growing distant in the painful memory. "Dave was the only other out kid, though it took him a while. He was a sub and I have no idea why, maybe because I'd come out so much earlier, but he just clung to me and…everyone else hated me, but he treated me different. Like I was special." Blaine saw a sadness that he never wanted to see in Kurt's eyes building like storm clouds in the sky. "We tried…but I didn't understand him at all and he just wanted so much more from me than I could have ever given him." Kurt paused. Dating Adam he'd been able to forget all that, but since Blaine he'd even started having his old nightmares again. "He tried to kill himself. He was lucky that his father found him." Kurt looked at Blaine and he could see that all the sub wanted to do was kiss him and care for him and make everything alright because that was what every primal instinct told him to do. "I'm scared too Blaine. I'm not a Dom and I don't want to be one and I'm scared that I have nothing to give you and the same thing will happen all over again and that would break my heart Blaine."

Blaine swung around to face him, crossing his legs in front of him and grasping Kurt's hands in his own. "Kurt," he said firmly, his amber eyes glowing bright like the sun. "You have so much to give me. You are smart, and you are beautiful and you sing like an angel. You are honest. You are patient and kind, except when you're not," Blaine smirked, "and I love that you're not perfect because I'm not perfect either." Kurt smiled, his eyes dipping as his cheeks flushed. "I'm not just a sub. I'm a man too. And I'm not weak Kurt. I have the strength to say yes and the strength to say no and the strength to tell you what I need." He squeezed Kurt's hand and their eyes locked, so much hope and fear swimming between them. Blaine felt his heart grow heavy because he knew what he was asking. Knew how difficult it would be. And yet he had to try. "I have a Dom, Kurt. And I will need her. But I want a boyfriend, and I want that boyfriend to be you. There is so much missing in my life, so much I don't know and I don't have and I want to give you my love and respect and truth and most especially my trust to be that person for me. The question is can you trust me to be that person for you?"

His father's words and Rachel's words played in Kurt's mind telling him to listen to his head, but one person would have told him to listen to his heart. "Finn once told Rachel to surrender. To sit and let go and let the universe do its thing because if they were meant to be together, then they would be together." Tears came to his eyes at the memory and he wiped them with his shoulder but he didn't let go of Blaine's hands. "I know it seems strange to follow that advice now but…the universe brought me you. And I need to let go of the fears I have about that. I don't know if we can make this work or how long we can last, but life is short and I don't want to regret not trying with you. I surrender Blaine."

Blaine quickly rose to his knees, unable to sit still another moment. "Kurt, I-"

"We take it slow," Kurt insisted. "We have to be careful."

Though he wanted anything but to take it slow, if there was one thing Blaine could do it was follow orders. He sat back on his heels, lowering his eyes automatically. He bit back the words trying to escape his lips and simply whispered, "Okay."

Kurt reached a hand out and lifted Blaine's chin so their eyes met. Blaine blinked back what he knew Kurt did not want to see. "None of that," Kurt said gently. "We do this as equals Blaine."

Blaine let his submission subside and he bit back a sly smile. "Well then, as an equal, I'm going to kiss you now."

Every muscle in Kurt's body relaxed and a silly grin replaced the lines of worry. "Are you now?" he asked with a raised brow.

Blaine nodded resolutely. "Yes. I am." He leaned in, hesitant at first but gaining confidence with the closing of Kurt's eyes. Brushing a hand on Kurt's cheek, he surged forward, capturing Kurt's lips with his own, quickly deepening and taking complete control. He reached out to taste Kurt, to feel his tongue against his own. Kurt answered willingly, draping his arms over Blaine's shoulder and softly brushed the dark curls at the nape of his neck.

Blaine could feel his submission reaching out, searching for dominance it could not find. But even without it, the fireworks he'd always heard about sparked in his heart. Their bodies stirred with an unbelievable want that Blaine had given up hope of ever feeling and he had to pull himself back protectively from falling too far, too soon. Slow and careful, that's what Kurt had asked and he would obey. Blaine gently ended the kiss and sat back on his heels. In the back of his mind his father's voice was a faint echo but he pushed it aside. He wouldn't worry about that now. Being without Kurt had hurt so much more than being with him ever could. He looked up, Kurt's beauty taking his breath away, and his heart was full of love. "I surrender Kurt."

* * *

><p>"Are you out of your ever loving mind?"<p>

Maybe it would have been better for Kurt to just go on ignoring her instead of coming home and declaring that she had better keep her hands off his boyfriend, but sometimes Kurt spoke first and thought later. "Oh for god's sake Rachel, shut up!" he shouted. "You have no say in this. After what you did you're lucky I'm even talking to you at all."

Rachel suddenly deflated, a pout on her lips that Kurt was finding anything but sympathetic at the moment. "Kurt, I said I was sorry a hundred times last night. I have no idea what came over me."

"Alcohol and dominance and the chance to take advantage of a vulnerable sub," Kurt spat. He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and had to hold himself back from throwing it at her. "I was wrong. You and Jesse deserve each other."

"Kurt-"

"Blaine and I think that we can make this work and I know you don't agree but after last night I think that you at least owe us your support," he snapped. "And if you don't support us then do us the favor of just keeping your mouth shut and away from him."

"And what about Santana?" Rachel pressed. "What does she think of you taking her sub? And even more, what will _you_ think when he's at his most vulnerable and he needs her instead of you. When you're intimate-"

"It won't be like that Rachel, he and Santana are strictly platonic," he insisted.

"Platonic doesn't mean it's not intimate Kurt," Rachel tried desperately to get him to understand. "Punishment can be as intimate as sex and sex will trigger every ounce of submission in him, a submission that _you_ can't satisfy. I want you to be happy Kurt and I want you to find love, but Blaine has real needs and you have no idea what you're doing."

"Oh for Christ's sake Rachel, it's not like I'm a prude," he said, and he would deny until the day he died that his contention came from a place of insecurity. "I've been around you almost 24/7 for far too long now and I dated Adam 6 more months than I probably should have. Hell I lived with my father for 18 years, I'd like to think I've picked up at least a thing or two about dominating." His argument made no impression on his so-called best friend, her face still staring at him as if she'd like nothing better than to be able to put him over her knee. Well, he had the very same desire toward her. "Look Rachel," he tried to placate her so she would leave him alone. "I'm not naïve enough to think that it will be easy. But we're going to try."

His attempts though were met with complete resistance. "Like you tried with David? And Chandler?" Rachel challenged.

"Oh like you were such a great Dom in high school Rachel," Kurt argued back, dripping with sarcasm. "That's why things went so perfectly between you and Jesse and you and Finn! You think Blaine's not safe with me. I think he's safer with me than with any of you who want nothing more than to take advantage of him."

They both knew they were dealing low blows but Rachel needed Kurt to understand. "You think it will just be the sex Kurt, but it won't, it will be all the time!" Rachel stared, her hands on her hips. "The closer you two get the more he is going to start needing you to do things I know you don't want to do."

The last thing Kurt wanted to think about was punishment. "Then he will have his Dom to give him whatever else he needs."

"And if she decides she has no desire to play second fiddle to a Gray?" Rachel snapped.

Kurt flinched as if the word was a smack. "That's your real problem, isn't it?" he accused. "You talk such a good game Rachel Berry, but in the end you believe everything that everyone says about me. And you can't believe that a sub like Blaine would choose a Gray like me over a Dom like you or Santana. Well you know what Rachel? Screw you!" He turned his back on her and stormed into his room.

"You're going to get hurt," Rachel called after him, closing her eyes as he flung the curtain closed. "You're both going to get hurt," she said softly herself.

* * *

><p>Santana stared at her sub from the bedroom doorway. Lying naked on the bed, her ass bright red, exhausted and frustrated beyond belief, Brittany was beautiful. Stubborn as hell, but beautiful, and 100% sure she knew who she belonged to.<p>

"Come on. Get dressed," Santana ordered. "Blaine will be home soon and I think you owe him a nice home cooked meal along with your apology." Santana turned to walk to the kitchen, calling with a wicked smile, "I left clothes out for you on the bed."

The wool school girl skirt was short and would scratch against Brittany's skin, reminding her of the reparations she still needed to make to both Blaine and Kurt. Santana went to the front door, opening it to remove the band off the door, then went to the kitchen to start dinner. Brittany joined her shortly, her face tear-streaked and a protest on her lips that Santana kissed away. "You can change after you make your apologies to Blaine."

"Yes Ma'am," Brittany pouted.

It didn't get any better when Santana grabbed her ass through the skirt, pressing the wool against the bare sensitive skin. With one more kiss that left Brittany moaning for more, Santana gave her the smallest of spanks which felt like the strap still reigning down on her. "Now help me with dinner."

* * *

><p>Blaine was nervous as he headed home. He was eager to tell Santana that he and Kurt had finally agreed to try but he dreaded Brittany's reaction. He understood a little better, now that he knew what had happened in high school, but he believed with all of his heart that he was safe with Kurt. That no matter what happened, he would never reach a place where he felt that the only way out was to fall and never come back.<p>

The delicious smells from inside the apartment reached him before he even opened the door and when he did his stomach growled hungrily. He hung his coat up and slipped his shoes off and though his heart beat quickly in his chest with the news, the feeling of being someone's boyfriend made him nearly float across the room.

One look at Santana and Brittany and it was obvious how they had spent their day.

It made him realize that he'd forgotten the sting in his skin until just then, and with the reminder it flared as well. It was hard to believe the party had only been yesterday, so much had happened that day.

"Can I help with something?" he asked, reaching a hand over to the sauce on the stove. He managed to get a finger full in his mouth quick enough for Santana's wooden spoon to miss him.

"You can set the table, thief," Santana said with a smile.

Brittany was nervously chatting away with Santana but the eyes above her pink and tear-stained cheeks barely met Blaine's. He didn't know if she was embarrassed about the night before or today, but either way he tried to offer her a small empathetic smile. They hadn't talked since the punishment the night before, and they probably should have. But maybe if she knew he was okay, then she would feel better about everything. And at his smile, her shoulders did seem to relax just slightly.

Feeling light on his feet, Blaine grabbed the plates and the silverware from the cabinets and set them on the kitchen table as usual. The glasses he grabbed and filled with water. He knew very well there would be no wine allowed tonight.

Santana and Brittany brought the food over and they all sat down. Brittany's wince was audible, but Blaine politely ignored it as he filled his plate.

"Did you have a good day Blaine?" Santana asked, a quirk in her brow. He didn't have to tell her that he was going to meet Kurt that morning, she had known that he would try and she had hoped that Kurt would agree.

He'd hoped that he'd have a little time during dinner with casual and pleasant conversation to let his pounding heart settle in his chest before he blurted out the news. But there was no perfect lull to a rousing conversation, Santana's questioning gaze was on him and Brittany's eyes had lifted to hear the answer as well.

"Well, I got an A on that Theater History paper I was so worried about," he said proudly, delaying the inevitable, but he'd learned with his parents that there was an art to delivering life-changing news.

"That's great Blaine," Santana said. "I knew you could do it. I'm glad all that hard work paid off."

"And Madame Pumphrey told me that my relevé is looking remarkably improved," he said with a proud grin. "And I owe that all to you, Brittany," he said with a wink.

"I'm glad I could help," Brittany said with a quiet pride. "Next we should work on your lifts."

"Yeah, definitely." He spread his pasta around with his fork, his hand starting to shake with the effort of holding back his news and the nerves of telling it. "And I met Kurt for coffee this morning," he shared with his fettuccine and anyone else who might have been listening. He chanced a look up to find narrowed suspicious blue eyes and open hopeful brown eyes piercing him. The differences between them were night and day. "We um, we apologized. For how we've been to each other. We talked a lot. And we agreed…" He took a deep breath and smiled. "We agreed to give it a try. So Kurt and I are officially dating."

Santana's delighted smile was quickly wiped from her face when Brittany screamed, "What?" and dropped her silverware with a clatter.

Blaine ducked his head. Santana placed a gentle hand on hers. "Calm down, Britt, and hear him out," she ordered softly.

But Brittany vehemently refused, rising out of her seat. "No!" she yelled. "I am not going to calm down and I'm not going to sit here and be quiet. You wouldn't let me tell him Kurt was Gray and you punished me for telling Kurt to stay away but I am going to speak my mind and I won't let you stop me!"

"Britt," Santana warned but Brittany completely ignored her.

"You can't do this Blaine! Do you know? When you two talked did he tell you that he almost killed a sub because he refused to give him any sort of dominance of any kind? Even shamed him for submitting at all? Is that the kind of relationship you want? You deserve better than what Kurt can give you." Brittany's face was red, her hands were flailing and tears were streaming down her face. Blaine had known that she would be upset but he had never seen her like this before. She was almost hysterical when she grabbed her phone from the counter and furiously started typing at the same time as she yelled. "How could Kurt be so goddamn selfish? First he'll take Blaine from us. Then he'll take Blaine from himself. We'll lose him completely, Santana, he'll kill him!"

Santana gently took the phone from her hand and slipped it into her own pocket. "Corner Brittany. Now." Her voice was calm but hard and she took Brittany's hand, guiding her to the corner behind the kitchen table where she would still be very visible to them both. Santana let her dominance latch onto her sub as she directed her nose to the wall and reached beneath Britt's skirt to press against her already burning cheeks. Though he couldn't see anything, he knew Santana was forcing Brittany's submission deeper and he lowered his eyes respectfully. Santana whispered in Brittany's ear, Brittany nodded and Santana returned to the table.

"Blaine," she said gently reaching her hand out to his. He looked up and took it and despite all that had just happened Santana's eyes glowed at him with nothing but pride. "I'm very proud of you. And I'm very happy for you," she said and Blaine let himself smile. "I'm happy for both of you."

"Thank you, that means a lot that you support us," Blaine said, his eyes flickering angrily up to Brittany.

Santana didn't miss it. "She's scared Blaine. And she has a right to be even if she knew nothing but what she's been taught every day of her life. But she knows Kurt too. Has he told you about his past?" she asked.

Blaine nodded. "He knows mine and I know his. There are no secrets between us anymore."

"I'm glad to hear that," Santana said. "What happened between Kurt and that sub isn't unique. We've been taught all our lives that it's dangerous. Brittany's felt it herself a little and that scared her enough, but she's also seen exactly how dangerous it can be with her own eyes. She'll need time, we all will, to trust it. You and Kurt will too, I hope you understand that."

"Kurt and I agreed to take things slow," Blaine admitted. "We understand the risk, but…" He was caught between happiness and worry and there was really only one thing that would get them through. One thing that he wanted Brittany to understand more than anything. "I love him. And he loves me. Being apart, it just wasn't working. It was hurting both of us, maybe as much as the rest of the world thinks us being together will hurt. So we have to try. And I don't know Santana," he said with a budding grin he couldn't hold back. "I really think we can make this work."

"I think you can too, but slow is going to be more important than you realize Blaine if you and Kurt are going to stay safe," Santana cautioned.

Blaine huffed cheekily. "I know Santana."

"You don't know Blaine, not really. If just listening to Brittany and I being intimate triggered your submission months ago as powerfully as it did, then you could fall far and fast with Kurt if you're not careful. You-"

Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You were the one who pushed me to do this Santana, why do you sound like you're against it now?"

Santana shook her head. "I'm not against it, not at all, but there are things you need to understand-"

"Cooper gave me the sex talk when I was 12," Blaine said rolling his eyes.

"Do you want to end up in the corner next to Brittany?" Santana asked. Blaine bit his lip and quickly shook his head. "Good, then behave yourself and listen to me. When Quinn and I fooled around together, no matter how submissive she pretended to be, what was just a game for her was very real to me, especially because it was really my first time and I didn't know what I was doing or how to control myself. And the more she would try to submit, and she did try, the more my dominance ached and lashed out because it just wasn't real."

"But you had me," Blaine said.

"I did and that helped as best it could. But it was before we had a contract so I still couldn't do the things my body was telling me I needed. I'm not saying it was bad between me and Quinn, it was actually really, really good, that was the problem. I wanted more and even though I had you, I craved it from her." She took his hand again and squeezed it tight. "When you are with him you will crave his dominance Blaine, but it won't be there. And the stronger your relationship becomes, the more intimate it becomes, the more you will need it from him and him alone."

"I won't," Blaine promised, his eyes stinging with tears though he wasn't sure why. "I'll come to you."

"Sometimes our hearts and our bodies do things our minds tell us not to," Santana said. "I'm glad you two are trying. I would never stop you from finding love and all the things I cannot give you. And I am here for you whenever and however you need me."

"I know that Santana and I really appreciate it," he said. "But if you're as worried as Brittany, why are you on our side?"

Santana looked at him, gazed into his eyes as if she knew something about him that he didn't even know about himself. "Because who am I to say that ours is the only way?" she reasoned, then she pointed a strong finger. "But you have to be very careful about letting yourself fall."

"I will," he said. "I promise."

"And if you go into this thinking that he can be your Dom some day, then you're just setting yourselves up for failure from the beginning," Santana said.

Blaine bowed his head. "I won't," he said, and his heart beat quickly. He knew he was lying, and he knew already that he didn't want the punishment from Santana.

* * *

><p>Rachel slipped her yoga pants on over her tights, changed her shoes and grabbed her coat. Some days were harder than others to get through and she was grateful for the distraction of classes to help her forget. Kurt wasn't talking to her unless he absolutely had to, she hadn't reached out to Jesse and she was feeling more alone in the world than she had in a very long time. It was moments like these where it just struck her hard, how much she missed him. Not his submission, not dominating him, just goofy, loving, always there for her no matter what Finn. It could be as simple as a song in a restaurant, or a face that looked too familiar on the street. In those moments she would have to stop, her breath stripped away for a second before reality hit her like a ton of bricks. Finn was gone. No matter how much she loved him, he was gone. And she had her whole life ahead of her.<p>

It's what had been driving her to the clubs, to the dance floor and the dungeons where she could let her dominance go and pretend that things were still normal. Pretend that beneath her hand lay the man she loved, the man that had worshipped her like no one else. But once she had Blaine Anderson under her thumb she realized she couldn't just pretend with him, he wasn't a nameless sub out looking for a good time. He was the one who wanted her Kurt, who wanted to use him and drain him of every emotion he could possibly give and disregard _his_ needs and _his_ desires and leave Kurt to her to put back together again. She'd done it once before but then she was whole. She wasn't sure she could do it again. This time she needed someone to put _her _back together before she'd ever be able to take care of Kurt.

Except there was someone out there who wanted to make her whole. Who she knew if she let him into her heart, he _could _make her whole again. If she trusted him enough. Because Jesse kneeling for her had felt better than all the moments since Finn's death combined and that terrified her. Because accepting Jesse's submission meant letting Finn go.

She closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind but as she headed across the NYADA campus to her next class, she realized she must have still been in her head because she could have sworn she saw Jesse walking across the lawn. But then she shook her head and realized she wasn't imagining him, he was standing against the red brick wall of the library as if he was waiting for her. She considered completely ignoring him but then she'd have to take the long way around, and why should she change her day just for him?

"Jesse, you can't just stalk me everywhere I go," Rachel said as she passed him, exasperation reaching nearly beyond its limit.

Jesse though just smirked and jogged up beside her. "I wasn't stalking you Rachel. I had rehearsal with Kurt and Robert at the Stage Combat studio. We were trying out a bunch of different weapons and they didn't want to have to lug them all back and forth to the rehearsal hall."

"Oh," Rachel said, a small embarrassed smile slipping from her lips. Her anger slipped away, her cheeks colored and Jesse thought it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen. She stopped, taking a seat on the square stone wall, frost covering the winter suspended garden in the center. When it thawed it would be beautiful. Now though, the flowers seemed dead beneath the cold. "I'm sorry. For the other night, at the party." Her other apology had still not been accepted, but Jesse was different. He would forgive her dramatics.

"You mean kissing Blaine?" he asked with a half-smile. When she looked up at him in surprise he sat down beside her. "Yeah, I saw you. Honestly, I've always loved seeing you in action. It's really hot. The rest I deserved." Jesse looked down, a blush crawling quickly up his cheeks now. His submission purred at the thought. He knew better than to let it reach out though. "Look, Rachel, can I say something?" he asked, looking down at her. "And then if you want me to go I will go."

Rachel was staring at him, her expression unreadable, but she nodded, and let go of a careful, "yes."

Jesse looked out on the campus, her eyes too hard to meet. People milled around, without a care in the world. Or with so many cares they were overwhelmed. Where he stood in that spectrum hung in the balance. "Finn Hudson was a better man than I will ever be. I know that Rachel."

"Jesse," she protested, but he stopped her with a glance.

"Let me finish please," he asked and Rachel lowered her gaze, letting Jesse continue without interruption. "Finn was better and maybe he was better even before you were with him, but what I know in my heart is that he was better because of you. Because you believed in him. You chose him because you saw that in him and that's okay Rachel, I understand because you were right. I just needed a Dom then. But Finn…what was between you and Finn was never really dominance and submission. It was just love." Rachel looked up at him and her eyes flickered like she realized something she hadn't known before. He reached out for her hand and took it gently, placing it on her chest. "You don't have to let him go. He is in your heart, he always will be, and he will guide your hand. And I promise him and you that if you let me I will take such good care of you. I know it's customary for the Dom to ask the sub, but please. I am yours if you will have me. And if you say no, then I will leave you alone and wait, even if that means forever."

Rachel took a breath, her hand falling to her lap but still holding his tightly. He looked at them, intertwined as one. "Do you still just need a Dom Jesse? Or do you need someone to love?"

"I need you," he answered. "In whatever way you will have me. In every way you will have me."

She stared at him, every reason why she should say no, their entire history swirling in her mind. "You lied. To Finn. To me. You told Finn I had cheated on him with you when I hadn't." But despite her words, her voice wasn't angry or accusatory. She was calm. Listing his sins before his sentencing. Because the truth was, she'd already decided to say yes. "Because of what you said he needed space, to let the universe figure out what was right for us. Because of you he enlisted. Do you know that he proposed, when he came back from basic training?"

"Yes," Jesse whispered.

"He believed in us. He thought we would be forever. He thought you hadn't torn us apart," Rachel said, her eyes misty.

"I didn't," Jesse said sadly. "I couldn't have. No one could have."

She looked up at him. And for maybe the first time, she believed that to be true. She reached out and ran her fingers over the frozen dirt. Granules broke free and she rubbed them between her fingers. "I think somehow, he knew. The night he proposed he told me that relationships were like flowers. That if you find the right seed, put it in good soil, give it water and sunlight, it would have a perfect bud. Even though winter would come and the flower would die, he said, if you tend the garden, spring would come along and the flower would bloom again."

He reached over and he wiped the tears from her eyes. "He loved you so much Rachel, he would want you to bloom again. And I want to learn to love like he did. I want you to teach me how to be the man he was."

"He wasn't perfect Jesse. But he always took responsibility for his actions," she said.

Jesse slipped off the bench and he kneeled before the girl who would always be his Dom. "Whatever you want Rachel. I'm not afraid. I know you're worried you're going to hurt me, but you won't. Not more than you should. Not more than I deserve. I promise." She hesitated. "Please."

Rachel looked down at him. His beautiful eyes shining up at her. She took a deep breath. "You don't have rehearsal tonight?" He shook his head. "Meet me after dinner in the loft. Kurt will be out with Blaine until at least ten," she said.

Jesse lowered his head, and his submission swirled. "Yes Ma'am."

* * *

><p>"Brittany, love, you need to talk to us at some point," Santana called quietly from the bedroom doorway. Brittany clearly thought otherwise though as she sat on the bed, arms folded tight against her chest. "What are you going to do, live alone in your bedroom without communicating with anyone ever again?"<p>

Brittany said nothing. It was Santana's fault she couldn't communicate with anyone. If her Dom would just give her phone back she could at least talk to her friends from the Company. But no, for the past three days since Blaine and Kurt had decided to give madness a try and stumble their way to certain doom for at least Blaine if not both of them, she'd been forced into complete silence and isolation.

"And don't think you can blame me for this," Santana warned sternly as if she could read her sub's mind. "All you need to do is apologize to Blaine and Kurt for how you've been treating them and the horrible text you sent and I'll give you your phone back."

It wasn't horrible, Brittany thought. It was truthful. She had every right to be mad at Kurt. Kurt was being selfish. Stealing Blaine from them. Risking Blaine's life. Taking advantage of another sub's vulnerabilities, just like he always had. He thought he was so much better than Doms but he was worse because at least they could catch subs when they fell.

Santana stepped into the room and sat down next to her girlfriend. "Blaine misses you," she said, brushing her fingers through her long blonde locks. "Is this the kind of friend you want to be?"

"I'm trying to save him," Brittany said. Her words were barely a whisper. If Santana hadn't been sitting right there she wouldn't have heard them. But she had, the first words she'd spoken to any of them in three days and they roared loudly in her mind.

"Brittany." Santana wrapped her arms around her sub and pulled her close. She almost expected Brittany to resist but she didn't. She didn't relax either though. "Saving Blaine is not your job. It's my job to keep him safe until he tells me it's not anymore. Don't you trust me?"

"I don't know." Brittany's response sent shivers up Santana's spine. She couldn't help but pull back slightly and Brittany sat up, looking her straight in the eye. "I always have Santana. Always. But letting this happen? You weren't there. You don't understand."

Santana couldn't believe that she had possibly done something so wrong in Brittany's eyes to have lost her trust. But if it was true, then she needed to understand. "Then explain it to me," she said.

Brittany leaned back, curling in on herself once more. "I remember the day they told us that Dave had tried to kill himself. They gathered the subs in one room and the Doms in another. Kurt was in the principal's office with his dad. Everyone knew why it had happened. They warned us. They wanted to make sure we understood, like you told Blaine, that this wasn't something unique to Kurt and Dave, but that we were all at risk if we ever made the mistake of being with a Gray. I didn't need them to tell me that though 'Tana, I knew better than anyone." Brittany's voice was shaking with terror. Her eyes were glassy.

"Because you'd kissed him before," Santana said.

Brittany nodded. "I'd kissed others before, Dom, subs, and it had never felt like it had with Kurt. With a Dom there's someone to catch you. With a sub there's someone to hold your hand while you fall. With Kurt…" Brittany started to cry and Santana didn't know whether to hold her close or give her space. "I know why Dave did what he did. I would have done the same thing, especially if I had loved him. And I don't know why you would push Blaine to go through that."

"I'm not pushing Blaine, love," Santana told her. "He was self-destructing without Kurt, what would you have me do? I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm supporting him as best as I know how."

"It won't be enough," Brittany whispered.

"Did Kurt love Dave?" Santana asked.

Brittany looked up at her, surprised. "What?"

Santana smiled softly. "Did Kurt love Dave? Or was he just a stupid kid, accepting the attention of someone who was almost worshiping him?"

Brittany shook her head. "I don't think Kurt loved him," she said.

"What do you think Kurt was taught?" Santana asked her. "You said the Doms were pulled together and the subs were pulled together but what do you think Kurt was told in that office that day? What do you think he was ever taught about how to care for either one? Or was he just taught to stay away?"

"I don't know," Brittany admitted.

"Do you love Blaine?"

"Of course I do," Brittany insisted.

"And you know what a sub needs. But you're hurting him right now. The way you acted at the table the other day. Not talking to him for all this time? Not talking to Kurt? Just because they love each other." Brittany lowered her eyes in shame and Santana took her hands. "I know you're scared Britt. I am too. For all the reasons you are but mostly I'm scared that one day Kurt will be everything that Blaine needs and he won't need me anymore. But I'm not going to do anything that will stop me from being there for him as long as he _does_ need me. And you shouldn't either. Because he does need you. I can be there to catch him, but he'll need someone to hold his hand when he falls. Until Kurt learns how to do both."

"I'm sorry," Brittany said, tears falling from her eyes.

"Don't be angry at Kurt for loving Blaine as much as we do," Santana told her.

"I think he loves him more," Brittany admitted softly.

Santana gathered her sub in her arms and held her close. "So do I," she said sadly.

* * *

><p>"Do you think it's true?" Kurt asked. They were standing outside on the front porch of Kurt's apartment, the overhead light shining down on them. It was a cold walk from the movie but they were shielded from the wind now and neither one of them would have felt it anyway.<p>

"What?" Blaine asked.

"What everyone says. That if we have sex you'll fall into the depths of despair?" Kurt squinted down at him.

A grin slowly grew on Blaine's face. "Why Kurt Hummel, are you already thinking about having sex with me?" he teased. "This is only our first date."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "What _already_ Blaine? Let's not kid ourselves, this is not our first date, it's been months."

"Okay, true," Blaine allowed and the smile disappeared as he grew more thoughtful. "I don't know. I hope not. Is that what happened with you and Dave?"

Kurt shook his head. "Dave and I never really had sex," Kurt told him. His gaze drifted to avoid looking Blaine in the eye. "He wanted to but I was only 16, I was so confused, I had no idea what he wanted from me. I'd only ever been taught to stay away from subs. I was hiding everything from my Dad because I knew how pissed he'd be. Dave wanted so much though. Kissing was never enough for him and he would….he did to me whatever I would let him," he lowered his gaze, ashamed to say it out loud, "which was much more than I should have. But I never returned the favor."

"Oh." Suddenly his heart went out to Dave. He could only imagine what that must have been like for the sub. "Well then yes," he acknowledged carefully. "If I gave you all my trust and love and submission and you gave me nothing in return, then I think I would fall into the depths of despair."

Kurt frowned. He'd come to understand what he'd done wrong over the past few years, but no one had ever put it to him that way. He had to admit that he sounded like a horrible person, even to himself. No wonder Brittany hated him. "I wouldn't do that to you. I was just a kid then Blaine," he said as if in apology. "It wasn't just that I didn't trust him. I didn't trust myself."

"And you didn't love him," Blaine said pointedly, looking up at Kurt with those eyes that said Blaine would give him the world if he just asked.

"No," Kurt admitted. "I never loved him. I've never loved or trusted anyone like I do you."

Blaine reached for Kurt's hand but then pulled it back nervously. His heart was fluttering in his chest with doubt. "If you ever don't love me or trust me Kurt, you have to tell me. Please?"

Kurt took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist. "I don't think I'll ever have to tell you that."

"Just promise though? Please?"

Kurt hugged him tight and kissed him on the forehead. "I promise."

Blaine closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you Sir."

He felt unwanted air between them as Kurt stepped back and his eyes fluttered open. "Don't do that," Kurt told him. "Don't submit to me okay? No _sirs_. I'm your boyfriend, not your Dom."

"You're right," Blaine said, lowering his eyes. He hadn't meant to. It would be hard to control what just came naturally but he would try. He looked back up with a bashful smile. "Force of habit. Sorry."

Instead of answering Kurt leaned in, and when Blaine didn't pull away he kissed him softly at first on the lips, then deeper as Blaine seemed to push into it. Blaine's hands caressed down Kurt's sides until they came to rest on his hips and Kurt draped his arms over Blaine's shoulders. People walked by but neither cared. And neither pulled away for a very long time.

* * *

><p><strong>From Rachel to Kurt: Please be quiet when you come home. Jesse was deep when he fell asleep and I don't want him startled awake.<strong>

Rachel's text had interrupted him and Blaine and reminded them of Blaine's curfew. Walking up the stairs, Kurt let the facts of the text settle in his mind. Rachel and Jesse were back together, she'd probably beaten the crap out of him tonight and in the morning Jesse was going to be very sore and very subby. He quickly considered turning around and going home with Blaine instead.

He opened the door as quietly as he could and slipped his coat off. He didn't turn the light on just in case it would disturb the sleeping sub, but he did let out a mild scream when he relaxed into the couch only to find Rachel sitting there waiting for him.

"Jesus Christ Rachel, aren't you supposed to be in there cuddling him or something?" Kurt snapped, his heart pounding in his chest. "What if he wakes up and you're not next to him, won't he die as he falls off the face of the earth?"

"He'll be fine for a little while, he's out cold," Rachel said and she shrugged sheepishly. "Besides, I was worried about you. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Why?" Kurt accused. "Because you're so sure that things would go badly between me and Blaine? Because you think you were right? That we kissed and he collapsed on the ground in a mess and I had to call Santana to come save him and now I'm beating myself up about it? Because that's not even close to what happened."

"Well I'm glad to hear that," Rachel said, but she looked at him with a frown. "But no. I was worried about you because I've behaved horribly to you. I haven't been the friend you've needed while you go through all this with Blaine, and I'm sorry. And I want to do better instead of making everything worse."

Kurt sighed. There was so much he could say, so many smart remarks he could make. But he was tired and instead he could silently thank Jesse for whatever had happened that evening, accept her apology, and have his best friend back. "So maybe it's you who needs the cuddling?" Kurt decided with a quirked brow in silent acceptance.

Rachel smiled bashfully. "Maybe."

Kurt opened his arms and she curled up against his chest, where she was always safe and sound. He let the quiet hum of the apartment and the noise outside of it fill the silence for a while. He'd forgotten how much he missed this, soothing Rachel after a difficult night. "So why the change of heart?" he couldn't help but ask.

"Jesse said something," she said, still nuzzled against him. "He said that what was between Finn and me wasn't dominance and submission. He said it was love."

"Finn always loved you, Rachel, even when he was afraid to say it. His submission came second."

"Do you think that's because he was raised by a Gray?" she asked.

It wasn't the first time Kurt had thought about it. Like him, Finn had been raised with little exposure at home to dominance and submission. He'd always wondered if the fact that he was raised by a Gray was what had made him so different from the other jocks. If it was what had always made him feel safe to Kurt. "Yeah. Maybe."

"So, if that's true, then maybe you and Blaine can be okay? Maybe love could be enough. Especially with Santana to take care of the rest," Rachel said.

Kurt smiled softly, closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the couch. He wasn't so sure it could possibly be as simple as all that, but it sounded like a nice dream. "When we kissed Rachel…it was the most amazing feeling in my life. I felt like I could just fly away." She sat up suddenly and Kurt's eyes flew open. She was staring at him as if she was trying to see inside. "What?" he asked.

"A sub falls. A Dom flies," she said.

Kurt looked at her like she was out of her mind. "What the hell are you talking about Rachel?"

"That's what they teach us. A sub falls, a Dom flies. When we're together. When submission and dominance latch we keep each other on the ground."

Kurt scoffed. "Rachel that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Adam never _flew," _he echoed with an eyeroll. "And even if he did it's just a turn of phrase. It doesn't mean a thing."

"It's why you're drawn to subs," Rachel said, eyes filled with wonder and Kurt could tell there would be no convincing her otherwise. "It's why you and Blaine just might be okay," she said.

Kurt just shook his head, pulled her close and smiled softly. Rachel was crazy, but even if he could convince her otherwise, he wasn't sure he would want to.

* * *

><p>Blaine skipped up the stairs two by two, happier than he could remember ever being. His grin was huge as he bounced through the front door. "I'm home!" he called.<p>

Santana stepped out from the living room, grinning herself at his obvious joy. Seeing him happy was all she ever wanted. "So it went well I guess?" she asked eagerly.

"It was perfect," Blaine swooned. He put his things away then went to the kitchen, grabbing himself an ice cold glass of water before leaning on the counter. "We talked, we kissed, and it was perfect."

Santana let out a sigh of relief. "Do you need anything from me?" she asked. They didn't talk about it before he'd left and neither had known what his needs would be when he returned, but she'd promised to be there and she meant it.

Blaine took stock of his body and his heart and he realized that everything felt just the way he thought it should. "No," he said with a bit of surprise. Smiling at Santana, his beautiful and perfect Santana who was watching him with just a hint of worry, he couldn't help but feel that everything was falling into place. And he loved his Dom for allowing that. "Thank you, Santana, for asking. But I am more than fine."

~S~

_If I fell into you, would it be close enough?__  
><em>If I finally let you in, would you show me what love is?<em>  
><em>If I had nothing to give.<em>_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**I hope that made all the past angst worth it! See you next week!**


	12. The Bells

**Author's Note:**

**Happy December everyone! Thank you once again for your thoughts, your follows, your kudos. You are really the best readers ever.**

**This story has happily hit 20 chapters. I am hoping that is where it will stay.**

**I am always interested in new music that reminds you of this fic, so if anyone has any recommendations, please pass them my way. And don't forget to check out the art on tumblr.**

**Thank you to my beta who always knows exactly what to say and what I need to hear.**

**Minor(ish) warning: This is a Finn heavy chapter. In case anyone needs to emotionally prepare for that.**

* * *

><p><em>Every day I get a little bit closer to<br>The resolution that I am not yet bulletproof  
>Oh, the battle within rages on and on.<em>

_~ Lea Michele_

* * *

><p>Blaine had begun to find comfort in the loft. The beat up, rustic, just barely making it energy that emanated from every corner of Kurt and Rachel's apartment was a significant contrast to the posh and provided for home that he shared with Santana and Brittany. Though he was all too frequently feeling like the third wheel with Santana and Brittany lately, here he just seemed to fit right in. He belonged.<p>

He knew it was because of Kurt. Despite the decision to take things slow, Blaine was thriving on Kurt's friendship. Kurt was kind and thoughtful and hilarious and treated him like he'd been treated at Dalton; as an equal, not just as a sub. And surprisingly, Blaine was finding that he had missed that part of himself.

He popped some more popcorn in his mouth from the glass bowl separating Kurt and him on the couch. But every so often their hands would meet and though sparks shot up Blaine's arm at the softness of Kurt's fingers, he pulled it back instead of reaching out. Their kiss had been extraordinary. But going further than kissing still was scary for both of them.

Though she'd given her blessing, Rachel was watching their every move in the loft sitting perched on her arm chair throne. Whether it was out of care and concern for Blaine and Kurt or to rub it in and say _I told you so _should it all go wrong, she hovered more than the boys would have liked. Brittany and Santana at home were no different. They wanted to know every detail, every step that they took in their burgeoning relationship. But Blaine and Kurt were serious about being safe. No matter how quickly their bodies were telling them they wanted to jump, if they were really going to do this, they knew they were going to have to do it right.

Blaine wished that there was some kind of text book that explained what he could expect, what Kurt could expect. He wished there were instructions so that they knew what to do. But no matter how many books there were out there about relationships between Doms and subs, they could find nothing but footnotes and sidebars for Grays. Nothing that told them anything except not to risk everything they were risking.

Blaine wanted him though, he thought as he stared at Kurt on the other side of the couch wondering how anyone on earth could ever be as beautiful as Kurt was. He wanted to touch him and hold him and kiss him. He wanted to make Kurt hold him down, he wanted Kurt to make him cry with the perfect torture of pleasure and pain. He wanted…

Kurt's phone buzzed and Blaine thanked God for the interruption to thoughts that were taking him very much down a path he knew he should not go down. With one hand Kurt paused the show and with the other he answered.

"Hey Dad, how are you?" Kurt asked with a wary smile. He still hadn't told his Dad about Blaine, the timing had just never been right, and it seemed now wasn't either as his smile turned quickly. "They wha…that's…okay, when? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, she's right here I'll tell her. Yeah Dad, I love you too. Thanks for calling."

Kurt's eyes were distant when he hung up and Blaine immediately worried when his head fell into his hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"Kurt?" Rachel asked before Blaine could get a word out. His nerves though were quickly ignited and instinctually he slipped off the couch and knelt at his feet, resting his hands on Kurt's leg. Something was terribly wrong and he had a feeling he'd been left out of something very big.

"They're awarding Finn the Medal of Honor," Kurt said softly and then his eyes turned up to Rachel in tears of pride. "The ceremony will be in April. At the White House."

Rachel sucked in a breath as if she couldn't believe the words she had just heard. Then her own tears fell, tears of relief and memory and grief and happiness all rolled into one. She wiped them away and she got up, her hands shaking. "I have to go," she said, glancing from side to side as if she were lost.

Kurt got up and wrapped her in his arms. "The medal belongs to you now," he whispered softly. "As his Dominate the President will present it to you."

She shook her head, disbelief clouding her gaze. "I don't deserve it. It should be Carole, she's next of kin."

"That's not how it works, but you'll go together sweetie," Kurt promised her. "We'll all be there for you."

She pressed her lips together. She nodded. "I need…" she said, still lost.

"You need Jesse," Kurt told her and he wiped the wetness from her cheeks. Her eyes looked frightened and he smiled. "It's okay that you need him. Do you want me to call? Have him come here?"

Rachel shook her head. "No," she said, trying hard to pull herself together. "No, I think I need some air. I...I'm going to walk."

"Okay," Kurt said and he kissed her on the forehead. "Call me if you need anything." He helped Rachel gather her things and walked her out the door. It was only once he turned around to find Blaine looking up at him from where he still knelt that he even remembered his boyfriend was there. "Blaine-"

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked immediately and it was only a second before Kurt was across the room, urging Blaine from the floor, and falling into his arms. Blaine hugged him tightly and held him close with all his love, letting his submission wrap around Kurt as well. He had no idea if Kurt could even feel it, but he would give it all to him if it soothed him even slightly.

"We've been waiting for so long it seems," Kurt breathed warmly against the skin of his neck. It sent shivers down Blaine's spine but he fought to ignore it. "I know when you look at others who have waited years, decades even, this is nothing. But we didn't know with Finn…because of how…"

Blaine let Kurt drift off, running his fingers through his hair, wanting nothing more than to rest his lips on the skin he adored. "You don't have to tell me," Blaine said. He'd never asked before. He always figured that if Kurt wanted him to know how Finn had died he would tell him. But what he wanted to understand more than anything was Kurt, and he knew as long ago as their first coffee date that Finn was one of the most important pieces of the puzzle. "I'll listen though. If you want to talk."

Kurt pulled out of his arms. His eyes were distant, pained, and he looked out the window onto the streets of Manhattan. Blaine watched Kurt walk over, staring out into the darkness that never truly was, and placed his hand on the glass that was cold as ice. Blaine walked over to the couch and sat down, never taking his eyes off his boyfriend.

"I still look for him," Kurt said, his voice soft but steady. "Out on the street. The day he came home from basic training we weren't expecting him. We were staring out the window and suddenly we saw him walk up the steps and then there was a knock on the door and here he was. I think we both still sometimes believe that he'll just walk up again and say that it was all just a dream." Kurt turned around and leaned against the sill. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at the floor. "As hard as it can be, sometimes I forget how lucky I am. To live in this country." He looked up. His eyes met Blaine's but Blaine couldn't quite tell if he was looking at him or through him. "Finn used to write to us. Me and Carole. He would tell us what it was like for Grays out in the world. He hated seeing us treated like second class citizens or worse. I mean, sometimes it seems like it here, but we're allowed to go to school, work, get married. It isn't like that everywhere."

"I didn't know," Blaine said, his voice hushed.

Kurt offered a sad smile and he came and sat down with Blaine on the other side of the couch. "I didn't know either. And I don't think anything prepared Finn for what he saw…" Kurt swallowed his words. He bit his lip, his nose crinkling in disgust as he remembered. "He was always told wherever he went to just let it be, they weren't there to intervene or to change things for a tiny fraction of the population. The last time though, it was just too much for him to stay quiet. There were whispers amongst the villagers. Grays had been rounded up. Kids, adults. Treated like worse than animals under Doms who wanted to force them into submission. Finn couldn't stand it. He wanted to free them but his chain of command said no. Finn didn't let up though and he grew close to the people near the camps. He came to find out there were two Americans imprisoned there. Then the army sanctioned the mission."

Blaine sat quietly, listening with all his heart, wanting to reach out but not sure if it would be welcome or not. So he held out his hand with no expectations, and Kurt took it. Blaine rubbed his thumb against Kurt's palm, in soothing almost hypnotic circles, letting his submission flow through it into Kurt's skin. And it seemed to help Kurt continue.

"I've heard the story so many times now, but I've never told it," Kurt said with an ironic huff. Then he closed his eyes and took a breath. "Finn's team went in and they got the Americans out with minimal causalities and they moved to leave, but Finn refused to leave the others behind. He was told to leave but he disobeyed the commands."

"Wow. That must have taken an incredible amount of strength," Blaine said. Disobeying commands was difficult for any sub who didn't crave the consequence. He could only imagine in the case of a soldier and his commanding officer.

"Yeah," Kurt said. "Finn always was the strong one." Kurt got up and went to his room. Blaine followed and sat down on the edge of the bed as Kurt picked up a picture from his desk. "Finn went back into the building to save the others. When he did he found out that if he'd waited any longer then all of them within the compound, the native Grays, his team, the American they'd saved, they all would have been dead. The Doms inside had rigged the whole place with explosives. Finn saved them all before he was shot by one of the Doms." Kurt sat next to him and showed him the picture. Blaine knew right away it was of the soldiers that had survived, holding Finn's dog tags.

Blaine took his hand. "I am so, so sorry."

Kurt didn't pull back but Blaine wasn't sure that he'd heard. "He was still alive and they evacuated him to Germany where we met him. He held on for two days. Which was good for us, especially Rachel. Gave us time to say goodbye. He made Carole and me promise not to feel guilty. He spent most of his time with Rachel. They'd been engaged a couple of months by then. She only took the ring off her finger the beginning of this school year. I don't know what she would have done if they hadn't had that time together for goodbyes."

Blaine bit back tears that wanted to fall, but Kurt wasn't crying and he knew his tears wouldn't help right now. "Were you able to keep your promise?" he asked instead. "To not feel guilty?"

Kurt finally looked at him, blue eyes filled with determination. "It wasn't my fault," Kurt said. "I know when he saw those people in there he saw me and Carole, but I didn't put them there and I certainly didn't pull the trigger. So I guess I only feel as guilty as I reasonably can given that I'm still here and he's gone. But he died a hero. That's all he ever wanted to be really. And now the world will know." Kurt bit his lip and looked down to their hands. "Adam helped me through a lot of it," he said.

Blaine nodded. He could understand that. "I'm sure his Dom energy was soothing."

Kurt though shook his head. "I don't feel that, like you guys do. Rachel tells me it's like this energy that flows from one person to another, like music moving in perfect harmony with one another." Blaine agreed. That was exactly how it felt to him. "But it's just nothing to me." He looked at Blaine carefully, seeing pity and fear in his face. "I'm okay Blaine. Rachel is too. We've done a lot of healing together, separately, as a family. But I also don't want you to think that there won't be times I won't fall apart. I'm not like Finn. I can't always be strong for you like you might need."

Blaine set the pictures aside and, moving closer, he reached his hand up to Kurt's neck. "You're as strong as you need to be," he said and he surged forward, capturing Kurt's lips. Kurt let all of his emotions disappear into the kiss, soothed by Blaine's gentle, loving touch. He knew he shouldn't, he heard the warnings in his head. But along with his anger and sadness, his fear had gone too and he let Blaine push him back onto the bed, his head resting on his pillow. Blaine's weight atop him made Kurt's head spin. Their lips parted and Kurt shivered at the cool breeze on his skin as Blaine pulled his shirt from his jeans, reaching for skin.

"Is this okay?" Blaine whispered and Kurt nodded furiously. Blaine worked Kurt's buttons from bottom to top, until he could see Kurt's amazing body, toned with muscle. He traced his abs, gazing adoringly with every touch. "God you are so beautiful Kurt," he said with wonder. "Let me take care of you?"

"I don't know if we should do this Blaine," Kurt said, but he didn't have the energy or the desire to stop. And with the touch of Blaine's lips to his chest, he forgot all common sense. He hummed blissfully, closing his eyes and arching his back to give Blaine more, to beg for more.

And Blaine complied as if he could read Kurt's mind, giving him everything that he wanted. He remembered that Kurt liked it soft, slow, and Blaine was more than willing to worship Kurt's body as if it belonged to a god. Blaine latched onto his neck, making Kurt shiver with the warmth of breath on his skin. He moved down his chest, taking Kurt's nipple in his mouth and licking gently, sucking softly as to never cause pain. He took a moment to pull off, blowing gently over his work, and looked up at Kurt through his lashes. Blaine grinned at the complete look of contentment on his boyfriend's face and the hardness he could feel against his leg. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked.

"No," Kurt begged, his breathing ragged. He leaned up slightly to pull Blaine's shirt up over his head and tossed it aside. "Don't you dare stop."

Blaine let the words rush over him as if they were an order and a thrill of pleasure and submission flowed through him. Wanting, needing, to be as close to Kurt as he could he laid back down, skin to skin, kissing Kurt's lips, his neck, his ear, any skin he could reach, hungrily as if he might never get the chance again. His own body strained against his zipper and in a moment of weakness he pressed down against Kurt and sucked in a breath at the wave of pleasure that rushed through him. The feeling was too incredible to resist and moaning against Kurt's skin he did it again and again until they were both closer than they should have been.

"Fuck, Blaine, no, we can't…" Kurt groaned beneath him and though Blaine's entire body screamed for him to disobey he knew that Kurt was right. He could already feel himself falling and he knew he had to reel himself back in.

"You're right, sorry," he whispered breathlessly. With a press of his arms he lifted himself off of Kurt and after a few deep breaths, he moved to lay down beside him, facing him. Kurt looked positively wrecked and Blaine knew he was fighting something just as hard as he was. He reached a hand behind Kurt's head and pulled him forward, capturing his lips once more, stealing as much of Kurt as he safely could. They stayed lost in themselves for hours, whispered conversations between silent ones, learning more about each other inside and out. They stayed that way until Blaine's phone beeped with a text from Santana that it was time for him to come home, and reluctantly Blaine slipped his shirt back on and kissed him goodbye.

* * *

><p>Rachel stepped out of the apartment onto the sidewalk, still trembling with the news about Finn. She'd never been more proud or felt more guilty in her entire life. Catching her breath and walking down the street, the bells of St. Mary's rung, three times, and stopped her in her tracks. Tears immediately flooded her as the hazy memories of a casket draped in an American flag and her fathers pulling her away rose to the surface. Forcing a release of her dominance to steady herself she began walking again until she found herself at Jesse's doorstep without remembering anything of how she had gotten there. The memories of Finn that had plagued her on the walk remained vivid in her mind. She almost turned around and ran, but she didn't. When she'd finally allowed Jesse back into her life, when she'd agreed to dominate him, when she'd punished him and forgave him and allowed him to finally forgive himself, she had made a commitment to herself and to him. She'd made a commitment to take care of him.<p>

She knocked on the door and he opened it immediately, falling to his knees the moment he saw her. With a sigh she closed the door behind her, walked in past him and hung up her coat. Back to her, his head was bowed and Rachel's heart skipped a beat at his very picture of submission. But as she stared and his submission reached out to her, her head spun and just for a second it was Finn kneeling there instead of Jesse. And she knew she had to tell him.

"Would you come sit with me?" she asked softly, not wanting to exude any measure of dominance at the moment. "We need to talk."

Jesse did as she asked, sitting next to her with his hands folded in his lap. But his eyes were on hers, boring into them. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She started then stopped, taking a deep breath and taking his hands in hers. The other night against her better judgment she had allowed him in the haze of subspace to talk contracts and claimings. She didn't know what he remembered of it but she had to assume he remembered it all. "Kurt's Dad called today. He said that Finn was going to be awarded the Medal of Honor in April."

"Rachel, that's amazing," Jesse said. "He deserved it, really."

Rachel lowered her eyes. It was so hard to feel like she was betraying them both. "The medal is presented to me. As his Dominate." She looked up and she saw Jesse's eyes shift as he began to understand.

"You can't claim me," he said.

"No," Rachel said, her heart breaking with the word. "Not until after." He pulled his hands away but she moved in grabbing them, refusing to let go. "It doesn't mean things have changed Jesse, I just…it wouldn't be fair to you. In order to really be with you, to give you all of me, I need to let him go. And I can't do that now. Not yet."

"I understand," he said, and his voice broke her heart. But Jesse was strong. He had waited this long, he knew he could wait as long as he needed to. "I don't want to lose you though. Not when I've been through so much to find you again."

Rachel smiled at him with a chiding glance. "I don't intend to let you go."

"Then we still need a contract," he said definitively. "A temporary one at least."

Rachel leaned in and offered him a quick kiss. "I think that can be arranged."

* * *

><p>His fingers danced on the keys, playing music not found in the heart of others but born of his own soul, his own love, his own passion. Black and white, each note so lonely and monotonous on their own but mixed together they did not make gray, they made a beautiful rainbow of sounds that rose from Blaine's fingers, echoing the song in his heart.<p>

_I truly believe that I was born  
>To meet you<br>To love you  
>To be with you<br>To teach you  
>And to learn from you<em>

In his mind it was all muddled, the responsibility he had to Santana mixed with the desire, the increasingly overwhelming need, for Kurt to take control. He tried so hard to respect that Kurt wasn't a Dom and didn't want to pretend to be one, but sometimes, too often maybe, his natural instincts took over. He wanted to kneel and obey, he wanted to call him Sir, he wanted so desperately to lose himself in the ecstasy he knew Kurt could bring him, to submit to the man that made his heart beat frantically in his chest. Sometimes he wanted it so badly, it hurt.

_To walk with you in the paths you choose  
>To have faith in my love for you<br>And your love for me._

But no matter how strong the pull was he tried. He tried not to fall and he tried not to want and he tried not to submit. He tried not to beg for control and for orders and for punishment. He tried so hard to walk the difficult path they had chosen as equals. He tried to have faith that their love was enough. Because in his heart he knew that they were soulmates as much as he and Santana were.

_I truly believe that I was born  
>To be your love<br>To be yours._

_My love and my faith lies with you._

A text from Santana asking if he was coming home for dinner startled Blaine out of the music. Looking at the time he descended into a panic. He was not only late to go home but he had missed class as well. Resolving to set an alarm next time, he quickly sent his Dom a text that he was on his way, gathered his things, and raced out the door.

* * *

><p>They had spent so little time together lately, it was nice for Kurt and Rachel to share an evening all on their own. They'd met after classes, Rachel grabbed a coffee, and she curled her arm in his, leading him quickly down to the theater district.<p>

"What's going on, is Babs here? Or Patti Lupone? Neil Patrick Harris?" he asked, his eyes growing wide.

Rachel laughed. "No, there's nobody here, it's a something, not a someone that I want to show you."

He let her lead them, she really wasn't giving him much choice, until they started walking up the block to theater row, where his own production would be loading in the next day. The ladders were up beneath the signs and the lights were shining and Kurt stared up in awe. His show…_his show_…had its name up in lights off-Broadway.

"Jesse showed it to me this morning as he walked me to class. I knew I had to show you," she said.

"It's beautiful," he said wistfully.

She looked up at him, smiling proudly. "Someday it will be your name in lights."

"Oh, let's not get crazy now Rachel," he said, bumping his shoulder to hers. "The chances of seeing a Gray up in lights is very very slim."

"You shouldn't say things like that," Rachel frowned.

"It's true. The chances of seeing Blaine's name is far, far greater than mine," Kurt admitted. "But I'm beginning to be okay with that. I love what I'm doing in stage combat." She rolled her eyes but he persisted. "People respect me, I feel like it's making me stronger. Teaching me things I need to know if Blaine and I are ever going to stand a chance."

"So you're getting more comfortable with Blaine's needs?" she asked.

He'd be lying if he said yes. "I'm trying," Kurt sighed. "I'm trying."

* * *

><p>Blaine thought how easy it was for an idea to become tradition as he sat with his friends in the NYADA coffee house waiting for Kurt's class to end. At 4:13, Kurt would walk through the doors, offer him a quick kiss and sit down to share their days before Apples rehearsal or rehearsal with Robert or whatever else their evenings brought. Today they were planning on stopping by the bookstore on their way home. He checked his watch, 4:09, and his body started humming with anticipation when he heard his name called, but from the wrong lips.<p>

"Mr. Anderson. May I see you a moment."

Blaine's face dropped and he looked away from his coffee, the stern and far from happy sound of Madame Tibideaux's voice jump-starting his heart. He glanced to his friends who looked as worried as he felt and quietly said, "Tell Kurt to meet me outside, okay?"

They nodded and he got up as if facing execution. Turning to Madam Tibideaux, he followed her out the door. They made their way to her office in silence, Blaine trailing behind like a dutiful sub, and when she closed the door to her office behind her he couldn't help but wonder what implements of torture she had hidden within the confines of her desk.

"Have a seat, Mr. Anderson," she ordered.

He tentatively did as he was told, bearing in mind that it could be the last time he comfortably did so for the next week. With complete contrition, he folded his hands in his lap.

"Do you know why you're here Mr. Anderson," she asked.

Blaine had his suspicions but he was hesitant to voice them. The last thing he wanted to do was confess to something of which she was not already aware. "No Ma'am," he answered almost honestly.

"Your Movement and Dance professor has informed me that you have missed three classes already this semester. Would you care to explain yourself?"

Blaine lowered his eyes. It was as he had thought. "Yes Ma'am. I'm sorry. It's just…that class is an hour after lunch and I've been going to the music studio to practice my piano. You see I've been kind of dabbling with some composition in my spare time. But sometimes I get so caught up I lose track of time."

"And you can't set an alarm for yourself?"

Blaine squeezed his eyes shut in shame. "I forget that too Ma'am," he admitted.

"I see," Madam Tibideaux said and he heard her chair swivel back and forth but he was too afraid to look up to see what he would find. "Your Dom will be made aware of your transgressions. And I expect it not to happen again. If it does, I will know that your Dom needs some assistance in controlling your behavior. I trust you will speak with your professor about making up the work. Is that understood?"

Blaine lifted his eyes. "Yes Ma'am. It won't happen again Ma'am," he promised. He'd already shamed Santana enough.

She looked at him for what felt like hours then let out a sigh. "Very well Mr. Anderson, you are free to go."

"Thank you," he said before nearly jumping out of the chair and racing to the door to escape. But with a hand on the door he was stopped.

"Is your music any good?" she asked and he turned back to her. "The songs you compose?"

"I don't know," Blaine admitted shyly. "I've never really let anyone listen to them."

"I would like to someday soon," she said firmly. "Now you may go."

"Yes Ma'am. Thank you Ma'am," he said before bolting out the door.

* * *

><p>Blaine didn't even realize he was trembling as he swung open the front doors to NYADA and hitched his bag on his shoulder. His head was spinning so much he barely saw Kurt waiting for him, but Kurt saw him and rushed up to meet him.<p>

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, grasping him in a hug. "The guys told me-" The feel of Kurt's arms around him let open the well of tears that Blaine had been keeping in and he curled into Kurt's neck, letting them fall. "Blaine, what's the matter? You're shaking, what did she say?"

"I've been going to the piano studio after lunch," Blaine explained, sniffing. "I was writing and I lost track of time. I missed class three times. She's…she's calling Santana," he cried.

"Oh Blaine," Kurt said, and Blaine could hear the disappointment even in his voice. Blaine's heart fell even lower. He'd been so stupid, failing everyone. "She's not kicking you out or anything, is she?"

"No, s-Kurt," he stumbled, sniffing again and pulling away, but he kept his eyes low. He had to fight not to collapse to his knees. "I just have to make up the classes."

"Then what's got you so worked up? I've never seen you like this before," Kurt asked worriedly.

"Santana…" Blaine managed to get out but he said no more.

Kurt frowned. "You're afraid of Santana?"

"I try so hard," Blaine said, shame burning his face. "I try so hard to do my best and not disappoint her and not embarrass her. What I do reflects on her, good or bad." He shook his head, unable to explain while he was so upset. "I didn't mean to forget…"

Kurt didn't understand what was different this time from all the other times, but he understood that for some reason it was. "Come on," he said, grasping Blaine's hand in his. "Let's get you home."

* * *

><p>They stood hand in hand in front of the door, Blaine staring at it. "Will you come in with me?" he asked looking up at Kurt.<p>

Every instinct in Kurt's body told him to cut and run but the truth was that if Blaine was afraid, Kurt was afraid and he at least wanted to see Santana's face before he left. So he squeezed Blaine's hand, gave him a nod and Blaine turned to open the door.

Santana was standing there, waiting for him, arms crossed. They walked inside and the moment Blaine saw her his hand slipped from Kurt's and he fell to his knees. His eyes quickly scanned the apartment before he found what he was looking for. Kurt followed Blaine's gaze to the paddle resting on the piano bench in the corner of the apartment and his stomach clenched. He needed to get out of there.

"Thank you for bringing him home," Santana told Kurt like he was some sort of lost child who couldn't find his own way.

"He brought himself home Santana," Kurt snapped. "I simply offered him company."

"You're welcome to stay, but it won't change his punishment," Santana said, looking down at Blaine.

Kurt could see Blaine shiver but he also seemed calmer now. "If I think you've hurt him in any way…" Kurt threatened.

"I'll be okay," Blaine said, looking up at him with wide loving eyes.

Gone was the fear in his eyes or the worry in his brow. Blaine look relaxed, comfortable. Kurt hated leaving him. But he hated the idea of staying more. "Call me later, okay?" he said gently.

"I promise," Blaine said.

"Brittany," Santana called and Kurt looked up to see his friend emerge from her bedroom. "Would you walk Kurt home please?"

"I don't-" Kurt started while Brittany answered, "Yes Ma'am."

With a look from Santana, Kurt understood she wanted privacy with Blaine and Kurt sighed. "Fine. Come on Britt."

She grabbed her coat, gloves, and scarf and walked out with him. Wordlessly they started down to the street, but after a few steps in the direction of the loft, Kurt stopped her. "You don't really have to walk me home. We can just get a coffee. I can wait with you while-"

Brittany looked up at him, hands in her pockets. "Right, like you're going to be perfectly fine just having coffee with me while your boyfriend's a block away getting a pretty good spanking you don't approve of?" she asked pointedly. Kurt looked away and Brittany slipped her hand around Kurt's arm. "I didn't think so. So how about we do what Santana says, I'll walk you home and keep your mind off of what's happening inside."

Kurt thought about it and he realized she was right. With a shrug he said, "I suppose if Santana told you to go then I shouldn't worry about you, right?"

"I am perfectly capable of getting home from your apartment to mine," Britt told him. "Now come on."

She pulled him by the arm and they headed off west. The loft was a ways away from their apartment and Brittany had been wanting to talk with Kurt for a while anyway. After her conversation with Santana she'd stopped being angry and she started paying attention. And what she saw was Blaine happy but she was worried how long that could last. And how she could support them both. So she'd reached out to the one person who might be able to tell her.

"For trying to keep my mind off things you're not really doing a very good job," Kurt smirked, nudging her softly.

She smiled for a moment, but it soon faded. "I'm sorry you know. For how I acted. Keeping you two apart," Brittany said shamefully. "I thought I was doing what was right. But it wasn't my job to protect either of you."

"It's okay Britt," Kurt said, looking over at her warmly. "I understood. After everything with Dave-"

"I still talk to him sometimes you know," she admitted.

Kurt stopped, shocked, and turned to her. "You do?"

She nodded. "We've kept in touch. I don't talk to him a lot, but every once in a while."

"How's he doing?" Kurt often thought about him. Hoped he was okay.

Brittany smiled softly. "He's good," she said. "He has a Dom who loves him, cares for him." She paused a second before she confessed. "I told him about you and Blaine."

Kurt blinked before regaining his composure. He guessed he'd always known that Brittany and Dave had some strange sort of bond because of the mistakes he'd made with both of them. Still it was strange to think of the two of them talking about him. Talking about Blaine. "And let me guess, he thinks I'm as horrible a person as you do."

"I don't think you're horrible Kurt," she said quickly. "And neither does he. He actually…he's actually happy for you. He hopes it works out this time."

Kurt scoffed in disbelief. "Yeah, right," he said and started walking again toward the subway.

"No really," she called as she jogged to catch up. "I couldn't believe it either but...he doesn't blame you Kurt. He told me if I ever got the chance to tell you that that I should, because he's sure you think it was all your fault. But he says he made as many mistakes as you did and he thinks that maybe you both have learned a lot since then. He's always just wanted the best for you Kurt."

Kurt sighed. He wished he'd understood that more from the start. They walked down the station stairs, sliding their metro cards and waited for the subway in silence. Kurt had made so many mistakes it had never occurred to him that David would think he'd made mistakes too. He tried to understand what that meant for him and Blaine as they boarded the train and squeezed in with the horde of people commuting home after work.

They sat in silence, Kurt trying not to let his thoughts drift back to his boyfriend back home at the mercy of his Dom. Brittany must have sensed it because she leaned over and whispered, "Don't look over your shoulder but I am pretty sure that couple behind you are having sex."

Of course Kurt couldn't help but look and the moment he did he knew he shouldn't have because the last thing he wanted to see was some collared girl bouncing on the lap of her not even close to handsome Dom. "Ugh, Brittany, why did you make me look?" he screeched turning away as quickly as he could. "That image is going to be forever burned into my brain."

"Better than the one that was forming there before, isn't it?" she smirked and she grabbed his hand. It felt like old times. "Come on, this is our stop."

It was dusk when they surfaced from the subway and the cold night air hit them both. They shoved their hands back into their pockets but neither picked up speed. It was a beautiful night and the unspoken words between them weighed them down.

"Britt." Kurt stopped and he looked away as she watched him carefully. "You have to know that I never meant to hurt you. Or Dave."

"And you have to know that it would break my heart if Blaine ever even thought of doing something like that," she said.

"It would break mine too." He looked down at her, his eyes shining in the lights. "Britt I love him. More than I've ever loved anyone and it scares me as much as everyone else, maybe even more, but I have to believe that love will get us through."

"If you truly believe that Kurt, then you have to love him with everything you have and everything you are. You can't hold back because of things that happened in the past or because you're afraid."

"I'm not holding back," he claimed but he had to look away. Because he knew that she was right.

"Look," she said. "I know that Santana and Rachel and probably your Dad are all telling you to take this slow. But that's because they don't understand it from a subs point of view. You can't let him feel like you're rejecting him. You can't let him feel like he doesn't matter to you. Not showing him how much you love him is exactly what will hurt him the most and love isn't always gentle Kurt. Subs aren't drawn to you because you're gentle. The Kurt Hummel that I know has never had a problem laying the smack down on Rachel Berry, or Finn Hudson, or Mr. Schue or Coach Sylvester. You're fierce Kurt. So why treat Blaine with kid gloves?"

Kurt didn't think that was what he was doing. "I just want to show him there's a better way."

"Then show him while still being yourself," she insisted. "That's all he really wants from you. He's not some victim that needs your pity or protection. He's the strongest sub I know and what he loves most of all about you is your strength. So just be yourself and you guys will figure this out."

_"Just be yourself, Kurt. The rest will figure itself out."_

"That's what Finn said," Kurt whispered.

Brittany smiled and shrugged. "Well he did have his moments of genius," she teased, then took his hand. "Don't run from who you are. Don't run from the things you want just because you think you shouldn't want them."

And Kurt realized that no matter what he had thought, he had never truly been himself with anyone before. And he owed Blaine so much more.

~S~

_Oh, and patience is hard  
>When you just don't know<br>Where all the waiting is taking you  
>The church on the corner<br>Torn down in December  
>That kiss in the doorway<br>I still won't surrender  
>And anyways<em>

_I can't stop the bells_

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Love you all. See you next week!**


	13. Dangerous

**Author's Note:**

**Hello all. I love how much you guys loved the Brittany/Kurt scene last chapter. I'm glad she redeemed herself for most of you. I hope you had a chance to look at the art from that scene on my tumblr!**

**As always, a huge thank you to my beta. **

* * *

><p><em>You take me down<br>Spin me around  
>You got me running all the lights<br>Don't make a sound  
>Talk to me now<br>Let me inside your mind_

_~ David Guetta_

* * *

><p>"I cannot believe the day that I have had," Kurt complained, throwing his bag on the floor with exhaustion. Without blinking Blaine picked it up and set it where it belonged. "The only saving grace is that Rachel has rehearsal until late which means thankfully that I won't hear <em>I told you so <em>a hundred times for changing to a Stage Combat major in the first place."

"Do you want me to give you a massage?" Blaine asked, coming up behind Kurt just as he'd been about to collapse onto the couch.

"Mmm," Kurt purred at the feel of Blaine's hands on his shoulders. Part of him wanted to just melt right into it. Another part suddenly realized how disgusting he must be. "No, actually I think I'm going to take a shower first." He twirled around and quickly kissed Blaine's pout away. "Feel free to make yourself at home."

Blaine smiled as Kurt disappeared behind the curtain of his bedroom for a new set of clothes, then plodded into the bathroom. Home. There was nothing Blaine liked better than the idea of being _home_ with Kurt. He looked around and straightened up where he could, folding some blankets on the couch and arranging the magazines. He thought about doing the dishes left in the sink but then the shower came on and he didn't know if turning the water on in the kitchen would accidentally change the temperature on Kurt. So instead he sat down on the couch, picking up one of the magazines and flipping through, but he didn't see a word. Because all he could concentrate on was the fact that behind the door was Kurt, naked and wet. He took a deep breath, trying not to hear the countertenor voice that was rising up from the steam. He tried not to imagine Kurt's perfect, smooth, soapy pale skin as he lathered away the stress of the day. He tried not to _want _so much that his jeans grew tighter imagining Kurt washing every inch of his body. He tried not to picture Kurt's strong muscles, his tight abs, his beautiful round ass. He tried not to imagine himself stepping inside, sinking to the ground as the water poured over him.

In reality, he found himself, before he could even think, knocking on the door and asking, "May I come in?"

Kurt stopped singing. Blaine waited in the sudden silence. 3, 2, 1. He began to think that maybe Kurt hadn't heard and he was almost grateful for it because in the silence he realized how presumptuous he was being thinking that Kurt would be ready to break down that boundary and take that gigantic leap of faith and trust and unbelievable risk, especially given their promises to take things slow. He almost dropped to his knees with the force of the knowledge of what he'd done wrong and the punishment he deserved for it when one little word broke him out of his spiral.

"Yes."

His heart racing, Blaine carefully turned the handle, giving Kurt plenty of time to retract his invitation. He pushed the door open slowly, stepped inside the steam filled room and shut it behind him. He stood still a minute, not sure exactly what Kurt had agreed to. Not sure exactly what he'd even been offering. It was hot, so hot that sweat started to pool down Blaine's temple but still he didn't move, frozen to the spot.

Kurt stuck his head around the curtain with a little smirk. "Are you just planning to stand there or…?"

At the sight of Kurt, hair flattened and dripping wet, knowing that behind that curtain stood everything that had been in his dreams, Blaine shook his head quickly. Kurt smiled, disappearing once again behind the shower curtain. It was moments like these that Blaine remembered how much more experienced Kurt was. He wondered how many showers Kurt had taken with Adam before, maybe even with others Blaine didn't even know about. Nerves and excitement fluttering in his stomach, Blaine's hands shook, barely able to breathe as he stripped off his clothes and laid them neatly beside Kurt's. He carefully reached for the curtain and pulled it aside, staring shyly at the ground as he stepped in to the warm water. Brittany had seen him naked that once but that had been different for so many reasons. This - full and already leaking with desire, standing before a man he wanted so much from that his entire body ached with love and need, but also guilt and shame - this was overwhelming.

He waited for Kurt to say something, to lift his chin, to move or anything. But despite his experience, none of this came naturally to Kurt and it took a while for him to realize that Blaine was waiting, for an order or permission or something, and that he wasn't going to do anything on his own.

"It's okay sweetheart." Kurt smiled gently using the nickname he knew Santana used when Blaine was at his most submissive. He hoped it would put his boyfriend a little more at ease. "You can look."

The name relaxed him and Blaine blinked before lifting his eyes, taking in Kurt's body inch by inch. As his gaze slowly rose from Kurt's toes to his eyes, letting go of the embarrassment of his own erection only when he saw Kurt's as well, he could not even begin to find the words to describe how the breathtaking man standing before him made him feel. "God you are so beautiful," Blaine whispered in wonder, his throat tightening with emotion. He was falling and all he wanted to do was to call him Sir and kneel and serve, but in the recesses of his brain he remembered that was wrong and his heart burned with the shame of his desires.

"Thank you," Kurt said but then he saw the tears rolling down Blaine's face. He moved quickly to wipe them away, wanting to hold him but knowing that it would be far too much too soon. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry, it's just…" Blaine wiped his cheeks, hating that everything negative ever told to him was going to ruin this moment. But he had to be honest with Kurt. "Santana is beautiful too and I should feel this way about her and I don't. And I shouldn't feel this way about you but you're amazing and I do."

Kurt's heart ached. Everyone had been right. The more intimate they became the harder this was going to be for Blaine. But he would do whatever he could do to make it work because he wanted this, he wanted Blaine, so badly. "Maybe we should just forget about should and shouldn't," Kurt suggested, brushing his fingers through Blaine's wet curls. He cupped Blaine's face, resting their foreheads together and whispered, "Just for today."

The pain and desire evident on his face, Blaine closed his eyes and nodded his permission. Kurt brushed his lips against Blaine's, kissing him lightly. Every instinct told them both to pull away, but neither did, leaning into it, opening up to it, deepening it with a sense of urgency that frightened them both. Kurt's lips felt like a dream to Blaine, a distant memory he had long forgotten, a hope that he'd stopped believing in. Eyes closed, Blaine let go of the warnings in his head and just allowed himself to feel, feel Kurt's silky wet skin against his own as he was wrapped up in strong, loving arms. He let his hands explore, slowly trailing them down Kurt's side, the skin smooth beneath his fingertips, calling him closer. He felt himself falling deeper and his submission reached out for purchase.

"You can touch me if you want to," Kurt whispered in his ear and the danger of doing as Kurt said was not lost on either of them. Despite every warning that sexual contact would trigger Blaine's submission, Blaine believed in that moment that it was worth any amount of heartache to be able to touch. He brushed his fingertips down, over the curve of Kurt's perfect ass, then let his hand open against the flesh, pulling him closer. When their cocks met between them Blaine couldn't help the moan that escaped his lips or the submission that swirled around him eagerly. And he couldn't help but fall to his knees.

He wouldn't look at Kurt. He didn't want to see the apprehension clouding over eyes of blue, a storm rolling in where it was not welcome. All he wanted was to touch him, to taste him, to feel the weight of Kurt on his tongue. He nuzzled Kurt's thigh, begging for it, hoping Kurt would just offer, but there was nothing but silence from above. He needed something though and he brushed his thumb just beneath Kurt's length before encircling the base and stroking him gently. The only reaction was the flexing and the reaching and the pleading of Kurt's cock for more and Blaine wanted only to obey.

"Please Kurt," he begged, finally looking up through long, wet lashes. This was all he had wanted but couldn't have the last time he was in this position, so this time he did not hesitate. He let his lips brush over the soft skin of the head and his tongue dart out for its first ever taste. It was everything he had imagined and he desperately needed more. "Please let me."

Kurt's head was spinning and he fought with his heart, knowing that they'd already gone farther than they should go. He remembered Brittany's words in the back of his head but it still felt like it would be a mistake to give in to the burning ache inside of him for more. "We shouldn't," he forced past his lips.

And suddenly Blaine smiled up at him, his submission so often fueled by mischief. "Then it's a good thing we are forgetting about should and shouldn't today."

"Fuck," Kurt managed in a strangled breath only a second before Blaine took him in his mouth and swirled a tongue around him, humming softly. Kurt nearly lost his footing and he stepped back, leaning against the wall for support. Blaine chased him, crawling forward, never letting his lips leave Kurt and for a minute Kurt wondered if maybe he'd been wrong about Blaine's inexperience. He threaded his fingers through Blaine's thick wet curls and worked very hard to keep himself still as Blaine's tongue expertly traced up his vein and sent shivers down his spine. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that Blaine needed praise and orders and permission and he knew that he was doing this completely wrong, but the words wouldn't form and all he could focus on was keeping the thrusts of his hips as small as possible. "Fuck Blaine," he swore over and over until suddenly he could no longer control himself. "Fuck, I'm gonna…" he choked out and Blaine panicked and shifted backwards and off. With a groan Kurt reached down and with one stroke finished himself off, spilling into the pool of water circling down into the drain. He rested his head back against the wall. "God Blaine, that was amazing," he sighed, still quivering with tiny aftershocks.

It took Kurt a moment to come down from the blissful edge, to restore his breathing and his heart rate and to open his eyes, but when he did they fell on Blaine, kneeling back against his heels, hands gripping his knees tightly, head down as the water poured down over him.

"Blaine…" He took a step forward and lifted his boyfriend's chin, wanting nothing more than to see his beautiful smile flashing up at him. But that wasn't what he saw at all. What he saw looked too much like regret. "That was incredible," Kurt said, trying to fix whatever he had clearly broken, then his eyes fell to Blaine's still obviously aching erection. "You didn't…" he gestured, thinking maybe now he understood, maybe he'd come too soon and Blaine was upset. "Do you want me to-"

"No. Thank you," Blaine said quickly, dropping his eyes once more. The water continued to fall over his head like rain but Blaine didn't even seem to notice it. Instead he rose to his feet and reached for the curtain, refusing to look at Kurt. "I'm sorry. I'll let you finish up. I'll meet you outside."

Kurt didn't say a word, watching him go. He had no idea what to say. He didn't even know what had happened. One minute everything was perfect and then the next it was all wrong. He heard the door close and his chest grew heavy with the knowledge that he had completely messed up. They had moved too fast or he didn't praise enough or he hadn't given him an order or some other reason to prove to the world why they'd been right all along and Kurt would never be enough for Blaine. He turned the water off and quickly dried himself and dressed. He considered not styling his hair so he could make sure that Blaine hadn't left, but he heard sounds in the kitchen and he had no idea whether it was better to go to him quickly or give him some time.

When he went out he found Blaine dressed, his hair wet with curls, at the sink in the kitchen doing the dishes that Rachel had left.

"You don't have to do that," Kurt told him, laying his hand gently on his shoulder.

"I know I don't have to," Blaine snapped.

Kurt was taken aback by Blaine's tone but he didn't know what to say or what to do while Blaine scrubbed the last pot within an inch of its life and put it on the stove, drying his hands on a dish towel.

"I should go," Blaine said, barely looking at Kurt, but moving quickly to grab his things.

"No Blaine, you shouldn't." Kurt's nerves grew and he grasped at Blaine's hand. It was shaking and Blaine wouldn't look at him. "Blaine talk to me," he said but his boyfriend just shook his head.

"I'm fine s-Kurt," he said and he pulled his hand away.

"You're not fine," Kurt argued and he forced Blaine's eyes to meet his. They seemed to look right through him. "You've fallen too deep or something. Let me call Santana. Or at least walk you home."

"No." Blaine said, pulling away. "No thank you. I'll be fine Kurt," he said, blinking his eyes to focus on him for just a moment. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

* * *

><p>Blaine was exhausted by the time he got back to the apartment. His head was swimming with submission that refused to settle. He'd fought to refuse every conscious and unconscious offer of dominance on his way home and he climbed the steps and opened the door, falling to his knees the minute he crossed the threshold into the living room. Santana's attention snapped and she left Brittany on the couch running toward him. "Blaine, are you okay?" she asked, placing a hand on his head. "Did something happen? Did you do something wrong?"<p>

Blaine let out a strangled laugh and shook his head. "Yes. And then I didn't let Kurt walk me home when even he knew he should have."

"What happened?" she asked, though she had an idea what. Santana could feel his submission churning feverishly close to subspace but it didn't reach out to her and it was refusing her dominance and she couldn't understand why. "Blaine, let me help you."

"No," he shook his head again stubbornly. "There are some things Santana I need to figure out how to handle on my own."

"You aren't on your own Blaine," Santana insisted. "I'm here to help you, I promised you that. We talked about this, what could happen when you're intimate. You can't do this alone, you can always call, I will always come and get you."

"No, Santana, please," he snapped without meaning to and he sat back on his heels and avoided her gaze, pulling away even more from her attempt to dominate. "You can't help me with this."

"I can though."

Blaine looked up as Santana looked behind her. Santana took a step back and Brittany crossed over to him. "If you don't want Santana to catch you, will you at least let me hold your hand while you fall?"

He looked into the sub's warm, loving blue eyes and with only a moment's hesitation Blaine nodded. She knelt down to him and took his hands between them. He felt warmth flow from her hands into his own and throughout his body. Her submission joined with his and slowed it until it returned to nothing more than a quiet hum. His breathing steadied to match hers. He tried to stay upright but he couldn't and he collapsed into her arms. With every ounce of love in her heart, she wrapped him up and held him close. "If you won't call Santana, will you call me? Please? You could have been hurt, walking like that on your own, you're lucky you weren't."

Blaine knew she was right and he wasn't sure he could say no right now even if he wanted to. But he was absolutely certain he didn't want to. "Yes," he told Brittany. "I promise, I'll call."

* * *

><p>"Trust me, you are the absolute last person I would come to about this," Kurt said. He grabbed his coffee, the dregs of the pot on the theater's snack table, but there was no way he would have this conversation in public. Even in the safety of the rehearsal hall, he hid behind his cup as he tried to swallow his humiliation for the benefit of the answers he needed.<p>

"And yet here you are," Jesse smirked. "Which means I'm also the first person you'd come to talk to about this."

That wasn't true. He would have gone to Finn before anyone else if he could have. And he knew that Brittany would have been able to shed even more light on the situation. But he really didn't want to give her any excuse to yell at him, or worse, say that she'd been right all along.

"Let's just agree that I'm here and you can gloat instead about the fact that I need your help at all," Kurt said.

Jesse considered that, then smiled with satisfaction. "Sounds like a plan. So what can I help you with?"

Kurt stared at Jesse's eager face and even the privacy wasn't getting rid of his second thoughts and he buried his face in his hands. "Oh my god this is the most embarrassing thing I have ever done."

"I doubt that," Jesse noted, but then he took pity on the kid in front of him. "Look, whatever it is I'm sure you're not the first person to have done it, though I have no doubt you gave it your own flair."

"Okay fine, it's just…" Kurt looked anywhere other than at Jesse. "It's about Blaine. Well, Blaine and me. Well, Blaine and me in the shower together-"

"Oh god, that image just flashed through my brain and now it needs a shower," Jesse groaned.

"Okay forget it, I'm outta here," Kurt snapped, grabbing his things to go.

Jesse stood up though and reached for Kurt's hand. "Come on, I'm sorry. I'll try again, serious face, I promise." If Kurt had any other choice right now he would have left immediately, but he didn't. Leaving would mean never understanding what had happened and he needed to know. He sat back down with a heavy sigh. Jesse sat back down as well and leaned back. When Kurt said nothing, Jesse started again for him. "So you and Blaine were in the shower…"

Kurt rolled his lips between his teeth before sighing. "We were in the shower and he…he fell to his knees…" Kurt took a deep breath. No matter what Jesse said, he was pretty sure that in his entire life he'd experienced nothing more embarrassing than this conversation. "And he…ya know…"

"Blew your whistle?" Jesse guessed with an amused arch in his brow.

Kurt could feel his cheeks growing warm and hoped that he wasn't as bright red as he imagined he was. "Yes. And when I was…done, he just…he just sat back on his heels and looked like his world had fallen apart. He wouldn't even look at me. I thought that maybe it was because he hadn't…and so I offered to take care of him, ya know, but he said no and he just got out. I finished up as quickly as I could and when I got out he was dressed and doing my dishes and then I offered to talk but he ran out of there."

Jesse thought about it for a minute then took a breath. "Ok, let's review. He got on his knees…" Kurt nodded. "He sucked you off, he swallowed, and then-"

"Well not really," Kurt corrected.

Jesse leaned forward. "Not really?" he pushed.

Kurt shook his head. "No, I'm almost positive it was his first time, and he pulled off just before I-" Jesse sat back, his arms folded across his chest with a satisfied grin. "What?" Kurt asked.

"Well there's your answer," Jesse said as if it were obvious. "I assume you never took the time to actually talk about what you were gonna do, and you didn't give him any rules or orders, so he made up his own rules. In his head he knew what he was supposed to do, what you expected and he failed you by pulling off. And let me guess. Like the completely oblivious Gray you are, you tried to make him feel better by telling him how good a job he'd done when he knew that that was about as far from the truth as you could get."

"I…I just…"

"You're just a Gray," Jesse said and at Kurt's scowl he leaned back forward and spread his hands in apology. "Look, I don't mean that in a bad way, other than that you don't understand. He disobeyed an order that you'd given him in his head and he deserved to be punished for it. He was teetering on the edge of subspace no doubt fighting the fall, and you didn't punish him, so he punished himself."

Kurt's head fell in his hands. Jesse said it as if it was the easiest thing in the world to make sense of and yet he hated everything that Jesse had just suggested. "I didn't order him to do anything, I never would. And I would certainly never get mad at him for not doing something he was uncomfortable with."

"Doesn't matter," Jesse said matter-of-factly. "In his mind he did something wrong. And he needed to be held accountable and dominated and punished."

"Well, I can't," Kurt argued, flying out of his chair and walking away. He rubbed his hands over his face and shook his head before turning back to Jesse. "I'm never going to hit him or make him stand in the corner or chew burning gum or whatever other god awful thing Santana makes him do. And I wouldn't have a freaking clue how to dominate him like that even if I wanted to."

"Kurt, you don't have to. Not like that. He's never known another type of dominance Kurt, but it doesn't mean it couldn't exist for him. There's a reason white contracts are discouraged at best. Sure he gets the dominance he needs but its limited and let me tell you that's not all there is out there," Jesse smirked. "There's a whole world at your fingertips that Santana doesn't have."

"Look, dominating is one thing," Kurt said. "But you're talking punishment and I don't want any part of it."

Jesse looked at him doubtfully. "Come on, don't tell me you've never been so pissed at someone that you've just wanted to smack them," Jesse said. "Yours truly comes to mind," Jesse said, an eyebrow quirked.

Kurt shot him a flippant glare, but he shook his head. "Never someone I loved."

"Really Kurt?" Jesse asked. "Rachel Berry is your best friend, right?"

Kurt wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Because that much was true, but Rachel wasn't Blaine. "The other day he got in trouble at school and I walked him home, but he was so afraid of what she was going to do and I don't ever want him to be afraid of me like he was of Santana."

"I would bet every cent I own that he wasn't afraid of the punishment and he wasn't afraid of Santana. The only thing he was likely afraid of was how disappointed in him she would be after whatever he had done wrong. If you had stayed to watch, and I'm sure you didn't, you would have seen that," Jesse said.

Kurt shuddered at the thought. "I could never watch what Santana does to him, it makes me sick to even think about it."

"Well you're going to need to think about it and you're going to need to do something or you're going to lose him and fast," Jesse said. "Look, no one's asking you to flog him or even spank him, not even Blaine. He's already told you in that shower exactly how he needs you to punish him."

Kurt stared at him dumbly. "What are you talking about, he didn't tell me anything."

"Yes. He did. If you knew how to listen. His punishment wasn't the dishes and it wasn't leaving. You offered to get him off, he refused. _That_ was his punishment." Kurt was staring at him like he was crazy and Jesse resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "You don't have to do what Santana does. You want to give him what he needs? All you need are four little words," Jesse smiled slyly. "You. May. Not. Come."

* * *

><p>Blaine ran his finger over the table cloth on the small round table he'd chosen in the corner of the NYADA coffee house. He sipped at his drink, his stomach flipping with nerves and he constantly looked up each time someone walked through the door, hoping it was Kurt.<p>

They'd agreed to meet between classes at 11. Blaine got there at 10:30 and almost left twice, thinking he'd just text him his apologies instead. But each time he stood he realized that if they were really going to make this work, he had to face this in person.

Kurt walked in at 11:03 and Blaine stood up to meet him. Kurt looked worried, Blaine offered him a shy smile and Kurt's heart melted. He took Blaine into his arms, held him tightly then kissed him softly on the lips. "Hi," Kurt said gently.

"Let me get you a coffee," Blaine said immediately.

Kurt almost went to stop him then decided against it. Blaine needed to do this. "Thank you Blaine," he said and he watched his boyfriend go, happy, Kurt knew, to serve him. He sighed and sat, hanging his coat up on his chair behind him. He and Jesse had talked for a long time after rehearsal the night before and though there were so many things he still wasn't comfortable with, Jesse had encouraged him to start with the little things. Like letting Blaine get him coffee.

"Here," Blaine said, arriving back at the table. He passed Kurt his cup and slid back into his own seat. And he started apologizing immediately. "Kurt I am so sorry for last night."

Kurt looked around to make sure no one could hear them and he was glad they'd chosen to meet before the rush. He reached over and took Blaine's hand. "Blaine, you didn't do anything wrong last night, least of all what happened in the shower."

Blaine lowered his eyes. "I didn't do what was expected of me."

"Who put that expectation on you because it sure wasn't me," Kurt challenged.

Blaine looked up through his lashes, recognition washing over his eyes before he dropped them again. "You're right s-Kurt," he fixed, hoping he caught himself quickly enough. "But that means I still did something wrong even before I left on my own which I also shouldn't have done."

Kurt let out a breath, trying to keep himself calm at the almost slip. All he wanted was to tell Blaine that he was an adult and he didn't have to answer to anyone but himself and he should stop being so damn subservient and stand up for himself, but he was trying so hard not to make the same mistakes twice. Still, he knew that Blaine _wasn't_ subservient like this and he _did_ stand up for himself with Santana all the time and he couldn't understand what was going on. He let his hand slip up to the studs on Blaine's cuff and he rubbed his thumb over the smooth silver. Trust. Truth. Respect. Love. "Blaine, look at me." Blaine's eyes jumped, like it was an order. Kurt ignored the knot in the pit of his stomach that obedience gave him. "I love you. I _love _you and because I love you I _respect_ your limits and I won't question them. And because you love me you have to respect that I am not your Dom and I am not going to order you to do things and I am not going to punish you like Santana does. You did nothing wrong last night, do you understand me?"

"Yes Kurt," Blaine said obediently and it was like Blaine didn't even see what he was doing. The knot in Kurt's stomach hardened. Was this it? Was this exactly what everyone had warned him about? Kurt got up out of his seat, never more frustrated with Blaine in his life, and though a part of him was urging him to flee, another part, a stronger part, had every desire to stay and fight. So he reached for Blaine's hand and he pulled hard.

"Come on."

"Kurt where are we-"

But Blaine couldn't finish his question because Kurt's grip was strong and they were moving fast past room after room until Kurt found an empty one and when he did he pulled Blaine inside, closed the door behind him and threw Blaine up against it.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered but his voice was cut off by Kurt's lips on his, hard and rough. Kurt thrust out his tongue and Blaine immediately opened for him, letting Kurt do whatever he wanted to him. He tried not to let himself wish that Kurt would grab his hands and hold them tight above his head like Rachel had at the party but then Kurt did exactly that and Blaine gasped into his mouth. He was falling quickly but he was fighting the fall when Blaine felt Kurt grind their cocks together, hard and dirty and he did it again and again until Blaine was nearly desperate and if Blaine was asked a color he would have shouted, _green. _But he wasn't asked and Kurt pulled away as fast as he'd attacked, leaving five feet of distance between them and Blaine panting for breath against the wall. "Kurt-"

"Go to class Blaine," Kurt ordered, his eyes as hard as he could force them.

But Blaine was hard and he needed more, he needed Kurt to touch him. "Kurt please..."

"I said go to class," Kurt ordered once again.

Blaine's head was spinning and his cock was pulsing and he stared incredulously at Kurt leaving him wanting. But at Kurt's unwavering gaze, realization hit and his submission slowly subsided, the fire and the sparkle quickly returning to his eyes. His heart swelled. "God, I love you so much," he laughed.

Kurt let a smile crack and he folded his arms into his chest self-consciously, his heart beating frantically beneath them. "I love you too," he said with a blush spreading from his cheeks to his neck. "Now go."

Blaine straightened himself out quickly, flattened his hair and obeyed Kurt's commands.

Kurt fell against the door as it closed behind him, letting the tension flow out of him. He tried not to think about how much he'd enjoyed that. And he tried not to think about how much he wanted to do it again.

~S~

_I don't know where the lights are taking us  
>But something in the night is dangerous<br>And nothing's holding back the two of us  
>Baby this is getting serious<em>

_It's dangerous, so dangerous_  
><em>I wanna do it again<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Love you guys. See you next week. If I can find a song/title for the chapter. ;P**


	14. February Song

**Author's Note:**

**Hey everyone! Thanks so much for all your thoughts last chapter. They mean so much to me and they truly help. **

**So, good news first - I have one more chapter written and the one after that nearly done if Blaine and Kurt would just decide what conversation exactly they want to have. Bad news - the three chapters after that are not yet written. Good News - Glee doesn't start until January 9 to slow down my writing. Bad News - Glee starts January 9 to slow down my writing.**

**So what I'm saying is, the next two weeks should be on time. After that I may need to slow down slightly. I hope not, but I want to put out the best work I possibly can. **

**For anyone celebrating, Happy Chanukah. I hope you have a beautiful eight nights.**

* * *

><p><em>Where has that old friend gone<br>Lost in a February song  
>Tell him it won't be long<br>Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes_

_Where is that simple day  
>Before colors broke into shades<br>And how did I ever fade  
>Into this life, into this life<em>

_~ Josh Groban_

* * *

><p>Kurt paced the floor of the loft, his phone in his hand. He'd been putting off telling his Dad for so long it had somehow become easier not to admit the truth than to admit it. But he and Blaine were getting closer and more serious and it wasn't fair to keep that from his Dad. No matter how loudly he might yell.<p>

He dialed the number and waited, wearing out the hardwood, he was sure, until finally his father answered.

"Hey kid, what's up?"

"Hey, listen Dad." Kurt folded his arms across his chest to protect himself from the onslaught. "There's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"Mmhmm," Burt hummed into the phone. Kurt could hear the creak of his Dad's old office chair at the garage as he settled in for the news. "I'm listening."

"Well, it's...it's about Blaine," Kurt said. He was starting to get dizzy from the back and forth so he planted himself on the couch, a pillow in his lap. "Remember Blaine, from Christmas?"

"Yes Kurt, I remember Blaine from Christmas," Burt said and Kurt could hear his father's eyes rolling.

"Ok. Good. Well, I mean…" Kurt stuttered trying to find the words but there really were no other words than the truth. "We're sorta, kinda, well...we've been dating for a while now," he finally spit out.

Burt gave another quiet hum and Kurt's heart beat wildly as he waited for the screaming to begin. "So it's not so sorta, kinda then," Burt said. "It's for real?"

"Yes," Kurt admitted.

"Do you think that's smart?" his Dad said.

Kurt knew it wasn't smart, they all knew it wasn't smart. But smart had absolutely nothing to do with it. "Doesn't really matter if it is or isn't," he said.

"And how does his Dom feel about it?" Burt asked.

"Well, she fully supports us and I was...well I know how you and Carole feel about it, but I was kinda hoping you could too," he said sheepishly.

Kurt heard the chair creak again and he could picture his Dad leaning forward now, probably rubbing his face with complete exasperation. "Kurt. You know I will always support you. _We_ will always support you. We may not like or agree with your decisions, and I'm gonna tell you honestly here kid that I don't, but we will always support you." Kurt breathed a little sigh of relief. "So how's it going? Honestly?"

"It's um, well, for the most part it's going well. We get along great and we have so many things in common. He's sweet and adorable. The biggest problem is-"

"His expectation of punishment," Burt finished for him.

Kurt huffed. He had no idea why on earth Doms and subs were so obsessed with it. "Yes," Kurt admitted. "I just hate it."

"You've always hated it Kurt, even when you were a baby."

Kurt was taken aback by the comment. "What do you mean?"

"Let's see," Burt started, a bit of amusement in his voice. "You were about 2 years old when your mom did something, I don't even remember what. Whatever it was, I had her lying on the couch. There was maybe a wooden spoon or something in my hand." Kurt's mouth gaped open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I got two smacks in before you ran up to my knees and pushed me away and started yelling, _'Don't touch my mama' _over and over again while you climbed on top of her. She cuddled you up in her arms and she was laughing so hard but you thought she was crying and you kept saying, _'It's okay mommy, I protect you.' _

Kurt shook his head. He didn't remember any of that, and he couldn't believe that his father would ever do anything like that.

"Your Mom and I immediately adjusted our contract with a hard limit for discipline and punishment to never be within your eyeshot or earshot. It took months for you to talk to me again and I don't think you ever really trusted me again as much as you had before. At least not until you came out."

"God Dad." Kurt was at a loss for words. "I had no idea. What about with you and Carole?" he asked.

"She doesn't need it and it doesn't bother me. Blaine will," Burt said matter-of-factly. "And that will be the hardest part for you."

"Already is," Kurt admitted reluctantly. "But that's why he has Santana."

"Don't be surprised son if that doesn't work for too long," Burt warned him. "He may always need Santana or someone else's dominant energy," Burt explained. "But the authority, he will want only from you."

* * *

><p>Blaine checked his watch, straightened his tie, flattened down his hair one more time and hurried out of his room. "I'm going out with Kurt, be home later!" Blaine yelled, grabbing his coat to head out the door.<p>

"Woah, hold on there Blaine," Santana called from where she was cooking in the kitchen. Her voice was warning. He closed his eyes and turned around with a sigh. "I don't remember you asking me if you could go out."

"Uh, I don't remember that being something in our contract," he said flippantly.

Santana's eyes narrowed. "Respect is though," she said.

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Oh come on Santana, it's not disrespectful for me to go out with my boyfriend without asking for permission. I'm not 12."

"It is disrespectful to not let me know that you have plans for the evening on family dinner night and it is absolutely disrespectful and completely unacceptable the way you are talking to me right now. Corner. Now. 10 minutes," she ordered.

"That's bullshit Santana, I didn't do anything wrong and I'm going to be late!" Blaine argued.

"And you just made it 15. I won't stop you from going, but step out the door now and you can bet there will be hell to pay when you get back," she threatened far too calmly.

Blaine contemplated his choices. He could leave now and meet Kurt on time knowing he'd be hurting as soon as he got home. Or he could do as he was told and keep Kurt waiting. He was very tempted just to walk out, but the blazing fire in Santana's eyes as he hesitated to obey was powerful. "Can I at least text Kurt to tell him I'll be late? That's the _respectful_ thing to do after all," he said with a hint of defiance.

"Yes. And tell him it will be 20 because that attitude just earned you another 5," she said. She grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and held it out for him. "Push me one more time and you'll be nursing a sore backside before you go as well."

He lowered his eyes and took the phone. "Yes Ma'am," he answered.

* * *

><p>Blaine nearly ran to the restaurant Kurt had chosen, not wanting to leave him waiting one more second. He was breathless when he came in. "Kurt…Hummel…reservation…" he panted to the host. With a look of derision the tuxedo-clad host led Blaine up the dark wood stairs to the romantic table for two, where Kurt was sitting scrolling on his phone by the candlelight. Soft classical music from the grand piano below only added to the warmth of the room and the perfection of it caused Blaine's heart to fall just a little bit more with regret. "Kurt I am so sorry," he began apologizing, just grateful he could sit without a consistent reminder of why he was late. "Santana was in a mood and thought I was being disrespectful-"<p>

"Don't worry about it Blaine," Kurt snapped, barely looking up.

Blaine frowned pulling his red cloth napkin onto his lap. "You're mad." He knew he would be and Blaine deserved it. Kurt had every reason to be mad having just been nearly stood up and left to sit alone on a table with half a dozen red roses…_aww, Kurt brought roses_…

"Yes I'm mad," Kurt said, fixing Blaine with a tired gaze. "I'm just not sure at whom."

Blaine lowered his eyes. He'd made the selfish choice keeping him waiting and more than anything he just wanted to beg his forgiveness. But he didn't. "Me, Kurt. I'm the one you should be mad at."

"Are you?" Kurt challenged. Blaine looked back up confused. "You don't belong to her Blaine, you should be able to come and go as you please and not have to answer to her. You're a grown ass adult with a boyfriend and the only one who should be concerned about whether you're being disrespectful or not is me," Kurt snapped. Blaine's mouth opened slightly. But Kurt immediately took it back. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant."

"Oh," Blaine said with disappointment that he failed to cover up. "Of course not, I didn't think…" He took a breath and rubbed his neck. "Look Kurt, can we just start over? Pretend I got here on time? I'd like to tell you how beautiful the flowers are. And how gorgeous you look."

Though he knew Kurt's upset wouldn't dissipate so quickly he was pleased to be able to draw the beginnings of a smile out of him. "Yeah. Sure," Kurt allowed.

Blaine reached across the table and took Kurt's hand. The tension he didn't realize he was holding relaxed a bit when Kurt squeezed it back. "The flowers are beautiful Kurt. And you look absolutely gorgeous," he said, taking in the crisp white shirt accented perfectly with a bright colored vest and cravat that expertly highlighted the blue in his eyes. Blaine couldn't wait to see how Kurt's pants hugged his form perfectly. "And this restaurant looks amazing," he continued, glancing down at the menu. "What would you recommend?"

"I'd recommend getting here on time next time," Kurt admonished and before Blaine's eyes he could see Kurt's anger transform into something else. A quiet confidence. A strong air. The natural dominance that Blaine had fallen in love with the first day they had met and had been oh so present that day in the classroom. Blaine's heart started beating quickly. "And I had been planning on recommending the oysters, but I don't know if you deserve them anymore," Kurt added smartly.

Blaine's breathlessness quickly returned but it had nothing to do with his sprint to the restaurant. "I promise I'll earn it," he answered thickly.

Kurt's eyes sparkled in the dimness. "Well, then I was planning to have the salmon. You'd probably like the Beef Wellington," he said and though it was far from ordering for him just the thought of Kurt choosing his dinner made Blaine's head spin. "And I thought we might end with the dark chocolate, coconut and almond gelato."

"Sounds delicious," Blaine approved trying to keep the moan in his throat from escaping.

Kurt flashed a sly grin and it remained, as one eye stayed firmly on Blaine while he ordered for the both of them. Blaine's arousal was evident, everyone's advice echoed in Kurt's head, and maybe he owed Santana a debt of gratitude after all for putting Blaine in the right mood from the start.

Because Kurt had plans for that evening and despite the rough beginning, everything seemed to be going perfectly for now.

* * *

><p>"God Kurt," Blaine muttered in between desperate kisses and Kurt's attempts to rip his clothes off. "Your lips…taste…delicious." Kurt pressed him against the door of the thankfully empty loft and managed to rid him of his shirt. Blaine shivered as Kurt's thumb brushed over his nipples. "Want you…so bad."<p>

"I want you too." Kurt hooked his finger in Blaine's waistline and led him to his bedroom. The curtains offered only a modicum of privacy but Rachel was gone tonight and Kurt was going to take advantage of it as much as he possibly could. "I want this off," he almost growled, unbuckling Blaine's belt and throwing it to the ground.

He was interrupted though by Blaine's frantic fingers fumbling with Kurt's shirt. "Too many layers Kurt," Blaine complained, fiddling with the cravat and vest, untucking Kurt's shirt and unbuttoning the pants that were swelled beyond their limit. Blaine proudly bit his lip when Kurt moaned at the release. "Oh I plan to make you feel even better than that, love," he promised and he lowered Kurt's pants quickly.

"Not so fast Blaine," Kurt growled as he raced to catch up. Before Blaine knew it his ass was bare, pants and underwear on the floor and he hadn't even gotten Kurt half naked.

"This isn't fair," Blaine complained, nibbling at Kurt's neck beneath his ear. "I'm naked and you aren't."

"I thought that's the way you liked it," Kurt said roughly and Blaine stopped mid bite.

His breath hitched and he pulled back. Kurt's hands rested on his hips, almost but not quite pressing with the strength to leave marks. Blaine's cock was full and throbbing just waiting for attention with no idea how long the wait would be. Kurt's lips were kiss swollen and red and his eyes were piercing, a blue so sharp that it made Blaine shiver. "Touch me," he whispered. "Please?"

Kurt smiled as if he'd been waiting the whole night for those words, but he traced a finger on Blaine's cheek softly. "Are you sure that's what you want sweetheart?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

Kurt nodded gently, lowering his gaze. Blaine closed his eyes and he gave in to the sensation as Kurt traced slowly up his sides, around his shoulders and down his arms until both of his hands were firmly held by Kurt's. His eyes fluttered open to see Kurt smiling at him, shy now, with just a hint of pink coloring his cheeks. "Come on," he coaxed.

Kurt led him to the bed and laid him down gently on his stomach, straddling him from behind. Blaine's mind swam with the possibilities of what Kurt had in store for him, but the soft pressure to the muscles in his shoulders was not one of them. "I'm going to take such good care of you," Kurt promised. "Just close your eyes and relax."

The scent of the oil in Kurt's hands reached Blaine's nose and it smelled of vanilla and sandalwood, while the glide of it on his skin felt luxurious. Kurt's touch was soft at first, just firm enough to avoid tickling while still make him wish for more. Hand over hand Kurt swept over his skin, waking it from what felt like a lifetime of sleep and beginning to light it afire. Slowly he made his way further down from his shoulders to his lower back, then down to Blaine's ass. Blaine buried his face in Kurt's pillow, breathing in his scent as long and slender but strong hands firmly stroked his most sensitive skin. He was glad he'd escaped Santana's spanking that night, but then he couldn't help but wonder how it would have felt if he hadn't. He'd have to find out some night. "God Kurt, don't stop, don't ever stop," he muttered into the fabric.

The pressure in his cock built as Kurt moved deeper from skin to muscles. He kneaded with his knuckles, causing pleasure that was just this side of painful and altogether perfect. "Harder Kurt, want more, please…" Blaine begged and he pressed himself into the mattress.

Kurt stopped, grabbing his hips to pull them away. "None of that. You're all mine tonight," he said.

_Mine. _The word echoed over and over in Blaine's head and he began a slow descent, groaning while Kurt gently turned him over, once again straddling him at his thighs, just beneath his cock but refusing to touch it. Instead Kurt started once again at his shoulders, massaging firmly, lovingly.

"That feels amazing," Blaine crooned and he closed his eyes again.

Blaine felt the loss of Kurt's hand only seconds before a thumb brushed over his left nipple and Blaine's whole body jumped as sparks shot through him. Kurt repeated the motion on the other side and electricity continued to build. Kurt tried different speeds and pressures and Blaine was in heaven on the edge of pain and pleasure. Then suddenly Kurt's mouth replaced the thumb on his left side, his lips sucking while his tongue twirled and Blaine keened and gasped.

"God Kurt, I could...I could come...just from..." Blaine wasn't sure if he was protesting or pleading.

Kurt decided for him, popping off immediately but filing the information away for another day, and gave Blaine a break to get under control. "Wouldn't want that," he said. "Not yet."

It was only a brief respite though because soon Kurt's fingers traced down Blaine's chest and stomach, and Kurt crawled backwards until his touch reached his thighs. Kurt gently parted his legs, positioned himself between them, and brushed a thumb over his balls.

"You are beautiful Blaine," Kurt whispered. "Beautiful and perfect and mine."

There it was again._ Mine. _Blaine's head was reeling and he could feel himself falling further, Kurt's lips on his thighs each a tender kiss to feed his submission. But he knew that he couldn't and he forced himself out, just to the edge where he was neither there nor here. And in that beautiful space of in between he could feel Kurt's long, slender fingers wrap around his cock and begin to stroke him. "I want you to come for me," Blaine heard Kurt say through his tunneled mind. "Can you come for me Blaine?"

"Yes sir," Blaine whispered and he knew he shouldn't have said the word, but Kurt didn't stop him, he just stroked harder. Blaine could feel it with this incredible heightened sense of awareness; every press, every pull, every wrinkle on Kurt's skin, he could feel it to the point where it stood between pleasure and pain and it was the most incredible feeling he'd ever experienced. "Come for me beautiful," Kurt repeated.

_If you don't come for me on the count of ten I will spank you,_ Blaine imagined Kurt saying in his mind and though he wanted that spanking more than anything, he wanted even more to be good for Kurt. _Three, Four, Five, _Blaine's breathing was heavy, and Kurt's caresses were intoxicating and he never wanted them to stop. _Six, Seven, Eight, _Blaine focused on the storm building in his belly, wanting to wait but knowing that Kurt had ordered him not to. _Nine, Ten, _he let himself go, crying out with the release of his submission as he spilled with an intensity he had never felt before. He knew that if he let himself he could fall long and hard into a beautiful serenity that would feel amazing in the moment but would soon turn to loneliness and despair if left too long. So he fought his way back, and as he did he could feel Kurt rest his hand gently at his base, his thumb brushing softly at the sensitive skin below.

He opened his eyes to see Kurt smiling brightly down at him and he returned his gaze in kind.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, biting his lip with a touch of worry. Blaine wasn't sure if that was the first or the fifth time Kurt had asked.

"Yes," Blaine whispered, breathless. He leaned up slowly on his elbows to find that Kurt had already cleaned him off, then sat up, kissing him softly on the neck. "Let me return the favor," Blaine whispered. "Get it right this time. Please?"

It only took a moment for Kurt to look at him and understand before he answered, "Okay."

Blaine spun Kurt to sit on the edge of the mattress, then flew out of bed with the energy of superman, a grin so broad he thought it would never leave. He pulled Kurt's undershirt off over his head, both of them laughing giddily, then nudged him slightly to lift his hips so he could slip Kurt's boxers off. Blaine neatly folded the clothing and placed it on the chair then returned to kneel between Kurt's legs before Kurt could even say a word.

He looked up at Kurt and Blaine's breath hitched as an expected rush of submission overcame him once again. His smile faded and his eyes dropped to the floor as he knelt back against his heels.

"Blaine," Kurt said, fear lacing his voice. The change in Blaine was palpable, and frightening for the Gray. "You're falling too far."

"I'm okay Kurt, just give me a moment," Blaine breathed and his voice was reassuring. "Please."

The position itself held so much power, and Blaine's desire for redemption was strong. He allowed himself to fall but he was able to control the speed and the depth. He took a deep breath in and as he blew it out he let his submission wrap fully around Kurt, holding on. And he stayed where he was.

Kurt's worry disappeared as a warmth filled him and he almost felt like he was floating. He leaned back on his arms and gave in until he felt Blaine's hands, reverent on his thighs. Kurt closed his eyes as Blaine pressed forward, taking Kurt in his mouth, so warm and perfect, no sense of urgency but not teasing either, just a loving care that despite his experience Kurt had never felt before. He sat up and laced his fingers through Blaine's hair, not to guide him but simply to hold him, to let Blaine know that he was there.

Kurt's fingers in his hair sent shivers down Blaine's spine. He took his time, worshiping not just Kurt's body but the faith and love and trust Kurt was giving to him. Just as before, hovering on the edge of subspace, Blaine's senses were heightened and he savored every touch, every taste, every sound and scent and even the images floating in the darkness beneath his own lids. His heart swelled with the privilege to serve his Dom so intimately. _Not your Dom_, said a small voice in the back of his head that left him with a fleeting ache. Just Kurt. Blaine couldn't help but think back to Elliot – the force and demand. And while that from Kurt would be incredible, this was incredible too. No demands. Choosing to serve. Choosing to submit.

Santana had always known.

Blaine thought he could have stayed the whole afternoon right where he was, savoring Kurt for hours, but he could tell that Kurt could not contain himself much longer. With one last swirl of his tongue, he sped up and he felt Kurt's muscles stiffen beneath his hands. Kurt managed one brief warning and then Blaine was swallowing down around him, refusing this time to disobey the phantom order. And learning that he never wanted to disobey it again.

When Kurt finally eased him back from his oversensitivity, Blaine sat back on his heels, resting his head on Kurt's lap and pulling back his submission with both a content and a reluctant sigh. Blaine cradled Kurt's legs and Kurt caressed Blaine's now mussed curls, but neither said a word. They both knew it wasn't perfect; Blaine longed for more domination, Kurt wished for less submission. But this moment was perfect and sharing the thoughts inside their heads would only ruin it. Because whatever was missing, it wasn't the love they had for one another. Their love they wouldn't change for the world.

* * *

><p>It was Santana that ruined the mood. Blaine's phone buzzing with the words: <strong>I expect you home tonight. <strong>Kurt found it difficult to contain his frustration at her ruining both the beginning and the end of the night.

For once, Blaine didn't defend her.

At least she hadn't sent Brittany to pick him up like a child. But it seemed that as little as she had wanted to control his relationship with Kurt before they were together, she wanted complete control of it now that they were. His annoyance only grew on his way back from the loft to his apartment and he had hoped for everybody's sake that he would walk into a dark and quiet home, the girls having gone to bed early.

He had no such luck.

The lights were bright when he opened the door, Santana seemingly waiting up as he should have suspected, as she always did. Brittany was nowhere to be seen so she had probably known enough to leave them alone. He kept his mouth shut, took off his shoes, put away his coat and went to the kitchen for a glass of water.

If Santana sensed his mood she made no mention. "Hey," she said with a smile, grabbing her mug from the coffee table and bringing it over to the kitchen counter. "How was your date?"

Blaine took a drink of his water and scoffed as he put it down on the counter. "Oh so now you care?"

Santana's brow wrinkled in confusion. "I always care-"

"That's bullshit. You didn't care before my date and you didn't care when you ended it," Blaine snapped. He was beginning to realize exactly what all this was about. "Look Santana, you can punish me all you want, it's fine, but don't take it out on Kurt. Don't make him wait just so you can prove that you're in control of me and not him."

"Blaine, that's not what I was doing," Santana said defensively.

"Isn't it though?" Blaine's hands flew to his hips. "Telling me I can't go out without asking permission? Telling me when I need to come home? I mean seriously Santana, who gave you the right?"

"You gave me that right," Santana said firmly. "I'm your Dom!"

"Well maybe you shouldn't be anymore!" Blaine yelled and he stormed past her to his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Santana stood motionless, stunned into silence until Brittany peaked her head out her bedroom door. She'd obviously been listening. "You okay?" she asked gently.

"Go back to your room," Santana told her more harshly than she'd intended.

Brittany shook her head and did as she was told. Santana stormed to Blaine's room, knocked three times and opened the door.

She found him standing slumped in the corner, his forehead against the wall, face in his hands. She closed the door quietly behind her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant that," Blaine muttered.

"Yes you did," Santana said, all of her frustration and hurt evident in the tightness of her voice. "Lately you've been growing more and more insolent and disobedient and combative and honestly Blaine, I don't know why you're acting this way."

"I don't know either Santana," he lied. She could tell that he was crying. She could tell that whatever was going on was breaking his heart, but for the first time she had no idea how to fix it. And neither did he. "I need some space. Please. Could you just please leave?" Blaine pleaded softly.

Her lips pressed together, her dominance warring with her head, she left the room without a word, closing the door behind her. She walked as if in a haze of sadness and confusion into her bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. Brittany put her book down and crawled over, rubbing Santana's tension-filled shoulders. "I warned you Santana," she said sadly, wrapping her arms around her Dom and laying her head on her shoulder. "None of you wanted to listen to me, but I warned you."

* * *

><p>Blaine's dreams had been filled with Kurt and Santana fighting for domination and control of him. He didn't know which way to go, he wanted both, but they were yelling at him that he had to choose. In the end he'd ended up in the darkness alone, falling with no end in sight as Brittany stared down at him.<p>

He was shaking as he woke, the sun just barely shining through the window. He was also hard, and with barely a thought he reached down and with his eyes shut he kept himself in the darkness, working himself to release the fear and the anger and the multitude of emotions in between that he couldn't even name if he wanted to. He had hoped that when he was done they would all go away, but they only retreated to a faint simmering in the background. He fell back on the pillow, sweating, breathing hard and lost.

He showered and dressed but stayed in his room, not wanting to face the day. They were supposed to go shopping with Rachel while Kurt was in rehearsal but Blaine knew that the worst thing he could do was go. His anger and resentment toward Santana had been far from quelled by the dream and he had no doubt that going out with the girls would end up with him very publicly in trouble, which he could very much do without. The girls would all be better off on their own.

Santana knocked and he opened the door but went straight to sit on his bed, facing away from her. She remained in the doorway, wary, obviously hurt and angry but wanting to make things right. "How are you?"

"Fine," Blaine said with barely a glance her way.

Santana sighed and came to sit next to him. Her presence felt like intrusion to Blaine, something it had never felt like before. "Look, sweetheart, I know this must be hard for you."

"You don't know anything," he snapped without even meaning to. It was almost automatic. He rested his elbows on his knees and allowed his head to fall into his hands. He expected Santana to snap back, to say anything, but her silence said she didn't know what to do any more than he did. When they'd dreamed up their white contract, written it and claimed one another, they had known it had an ending but it was supposed to be smooth and full of love. Neither one of them could ever have imagined this. The feelings inside Blaine were vibrating and he wanted more than anything to make them stop, he just had no idea how. "Look, Santana, I know we were supposed to go out today. But I…I won't be respectful of you. I can't. I think it would be better if I stayed home."

Blaine could feel her dominance swirling and she got up before she did something she'd regret. "Thank you for your honesty," she said coolly. "I expect you to stay home. Until you and I can talk respectfully about what's going on here, you don't leave the house. You don't leave your room except for school, food and the bathroom. And Kurt doesn't come here."

"That's fine," Blaine said.

She stepped back to his side and held something out to him. He looked up to see his cuff in her hand. He had left it on the nightstand last night and hadn't put it back on when he'd gotten dressed. "Hold out your arm," she demanded. He looked her in the eye for the first time. They were hard, and hurt and frightened. He did as he was told, holding his right arm out and she turned the cuff, putting it on inside out, latching it tight so that the four studs dug into the soft side of his forearm. It didn't hurt, but he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to forget it was there. "You don't take it off until I tell you that you can. You are mine Blaine. Nothing changes that."

"Yes Ma'am," he said.

He waited for her to say something, but she didn't, crossing the room and closing the door behind her instead. He let out the breath he had been holding, picked up his phone and sat back against his headboard.

_From Blaine to Kurt: So…I'm grounded._

_From Kurt to Blaine: Like you can't leave the house grounded?_

_From Blaine to Kurt: Like I can't leave my room grounded. Though I kinda did it to myself. _

_From Kurt to Blaine: Why?_

_From Blaine to Kurt: Because I can't stop snapping at her. It's like everything she says is grating on me and honestly I just want her to leave me alone._

_From Kurt to Blaine: Do you know why?_

_From Blaine to Kurt: Yes. _

_From Blaine to Kurt: But I lied to her and told her I didn't._

_From Kurt to Blaine: Why did you lie?_

_From Blaine to Kurt: Because I'm afraid to tell her the truth. _

_From Blaine to Kurt: I'm afraid to tell both of you the truth._

_From Kurt to Blaine: It's because of last night._

_From Blaine to Kurt: I don't regret anything. I'd do it all again in a moment. It was the best night of my life._

_From Kurt to Blaine: But it's still because of last night._

_From Blaine to Kurt: It's not just last night. It's been building for a while._

_From Kurt to Blaine: Maybe it's a sign Blaine that we're moving too fast. Maybe we need to slow down._

_From Blaine to Kurt: No, the last thing I want to do is slow down. I love you Kurt and I want to be with you. Don't let my behavior toward her change your behavior toward me._

_From Kurt to Blaine: You need her Blaine. Don't forget that._

_From Blaine to Kurt: I need you more._

XXXX

Santana was glad to have some time to spend with Rachel, not because she truly liked the Dom, especially after what she'd pulled with Blaine, but because she _was_ a Dom and Santana really needed one to talk to. One who understood the situation. And knew Kurt far better than she did.

"Santana what do you think of this dress," Brittany asked, holding up a modern and romantic pink lace mini.

"That's cute, love," Santana said with a smile. "Go add it to the pile in the dressing room and start trying stuff on. Rachel and I will wait out here."

Brittany did as she was told and Santana and Rachel took a seat on the leather couch set out for those waiting. Santana pulled out her phone and turned it on, thinking maybe she'd missed a text from him. But there was nothing.

It didn't go unnoticed. "It's probably better Blaine didn't come anyway," Rachel noted with a glance to Santana. "Sometimes it's nice to just have a day out with the girls."

"It's better because he would have bitten my head off the entire day," Santana said sullenly.

"You need to remind him that no matter how things are with him and Kurt, you're still his Dom," Rachel said pointedly.

"Do I?" Santana asked a little more harshly than she'd intended. Perhaps her feelings had been hurt a little more than she cared to admit. "Maybe this is what's supposed to happen. If Kurt were a Dom-"

"But he's not," Rachel said. "And he's not going to be. Look, I've known Kurt a long time, through many relationships. And he loves Blaine and is caring for him better than I've seen him care for anyone else. But he's not a Dom and he's not going to be one. And Blaine may pull away from you but you know in your heart it's not safe for you to let him do that. Especially if he's been falling into subspace-"

"But I don't think he has, not since that first time," Santana said. "I think it scared him and I really do think he or Kurt would call Brittany or me if something like that were to happen again. Still, I can't help but think they're going too far, too fast."

"They've never done anything around me, they're careful that way," Rachel told her. "But if they are and if he's not going under then he's fighting going under, which could be even worse." Rachel frowned. She wanted to support Kurt as much as she could, and she promised herself she would do everything she had to in order to do that. "Look Santana, it's not like there are books out there to tell you guys what to do. You're forging your own paths. It's gonna be bumpy. And I know all you've probably wanted to do for a while now is punch me for what I did with him. But that was a huge mistake and I'm gonna do everything I can to support them. And that means supporting you too."

Santana felt the lump in her throat. She felt the tears shining in her eyes. Every time she thought she understood her responsibility to Blaine it shifted. "I can't screw this up Rachel," she said.

Rachel took Santana's hand in her own. "You are going to screw it up. And Blaine's going to screw up and Kurt's going to screw up. It's how you handle it that matters. But I'll tell you one thing," she said.

Santana looked at her. "What?"

Rachel smiled gently. "I'm here for you. If you need me. You can't go through this alone. If anyone knows about screwing up as a Dom and trying to make it right again, it's me," she chuckled softly. "I was a mess in high school. I even wrote a song about it," she smirked.

Santana laughed gratefully. "Was it any good?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. You'll have to ask Brittany. But personally, I think it was brilliant."

* * *

><p>Blaine was eleven when he learned how to braid hair and he learned that much like playing piano, it was something that soothed him. So when Brittany knocked on the door and climbed onto Blaine's bed with a handful of hair ties, he relaxed for the first time that day. She sat between his legs and his fingers worked, creating a crown of thin braids atop her long blonde locks.<p>

"How was shopping?" he asked, tying off the first braid and starting on the second. "You guys were gone a long time." It was already dark.

"It was fun," Brittany said. "I got lots of cool stuff. Santana and Rachel talked a bit. I think they bonded."

"Over me and Kurt?" he asked grumpily.

Brittany shrugged. "I don't know. But if they did it's only because they love you both."

"I guess," Blaine sighed. He tied off the second braid and started on the third.

"So what happened with you two?" Brittany asked. "Did you have sex? Is that why you're acting like this toward Santana?"

Blaine was glad she couldn't see him blushing behind her. "Well, not like _sex_ sex." As much as they both wanted to, as much as Blaine was beginning to think he could handle it, fear was holding them back. Fear, and something else Blaine wasn't sure about, but he was sure it wasn't time. "But, yeah, I guess enough."

"Do you feel like you're cheating on Santana with Kurt?" Brittany looked over her shoulder at him.

He stopped braiding a minute. "No," he said, his voice soft. "I actually feel like I'm cheating on Kurt with Santana."

"How?" Brittany asked and she turned her head back to face front. "You don't do anything with Santana."

"I submit to her," Blaine said, tying off the third braid. He didn't start on the fourth and Brittany turned all the way around to look at him, crossing her legs beneath her. He was staring at the blanket. "That feels like I'm cheating on Kurt."

"He's not your Dom Blaine," she reminded him. "And submitting to him is dangerous, isn't it?"

Blaine shook his head. "No," Blaine said with a small smile on his face. "It's beautiful."

"You have to tell her that, you know," Brittany said, turning back. He pulled out the hair for the next braid and started again. "You have to tell her how you feel and be honest with her. Or she won't understand and she'll just think she did something wrong. She thought I was sleeping last night, but I could feel her crying. She feels like she's losing you and she's scared she won't be able to protect you."

Blaine's heart fell. That was the last thing in the world he wanted. Brittany was right. He needed to stop acting like a moody teenager, and talk to her like an adult.

* * *

><p>The apartment was quiet, humming with the sound of the heat and the cars flying by on the wet roads below. Brittany went to bed hours ago, but he couldn't sleep and he knew Santana was still up. He could feel her dominance swirling.<p>

He opened his door and walked out, heading straight to the kitchen. The room would have been pitch black if they hadn't lived in the city, but it was dark, rain drops painting the windows and creating shadowed patterns on the floor. He could see her sitting on the couch, curled up with a blanket and a mug.

"Do you want a refill?" he asked softly as he brewed his own cup of decaf.

"Sure," Santana said. He came to get the mug from her and brought it back to the Keurig, swapping his own mug out for hers. He watched her while he did. Her long dark hair scattered along the arm of the couch where he all too often found himself. Her hands lay clasped on her lap, the hands that knew exactly what to do for every punishment, even when what was right seemed so wrong. Her breath, moving her shoulders up and down, always supporting the words that he needed to hear at just the right times. How had he forgotten everything that she meant to him?

He came around and handed her the mug. He sat on the other side of the couch, curling up himself into the warmth of a pillow. He'd had his own words planned but he couldn't make them come out in the heavy silence.

"I understand now," she said after a while. Her voice was soft. She wasn't looking at him, she was looking out into the distance as if seeing a memory. "How you felt when I said I was going to claim Britt. I've been prepared since I was 15 years old that claiming you would someday mean letting you go. I was prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for this. This is terrifying."

Tears came to his eyes. "Santana, I'm sorry-"

"No." She finally looked at him and she had been crying herself, he could see. "Don't apologize. It's in your blood to submit to the person you love. I would never ask you not to."

Blaine lowered his eyes, looking into the coffee in his hands. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. He'd known things were going to be hard with Kurt. He hadn't even thought about Santana though. "I feel pulled in two directions," he tried to explain. "The way you two are...submitting to him means defying you. Submitting to you means defying him."

"There's a reason subs don't have two Doms," Santana mused.

Blaine nodded. "Back in Ohio. When you talked about submitting because I require it of myself, not because someone requires it of me. You knew. You knew all along. It's all I've ever wanted, it's the kind of sub I am. Having a Dom that every day I'd have to make the choice to be faithful. It sent shivers down my spine." He looked up at her shyly. "And you knew it would. You knew it would be as true with Kurt as it has always been with you."

"Truer," she smiled gently. "I used to laugh at you because you believed in soulmates. It seemed ridiculous to me given our situation. But maybe it's not as ridiculous as I thought."

They fell back into a silence, drinking their coffee. Blaine finished his and placed the mug on the table. The air between them was back as it had always been. The tension was gone and with it went any need for the secrets he'd been keeping.

"I can control it," Blaine nearly whispered his admission.

Santana looked over at him, confused. "You can control what?" she asked.

"Falling." He looked up at her and her eyes were wide. "I can control how far I go into subspace." Santana put her mug down as well and moved closer beside him, taking his hands in hers. "There's this place Santana, in the middle, between here and there, hovering on just this side. And instead of all my senses being dimmed, Santana, I can feel and see and hear and smell and taste _everything_. It's insane."

Santana just looked at him in wonder. "I've never heard of that before," she admitted, and she'd read all of her father's books plus a number more since she started college. "But how do you keep yourself there without the dominance instead of falling further?" Everyone was taught a sub needed a Dom to keep from falling too deep. She'd always suspected but…

Blaine thought he knew, but he wasn't sure. And as much as he loved her, when he was sure, Kurt would be the first that he shared it with. "I guess I'm just strong enough," he said instead with a shrug. "You always said I was the strongest sub you know."

"Yes, you are," Santana said and her eyes grew dark and hard and Blaine knew this was where the easy part ended. She lifted his right arm, turning it over to where his cuff was still clasped inside out and she unlatched it. She placed it aside and held his arm in her hands. He closed his eyes as her thumbs brushed over the four triangular indents in his skin. "And I am still your Dom. And I will do what I have to to remind you of that. You may choose to submit to both Kurt and me. But that choice is on you, not us. And the consequences of your choices are on you. If you need to safeword with me I will respect it Blaine, but if I see it becoming habit we will be having a conversation. Is that understood?"

He looked her in the eye. "Yes Ma'am."

"Now, about last night. Though a part of me feels that you have not really been punished for your behavior, I am going to let it go. But the way you spoke to me is completely unacceptable, do you agree?"

Blaine nodded. "Yes Ma'am."

"And if it happens again you will find yourself with a mouthful of gum, which I happen to know is the last punishment in the world you would ever choose," she said with a knowing glance.

Santana had never been more right in her life and Blaine swallowed. "Yes Ma'am," he said meagerly.

"Good," she said firmly, but then her shoulders relaxed, her eyes softened and her lips pulled up in a smile. "Now I could really use a hug," she said.

Blaine smiled and opened his arms, pulling her in and squeezing her tightly. He kissed her on the top of her head and hummed. "We're gonna be okay Santana," he whispered.

"Yeah," she said against his chest. "I think we are."

~S~

_And I never want to let you down  
>Forgive me if I slip away<br>Sometimes it's hard to find the ground  
>Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away<br>From this crazy world_

_And I never want to let you down_  
><em>Forgive me if I slip away<em>  
><em>When all that I've known is lost and found<em>  
><em>I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

**Love you guys. See you next week!**


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